Shackles and Friendship
Chapter 28 - Oo~oh I miss this taste!
Edited by Noxxels and Al3xGuerra
Pre-read by Al3xGuerra
AN: This chapter just might turn this fic into mature.
Anypony who has ever placed a hoof inside Canterlot Castle would undoubtedly be in awe by the sight, all the splendor, the polished floor, the numerous masterpieces of art and sculpture decorating almost every corner. All the while being maintained by an army of maids and butlers dedicated to serving their Princesses and to care for the shining beacon that is Canterlot Castle, the height of power in Equestria. Whether it was dust, trash, weeds or even a fallen leaf that drifted inside on the wind they would give chase with the dedication and conviction of a zealot. All except for one place, one room, high atop the tallest tower towering above the research wing.
With the stars still twinkling in the sky a cold crisp night wind crept in through an open window into the personal room of an infamous gray unicorn. Loose papers and scrolls littered the floor and even more were hanging on the walls each either a diagram or an equation followed by ramblings that only a fellow genius or madpony could discern. Everywhere one looked there were piles of books and tomes covering the floor with several reaching up towards the ceiling. The only traversable space in the entire room were a few pathways connecting between the door, the bed, and a large old wooden desk. Many of these books had nothing to do with magic: botany, soil conditioning, even baking instructions for Gustave le Grand's famous éclairs. Of course this did not include all of the pony’s library, his more valuable and priceless collection of centuries old tomes are hidden away in a different location, one that is only accessible by teleportation.
Atop a messy bed slept Inquest himself who stirred and shivered as the night air slithered across his body, even his fur couldn't completely warm him against the cold. With a groan his horn glowed with a single thought as he magically pulled the blanket to cover him. Immediately as it fell over him the cold seemed to evaporate and disappear as if the blanket itself was radiating heat.
'A self heating blanket, not a bad idea,' he thought as he snuggled into the warmth. Inquest's horn glowed slightly brighter as he reached out and shut the window close with a thud. A window that has never been opened in over thirty years.
"......."
His eyes shot wide open in alarm as he summoned a great amount of magic into his horn at the ready making it glow bright enough to illuminate the entire room. Before he was able to jump up to all fours he spotted a familiar large beak barely inches away from his face.
"Feeling a bit cold are we?" asked a large gryphon in a sultry tone. "Why don't we keep each other company and warm ourselves up?" Suddenly the blanket around Inquest's body tightened and pulled him closer until he felt the warmth of the avian predator's body on his own.
"GAAH!!" shouted the pony as he pushed the giant wing off him. With more force than he intended he pushed himself away from the gryphon and tumbled over the edge to land on the floor with a grunt. As he quickly picked himself up hoping to save some of his dignity, a sphere of light flew from the tip of his horn and hovered near the ceiling. With the illumination spell lighting up the room he shook himself awake and stared angrily at the gryphon who was looking at him hungrily. A very intimate type of hunger.
"Crea! What are you doing here!? How did you even get in!?" He looked around the room but nothing he saw felt out of place, even the papers laying on the floor remained in place. His horn glowed for just a moment as he checked the many varying spells he'd created to keep unwanted visitors and everypony from snooping around with his work. To his surprise every enchantment inside, outside and everywhere else in the tower we're all still charged and inactive. Any of these defenses would give pause to either Princesses, some of them didn't even have names yet. Though perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised, Crea’s own set of skill and expertise as a hunter was as legendary as Inquest himself.
"Enough with the questions," she replied in a bored tone before she started crawling towards him in a seductive manner as her tail danced like a serpent about to strike. "We should spend some time catching up before setting off to the Everfree." Inquest could easily see the predatory glint in her eyes as the feathers on her body instinctively fell flat to give the least amount of wind resistance. "Remember those sleepless nights we spent together? Aloo~ne?"
Inquest's pupils shrunk and his ears fell flat in fear, his horn glowed brightly as he attempted an emergency teleport spell to the safety of his hidden library. Even with a prepared target for teleportation Crea still proved to be far too quick for Inquest as she leaped and pinned him down with his back on the floor. With experience and discipline it was simple enough for Inquest to remain focused as he continued to cast his spell. It was common knowledge that a unicorn's source of magic and control lay in his or her horn and any physical assault against it would cause considerable pain, enough to break even the most hardened pony. There is however a different way to break one's concentration, and to Crea, certainly far more entertaining and full proof. With her limbs still pinning Inquest to the floor she bent over towards his horn stopping just centimeters away.
"Crea NO!!" pleaded Inquest the moment he felt Crea's hot breath fall upon his very sensitive horn. She touched the base of his horn with her long, thin avian tongue before she slowly started licking upwards to the tip. Inquest's whole body instantly became tense and started to shiver and twitching while his hind legs jerked erratically from the sensation. He could feel the rough texture of Crea's warm and wet tongue as it traveled the length of his horn in an agonizingly slow pace while her saliva trickled down to his mane. With his mind overloaded by the sensation the hold on his magic shattered causing it to escape like miniature fireworks from the tip of his horn straight into the gryphon's wide open beak.
