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Shedding

After months of silence, Coxa, or as he's known to ponies, 'Rustic Rumor,' has finally heard word. Chrysalis has fallen and Thorax has become the new king. Plotting to overthrow Thorax from within his hive, Coxa meets a young changeling named Ocellus.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 5 )

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Jphyper

Jphyper #1 · Sep 30th, 2018 · · · Plans ·

This story is nice and well-written. I like the idea and your writing shows a great amount of skill. I wish more newbie writers wrote as well as you do. There's just one problem: the pacing. These first three chapters feel like they should be one single chapter. There's not enough time for a reader to get drawn in before having to click a link to read more. It's a very common issue.

As you gain more experience, you'll start to get a better feel for when it's appropriate to end a chapter.

Comment posted by Cyning Horsa deleted Sep 30th, 2018

Cyning Horsa

Cyning Horsa #3 · Sep 30th, 2018 · · · Plans ·

jphyper: Yeah, I have trouble with pacing. The three were originally going to be one, but then I felt it would have been too long. Thanks for the feedback!