Twilight Sparkle12,290 stories ·4,755 members
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Flurry Heart245 stories ·273 members
Sunset Shimmer and Equestria’s own Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle have spent hours, literally hours, researching earth baby intelligence and have come to some startling conclusions regarding human Flurry Heart.
Cover art cropped from a piece by Calli-pi-zho.
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Fucking delightful. You made me wake up my girlfriend with my ridiculous, uncontrollable giggling. I must say, as a person who's suffered through hearing those movies from across a house, you simply must be stopped.
All I need now is a baby..
Oh, you...
Okay, that was positively hilarious!
...though now I'd actually like to see an additional snippet of Princess Twilight babysitting both Flurrys on Earth and making a study about their respective learning curves as she tried to determine why Equestrian foals learn so much faster than Earth babies.
... Well now I wanna know how that fight went!
That was a great combination of the new episodes.
8118725 I suspect the girls kept the Dark Trinity busy while Cadance and Shining paired up Sunset's phone with a digital projector, and replayed the video of Twilight studying baby Flurry while watching a horrible movie. Then while the Trinity is distracted (and trying to stay focused on the hilarious sight of Princess Twilight trying to learn real facts from a silly baby movie without bursting out laughing,) they all get nailed by a spectrum laser.
Afterward, Trixie, Twilight, and Starlight promise to be better people/ponies, but only if they get to watch the rest of that movie...
You know, if I'm remembering the biology correctly, Twilight might actually be sorta right about CHS Flurry. If I recall, human babies are born with their brains not fully developed, because otherwise their heads wouldn't be able to fit through their mother's pelvis at birth, whereas equines get two or three extra months to finish up. So if Pony Flurry is better developed mentally than her counterpart, it's just because her mom's a horse so she got to bake a bit longer than human Flurry.
8118848
Also, as seen with the Cake Twins, Foals begin talking at ridiculously young ages. Then again, animals do mature a lot faster than humans do.
Ok, Twilight should really not leave Starlight and Trixie in her castle again. Or at least give Spike the Newspaper so they can avoid problems like this again.
Another funny fic, Sunset is so good at the trolling (probably kind of inherited from someone). Maybe Twilight can write this off as cultural studies of how stupid some movies can be?
She's right.
Fool of a Trixie.
They DO have lab coats.
To be fair, Equestrian baby mental development is probably quite different from human baby mental development.
Dammit Shining!
Twilight, you've been trolled.
I can imagine.
Jeez, this is starting to hurt my brain.
You dense motherbucker!
Oh hell
It's incredible the credibility you can gain with a white lab coat.
So, for when will be the fic with the two pairs of Cadences and Shinings as swingers?
8118963
8119034
And that just makes it worse. Ya jerk. Points for Spaceballs though.
I get how she got the last two, but the Boss Baby is still in cinemas right now. Did Sunset Shimmer illegally film it and is now on the run from the cops? How did she get her hands on it before anyone else?
And while we're on the topic of the Boss Baby, why tho, Alec Baldwin?
8118848 If humans were as physically and mentally capable as horses at birth, relatively speaking, our gestation would be longer than the lifespans of most of our pets. In fact, the human brain is so powerful if it was any more powerful we would need to eat like hummingbirds. If brains were video games, and horses were Lon Lon Ranch, humans would be Breath of the Wild in scale and Duke Nukem Forever in development time. And look at what happens to games like Sonic 06 (Which the AVGN just reviewed in his latest episode), the AAA industry has basically become a MTG card with several repeat instances of Cumulative Upkeep.
8119082
That's your nitpick?!
8119357 I never said that it was a nitpick. What part of my dialogue makes you claim that I nitpicked that certain part?
I actually found that moment to be very entertaining and interesting, as how the movie is still being broadcast in cinemas across the globe at the current juncture in time.
Though I still wonder how Sunset managed to avoid having the cops come down on her like a maelstrom...
8119363
"Chief, we got one."
"Can't it wait, Lou? You know I don't like to leave the station before my morning donut."
"Sorry Chief, it's a big one."
"What? Homicide? Just send someone down with a roll of tape. Forensics can handle the rest."
"Bigger."
"... Double Homicide?"
"No, Chief... Someone illegally downloaded a CAM vid of Boss Baby on the internet."
"... My GOD, man! That's still in the theaters! Don't they watch the video explaining that's a crime?! What kind of monster..."
"Guess this scumbag has no respect for the law OR humanity in general, Chief."
"Alright, Lou, get SWAT on the blower. I'm not taking any chances with this one!"
8119385 Dank and crispy meme, my good sir.
cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2014/01/JULES/Celebs_in_Illuminati/celebs-in-illuminati-beyonce.gif
8119082 maybe this is in the future?