"Oo~oh I miss this taste!" shouted the gryphon as she licked her beak. She dipped her head further down so that the side of her beak grazed Inquest's left ear and began whispering in the same seductive tone. "Let's relive all those nights shall we?" She wiggled her eyes at the frightened pony before diving in for the feast.
"AAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!"
[Meanwhile....]
"What was that?" asked Luna as she stared skyward. Her ears rotated about trying to pinpoint the source of the scream which proved difficult to discern from the echo.
"Oh give it no mind," Celestia replied with a giggle. "I simply asked Crea to wake the professor." Luna stared at Celestia with a raised brow before dismissing the matter away.
"Is it truly wise to send a mere party of two to the Everfree?" Luna asked as she trotted to stand beside Celestia on the balcony she often used when raising the sun.
"Be at ease sister." Celestia turned and gazed at the eastern horizon. "You might not be as acquainted with the gryphon as I, but I assure you she is suited to the task. And I'm sure you are aware of Inquest's many achievements, I've been told you have spent a great deal of time with him over the past several months."
Luna smiled lightly. "He and I share a great love for the finer arts of magic and his eccentric mind is filled with such wondrous ideas. I often believe him to be mad." Suddenly Luna's smile disappeared as she took on a sad expression. "Truth be told, I enjoy his company merely because he does not seem to care for my mistakes. Everypony certainly respects me due to my station, but very few would look at me as I am and not see the Nightmare."
Celestia turned and nuzzled the dark alicorn lovingly. "Be patient Luna, everypony will know the real you in time. The same way the elements have come to know you." Celestia chuckled mirthfully. "I see that you have started to adjust you speech mannerism full time."
"It would help everypony to see me as I am if I were to talk differently from Nightmare Moon would it not? An idea from your faithful student, though I believe she meant to help me socialize better by 'catching up with the times' as it were."
"Very sound advice, Twilight is often wiser than most of her age." Celestia let out a worried sigh. "She would however make foolish mistakes over the most ridiculous notions, mostly due to her outrageous imaginations." She let out a chuckle when a relatively recent memory came to her mind. "Did you know she thought I would send Fluttershy to a dungeon in a distant land?"
"Truly? The timid one? What had she done to deserve such punishment?" asked Luna in disbelief.
"Nothing of course, but I suspect my student had a hoof in escalating the matter. Remind me to tell you the whole story." Celestia turned her attention back to the dark horizon before moving towards the edge of the balcony. "Now I do believe it's time for a new day," she said more to herself than anypony else.
She closed her eyes in concentration as she gathered an unbelievably immense amount of magic to her horn. In any other case the horn of the regal white alicorn would glow a yellowish color whenever she would use magic, but in this case alone her horn radiated with the light of the sun itself. For those in the Summer Sun Celebration lucky enough to be in the front row of the spectacle, they would feel the very warmth of the sun in the light even before the sun itself rose over the horizon.
The first rays of the new day slowly ate away the dark sky before as it spread like wildfire, Luna squinted against the glare of the sun as it slowly started to ascend in the horizon. Though Celestia would admit that Luna was far more artistic of the two, constantly perfecting the night sky like a never ending canvas, Luna could never create such a spectacle as the one she saw before her. Though she would not openly admit it, Luna felt a small tinge of jealousy for the sun's radiance. But unlike before, she had learned to accept such limitations and not let them fester like open wounds, she knew all too well who waited down that path.
Celestia let out a sigh as the strain of the spell started to ebb away. "Is it too much to ask for something lighter to move?" she asked jokingly.
"Well..." replied Luna with a teasing smile. "Technically you are the embodiment of the sun itself, perhaps if you were to-"
"Luna if you mention the word diet...." interrupted Celestia with a threatening tone.
"Perish the thought dear sister!" shouted Luna dramatically. "You are ever the pinnacle of beauty." Luna batted her eyes at Celestia with an innocent smile before turning around and trotting inside. "Let us not tarry any longer, we are to meet with everypony in the hangar are we not?"
Celestia kept staring suspiciously at doorway leading inside for a few seconds before she finally let out a light laugh along with a feeling of gratitude. It was moments like these that she had missed the most after banishing Luna to the moon, ever thankful to the stars for freeing her.
Celestia was about to follow suit but just as she lifted a hoof there was a sudden flash of light blue right where her hoof was about to fall. There was now a white rectangular object with enough space for a very large pony to stand on and a small ring of numbers arranged like a rainbow at the top with zero at it's center. It was all too perfectly timed and before Celestia could react her hoof fell on the object causing the numbers to spin in dizzying speed. The moment it stopped spinning Celestia's pupils nearly shrunk to nothingness as she stared at the number.
