When Rainbow Dash discovers the true extend of Twilight Sparkle's book obsession, she convinces the unicorn to go on a vacation with her to Manehattan. But 700 miles and a broken wing later, they've crashed in Saddle Arabian desert due to an unexpected passenger. How will they get back to Ponyville? How will they communicate with the locals? And exactly how soon does the sun set in the desert?
NOTE: Derpy Hooves doesn't come in until chapter 4
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Seems interesting so far. But you have far too much wall'o'text going on, you NEED to add paragraphs and spacing. It'll be easier and more pleasant to read. Keep up the good work.
I suggest formatting. Separate the speaking parts between ponies, too. I suggest looking at a story with this format, like KIppershy's Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds. It looks a lot better.
A few spelling errors around, capitalization too. I suggest proofreading.
921477 Thank you very much for the compliment! And yeah, sorry about the blocks of text. I just don't know where to put separate paragraphs in each chapter since they're so short. Also, sorry for all the long series of quotations. But thank you very much for the suggestion! I'm just glad that people are finally reading my fan fic
I'm interested in checking out this story but since the last update was so long ago i'm a bit hesitant. Has life just been too busy to update or is it dead'ed?
1882725 meh, I'll update it and format it eventually, but i'm too engulfed in stuff and other ideas to focus on this. However, if you also like pony art, you can check out my deviant art page at:[url=blackboard23.deviantart.com][Link]
I tend to post more frequently there since art takes less time to make and think of.
2006790 So....that would be a no?