Commander Hurricane was one of the greatest of the pegasus commanders. Taking her place in the order of the Valkyries, she stood at the head of the army of the great Nimbus Ring.
Then the Nimbus Ring vanished.
The eldest Valkyrie had slain the King, stealing the flying fortress of the Ring and fleeing northwards. Not willing to let her go after everything they'd done together, Hurricane refused to leave her be and winged north after her. However, her mission will transform from what she'd originally thought. There are dark forces at work, cold as the grave, and Hurricane, though she doesn't yet know it, will play a pivotal role in the battle to come.
Inspired in great part by Imploding Colon's Austraeoh series.
You may want to ignore some of the Favourite alerts on this, it seems to have a propensity to duplicate chapters.
It's okay..oh and first
5482452 How? How you are always faster than me? ( Edit: How are you always faster than me? That was such a fail, I decided to keep it)
Anyways, now I'm talking to you CSTgeorge, you have to work at your formating. You can see that most stories here on FiMfiction have much space between the sentences, right?
While you would have the correct formating for normal books, here on FiMfiction you have the space, so use it.
It just seems so overwhelming to see this big, fat block of text. Of course, some sentences have to be together, but you should let between others a line without words, like this:
Of course, this is no master-piece, I am a humble hobby-author after all, no professional.
Oh and
there you meant some were labeled, right? And forgo weaponry? Is that a new form from forget, forgot forgotten?
5483037 I feel like rubbing my head in embarrassment now. The formatting is probably because I try to write novels from time to time and I'm in the middle of one at the moment. I'll be fixing it shortly. It is rather dense, isn't it?
EDIT: Forgot to explain forgo. From the dictionary:
verb: forgo; omit or decline to take (something pleasant or valuable); go without.
5484243 Well, I used to read normal books before joining Fimfiction, so I did read it.
But honestly, I read every single word only while re-formating your story, while I still like the style you're writing in.
Okay?
And actually, I like how you have small blocks of texts, instead of lines of text.
But I wanted to tell you that it would probably be better if you wouldn't post more than 1 chapter at the same day, that keeps people interested, you know? And even the greatest story would get like no views if they are posted already complete, because there is no way to find them but to search manually, and that's used by less people than looking at the homepage what was updated and which stories are new.
It's probably no issue for you, since you probably don't wan t to do everything you can to get views, because that is greedy, but I am greedy, so I can't stand an un-optimised way of posting chapters.
Come on, call me greedy and get me out of the author's note because of greed
There are always errors, it shows that we are human / alien / animal.
And I like the way you write your sentences.
If I may give you a selfish hint, don't stop writing.
You can say it this way, but... I think you could say also: Tell me so I can correct it/the mistakes.
I like your story so far.
Sorry, but I can't think of anything. Also, the alternate title for these past few chapters should be "why Austraeoh should have griffons in it." (Remember, PM me the response)
Sky's words make my head feel sad.