"LUNA!" screamed Celestia only to hear Luna's loud laughter along with the clip-clop of her hooves as she galloped through the hallway followed by the sudden frantic movement of her night guard as they tried to keep up.
[Several minutes later, in the hangar....]
Shining stood alone by the large double doors to the hangar as he continue to wait vigilantly for the Princesses arrival. His lips stuttered as he tried to suppress an urge to yawn, even after all the years in service he still had more trouble getting up than the trainees. His ears twitched as the sound of several hoofsteps echoed from down the hallway.
"Your Majesty." Shining gave the dark alicorn a salute once she turned the corner, his brow rising curiously at the panting night guards following her.
"Good morning Captain, is everypony present?" asked Luna as she stopped beside him.
"Two squads from both cycles that I hoof picked myself are ready for departure," replied Shining with the tiniest bit of pride in his tone. Just then he spotted Celestia's colorful flowing mane just as she turned the same corner, Shining's curiosity was further piqued by her irritated frown.
"Your Majesty." Shining gave Celestia a salute. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes Captain." Celestia glared at Luna which she kept avoiding. "Just a small family dispute."
"I...see." Seeing as it was most likely a private matter Shining thought it was probably best to leave it at that. "Everypony except for the professor and the gryphon are all ready and waiting in the hangar." Just as he finished all ears twitched at the sound of frantic screaming and yelping followed by frantic hoof steps causing Shining and the guards to tense up in reflex.
Shining was about to send one of the guards to investigate when the old professor suddenly skidded into sight as he tried to desperately, and failing, to make the turn causing him to slip and hit the wall with enough force to dislodged the large painting hanging above. Despite it everything the pony just picked himself up like it was nothing, pushed away the art piece, and started running towards the alicorns with wide eyed fear. Shining had, regrettably, become somewhat familiar with the professor's wild and crazed behavior, especially regarding his experiments. But never had he seen Inquest galloping away with so much fear and panic and considering his many accomplishments, both in the lab and in the field, little would even faze him.
"Good morning Inquest," said Celestia with a smile. "Why are you in such a hurry?"
"Get that feathered beast away from me!" he shouted as he skidded to a halt behind her before waving a hoof towards the hallway.
"And things were just getting good." Everypony turned their heads back down the hallway to see the giant gryphon making her way towards them with a spring in her steps that it almost looked like she was skipping along. "Morning Celes."
"Crea, good morning to you too. Thank you for your assistance."
"Oh please I should be the one thanking you." Crea gave Inquest a wink which seem to make him shrink further behind Celestia before turning her attention to the dark alicorn. "You must be Princess Luna," she gave a quick bow before extending a claw. "Crea Whistwind."
Luna was somewhat puzzled by the gryphon's laid back greeting, it was rough and done merely because she had to. For the dark alicorn a show for respect and position was something she often demanded, not out of pride and certainly not to because she believed they were lesser, but because it was something proper and earned.
'Then again perhaps such things are no longer held in such standard,' thought Luna. 'There is certainly something appealing about it.'
Luna placed a hoof in the gryphons claw and shook. "That I am. I have been told that thou, you have quite a history with our dear professor and a hunter of great prowess."
"Guilty on both charges I'm afraid."
"Now that introductions are out of the way," interrupted Celestia, "let us not keep everypony waiting any longer." Shining stepped to the side allowing everypony to pass by before his horn glowed a light rose color as he began to push the doors open with his magic. The moment Celestia started to move, Inquest’s horn lit up as a white translucent bubble suddenly appeared around his entire frame before being lifted up roughly a foot above ground.
"Oh come on Inquest what kind of girl do you think I am?" teased Crea. "We're in the presence of royalty."
She passed by Inquest with a smile following both princesses and their guards as they entered the hangar. Inquest waited for a few second with his eyes glued at the gryphon's back before he released his spell and dropped to the floor. As Inquest passed through the doorway Shining saw a string of liquid connecting the base of his horn to the tip, he then realized that the entire horn and mane around it was completely drenched with the stuff.
"What happen to your-"
"DON'T ASK!!" Inquest cut it before he used a quick spell to clean himself up. Shining felt more confused that irritated as he stared at the gray pony before he too followed suit.
When Shine Bright was first summoned by name for a presence with Princess Celestia the first notion in her mind was punishment, that somehow she had been discovered or accused for enacting one of the many ideas given to her by the human. Considering how far she and several others had gone in their constant attempt to sabotage the Prince's daily life in the castle, the dungeon was the least of her worries. She could get fired. Shine nearly fell to the floor in relief when she discovered such was not the case, that Celestia merely had a task for her to do.
'Oh thank goodness, she just wants something to eat.' she thought.
It is not uncommon for the Princess to have certain cravings once in awhile, most often for desserts and sweets that can only be found in specific cities or region. Most ponies in the staff see it as a surprise vacation and are more than willing to travel especially it's a popular location like Los Pegasus. There was even a list of ponies in the staff's public quarters that determined who would go on the next trip based on bets and favors.
