There is a reason why Equestria was able to defeat all monsters and demons that came to invade it. Because of the Angels. Everytime Equestria was in danger an Angel fell from the sky and helped them. This time has come again. The fall of Angels has begun.
Teen because of the fighting scenes and some mild language.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Lot of potential, i Like it!
Hm, not exactly that long, but interesting enough to hold my attention; tracking.
Okay, while I do like this story, there are a few problems:
First of all, tenses. You tend to get them very mixed up, but luckily that didn't happen in this chapter.
Next of all, grammar. At a few points the words don't fit together, or just not as well as they could. For example:
This could be written as:
The book contained what rights angels were entitled to while in her kingdom, and also a little about their history.
A little different, but easier to read.
Now, another point it your use of apostrophes. A few times you left them out, like so:
Apostrophe between the L and S in the word Angel.
Last but not least, make sure that your spacing is correct. A couple of times I noticed that you added an extra space, or left one out, an example being the word 'milleniums,' which in itself is another mistake (should be millennia). Have a look at some of my fics, you could get some idea of the grammar needed in a fic.
But apart from that, great story, and I expect more badassery. Thumbs up and fav.
WHOOSH!
-Jorofrarie, TWE Critic
a bit faced paced and could use some detail, but overall, not bad.