Chapter 47: Books! Books! Books!
Cocks' crows filled the air as the the light of the false dawn silhouetted the lonely figure lightly laden with shopping bags. Although he had run out of food, this ungodly hour was the only time of day that he dared to venture into the open. It had been a week since his last trip, a week watching his meager rations dwindle nibble by nibble until hunger drove him out again. Fenton was a paranoid wizard; he knew that, like young chickens, the sins of his youth were coming home to roost.
What had seemed so right then was so obviously wrong now. He deeply regretted the choices that he had made. Like his father before him, he had been indoctrinated in the virtue of the purity of the wizarding race. Eliminating the stain of the muggle-born was his sacred duty, and when the opportunity came to join in the crusade, Fenton had jumped in with both feet. Those heady years were a whirlwind of action as he joined his master in showing the wizarding world the fate the tainted muggle-born deserved. He joined in making examples of these mongrels; he had improved the world by weeding them out, making room for the truly deserving.
It had all come crashing down in what seemed the blink of the eyes. It was completely preposterous, but his master had been laid low by the very scum that he was eradicating. Without its head, the movement lost its coherence, its very will. What had been a formidable army was reduced to desperate individuals scrambling to protect themselves from what was to come. Having no allies, Fenton was left to fend for himself. His meager savings and his position as head of a pureblood house had barely been enough to persuade a more tractable Wizengamot member to grant him an Imperius defense. Penniless, he had no stomach to continue the quest. There was no point in shedding any more blood. He turned his back on what he had been, closing the book on that chapter of his life. He still hated the muggle-born with a passion, but, for him, the fight was over.
Void of either money or influence, he attempted to gain employment with known pureblood supporters, but the surfeit of more qualified applicants coupled with the reversals in fortune for the pureblood factions left no openings for those such as he. Instead, he was spared the indignity of working as a muggle laborer by landing a job in small shop in the Welsh countryside. There, he worked in tandem with six other magic users in a large, noisy room. In the greatest affront to his sensibilities, he had to work shoulder to shoulder with four muggle-born.
Fenton was painfully aware of how dependent he was on this job. There was no way he would risk arrest again; that would surely be a one-way ticket to Azkaban. He had to swallow his pride and keep a civil tongue, lest he be called out. As much as it grated his nerves, he tolerated the presence of the lesser beings.
He had thought that he was doomed to a life of isolation. It had seemed inconceivable that he would have anything to do with the mudbloods. Somehow, the impossible happened. Polite greetings had given way to casual conversation; he actually started talking with his coworkers. That led to shared laughter over common experiences. Soon, birthdays came and went. Those he had thought were inferior had proven to be generous to him, and he had reciprocated.
The epiphany had come without warning. Contrary to what he had been raised to believe, these muggle-born were not inferior wastes of oxygen. They were real people, no better, no worse than he. There had been a nail-biting confession of his former viewpoints, but his coworkers were swayed by his honesty. He had omitted the details of his actions; he couldn't risk alienating them further. With the lie of omission hanging over his head, he basked in their kindness and gave his loyalty in return. Time passed as they worked together while working their magic.
The job was a steady one, affording Fenton a modest life. Eventually, one of his friendships had blossomed into romance, and Fenton married. His father would have been outraged that he had bonded with a muggle-born. Fenton’s younger self would have killed himself to avoid that fate. Love, however, was cross-eyed; it had struck an unlikely, but compatible pair. From that union, two beautiful babies had been born. Fenton looked into the eyes of his newborns; there was nothing inferior about them. He was proud of the choice he had made; he did not care one whit that he was now a blood traitor.
As the years passed, Fenton and his wife had established a cozy home. He was relieved that his old life was nothing but a distant memory. However, disaster struck without warning on the fateful night his wife had charged into their house, screaming for him. She warned him that all magic users who had been cleared through an Imperius defense had warrants for their arrests. Stunned that his wife would support him despite knowing his past, Fenton numbly nodded. They would have to flee the country, beyond the jurisdiction of the Wizengamot. When his wife rushed upstairs to collect the children, he left, leaving behind a promise to fetch them when he found sanctuary. He would not let his mistakes drag his family down.
Mourning his losses, Fenton entered the small cottage that now served as his hideout. Staying in southern Italy during the shoulder season kept him well away from the chaos currently engulfing Britain while allowing him to conserve his funds. Securing passage to some place where he could start over would take time and patience. He would start over. He would bring his family once he established himself.
Without warning, he felt anti-apparition wards jump into place. He didn’t bother reaching for his wand when four figures melted from the shadows.
“It is about time you made it back,” one of them said. “You see, one Miss Rutter insists that you stand before the Wizengamot, and she's paying us handsomely to make sure that you're not late."
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
Amid the cacophony of snores in the cozy bedroom of Ginny's trunk, Luna Lovegood could hardly believe the wonders she had seen in just a few short hours, and she was lying on the latest. This was the first time she had seen a self-expanding bed, but these devices clearly had their limits. The ones in the trunks simply would not comfortably accommodate thirteen human children. Thus, Luna had found herself sharing a bed with three other girls, a full-grown pseudo woman, and ten balls of pure adorableness. The experience had fulfilled not only every cuddling fantasy Luna had ever conceived but also a good deal she had yet to dream up. To say that she had a wonderful evening was akin to saying that crumple-horned snorkacks were a bit elusive. Her first night away from home had exceeded all of her expectations by a very large margin.
It was a wonder that her mind had not shut down from sensory overload. Finding that her friend could transfigure into a baby unicorn was ecstasy all by itself. Having a small herd of tiny ponies to cuddle was utter bliss. The phoenix sleeping on the perch in the corner was just overkill.