It came to no surprise then how disappointed Shine Bright felt when the task was something else entirely. Her disappointment however was quickly replaced by confusion when Celestia asked her to live in the nearby town of Ponyville in order to keep an eye on the human. She tried to wrap her head around the idea but she just couldn't understand the reason behind it, as far as she heard the Princess's own student was charged with the task. If any other pony had asked something like this she would most likely refused outright, after all it meant leaving everything behind just to babysit somepony. The Princess however was not just anypony. The sheer pressure of being in the same room with the Princess alone gave her breathing problems, to decline her request was simply outlandish.
Though she felt fear and hesitation having to leave her home, friends and job; she couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and impatience to see the human again. She believed it was simply because she wanted to properly thank him for his help, even though they were merely ideas it greatly improved her life in the castle as well as others in the staff. She dismissed the issue however seeing as she was to leave the very next day, between the packing, writing letters to family and farewells with her friends it left very little room for her to ponder about anything.
But now as she waited in the hangar there was nothing else to do but think, the uncertainty, fear and pressure had finally caught up to her. True it might not be permanent, the Princess did guarantee she would return and a place in the castle staff should things go awry which offered some solace. Not enough to calm her nerves though, she lost count how many times she'd paced around her stuffed suitcase in a nervous fit.
She almost fell into full blown panic when she trotted into the hangar expecting a single carriage for her transport only to see a large group of royal guards standing and waiting in formation in front of a royal airboat all prepped and ready for departure. About two-thirds of them were of Princess Celestia's day guard while the rest came from Princess Luna's night guard. Though most of them consisted of earth ponies, there were still a reasonable number of pegasi and unicorns mixed in.
She had thought and hoped that their purpose was somewhere else entirely, that it was merely a coincidence that they are bound to depart the same time as her. She attempted to inquire about their destination but everypony just stood there in formation with their stoic faces as they continued to ignore her.
"What have I gotten myself into?" asked Shine Bright as her head fell low.
Her ears twitched as the sound of the large double doors behind her began to groan, turning around she saw both Princess Celestia and Luna making their way towards her. A sudden sense of alarm surged inside her the moment she spotted the giant gryphon trailing behind the alicorns, working as the castle staff Shine has seen her share of gryphons before. Most were guards to delegates and eventually her instinctive fear of them ebbed away, but none of them came even close to the sheer size and sense of presence as this one.
"DON'T ASK!!" Shine's attention shifted away from the gryphon towards the familiar voice in the back where she then saw professor Inquest trotting in looking far more aggravated than usual. The Captain of the Guard was the last to enter before the doors closed behind him with a thud.
Shine Bright nearly jumped up in fright as every royal soldier behind her suddenly gave a salute to both monarchs. Quickly composing herself, she paid her respects with an elegant bow as Princess Celestia approached her.
"Good morning Shine Bright," she greeted in a pleasant tone. "I do apologize how sudden and difficult my request was. It is not too late to turn down my offer, I'll think nothing less of you."
"Oh it's no trouble at all Your Majesty," Shine quickly replied without a thought. Shine Bright mentally scolded herself for agreeing out of nervous impulse. It's not like she didn't want to help the Princess, after all she did choose to serve her ruler as best she could even if it's just tidying thing up a bit.
'Ah well, can't do anything about it now. Might as well do it right.'
"Uhm, pardon me Your Majesty but..."
"Yes?"
"Well, I'm not sure what...that is to say, exactly what am I suppose to do?" Shine crossed both her front limbs nervously hoping the question didn't make her sound stupid.
"It's quite simple really, I'd simply like you to keep an eye on the human for me. Just keep him out of trouble and the like."
"But I heard your student, Miss Twilight Sparkle was placed in charge of the human. A pony like her....I just don't-"
"I understand your confusion, it's true that I did place my faithful student to oversee Rodney. However she is still a student and as such cannot invest all her time and effort on him alone."
"So...I'm like her assistant?" Shine asked with a raised brow.
"You may think of it as such."
"But why me specifically? Surely there are other ponies more suited."
"You underestimate yourself my little pony." Celestia gave Shine a comforting smile. "I have a feeling you will accomplish more than any other."
"And the guards?" she asked tentatively.
"We do have...a situation of sorts, they are sent to protect everypony including yourself in case events take a turn for the worse. Again I offer you the chance to stay should you choose." A part of Shine Bright desperately wanted to just forget about it all and return to her normal routine. Then again, when has Princess Celestia ever personally asked her to do anything?
"Well they are the royal guards," replied Shine more to herself as encouragement, "and there certainly are a lot of them."
"Wonderful!" Celestia looked back and gave the Captain a nod before he started barking orders which echoed throughout the hangar.
