Alex decides he wants to move out of the city and open his own bar, but some unexpected happenings cause his life to change even more than he thought possible. With the development of friends, his life for the first time starts looking up.
First story I wrote. Be nice please. Also, I appreciate any help you can give.
Appreciate you reading, and is rated teen because it deals with a bar, but that is the only reason.
Page generated in 0.109 seconds
Total duration
900 users online
500,685 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Like the story dude when is the next chapter?
882938
I probably will post a few other stories before I post more of this one. I will upload a few more chapters by the end of this week if I can.
More. Now... Please?
Cliffhangers.... Also birst.
Good chapter! keep up the good work!
I fear this is where my story began to fall apart. The romance began moving faster, and it spiraled out of control, along with some other parts of the story that also moved too fast, but you will see those later on... Thinking back on it I could have rewritten it some and been fine, however the story had some sentimental value (maybe) or I was just lazy and didn't feel like fixing it (probably), but either way i didn't feel like fixing the issue. After this there are only two chapters left, and then the epilogue which I find is the most entertaining bit of it. So, at the most, only two more days until the whole thing is posted.
As always, thank you for reading,
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
Two day's until the entire thing is posted aye? alright. I can wait... for now.
Btw great chapter!
The wonderful filler chapter... I had to get a few things out of the way, however there was something more that I wanted to do with this chapter but it didn't pan out as I had hoped. Tomorrow i post the final chapter and the Epilogue! so unfortunately I will be putting an end to this story... sorta. If you liked this story I have three more (one not posted) stories, and I really appreciate you all supporting this story. It is my first so i didn't expect it to do as well as its done... but you all may decide it is crap with the next couple chapters... Expect a comment on the epilogue from me, along with that awful authors note that creeps up and attaches to my stories... and it is a long note none the less.
Thanks for reading!
- ThePizzaDeliveryPony
Dash's sexy pose.
Okay, so there it is...the epic conclusion to my first story. sorry for the authors note, it is a little long and pointless. Thanks for reading it all and following through with it!
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
That was a VERY good story! I dont give a single buck if you say it was bad because it was good, VERY good in fact.
It was better then my story, that's for sure.
Seriously, this was NOT a pointless story. Sure it was long but that is just a bonus. Beside's, I cant really see this story being bad. I only see this story as it is, a good story.
Love and tolerate.
-TheLolzer82 (AKA Viking Brony)
I agree this story is good a little rough around the edges but othe wise a nice solid story. the only problem I had with it was I felt it was a bit to short and rushed for the amount of awesome back story and plot elements that could have been elaberated on more but thats just a personnal problem I have with it(I'm used to reading storys with 80000+ words so ya
)
912567
Thanks, i really appreciate it. I wanted more from it than i got, but it ended its self before I wanted it to. It definitely isn't the worst story, but the first half of the authors note is me stressing over how there was so much could have, and wanted to do with it, but didn't. The second part was more of me realizing after reading through it and editing that it isn't as bad as i first thought it was.
913253
Rough it is... i did for some reason rush the ending and i don't know why that happened. It was short and read a little fast and that could have probably been fixed...if i had rewritten it. The major problem I have is the pregnancy, however i think i worked it in well and it dosn't stand out as a major plot hole.
still my favorite part is the epilogue. it was written differently than all the other chapters, and i think that view works better for me. my newest story "adopting/adapting" is written in a similar style and i really like where it is going, even if i don't know where that is yet. "Shadow dagger" is written in first person even though i didn't want to write it that way again. Point is, check out some of my other stuff if you want
Thanks for reading everybody/pony.
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
also new picture for my profile
914238 hmmm....I think the only real problem with the pregnancy is that theres not much in the way of a build up like somewhere in the chapter you could put "and alex thought it a bit wierd that dash hadn't been drinking anything alcholic but shrugedit off" something like that the whole thing with his dad just happening to know just seems a little too convenent for my tastes.
914829
I don't disagree, however i really wanted for him to find out before dash told him. I thought it would be easier to keep dash in character if i didn't have her tell him. I don't know, i did try to explain the father bit away, but i guess it didn't work perfectly. Anyway, thanks for the criticism, first I've gotten.
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
914979 ahhh i see hmm that would be a bit tricky to pull off but at least I can see what you were trying to do there and it makes a little more sense now
Cant believe my fa orite part of the story was the authors note at the end. Your right with the problems but still it was readable. You'll be a fine author if you have a GOD DAMN PROOF READER. Also writing present tense? I guess that's just a personal thing though. A tad cliche, but hey, you got potential. A lot of people struggle with wrapping things up. Decent job. Soooooooo... yea...
921976
I just got a proof reader around a week after i posted this, and i can't tell you how much nicer it is having someone look over your shoulder. This was my first, and i have to say, i think i'm getting better. my most recent stuff, mostly not posted, i think is doing a bit better. i have started writing differently from this one, so it flows a bit better.
either way, thanks for reading.
no offense or anything but that was the most rushed relationship ive ever seen.
I like the story though, character has my namesake.
all i have to say is...
1346795
I completely agree. I haven't been writing much recently, but I am trying to slow my plot more. as it was my first fic i ever wrote, its not surprising it didn't turn out perfect, but I thought I would put it up so at the very least i could maybe get some feedback.
Its was a pretty good fanfic the only thing I have to say about it that alex and dash love went to fast but your probably think the same but still good keep it up