Her fluffy bedmates were only the latest wonder in this new world she had entered. She would never have imagined that anything like a telly was even possible. It was shocking that these were common among muggles. The saga she had seen had sparked her imagination. Despite being told that it was all make-believe, and that the characters had been actors in rubber suits, Luna was sure she had to travel to New York and explore the sewers. The chance that there were actual fighting reptiles under the streets was too much of a curiosity to overlook. Besides, they had liked pizza, and Luna found that she enjoyed the indulgence as well.
If only she hadn’t missed the three-headed dog that Fay had insisted had no place in the dorms.
Hermione woke to find herself being hugged by Abagail. The other girl liked to grab whatever was in range when she slept, and this wasn’t the first time Hermione had found herself in this position. Though reluctant to leave the warm comfort, Hermione carefully slid her way out of the bed, skillfully avoiding ponies so as not to wake them. Today was her last day to find something in the library before she would be held to her promise, telling what had happened to her. If she couldn’t find a cure before then, she would have no other choice. What kind of example would that be to her friends?
All of her life, Hermione had faithfully followed the rules. She would never have imagined falling in with a group that considered rules to be something that happened to others. Now, she couldn’t imagine being without them. She had even brought the subject up with her mother while exploring her new trunk. Her mum had told her outright that while rules were important, friends who knew when to break them were even more so. Hermione had found this to be a confusing conundrum. Was her mother was basically telling her to go break rules?
Much to Hermione’s surprise, with the exception of the whole marks on the bum ordeal, breaking the rules had been beneficial. If it weren’t for the fact that they were there for safety's sake, she would have been all in for the concept. Now, however, she was just conflicted.
As quietly as she could manage, Hermione left the trunk to get dressed. Save for the new girl, Luna, lifting her head to watch, she managed without disturbing anyone.
In the master bedroom of what had been Malfoy Manor, Discord awoke and found himself unwilling to move. On one side, there was a puddle of distinct pink hair, while on the other was a silky black mass. Surprisingly synchronized, two forms clutched at him possessively and he felt love radiating from both. A smug grin crept across his face as he recalled the previous evening. The two females had taken to each other as if they were life-long friends. It had been the best possible outcome he could have hoped for.
Now, he had more incentive than ever to make his plans succeed. But first, there was that nagging disruption that had been going on all week. It was small and should have worked itself out by now. Since it had not, he would have to investigate it.
Hermione had managed to make it to the library without attracting too much attention. The students still in the common room had been either fast asleep or had their eyes glued to whatever was on the telly. It wasn’t long before she had claimed a table all for herself with a pile of books. She was determined to find her answers soon.
Opening a book at random, she heard a familiar voice. “You are awake unconscionably early today.”
Dropping her book on the table in surprise, Hermione said, “Mr. Discord! Good morning, sir. Um, why are you wearing just a housecoat?”
Discord yawned and said, “Because I would much rather be back in bed, like you should be. Why are you up so early?”
Hermione managed to shuffle nervously in her seat, even as a yawning Madam Pince noticed the underdressed visitor and came over to investigate. “I have a problem and need to find the answer. I’m sure one of these books can help.”
Discord waved at the looming librarian before replying to Hermione, “You have been emitting low levels of fear all week. Does that have anything to do with your current search?”
Madam Pince frowned but did not interrupt as Hermione wilted and said, “Yes, I am looking for a solution, but none of the books I have access to here seem to be helping.”
“I see.” Discord yawned a second time. “Have you tried asking for help?”
“Yes, sir.” Hermione nodded. “Madam Pomfrey doesn’t have an answer yet, but she’s looking as well. She did say I wasn’t in any immediate danger though.”
“She probably knows this library better than you,” Discord said sleepily. “You do know that trying the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result is the very definition of insanity.”
“I have to try,” Hermione insisted. “I don’t want to sit around with nothing to do but worry.”
“Have you considered trying a different library?” Discord let his eyelids droop to half-mast. The child didn’t appear to be in dire straits. She just needed somepony to help her.
“I thought of checking my library back home,” Hermione confessed. “You know, the one you took pleasure in burning books from.”
“I imagine that would be time-consuming,” Discord said as his bed screamed for his return. “I was thinking more along the lines of a friend of mine who lives in a library. She would know where to look.”
“I’d like that.” Hermione perked up. “When could I meet her?”
“Now is as good a time as any.” Discord snapped his fingers, and the girl disappeared in a flash of light. Madam Pince gasped and then glared at the strange, half-dressed man. “Do not worry, I will have her back in time for supper,” he said before repeating the gesture and disappearing in the same manner.
In a library inside a living tree, the laws of nature were being stretched to the breaking point. A baby dragon was up and about in the pre-dawn darkness. Being a dragon, Spike took sleep seriously. That devotion was ingrained in his genetics. He came from a species that considered a decade-long slumber to be a mere catnap. Granted, naps of that duration were generally reserved for adult dragons, but even babies loved to have a lay in. There were few things that could persuade Spike to abandon prime sleep time on a weekend morning. A full day helping Rarity work off her backlog was one of them.
The promise of spending a day with his crush had transformed the surly trip hazard into a grinning, besotted fool who nearly ran headlong into the outlandish creature that suddenly appeared in the middle of the library.
Instincts honed razor-sharp by the insanity that was Ponyville spurred Spike to action. At the top of his lungs, he screamed, “Yaaaaaaaaaah! Monster!” Wide-eyed, he proceeded to stare down the monster. His body was not paralyzed by terror. His knees did not shake as he fearlessly held his ground. His bladder did not betray him. Honest.
“Where!? Where?!” Twilight shouted as she went from asleep to combative in less than a second. She hurdled down the stairs and lapped the two occupants twice, looking everywhere for danger.