There was an explosion of movement as every soldier started marching unto the airboat with most going below deck while a few took their positions around the ship. Before Shine bright could realize it a tall earth pony day guard had taken her suitcase and was carrying it on-board with ease.
"Don't worry Shine Bright," continued Celestia. "I have already sent a letter to my student. She will take care of your living arrangements during your stay." Shine Bright glanced at the ramp with a nervous gulp before giving the Princess another bow and making her way unto the airboat.
She shot another hesitant look at Princess Celestia which she replied with a nod before the ramp slowly started to retract away. Several ponies in charge of the hangar quickly undid all the ropes acting as anchors, with each restraint released the ship jerked about before it finally settled down and hovered freely.
Slowly the creaking and grinding sound of machinery started to hum from within the ship as the fin-like contraption around the ship started to move. Shine Bright gazed onward at the large opening of the hangar while the ship slowly started to gain momentum and sailed towards the open sky. The ship sailed at a leisurely pace as it exited the hangar as the cool air of dawn blew across the deck causing Shine to shiver as her mane flew about in the wind. Suddenly the hums and vibrations of the engine intensified as the fins began to flap faster and faster giving the ship more speed. Seeing as things were about to become much colder on the deck, Shine Bright carefully made her way to the back and down below deck all the while wondering what the future held for her.
"A maid Your Majesty?" asked Shining as both he and Celestia watched the ship start to shrink in the distance. "Not exactly what I had in mind to keep him in line."
"Ah but you see that lies the problem," Celestia turned to look at Shining. "Much like a foal, I believe he'll simply disobey so long as we enforce it upon him. Besides," she turned and began to trotting towards Luna, "I have enforced enough on him already."
Something about the way she said it didn't feel right, it almost sounded as if she harbored some guilt of sorts. Shining stared at the Princess with a raised brow before he started to follow her as they made their way to join Princess Luna who had been conversing with professor Inquest and Crea.
"Is everypony ready then?" Celestia asked as she and the Captain joined the trio.
"Ready as can be," replied Crea in a positive note as she patted on one of the straps that ran across her chest. Most of them were packed full of herbs and other plant-like oddities that stuck out the openings while others held thin metal containers, likely each containing a variety of potions for different uses. "But do we really have to teleport?" she asked irritably. "You know how I hate it Celes, it just doesn't feel right."
"It's just the after effects of being obliterated into a state of nothingness, riding a flow of magic that travels in the speed of light, and being reconstructed back into existence at the destination," explained Inquest in a humored tone.
"That didn't help."
"What makes you think it was suppose to?" Inquest shot a smirk at the gryphon who simply retorted by using her tail as a whip to strike at his flank causing him to jump with a yelp.
Luna giggle humorously at their antics. "You should have invited her over sooner Celestia, I never knew they were so close."
"Perhaps we should invite her over more often than?" asked Celestia teasingly as she eyed the professor.
"Why not simply ask her to move in?" added Luna with a smile.
"Alright that's enough!" shouted Inquest before things escalated. "Are we doing this or not?" Celestia and Luna shared another light laugh before took a more serious expression.
"Are you two ready?" asked Celestia in a serious tone.
"You know I could easily teleport the both of us on my own."
"We know you can professor," said Luna, "but it is best that you conserve your magic as much as possible. We still do not know what you will encounter." Inquest nodded understandingly before he turned and looked at the gryphon. There was a silent exchange between the two as they looked at each other's eyes, one developed out of the many adventures and dangers the two have experience together. With determined faces the two turned back towards the alicorns.
"We're ready," they spoke in unison.
Celestia and Luna's horns glowed brightly with their respective auras as they began to channel and weave their magic, Luna's night blue aura started to spread over the giant gryphon while Celestia's golden aura covered the gray pony. With a bright flash of gold and blue both pony and gryphon disappeared from the hangar leaving a small scorched area on the floor, a side effect from the amount of magic needed for long distance teleportation.
"Good luck you two."
So....
More steamy/funny scenes or should I take it down a notch?
Use the comment vote to...well, give your vote.
~ Zai
Well, I think that the first part was kinda naughty but I don't think it was near as such as during Rarity's massage with Rodney's hands. I still think that was the limit and anything that went any further than that would have warranted a Mature tag. A good chapter. I liked it. It felt like there wasn't enough 'juice' (no i don't mean in a naughty way) to the story but I know that's wrong. You set a lot of things in motion so that's good. Just didn't feel like it but that might be because we saw everyone except the actual main character of the story.
Meh, either way, few errors, a good pace, enough laughs but still a serious start to some potentially dangerous quest. Good job! Can't wait for the next one! By the way, are certain ponies going to feel threatened or get a little bit jealous once Shine Bright starts her 'assignment'?
More steamy/funny scenes? Hell yes. Honestly, I have no problem if you do wind up writing more intimate scenes that would really drive the rating to mature, but if you wanted to be considerate to any readers that wished to avoid the ESPECIALLY EXPLICIT scenes, perhaps storing the "mature" chapters in a separate "story" and linking to them where appropriate would work?
