Celestia's council is not happy about how Celestia has decided to let Luna stay in Equestria, fearing that Nightmare Moon might return! So one of its chairmans takes action and it is not for the better. This story takes place a short while after the first two episodes. Luna is having problems fitting in and is being hated by almost everypony and Twilight is still very new at the whole friendship thing.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This looks pretty good.
Tracking
for being dyslexic and English being your second language this was very well done only thing is that you got about 3 wordings wrong (ex: Gram of salt, it's actually grain of salt but close enough)
4.5 for you
54393
Thank you kindly :3
54398
A grain of salt? Huh... I wonder if I'm also saying it incorrectly in danish then... I always say 'et gram salt' aka 'a gram of salt' xD
But thanks for letting me know! I'll go fix that right away!
Grammar was better than I expected for a second language, but there's always room for improvement.
Just a little note, the word "solar" basically means "determined by the sun, or perhaps something that happens because of the sun."
I'd use "sun princess" instead of "solar princess" to describe Celestia.
The grammar didn't really bug me, but Celestia's character did. Sorry, but I really don't think you have her character nailed down. She basically says "as long as my sister is treated with kindness and love she will not become Nightmare Moon."
In the anime Celestia is much less direct. If there's anything she seems to value in her kingdom, then it is free will that she values. I can picture her trying to get the council to sympathize with Luna than to accidentally "blackmail" the council. (Be nice to Luna or she will become Nightmare Moon)
55790
About the solar thing: Does that also implies with lunar then?
About Celestia's personality: I know I'm not getting her right and that's done on purpose because I really dislike how she is in the show. So to be fairly honest with you; I can't stand her personality in MLP, which is why I change it to my liking (which also can be seen in my other story where she's more of a troll).
Well, I know she loves all her subjects equally, but she has a 1000 years on her back where has felt nothing but guilt and sadness over the whole thing with banishing Luna to the moon. So its on purpose that I made it so she would favor her sister over her subjects, even if she knows she isn't suppose too. She's still a little emotionally unstable just getting her sister back but as soon as she did almost everypony fight against her. If pushed enough she would probably abandon Equestria at her current state of mind. But the idea wasn't that she was suppose to blackmail em, she just lost herself (which I know is not very Celestia-like but again, this version of Celestia is a lot more tormented than the one of the show (which accentually makes this story a lot more realistic than the show itself).
I hope this helped a bit to sort things out :) And also thanks a lot for the comment, it is always appreciated! <3
PS. This is a older fic which I made before my other written work, so there might be a few things that would have been different if I had written it now. The next chapter will probably feel a bit out of place I can imagine as my skills have improved a little since I stared this one.
wasnt that bad bro!
61276
Thank you kindly, but when I get back to this story I'll fix a few things in chapter 1 and 2 as I've got a better idea now with the story in the long run.
61940
can't wait
Sorry guys, but I’m going to cancel this story.
Please click here to read my blog for more info.