Spike pointed a trembling claw at the intruder. “Right there!”
Twilight lifted the monster up out of the way and looked behind it. “Where? I still don’t see it.”
“Right there!” Spike repeated, still pointing at the now-floating beast.
Intellect caught up with instinct as Twilight's adrenaline rush subsided. Setting her burden down, she said, "Silly Spike, that’s not a monster. That’s a baby human -- mostly harmless.” Lowering her head, ears and eyelids, Twilight lost interest and trudged back toward the stairs leading to her bedroom and the promise of more sleep.
Spike and the human shared a look. Then, as one, they turned to watch the retreating unicorn.
“Any second now,” Spike commented.
Mid-step, Twilight’s hooves froze. Her head and ears shot straight up and her eyes opened as wide as they would go. “Hold on a second here!”
Spike sighed. He then addressed the human, “I’m going to go start the coffee; she’s going to need it.” The human dumbly nodded her assent.
Still in her nightclothes, Minerva looked at Madam Pince with bleary eyes. “That would have been Mr. Discord. He is fairly eccentric.”
“Eccentric?” Madam Pince huffed, standing just outside the head of house’s office door. “I don’t think I’ve even ever seen the headmaster wear such a frilly housecoat. And he made off with a student.”
“From what you’ve said, I know exactly where he sent her,” Minerva said. “If you happen to see him before I do, please inform him that Madam Pomfrey would like a word.”
Twilight sat at the dining table with a mug of coffee hovering before her. “So, you’re one of the new Cutie Mark Crusaders,” she clarified.
“Yes, ma’am,” Hermione said, still staring at Twilight’s flank.
“I can believe that, the way you won’t take your eyes off my cutie mark.” Twilight took another gulp of liquid heaven.
“That’s a cutie mark?” Hermione said, bewildered. “That’s what they meant whenever they complained about not having one?”
“Well, yes,” Twilight said. “Everypony gets one once they realize their special talent. Haven’t the girls explained them to you?”
“No. They totally did not tell us to expect a picture to appear on our bums out of nowhere for no apparent reason!”
“That’s actually my flank, not my bum,” Twilight corrected.
“In human form they migrate to your bum,” Hermione seethed.
“Oh, you got yours?” Twilight perked up. “Congratulations!”
“I’ve been worried and hid it all week! I thought there was something wrong with me!”
“Wait, you’ve been hiding your cutie mark for a week?” Twilight gasped.
“Yes!”
“Hold on a minute,” Twilight said. “I need to process the irony of a Cutie Mark Crusader panicking for a week over receiving her cutie mark.”
“Hahaha!” *Thump* “Wahahaha.”
Twilight looked over at the baby dragon who had just fallen off the stool he had been using while making pancakes. “It’s early, and as you can see, Spike got a head start on me.”
The Gryffindor herd exited the portal to their tower, intent on finding their wayward member.
“I’ll lay odds that she’s just in the library,” Abagail said soothingly.
“Sucker's bet,” Dean retorted. “Let’s just go get her. It’s time she told us what’s bothering her.”
“Is it right to bother her if she doesn’t want to tell what’s wrong?” Luna asked as she happily tagged along.
“She’s a friend, Luna.” Apple Bloom explained, “Y'all don’t let friends face their problems alone, even if they don’t want your help ta begin with. Sometimes, yer friends try to protect ya from their mistakes an’ ya have to decide if’n y'all will help 'em despite the danger. Hermione already said she was afraid of being expelled and didn’t want to involve us. An’ we already told her, 'horseapples'.”
“That was before she visited the nurse,” Parvati pointed out. “Perhaps we should give her some space, and she’ll tell us eventually.”
“I think she appreciates us worrying over her,” Neville said. “When she’s not fretting over her problem, she looks at us and smiles.”
“We need to not be frustrated at her and get her to confide in us,” Sweetie Belle said. “I don’t think she realizes what it means to be in a herd yet.”
“I can’t help but worry for her,” Harry confessed.
“Good,” Scootaloo said. “That shows you care.”
Luna turned to Ginny and asked, “Is this what it’s like to have friends?”
“Yes.” Ginny nodded her head. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Wow!” Twilight said, looking down at the filly, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pony your color before. You look like you’d glow in the dark.”
“I do,” Hermione said, peering back up at the large pony. “It’s annoying.”
“I can’t see that being an evolutionary advantage,” Twilight mused, “which is probably why I haven’t seen a fluorescent pony before.”
“That is not reassuring,” Hermione confided.
“Yeah,” Twilight acknowledged, nodding, “but we do have a spell that alters the color of newborn foals. Because it is affected by a pony’s own self-image, it takes more magic to cast the older a pony gets. Since you are so new to being a pony, it might work on you reasonably well. Did you know Apple Bloom has a brother who was pink when he was born?”
“Are you saying I can change my color by willing it?” Hermione asked.
“No, but you can make the spell fail if you are too accustomed to your coloring.”
“Can you cast the spell?” Hermione asked hopefully.
“Not yet, I’m not a nurse, and I just know of it,” Twilight said, nudging the filly toward the main room of the library, “but I know which book to look in.”
“I love books,” Hermione offered.
“I’m not surprised.” Twilight grinned. “A book cutie mark kind of gives that away. Here’s a secret, I love books too.”
A subtle music filled the air as Hermione poured her heart into the next words. “Books are grand. Books are great. They hold our knowledge. They hold our fate.”
A smile split Twilight’s face as she intoned, “Books are culture. Books are priceless. Words of wisdom chase shadows with brightness.”