In any case. Yes, more flirty griffons and potential naughty shenanigans sprinkled within would be great. Honestly, that scene made me laugh aloud.
It was fine, you didn't even get nearly graphic.
To be fair, from the chapter title I was expecting some more meat.
Steak, that is.
Escalate it. Defiantly escalate it. And quickly!
Sure, ramp it up. This may have been a bit racy, but not hardly over the line (for the Teen rating I mean, it would have to get pretty damn hardcore before I personally would be bothered). In the end, take it where you want; as suggested you can always snip the more explicit bits and put them in a separate side story.
I loved the prof getting hunted á la Pepe La Pew, Crea must be quite good if a magical powerhouse like Inquest can't get away from her. Lolled at the scales, Trolluna is best Luna. Interesting notion of sending Shine Bright to Ponyville. I'm guessing the idea is to send someone he could walk all over, but won't because he'd feel bad about it. Although I can see that backfiring, with Shine becoming his partner in crime instead.
All in all, nice little chapter. Not much happened, it's mostly setup for what comes after I think.
I WANNA SEE SOME SEXUAL INTERACTION BETWEEN SHINE BRIGHT AND RODNEY!
More than likely this will happen, this is my prediction.
The chapter was delicious, I noticed little errors now and then that were almost unnoticeable, like letters missing from a couple of words.
My belly is craving MOAR but understands that such meals take time to prepare. GOOD LUCK TO YOU SIR! /
EDIT: TWIST I DIDN'T SUMMON YOU GO AWAY!
more funny scenes at this level should keep it PG-13 if you escalate too much from that though it would end up being mature. Not that I would mind that, but if that's not your intent, best to tread lightly. This chapter was brilliant btw and that scene was hilarious.
As far as the funny goes, by all means add some more, I highly doubt anyone minds it. As for explicit scenes, personally I would be against them, but that's just my opinion.
go mature go mature
embrace the dark side
Question: Did Celestia bothered asking Rodney about the cryptid ? He could have told her about Earth´s fauna. Of course, the magical abilities such critter could have gained in Equestria are a total mystery...for now.
If you could keep it at this level then I'm fine with it, a little teasing with some intimate stuff every now and then would be fine.
Do we want more mature steamy/funny scenes?
api.ning.com/files/sCuWmzjOGSeXQSCZ0aWXNbPlsPMwco58Jb8jtRCu1zeLzAWDPvzfbxpbNDV*Hrz1tWf5u2XZJrIkaXeLOsfCqxYtfbEBSjje/AwwYeahMemeRageFaceOnaTRex.jpg
The title is misleading. I thought Rodney would finally get some meat! Though I would think it would be easier now that there is going to be a gryphon hanging about! (or am I forgetting something?)
The chapter title made me instantly think that Rodney got himself the big juicy piece of meat he wanted...
Funny that something like that did happen only to a Griffin in the most steamiest of manners.
I don't know who this Al3xGuerra is, but when I find out...
I'll welcome them (possibly) to the team.
Youre the author, if you would like to make it more mature then do it, if you want it to stay teen then keep it that way. Nobody can stop you! I just dont think its realistic if mature things never come up...wait... Realistic... That word doesnt fit this at all. I like mature. you could always make some side story for mature details...
Make it Mature! Make it Mature!
The only real problem I had with this chapter was the use of present tense terms as descriptive words.
Other than that, it was quite good.
Bravo, good sir.
So... Shine Bright and Rodney, huh? Can't believe I forgot about Shine Bright! Oh well! Make sure to update soon!!!
and full proof
Fool proof.
"Perhaps we should invite her over more often than?"
then
Steamy scene was funny, and it was fine in term of "sauciness". Not too much and get graphic and justify mature, but enough to be memorable and interesting. Go for steamy/saucy.
To be honest, your saucy scene reminded me of the wonderful Xenophilia (NSFW, but/and well worth the read - 2496 upvotes are hard to get for nothing!). AnonAuthor (the author of Xenophilia) basically used the very same idea as you did for unicorn... reactions:].
Now about your dilemma - I don't think those scenes added anything to the story. To be honest, I did not find them particularly funny or hot and as such I would be against including them. Things would be vastly different, if those actually had a purpose and were given proper development in the story. In short: I don't like short sauciness, but, when done right, without rushing things, it really enriches a story.
derp, new chapter.
1824862
I think it would be better to have references to the events instead. The scene was a bit much for teen, but it would easily be made appropriate with just a little effort. Still, it's your story, so it's your choice.
1824940 Originally the chapter was suppose to be longer and move further on in the story, but seeing as I haven't uploaded in a while I cut it there.
And for Shine Bright, well you'll just have to wait and see.
1824941 I'm still not sure if I want to write clop. I'll probably hint at sex at the most but nothing graphically descriptive. In the unlikely event that I do however, I suppose I can separate it into a separate side story.
