Ace Pilots Plus an Indestructible FA-18 Hornet

Twilight_the_spy #1 · May 3rd, 2017 · 1 · · Hey! Where'd they go! ·

Potential.
This story has it.

Also, really you are good with spelling mistakes (didn't catch any), but grammar is something you should work on.
(If I were on a computer I would quote, but phone is too hard to quote).
Basically the thing I noticed the most was accidental repetition.
Example: you write;
They jumped off a cliff, holding onto their guns, as the jumped off the cliff.
The second 'as they jumped off a cliff' is redundant, as it's already stated (of course this isn't a quote from the story, but an example).
Also, pace it too. Really think hard about every scene. What's noticable in the background (not meaning everything, but are people moving about? Are they invisible?) This is just mostly filler to make the story look longer and better. But don't overdo it, too much filler and your story just basically becomes the ramblings of a writer.
I like the dialogue for the characters, except for the first contact portion. I know if it were me -- even with years of training -- I would probably going a little bit insane. I would definitely not be able to keep my cool (though this might be my brony bias as well).
But overall, it is a good story and I do like it so far. I have seen many military in equestria stories, but most of them get canceled for some reason (and they're usually good too so Idk why). I hope this story is updated often.
Have a great day/night/whateveryouaredoing

Kastrinn

Kastrinn #2 · May 3rd, 2017 · · · Hey! Where'd they go! ·

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8137140 Hey, thanks for the pointers! I will say for the first contact scene I was going to have Jamison try to shoot himself, but it felt too dark in my opinion. But I'll see what I can do to spice up that scene later on. And again, thanks for the pointers!

TheRetiredToast

TheRetiredToast #3 · May 3rd, 2017 · 2 · · Hey! Where'd they go! ·

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Alex said, noting that they looked "like" Su-24's.

To me it doesn't sound right without like added in.
In other news i'm enjoying the story
i.imgur.com/Aws2q6D.gif

Twilight_the_spy

Twilight_the_spy #4 · May 12th, 2017 · 1 · · Where the Norm stops here ·

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Lol.
The griffins think they are smart attacking a base with a single airship...
RIP.
Also, arrows would actually do a lot more damage than you say they would...
...They would scratch the paint off, and that would ruin EVERYTHING.

Anyways, watch out for repetition again (Slowly the airship began to move slowly) and that ellipseseseseseses are only 3 periods (... rather than .... or ...........). For some reason everyone thinks that the more dots you put in, the longer the wait is between phrases/sentences/etc. In reality though, if you need something that requires a longer pause than an ellipsis provides, you should simply write something like "'Blablabla,' X paused for a moment/long moment/month/year/decade, then continued, 'blablabla.'"

Also, I am liking the way this is turning out, although it is paced a little bit fast.
(
Why did they attack with a force of one ship?
If this was as big of a base as the griffins had made it sound like, how come the ponies had such poor scouting capabilities that they didn't spot a giant balloon and a boat in the sky? Especially considering that if this base was near ponyville, anybody in canterlot would probably see the airship and intervene.
)

Kastrinn

Kastrinn #5 · May 12th, 2017 · · · Where the Norm stops here ·

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8157620 The real intention for one ship was to try show how much strength the griffin empire has in technology, or airships. I tried to make it seem to be a ominous airship, with a fearless leader with its command. And thanks for those catches!

Twilight_the_spy

Twilight_the_spy #6 · May 12th, 2017 · · · Where the Norm stops here ·

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8157989
Ah.
Well if that's the case, the griffins were horribly humiliated if that was their best technology.
I almost feel bad for them.

Kastrinn

Kastrinn #7 · May 12th, 2017 · 1 · · Where the Norm stops here ·

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8157991 Well they didn't expect to face off against an FA-18. Looks like there's a change of plans.

Gotland

Gotland #8 · Jun 3rd, 2017 · · · Changing of the Tides ·

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Hestia, goddess of the hearth? Blame percy jackson for my knowledge

Kastrinn

Kastrinn #9 · Jun 3rd, 2017 · · · Changing of the Tides ·

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8207282 Huh, I didn't think of that. I was torn between that or Bird Person from rick and morty, though. Luckily I feel like I had made the right choice. Lol.

Twilight_the_spy

Twilight_the_spy #10 · Jun 7th, 2017 · 1 · · Changing of the Tides ·

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Hey, I don't have an update schedule either!
My last update was last year!
Lol.
I'm actually updating tomorrow or Thursday though, so there's that.

Anyways...
Watch repetitiveness, at the very start was a case of repetitiveness (you see what I did there :)). I find giving my story a couple read-throughs before sending it off works rather well to find out the small spelling errors, or to just fix sentences that sound weird.

Bigguy