Spike could feel the magic building. This was part of what made Equestria special, songs from the heart that caught up everypony in chorus range. He knew what he had to do. Mustering his courage, he fled.
“Well dang,” Dean griped, “she’s not in the library, and she’s not in the Great Hall. Where else would she have gone?”
“Hold on a sec,” Parvati said. “I’m still in shock over her not being in the library.”
“Maybe she’s in the clinic,” Harry suggested. “She has been talking to the nurse lately.”
“Nah, Madam Pomfrey was in the Great Hall when we checked,” Abagail said.
“Or she could have gone to the Forbidden Forest.” Scootaloo said. “She did mention wanting to fraylick in it yesterday.”
“Frolic,” Sweetie corrected. “And we can’t look there, we promised Mr. Weasley.”
“Actually,” Apple Bloom spoke up, “we promised we wouldn’t go in without a reliable adult.”
“I can’t believe they just finished their third heartsong,” Roseluck gasped, out of breath, collapsing onto the ground after participating in an energetic chorus line.
“I can’t believe they just finished their third heartsong about books,” said Cherry Berry, wheezing for breath herself.
“I can’t believe they’re about to start another,” Cloud Kicker warned, pointing her hoof in the direction of the threat.
“What?” Roseluck jumped to her hooves. “Run for it!”
Hagrid opened the door to his hut to find a large number of first-year Gryffindors staring up at him hopefully. A unicorn mare stood further back, eyeing him warily. “Well, good mor’in' to the lot of ye. Don’t ye think it’s a might early to be out and about, like? I’ll wager you’ve yet to have some breakfast in ya.”
“Please, Mr. Hagrid,” Apple Bloom said, giving her best doe eyes, “we cain't find Hermione, an' she said something yesterday about frolicking in tha forest. We need a reliable adult to come look with us.”
Paling at the thought, Hagrid grabbed his crossbow and yelled over his shoulder at his still-sleeping dog, “Fang! Heel!” The first-years had to run to keep up with his long strides as he rushed into the forest.
“Lovely Books! Wonderful Books!
Lovely Books! Wonderful Books!
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ks
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ks
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ks
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ks
Lovely Books!
Lovely Books!
Lovely Books!
Books! Books! Books! Books!”
“All right, this is getting out of hoof,” Rainbow Dash said, looking down the road in the direction of the singing.
“I’ll say,” Pinkie agreed. “They even overrode the title of the chapter.”
“What?” Applejack gave Pinkie a curious glance. “Anyhow, does anypony know who that filly is?”
“I have no idea, but I know she likes books,” Rainbow answered.
“I haven’t thrown a welcome party for her yet.” Pinkie frowned, ears drooping.
“I heard Twilight call her 'Hermione',” Rarity said. “I know I’ve heard that name somewhere before but cannot quite recall from where.”
“Oooo, oooo.” Pinky jumped up and down waving a hoof high over her head. “I know! I know! That was the name of one of the new crusaders.”
“She’s a Cutie Mark Crusader?” Applejack turned her attention to Pinkie. “Are y'all sure?”
“Yup!”
“Why am I not surprised?” Rainbow said, taking to the air to get a better look down the street.
“This is boring,” Scootaloo complained as they skirted just inside the forest, following Hagrid, who was looking for tracks.
“I don’t see no sign of ‘er,” Hagrid said turning on the first-years. “Are ye sure she came this way?”
“We couldn’t find her in the castle, and she did mention the forest earlier,” Harry replied. “We figured it would be better to be safe than sorry.”
“She’s probably back in yer common room right this very moment,” Hagrid said. “Why don’t the lot o' ye go an’ check. I kin handle sweeping the forest by meself.”
“Okay, thanks, Hagrid,” Harry said.
“An’ ye need to come visit me sometime when it ain’t an emergency,” the half-giant said before strolling deeper into the woods.
Minerva McGonagall exited her washroom to find an owl waiting on the back of one of her chairs. She quickly retrieved the letter it was carrying. Squinting, she deciphered the horrendous handwriting.
“Dear Minerva McGonagall,
Would you please come and get your student? She’s got the whole town in an uproar.
Thank you,
Rainbow Dash”
With a sigh, Minerva refolded the letter before looking at the satchel attached to the owl’s chest.
“Did ya have any trouble?” Applejack asked as Rainbow landed beside her.
“Naw!” Rainbow shook her head. “Lodestone was right in the barn, like you said. I wrote a quick letter and sent him on his way.”
“How long do you suppose it will take?” Rarity asked. “It will not be very long before ponies start dropping from exhaustion.”
“Applejack, you got mail.” Rainbow said, pointing with a wing and a smug smirk. “That didn’t take long.”
“Y'all need to stop doing that,” Applejack said before addressing the owl landing on her back, “That were quick, Lodestone; good owl.”
Rarity trotted forward and placed her horn on the owl’s satchel and said the release phrase, “Ex dimittere.”
“Baaaaarf!” the bag obediently replied
There was a stunned silence as the gathered ponies gawked at the passenger.
“She sent her cat?” Rarity said aghast, looking at the poor disheveled creature. “Why did she send us her cat?”
“Maybe Hermione is afraid of cats like Sweetie Belle,” Rainbow said, looking closer at the animal, whose eyes were still spinning in her head.
“Look out!” Pinkie suddenly shouted. “Here come Twilight and Hermione, and they look like they’re about to start another song!”
Shortly after the breakfast hour, Madam Pince stood next to Professor Sprout as the two watched the first-year Gryffindors and their transfigured escort rush down the hall, intent on searching yet another area of the castle for their wayward member.
“Do you think we should tell them where she is?” Madam Pince asked.
“Nah.” Professor Sprout said, “This is keeping them occupied and out of trouble, not to mention it’s good exercise.”