That will also be the day people start hunting me down.
1825059 Sorry that nothing happened, the previous version of the chapter had even less stuff going on. And yeah like you said this was just a setup.
1825065
I lol'ed
1825097 Glad you enjoyed it.
1825299 Cryptid? Could you elaborate on that?
1825502 My thoughts exactly.
1825503 Using the same pic twice High Wind?
Don't tell me your losing it.
1824944>>1825779>>1825788 Exactly why I used it
1826160 Problem is that I want this fic to be enjoyed by everyone (and rack up those my rating cause I'm a junky for thumb ups) (that's a joke) and some would most likely just turn it away for being mature.
1825206>>1826175 I'll admit, there is certainly some temptation to the idea.
1826475 Thank you for that . But could you point some of them out for me? I'd like to know specifically which irritated you.
SO THAT I MAY ABUSE IT ENTIRELY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!
1826547 I'll try, and seeing as it's the holidays I certainly have some time to. Then again my family is coming over so it might just be the opposite.
1826788 Thanks for pointing out what BOTH OF MY EDITORS MISSED!!!!
And I'm certainly glad you enjoyed that "saucy" scene.
1826824 I'll admit I borrowed the idea from him, probably should point that out and give credit. I have read his work and his take on MLP gender society is certainly a fresh and interesting idea. Hate to say it but I lack the creative juices on such topics so there's a good chance I'll borrow more from him.
1827173 I fail to see what you mean. Did I make a mistake somewhere?
1829121 That's most likely what will happen if I choose to make this fic strictly Teen. Hints of intimate events and stuff.
Thanks for all the comments! Believe me I read every single one and they make writing this fic so much more fun and worth while.
Lol the red text
1829237
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/brookproves/ca/images/archive/3/36/20110923205510!Kidding-me-template.jpg
So you want more variety huh?
i.imgur.com/KNb5I.jpg
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i930.photobucket.com/albums/ad149/Cabbs90/funny-animal-pictures-aww-yeah.jpg
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atheistmemebase.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/418-Aaawww-Yyyeaaah-Aw-yeah-jesus-rapture-vaccun-christians-funny-silly.jpg
narwhaler.com/img/wa/2/aww-yea-guy-my-little-pony-face-WA2EUJ.jpg
t.qkme.me/6642.jpg
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t.qkme.me/3536qb.jpg
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articaonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/trollface-e1343264433142.gif
1829237
Hunting you down for more, maybe.
Hoping to see the next chapter soon!
1829237
Ask and you shall recieve. . .
Ended up throwing sentence structuring and spell checks in as well.
1829237 naw, you didn't :D I'm just messin' around with the typing controls and stuff.
1829237 naw, you didn't :D I'm just messin' around with the typing controls and stuff.
1824862
Well, it prompted me to change my story vote from up to down.
She physically restrained him and disrupted his attempts to escape, and he was screaming.
Switch their genders in that scene in your head. Notice how it's suddenly REALLY uncomfortable? Yeah.
1829237
Sorry that nothing happened, the previous version of the chapter had even less stuff going on. And yeah like you said this was just a setup.
Oh, that wasn't a criticism. It's fine when a story slows down for a bit, it's when the breathers become filler that things get problematic. Which isn't the case here.
Well, i just discovered this storie a few days ago and... well, i was surprised to be hooked by it. I mean, the original premise was not exactly what i was looking for, but i must admit it: i am in for a ride. But it's true that there are some mistakes here and there that makes it kind understand. I mean, i am not English-native, i have a hard time reading in English sometimes (heck, i even have trouble writing this, and i know exactly what i want to say), and those little mistakes just keep me wondering if i understood it properly or if it's just me who don't know how the phrases are supposed to sound like. But don't get me wrong, these little errors are not enough to make me dislike this.
Now, into the proper coment for this chapter, keep the clop at bay. I'm not against it, but i feel that this story don't need it. The part when Rodney massaged Rarity went south pretty quickly, and, while funny, it could have slapped a Mature rating if you pushed a little further. IDK how much you can push it before getting it, so i suggest to not go further than that.
TL,DR: Thumb up, Fav, don't go further with the hot stuff.
1829414 That's more like it.
1830016 I wanted to show a small little glimpse of Crea and Inquest's quirky relationship that they develop over the years together. I'll admit that if you do switch genders it does get uncomfortable , something I somewhat overlooked. In any case, I hope you still follow the story even if you changed your vote.
1830067 The two scenes, Rodney/Rarity and Crea/Inquest was just something I tried to do as an experiment. Wanted to see what kind of comedic scenes I can make out of those type of intimate scenes. I can certainly keep this fic funny without the going anywhere near clop but I wanted to keep the type of comedy fresh by adding different scenarios.
