DryvernX
Joined 13th Aug, 2016 ·
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The redundancy is painful as is the spelling mistakes repeated non-capital i's and the prose and technical flow.
8192310 Point taken. I'll learn from that mistake.
And what do you think of the story plot RarityEQM?
Dude. You did great. Now I won't lie, there are a few spelling checks that need to be done. But overall, the story is fantastic. The plot was good, the way you had things set up is great, and you did a perfect job in keeping the qualities of characters. You did great pal.
8192318 Sorry darling, All of it made me cringe. Your writing style is....hard to read and not very immersive and I didn't read far enough to find out the 'plot' Your dialog is ...well darling, I'm sorry, it just isn't my cup of tea.
8192989 Sure sure. That's your opinion darling. Anyway, it's nice meeting you.
The idea is there, but the execution needed work. Something I'd recommend would be to read your story aloud to yourself and see if it makes sense in basic speech.
great story! love the idea of rarity being a nudist. cant wait for your next project
Please write another chapter plus unless she in heat he can do THAT.
leaking
8194322
Anthro (AKA human-like) remember? Normal pony anatomy kinda doesn't apply here.
This story has great potential. I like the way the storyboard was laid out, and it was fairly easy to read, but not so easy to discredit some of the elusive bits. However, there are, by and large, a lengthy number of grammatical errors and slip-ups pertaining to the way some of the paragraphs were written. Repeat sentences, misplaced punctuation, and consistently reoccurring words. Don't get me wrong, while there is a noticeable amount of verbal mess, the story, in and of itself, is put together rather well.
8598379 Thanks for the writing advice