“Life is a bookcase! I wanna read it all night long!” The words could still be heard as the singers continued their march through the town.
Groaning Rainbow Dash flopped on the ground and said, “Finally! They’re out of range.”
“Anypony else have the sudden craving to read a good book?” Pinkie asked wearily.
“I did not know cats could sing and dance like that,” Rarity commented when her breath had returned. “I seem to have been lax in training Opal.”
The visiting cat looked at Rarity for a second then stood on its hind legs. It started towering over the ponies as it changed shape. “That was quite the experience,” Professor McGonagall said. “Does it happen often?”
Applejack gasped at the transformation before saying, “Howdy, you must be Professor McGonagall. Pleased to meet ya.”
“I would guess, by your accent that you are related to Apple Bloom,” Minerva said. “Applejack, I presume?”
“Yep, that’s m . . .”
“Human!”
“Lyra! No!” Bon Bon yelled after the blur as Minerva suddenly found her arms full of mint green unicorn.
“I knew you were real!” Tear-filled golden eyes drank in her appearance. “The legends are all true! I’m so happy to see you! I could just . . . just . . .”
Music started to swell up from the background and all the ponies present yelled, “No, Lyra, don’t!”
Anticipation hung heavy in the ballroom of the recently-transferred manor. A lone wizard tightly gripped the lead line as he entered the crowded ballroom where dozens of women were going through orientation. Stopping in front of the curious assembly he said, “Everypony, listen up. This here is a typical cow; her name is Maybell.”
“Hello, Maybell!” the women all cheerfully greeted in one voice.”
Maybell chewed her cud and stared dumbly at all the humans.
“That, rude.”
“Yeah, aren’t you going to say 'hi' back?”
“Who taught you your manners?”
Maybell proceeded to demonstrate the reason for keeping farm animals in the barn instead of the house.
Button Mash raised his head from the ground and glared at the unicorn lying not far from him, “Bad Lyra! No bonbon for you tonight!”
A hushed silence met his statement. After a minute Rarity asked, “Why did you say that, Button Mash?”
Confused, the colt answered, “When I’m bad, my mother says ‘Bad Button, no cookie for you tonight,’ and I’ve heard Lyra really likes bonbons.”
The adult ponies and one human continued to stare at the innocent colt.
“That’s it.” Rainbow said, “I’m calling it now. When he grows up, he’s going to have a marefriend named Cookie Crumble.”
The cozy private dining room was where Celestia and Luna shared their meals, breakfast and supper, first tea and nightcap. As avatars of day and night, respectively, dawn and dusk were the times that they were normally together, and the room afforded them the opportunity to act as sisters, rather than princesses.
As she was settling in for first tea, a burst of green flame startled Celestia, but her teacup stayed steady in her telekinetic grasp. As expected, a scroll materialized from the flames. Smiling Celestia said, "Look, Luna. I bet Twilight has another friendship lesson to share." Eagerly, the solar princess opened the missive with her magic and read. Her smile slowly drooped into a frown.
“What news?” Luna inquired when she noticed the frown develop on her sister’s face.
Celestia sighed. “It’s from Spike. He says that Ponyville is suffering from a plague of heartsongs.”
“Heartsongs?” Luna asked.
“Yes.” Celestia lowered the letter to the table. “So far, seventeen about books and one about humans.”
“Books?” Lunas voice rang with surprise. “Be there any chance that thy protegee is not somehow involved?”
Celestia gave Luna the dirtiest look she could muster.
To their dismay, the Gryffindor first-years were discovering that Hogwarts Castle was apparently dimensionally transcendental. It seemed that every time they found one hidden room, two more came into view. “Nothing in here except target dummies,” Neville commented as they checked yet another room. “Looks like a good place to practice spells though.”
“Where is that filly?” Apple Bloom groaned in disappointment, “Ah swear we’ve checked half the castle by now.”
“Oooo,” Luna called from the next doorway, “This one is full of books.” The students could feel magic beginning to build. To the human-born, this was a novel experience. The Cutie Mark Crusaders knew better. As one, they yelled, "Run!"
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OH boy with that many song why isnt anyone getting horse... I guess the magic of song is spreading
So what color will Hermione be or is she color-fast
Button's Mom and various MILFy jokes aside, Rarity's mother is named Cookie Crumbles. No, really.
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Hondo_Flanks_and_Cookie_Crumbles
Waaaiiiiit a second.... Are you saying Draco is engaged to a cow...?
With us having both Princess Luna and Luna Lovegood, I was a bit confused at first. I'd first interpreted it to mean Princess Luna had visited the Gryffindor herd. That it was Luna Lovegood didn't click until later. Perhaps with that first line, add Luna Lovegood's last name to it to help clarify?
What a very interesting way to word that. Almost as if they're no-longer merely human.
Great chapter. Despite being over 5k words long, it was too short!
All great that Twilight found someone who's as big a bibliophile as she is.
ROFL.
It's hilarious that heartsongs are considered hazards to avoid.
What a great chapter!
Thank discord that the cutie mark conundrum has been resolved!
So those two finally met, and it almost resulted in killing off the town by exhaustion. lol
at least they didn't became a tower again
Saw the chapter title, immediately thought of this:
derpicdn.net/img/2017/12/3/1599908/large.png
This chapter was dangerous funny. Was listening to it while driving (text to speech) and nearly drove off the road due to extreme laughter.
This is why the story continues to frustrate me. As entertaining as the chapter was I am far more interested in what is happening with that guy at the beginning. Seeing the dark side of Rutter's crusade I would seriously love a chapter that focused on that stuff.
Time to summon that most daring and dangerous of all occupations in Equestria: The Versebreakers!