1830157 Speaking out of experience are we?
1830235 It's jut a human saying that Rodney mentioned offhandedly, I'm pretty sure I elaborated on that further.
1830263 Well that was just him teasing her but I see your point. Thanks for pointing that out.
1829414 That's more like it.
1830016 I wanted to show a small glimpse into Crea and Inquest's quirky relationship. Though I'll admit you do have a point, switch the genders and it does become somewhat disturbing. Hope you'll still enjoy the fic though.
1830067 The main idea behind these types of scenarios is because I wanted to keep the comedy fresh by using different scenarios. Sure I can still do without the intimate stuff but you have to admit it has it's own type of flare. Or is that just my own opinion? Although there are a quite a lot of people asking more of this stuff so I can't say I'll stop entirely. It just might pop up a few times here and there. It's Rarity!
Ugh forget I did that.
1830157 It almost sounds as if you speak out of experience.
1830235 It's just a human saying that slip through, pretty sure I explained that though.
1830263 Well that's just him teasing her, but I see your point. Thanks for pointing that out.
Excellent chapter, as always. The small 'sexual' part is far from being considered mature, so don't worry about it; I can safely say that my fic is MUCH worse on far too regular of a basis and I've kept the teen rating. Keep it as awkward as you wish, people always seem to love awkward.
1832636
Oh, don't get me wrong, i wasn't suggesting you to stop doing this kind of scenes. I understand why you want to do them. The one with Rodney/Rarity was a really good one, i was concerned about it going too far and granting your fic a Mature rating. Not that I have anything against Mature-rated fics, but i know some people does.
Also, while i am more interested in a Comedy fic, i can't say i never read and enjoyed fics centered in "intimate stuff", as you call it.
Oh, BTW, you have a regular posting schedule? Or Real Life is a harsh mistress and you are powerless to tell us a rough estimated time of new releases?
Honestly, at the end , you should have had Crea and Inquest both say my body is ready.
Would be hilarious.
1839780 Actually I was thinking of Joey from Friends, though now that you mentioned it that guy also fit.
1830016
The genders however, were not reversed, and "what ifs" don't matter in writing because it DID'T happen.
1826475
Sorry I missed some.....
1826175
I asked Z to make it mature as I dig that kind of stuff.
1825906
Thanks bro I really appreciate that I only just recently started doing this as I've suddenly had my schedule "cleared up". This is actually only the second fic I've been working on.
1843382
Congratulations, you missed the ENTIRE POINT.
1843402
No you misunderstand, I got what you were trying to say, I just completely disagree and find that you down rating the entire story is a very extreme reaction to not finding that particular type of comedy funny. I read about similar things happening from mares being in heat and such in many other stories, most of them romantic comedies. MOST people (myself included) find it hilarious.
Actually, come to think about it this type of thing happens in movies and some shows quite often....
1843430
The 'what if' is extremely important, because it establishes that the scene is, in fact, not funny. The "mares in heat" bit you mentioned is another example of a thing that I typically don't find the least bit funny, for the exact same reason.
The reason I changed my vote on the entire story is because this isn't a minor thing. It's not a simple matter of taste, it's making a joke out of sexual assault solely because female on male is somehow comedy while male on female is tragedy. And that strongly affects my ability to enjoy the rest of the story.
If you can reverse the genders and wind up with a scene that feels like it needs the Dark tag, then I don't find it amusing. And I'm pretty disappointed in anyone who does.
1843493
Well I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but you're disappointed with most people with a decent sense of humor....
Oh, and funny is in the eye of the beholder. One does not simply 'call something unfunny'.
1843516
>Someone being held down and molested while they scream and try to escape.
>Everyone with a decent sense of humor finds this funny
I think I'm done with this conversation.
And, regardless, I still personally find it unfunny, which means I changed my vote, which represents my personal opinion, which you have declared is wrong. You can't have it both ways, chief.
That explains why you're so desperate to deny it. :V
(Sorry, sorry, I know I said I was done, but c'mon! You walked RIGHT INTO that one! I couldn't resist! )
1843524
The truth hurts son.
Once again you assume incorrectly, I never said it was wrong for you to do it, just ridiculous.
1843382 Don't worry too much about it. This is the first fic I've worked on and I only really started in August. If you want some more practice a few of the earlier chapters still need to be edited, chapters 6-12 I believe. I must warn you first though, its pretty ugly in there so steel yourself before you dive in. That's pretty much it. Have fun.
1848605 I did have a plan for Scoots but seeing as season 3 turned up I decided to postpone that particular development till later. In case something turn up.
Yes, I'll admit that having Scoots as a orphan is the easiest route for me back when I first thought of this fic. But be glad that I've scrapped that idea and tried to be somewhat creative on my own (seeing as I've attracted a lot of readers), but I still intend to use Scoots as my test bed for sad/tragic story/character development experiment. If that makes any sense.
Since I'm talking about her I might as well give you guys a heads up; I have BIG ideas for our favorite orange filly.