This was absolutely silly and I loved it.
Only thing I could really suggest for improvement would be to ground some of the scenes a bit more, but aside from that I was laughing throughout.
This has to be my favorite bit though:
What actually happens when babies and little kids have enormous powers:
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Just then, Flurry Heart picked up a book and intoned in the voice of James Earl Jones, "Have either of you read "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard?"
The exorcist was called in 10 seconds flat.
Sunset made Twilight watch those movies?!
I knew it, she IS still pure evil!
She's even purer evil that pure evil... she's concentrated evil! She's... she's that evil stuff that God made in "Time Bandits"!
1.bp.blogspot.com/-j34q9oP5WHo/TzU9CJ4us2I/AAAAAAAAFtg/HCxmDmtEKnI/s1600/Time%2BBandits%2BEvil%2BLeftovers.jpg
Of course I know "Time Bandits"?! Do you think I'm some half-plotted nerd wanna-be like today's hack frauds? I WAS A NERD BEFORE IT WAS COOL!!! (Alondro's Nerd Purist Revolt is founded... but quickly C&D'd by that other NPR).
I vaguely remember watching super babies when I was like, five. My dad joked that if I tried hard enough, I might be like them.
I now write horse words on the internet and look at memes.
At least I'm on honor roll at school.
8119385
"Must be one of those Chinese bootleggers."
"Doesn't narrow it down much, Chief. What Chinese AREN'T bootleggers, these days."
"Good one, Lou. That'll teach those vile fiends of the International Chinese Communist Conspiracy!"
Baby Geniuses?! Why would Sunset pick that garbage over the obviously superior Look Who's Talking?
8119908 Because in order to troll Twilight, you have to get past her language filter. And a movie with the word "Geniuses" in it is more likely to do that.
8119629
I don't get that part.
8120106 Everything just goes wrong, and left unsupervised, three former villains catalyzed a mass return to villainy. I just find that amusing.
I'm assuming your question was serious.
8120108
I just assumed the book Sci Twi, Stalight and Trixie were about to read was the Inspiration Manifestation, so they would perform crazy obsessive magic back in Ponyville
Faved and liked due to being better than my test results.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/49/25/cb/4925cbece77ad0b2dc1929c2a0195d00.jpg
8119908
Look Who's Talking...? I finished the story, I heard of Baby Geniuses Franchise but OH!
OH! OH! OH! It just dawned on me! I KNEW that name was familiar!
8119126
You could make the argument that the species change from going through the mirror isn't to fit in, but rather a safety measure to stop ponies crossing over from receiving severe memory loss and brain damage since the magic required for their brains to store and process enough data to be sapient would not normally be present in the human world. Have to switch formats to something with enough physical processing power to store it.
8118725
8118782 Or Sunset Shimmer just hit the three of them over the head with a rolled-up newspaper, I'm told that solves this sort of thing.
8120502
Tirek kinda shot this idea down. Loss of magic in ponies lead to physical weakness, not to a loss of intelligence and ability to reason.
8121640
It was a reference. "Rip off" would have been more appropriate if I had taken large pieces of the article or it in its entirety without changing anything and done a fic on that. Normally I applaud people getting these obscure references, especially to something nearly 20 years old and just being an internet reference, but lucky you! Enjoy your comment scrub and your block!
Good day,
sirmadame.This was dissapointing. I can not explain how.
8122178
If she runs around being a sour-puss on my other works, I haven't noticed. Though, I think she has something of a rep with other writers that warrants block worthy attention from others or something?
I pretty much never block anyone or scrub comments, regardless of how stupid or useless they are, but I took one look at this one and quickly deduced a scrub and block would immediately improve my own life and the lives of those that read the comment section.
8121129 Funny, yes. But considering the set-up time spent on the video, it would be a shame to lampshade this over the course of the story and not actually use it at some point.
Trollset Shimmer strikes again!
This is wonderful.
8121836 Hoo-boy, who pissed you off?
8123132
Just someone who caught the reference in the title and instead of pointing out where it was from and providing a link themselves decided to accused me of plagiarizing the entire (parody) article. Scrubbed the comment because I'd rather someone who will actually experience joy from figuring out the reference will still comment. Blocked the user because if that's the type of posts they leave on people's stories, I don't wanna deal with it.
8123163 You mean the old Onion article?
8123318
Hah! We have a winner.
para morir de la risa !!!!! muy buena !!! 10-10
*Cackling.* Oh my god that is just brilliant! I didn't expect it to go the way it did, tbh!
That. Was. Amazing. I loved the idea of Earth Twilight meeting Starlight and Trixie and then the scenes with Shining Armour and Cadence with their Equestrian selves was just so fun. Good work.