8964603
I'm pretty sure Rainbow got head-swat by Rarity for that one.
This is one the most hilarious sentence I ever read from the fanfics! Great job, sir!
One thing that our beloved librarian certainly lacks ... is tact.
So many threads nicely wrapped up! Ponyville practically paralyzed by a plethora of paeans to publications.
Great chapter as always but I do have one question...
Does that mean Big Mac was pink instead of red?
8964918
So, let it sit for a month or two, calmly biding your time until the 4th or 5th update shows it's timid head.
Then POUNCE!
Not only will you have a veritable plethora of comedic moments, heartwarming snugglefests, and interesting mental activities as ponys turned human explore a world not their own, but you'll have enough of the clues to figure out what's going on. Moreover, Dogger does a commendable job of mixing in a plot chapter every few pretty reliably.
And as a bonus, you get to live stress free for almost 2 months!
8964842
You do realize there's actually a warning about driving and listening to the latest chapter right in the description, right?
I mean.... that's like, patently, disclaimed. <chuckles>
8964842
What program do you use for text to speech? I have been looking for a good one.
8964616
Well... you do remember what Pomfrey said after checking Lavender with her wand in chapter 45, right?
As long as Lyra don't change the title to 'Anthropology' then it's good.
Discord outdid itself with the chaos this time.
Alternative chapter title: Musical Madness.
8964693
Not so much the songs themselves as the number of them. What was the final count? Just shy of 20? That’s why it was called a plague.
8965173
I do remember. I simply take this as more evidence that there is something going on.
Ponders with the magic hitting Luna Lovegood upon seeing the Hogwart's library if she might be the next of the herd to get her cutie mark
8965225 Not sure the one counts since it happened at Hogwarts not Ponyville.. Then again who knows we haven't seen anypony or anything put a stop to it..
8962022
Who knows? It depends on how much the author likes worldbuilding. Run or play in enough RPG's and it starts to get reflexive.
Now, for the next theory... Discords reverse exchange program will soon drop Fenton and family into Equestria since he is blatantly guilty, will be forced to admit that before the Wizengamot, and will probably wind up slated for execution - but he has apparently reformed.
8963180
Lantine:
Uncle Bene: Except that the point of the ritual is to demand justice that has been denied, it plays out before the highest authorities in the government - and it did result in Lucius's execution; it was just that only fines were applicable until it was shown that “Malfoy is responsible for the deaths of greater than three times three wizards. He purposely brought several family lines to an end. The incidents each occurred on different occasions, on the orders of an individual who had declared war on the magic-born of Britain. The law is clear; he must either present sanctioning authorization for his actions, or he must be branded a traitor and thrown into the veil without delay.” So no,even by the standard you propose that was in no way equivalent to a civil trial.
Uncle Bene: "In this setting you can apparently prove your innocence at no cost and minimal effort by simply swearing a magical oath that you are innocent - so anyone who refuses to do so is known to either be guilty or to be covering for someone else."
Lantine:
Uncle Bene: Actually, we know that "the Ministry cleared him of all charges due to being under the Imperius Curse." AND that Lucius was bribing the Minister. There is no indication that trials ever actually took place since the actual judiciary does not seem to be a part of the ministry - as shown by them overriding and arresting Fudge.
(The latest chapter confirms this: "Fenton was left to fend for himself. His meager savings and his position as head of a pureblood house had barely been enough to persuade a more tractable Wizengamot member to grant him an Imperius defense.")
Now, the original books do imply ways to fool magical lie detection. Of course, in THIS setting (to which the assumptions in the Methods of Rationality do not apply), we know that statements made under magical oaths are considered proof (per Sirius's statement to the Daily Prophet - so there is no known method of fooling one or it would just be considered a self-serving publicity attempt). Lucius knew that being unable to remember an offense would not protect him. Alice wondered why - since it was so easy - none of the "Families of Light" had used the rite to clear out the former death eaters (later information implies that wizards are dying out, and that the Wizengamot has hidden this information - so there was a major reason to spare wizards from confirmed magical families whenever possible now that their leader was gone). Given that the author specifically pointed out the "plothole", it's likely that there's a plug for it.
Worse, your notion implies that dozens of experienced and ruthless combatants and politicians knew that they had a literally mortal vulnerability, that it could be invoked at any time, that they had the means available to patch it quickly and easily, and that none of them bothered to do so for an entire decade. That would be a pretty major plot hole right there.
Lantine:
Uncle Bene: Actually, Alice - who was raised with muggle sensibilities - called the claim of "Conquest" and the resulting status of Lucius's wife archaic and thought that the old laws were "much more misogynistic in nature". She is the only one to present such a viewpoint so far. (The Goblins consider the covenant of the Goblin Lord archaic, but that really isn't relevant).
As far as the Rite goes, it is specifically noted that "Many generations of legislators had done their best to quash knowledge of that law. How could they not? It was designed to hold them accountable for the power they held." - but that doesn't make it archaic; just effective.
8965326
My point was not "it is exactly the same as a civil trial". My point was that it doesn't mean that the only punishment for 8 cases of murder was a fine like you claim, because it's clear there are other ways people are tried for murder.
There was apparently a law that someone who murdered 9 or more wizards was a traitor and was subject to death without a normal trial; you just seemed to claim it as proof that killing fewer than 9 didn't also carry a punishment beyond a fine, which is unrelated to what we saw.
That's far from clear proof. Even if it's possible to fool them, it might still be respected as clear evidence; sort of like someone agreeing to a lie detector test in the real world.
Like I said, it's not clear cut - but when it's unclear whether it's possible to fool magical lie detection or not, but if it's not the entire setting makes no sense, I think it's best to assume that it's possible to fool it.
