The warplight drive has become the core of civilization, expanding the horizons of equines and letting them spread across the stars. Aided by the Veritas Inter-Systemic Trading Coalition, ponies have taken up residence in three separate solar systems: Celestia, Hooftauri, Horsehead. Now, Equus is a desert. It's been abandoned to the consequences of rampant expansion, and the world is now one of extremes, of enormous sandstorms and oceans of caustic acid.
In the year 662 ALR, a Starjumper SS14 jumpship malfunctions catastrophically in the Celestia system. In a lonely lifepod, a pony plummets to the unforgiving planet below. He must brave everything that stands in his way if he wishes to return to his job, his home, and his life.
After all, it's a long way down.
This is a very interesting story so far, even better that it is a sci-fi one as well. I think the set up is interesting, there is a lot of gaps about what happen like what is the situation in general for the pony civalization, what is it about the unicorn, why Equu was abandoned and is nearly unlivable or better yet what is the pegasuss engineer's name . Still, I am guessing that the mystery will be relieved over time as it goes along, and I like it what way.
Will be looking forward to see what will happen next
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Might've been somewhat weird to see, I should look at making it more noticeable: the pegasus engineer's name is Quick Fix.
And also, many thanks! I quite appreciate it!
Interesting turn of event's I wonder what is it about the genetic acceptance that the computer terminal was about? I hope it's not exactly a case of the 'chosen one' syndrome, at least not too strong at least. I wonder if they still have cutie marks in that time? I seems that unicorn off planet don't have the same level of output that their ancestors once had. I wonder if it has to do with leaving the planet in the first place of that it is something else? It sounds like Unicorns are a rarity in this story. It sounds lie Tera Bite is going to be an interesting character. Still, the seems to be pilling up now and I can't wait to see what will happen next.
Oh by the way, take a look at my stuff here:
https://amalgamzaku.deviantart.com
Keep up the good work, you'll never know what could happen next
Thank you for the story!
Most of sci-fi here on fimfiction is of pretty poor quality, so having stumbled on this one I was definitely delighted.
So far it looks like nice solid setting and characters (love the characters btw), good pacing, and interesting story :)
Cannot wait for the next chapter
I am little bit uncertain on Tash's background - I hope we see it a bit more.
A lot of open questions which I hope will be answered later:
Tash's knowledge level and vocabulary - she definitely knows more and is educated better than you would expect from member of some degraded tribe.
186 live equines picked by pod's sensors - is this whole live population ? Or is there some kind of civilization underground and Tash is living at borders of it ? If there is only 186 ponies on entire planet - how do they sustain knowledge and population ? Or they do not and we see last stages of extinction ? In that case it still do not answers the question of Tash's education.
where is Tash's family, friends ?
why was she so adamant against him contacting rescue team using the suit but was ready to escort and help find some spaceship? would not it mean basically the same when he come back and tells his story ? why is Quick still alive at all ? why would she risk closing to him and demanding to remove suit instead of shooting ? how did she know that he was alone ?
Honestly - the more I think - the more Tash looks less like some kind of survivalist/scavenger and more like civilized person who lives outside of civilization.
Well, I hope we will see some answers in the next chapters :)
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And thank you for the comment! 'm delighted to hear that you like my characters, and that you like my story as a whole, really. I haven't written a lot of sci-fi, so this is a nice experiment, and it looks like it's going well so far!
Worry not, many of your questions will be answered, if not in the next chapter, then in the few after that. I have a lot of plans for Tash.
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:)
was his metaphor about the light at the end of the tunnel?
is Quick afraid of trains ? ;)
Sorry for missing the last update, I haven't connected the title to the story yet and just didn't register in my mind that it was it. Well, the reveal about the unicorn was interesting to say the least, or at least it might be part of the truth there has to be more to it. the idea of the navies being aggressive in interesting but not much to say about it.
I feel you would need a prologue to explain how is what's his name of a main character, were he is from what was his life was, who bad or perfect before he fell into that hell hole, who were his friends on the ship, what was a normal scheduled like what he unappreciative by his collages, what was life life while growing up in space what did he believed in, why were they even around the planet in the first place. We really don't know a 'things' about him and doesn't even have a defining personalty at the moment.
I am trying to be helpful for your story and I do like it but you skipped to much on the set up of the story and just jump into the action. While this is all good so far the glaring flaws are pilling up and could be easily fixed. I hope you tale my advice to heart at least on that point.
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I have plans to slowly reveal more of Quick's life and history as the story progresses, but you may be right, it might be taking too long. I may make some edits to this last chapter to add in some of it; there's a point where it could be done fairly easily.
Definitely not a prologue, though.