Lucius's statement is unclear - he isn't sure if he did it, but knows he might have, so he can't risk claiming he did nothing - that would still be knowingly telling a lie, and that's what we're told the magic checks for. He probably could have stood up and said "I have no idea if I knowingly killed her parents" and not have been struck down - but his guilt would have been apparent.
Later, Fudge has similar thoughts: "He had forgotten half of the occasions Alice had mentioned, but he recognized them when she brought them to light. There would be no false claims of innocence while the ancient magic filled the room. "
That implies to me that if he hadn't remembered when Alice brought it up, he could have gotten away with saying he had no idea what she was talking about - because it would be true.
This was a trainwreck. A glorious musical trainwreck of insanity.
Also Go Discord WOOO.
And then Celly and Luna were caught up in the Heartsong Madness
I get the strange feeling that Ms. Rutter is about to learn a little something about Kindness when it comes to Fenton.
8965146
It's called "voice aloud reader" (paid version) on android play store. I use the google English voice at about 400 speed. It's reads the fimfic exported epub (download menu) pretty nicely but, long tapping, select all and Share..to voice aloud is something you can teach yourself to do, without looking, with practice.
Unfortunately the "experimental" fimfiction voice to text reader, while nice idea, reads too slowly for my ears and lacks any sort of controls.
8965573
IMO, the Death Eaters originally being cleared implies that it is possible to beat at least some of the spells some of the time. That, or the Ministry took their unsupported word for their innocence.
I have one question, what was the chapters original title?
(Grumbles to self regarding meaning of "flank" in equine anatomy.)
Impressive explanation for EqG!Mac's coloration.
Rarity shuddered. "Rainbow Dash, that is my mother's name."
"Oh, right. Cookie Clicker, then?"
"I bet she'll be a nice grandma," said Pinkie.
In any case, some glorious madness. Hopefully they can break the loop before all of Ponyville passes out.
8965024
Makes Lyra starting one of the songs especially ironic, doesn't it?
I guess Twilight had an updated version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Maybe it was a gift from friends, chosen for its DON'T PANIC cover.
I don’t think you do, Sweetie.
I actually struggled to breathe evenly and not burst out laughing here.
8966022
hmmn, i think that in that particular case, it was less a matter of Death Eaters having silver tongues and more a matter of having a great deal of silver, and gold, that convinced the original Wizengamot they were all compelled...
8966248
So a silver-plated tongue.
Okay, this is what I've been missing. I remember thinking it would be funny when Hermione met Twilight, but this exceeds my expectations. Lyra was just icing on the cake. "... and a song about humans" indeed. Poor Celly. She'll never hear the end of this.
I like the "mostly harmless" part too. Especially when it precedes disrupting the entire town with 18 choreographed songs.
Then, it started in the other dimension too!
Hahaha!
8964603
That's Cookie Crumbles with an s. Cookie Crumble is a filly currently living in an orphanage in Manehaton. Really, she is.
8966339
more like silver crossing palms...a lot of silver, and gold, crossing palms....
8966248
So, they used nonmagical means to beat the test? Although, it's more "They didn't beat the test, they beat the tester."
8966619
one of the oldest tricks of the professional scumbag: "if u cant beat em, bribe em"
8966573
OK no see, a silver tongue implies that you've got the knack yourself to sweet talk someone into what you want. Silver-plated suggests that you're using silver (or gold in this case) instead of what you've actually got. It was meant to be a clever spin on the idea of a silver tongue to communicate that what one lacks in charisma, one makes up for in money.
8966924
ah, i did not know that term, so took what u said at face value. i actually do that a lot, being autistic. sorry about the misunderstanding
8965582
I am still looking forward to seeing the reaction of Celestia and Luna when they hear Discord is a desirable casanova in human world.
8965573
Even in the original books, trials could take place before the Wizengamot
Lets see here:
If the rite does not count as a trial, then people in this system can be condemned to death without a trial - and you do not have an effective legal system at all. That goes even further than my argument, which is simply that it is very bad.
Now if calling the rite before the Wizengamot does count as a trial, then we have established that they aren't too worried about small numbers of murders.
Either way, that's bad.
Lie Detector tests are inadmissible in court because they are known to be unreliable. They are not respected as "clear evidence" anywhere but in fiction, where they are used as convenient plot devices. They are, however, often used for attempts at self-serving publicity and by groups that don't understand their limitations.
You are proposing that - given a test that can be fooled with preparation - that allowing someone to schedule that test at their own convenience after being given all the time they might need to prepare would be taken seriously. I prefer to believe that the wizards are not all idiots.
As for "the entire setting making no sense" if you cannot fool magical lie detection, the author has already disposed of that point: there were no trials and magical oaths were not required because bribes were used to get out of trouble. This was made easier because Dumbledore himself wanted to save old family lines and - as I pointed out - an example of the use of bribery is given in the next chapter.
Of course, if it could be fooled, even if no one has been smart enough to take precautions up until now, why didn't the remaining death eaters take measures to fool it instead of fleeing to countries with no extradition agreements?
(If you are arguing about the original setting, it has a great many plot holes that make no sense. For an example from an earlier comment, why did research into philosophers stones apparently stop after someone demonstrated that it was possible to make one and attain perpetual youth and health?)
Lucius's statement is actually quite clear and exact; "Being unable to remember an offense would not protect him". Obliviation makes you unable to remember. He directly acknowledges that memory removal or alteration will not work.
And weasel wording does not really help. That is specifically called out in the story itself, with one Wizengamot members reaction to Fudge's little speech.
If you want to claim that magical oaths can be fooled in the setting of this story, you need to explain why (among other things):
1) None of the death eaters in the Wizengamot had taken the proper precautions.
2) Why the oaths sworn by Sirius and Rarity are considered unimpeachable legal evidence - in Rarity's case, by a judge.
3) The remaining death eaters who had used the Imperius defense fled the country rather than take the proper precautions.
4) Why Lucius's failure to deny an action under oath was taken as legal proof - since without proof of nine murders the Traitors Law would not have applied.
8967208
At this point I'm not sure if you're even arguing in good faith. You keep changing what the argument is in order to say I'm wrong.
My point is that just because Alice claimed a special ritual and later a special punishment for traitors doesn't mean that there isn't also a normal punishment for murder. You claim that it's proof that the only punishment for less than 9 murders is a fine, I'm saying that normally murder would probably get punished by being sent to Azkaban, but Lucius avoided that with his Imperius defense and thus Alice was forced to use non-normal methods (based on ancient and mostly forgotten laws) of seeing him punished.
As far as your points:
1) I'm saying the death eaters *did* take precautions, when it was relevant. At the time of the story it's been years since; they would have restored their memories because they wouldn't want to go on believing they weren't pureblood supremacists. They had no reason to believe Alice was going to jump in with charges that day (remember the whole spiel about how such things were supposed to be planned in advance?), so they wouldn't have taken precautions.
2) An oath about future actions is clearly different in the setting than an oath or lie detection about what you're saying currently. Rarity in particular swore on her magic that she would do her best to look after Harry, if that's effectively a spell placed on her (as it appears to be) then changing her memory later wouldn't change that. Whereas saying "I swear on my magic that I was doing something else that night" is effectively true if you altered your memories of what you did. As for Sirius, it wasn't taken as an unimpeachable defense - he still got a trial, which we didn't see, which might well have involved testimony and examination of things that could be verified, like that he wasn't actually a secret keeper.
3) I suspect they were (justifiably) worried that the new Wizengamot would consider the possibility that their memory was altered and not accept veritaserum or a magical oath as absolute proof of innocence.
4) I have no idea what you're claiming here? Lucius' failure to deny was effectively proof because it was clear to the room he would deny them if he could. We don't know exactly how the Wizarding law works but it could easily be considered legal proof as well.
That many heart songs about books? I wouldn’t put it past them
8967297
I pointed out that the argument you were presenting was self-contradictory if accepted. A self-contradictory statement is necessarily wrong. Answering your arguments is not "changing what the argument is".
You brought up lie detectors in an objection to me. I pointed out that your objection was inaccurate. Checking on that only required a quick google search.
You are stating - among other assertions - that within the context of this story...
Those are positive statements, just as "The Loch Ness Monster Exists" is a positive statement.When you make a positive assertion, it is up to you to provide evidence for it, since proving that something exists is simple - you need merely produce an example - while proving that something does not exist is not possible.
Now, for your specific "answers"...
1) The Death Eaters could have been confronted at any time and knew this. When did taking those hypothetical precautions stop being relevant? Why? And why should taking magical precautions against specific admissions involve erasing a general attitude? You've added several additional pieces of speculation to make your first one work, but still have presented no evidence to support any of those speculations. The multiplication of unsupported speculations is not a good sign for a hypothesis.
2) If changing your memories and beliefs can be done by magic, and this is sufficient to fool a magical oath, then what would prevent someone from swearing such an oath and then changing their beliefs to fool it after the fact? What then makes an oath about future behavior "clearly different"? Next, of course, you're stating that "I swear on my magic that I was doing something else that night" is effectively true if you altered your memories of what you did. That is pure speculation again, since it assumes that the magic is checking your memory and can be fooled by memory alteration magic. How do you know that it is not not directly checking the past? Or with the Spirit of Justice? Or that it wouldn't counteract any memory alteration? Aren't those just as possible as it checking your memories?
As for Sirius... according to this story he got a two-and-a-half-year delay on his trial well before that oath. The statement that "he still got a trial, which we didn't see" is simply false.
3) Why would they require "absolute proof of innocence"? It is impossible to prove a negative proposition. If that's the legal standard you don't need investigations, trials, oaths, or anything else; any accusation suffices for a guilty verdict.
4) I am glad that you agree! He effectively admitted to multiple murders in front of a tribunal that represents that highest legal authority in Wizarding Britain - and the punishment for the first eight such admissions was increasing fines. That's actually classic law - Weregild amongst the early germanic tribes, Galanas in Wales, and Ericfine in Ireland. It is STILL current law (Diyya) in some areas of the Middle East.
Of course, that refusal to swear being taken as legal proof pretty much demonstrates that the most powerful wizards in Great Britain don't have a way to fool those oaths - otherwise it would be possible to fool an innocent victim into thinking they were guilty and an accuser into thinking that they were guilty - and so create crimes out of whole cloth.
The original Harry Potter series relied heavily on the notion that there was no way to actually prove that any of the Death Eaters were guilty of anything. They could claim compulsion and, since every method of determining truth had it's counter, there was no way to hold them legally accountable.
Of course, the obvious resulting plothole is that there is no way to hold any reasonably skilled wizard legally accountable for anything at all. What would stop someones grieving relative from killing off a few former Death Eaters in surprise attacks and then using the same defense?
The books quietly ignore that, as they ignore a lot of other plotholes. The author here has instead opted to have a legal system that can work in theory, but which was hobbled by bribery, corruption, and an unwillingness to kill off more wizards (apparently thanks to Dumbledore and a population crisis) after their leader was gone. The author is doing a better job at reducing plotholes than the original author - although whether that is because this is not being written for kids, because there have been decades of people pointing out plotholes in the original series, or for some other reason, I cannot say.