This Chapter is the Start
It was dawn.
Gilda had few positive traits. She admitted that freely. But one she had firmly was that she woke early - a trait she’d nursed since the counselors poured icey water on her for sleeping in at Junior Speedsters Camp.
If it was dawn, there were several certainties. Gilda slowly stood up and stretched, tossing her blanket back onto her small bedding and pacing around her cave for a few moments. She extended her wings a few times, feeling the blood pour back in and the feathers ruffle. At the same time, she started predicting the certain events.
Idiots in three....two...one....
Strolling into the main cavern of the cliffside cave complex she lived in she saw three canine forms running up the stairs from their far-more-subterranean home. Rover, the leader of the Diamond Dogs, skidded to a halt as he saw her. Fido, the large one, didn’t notice in time and went barreling over Rover, who in turn knocked over the diminuitive spot. They tumbled and twirled across the cavern - Gilda had long since removed the kitchenette, sofa, fridge, and lamp from their normal path of destruction - until they struck the far wall in unison, their heads connecting first and sounding like a trio of coconuts.
Heh, that sound. she thought, smirking despite herself. Slapstick wasn’t her genre, but the Diamond Dogs annoyed her enough that seeing them hurt was always fun. However, the sound they made would inevitablly bring -
“ The Great And Powerful Trixie demands you keep it quiet down there!” shouted a pissy ponies voice from the cave above. The ledge above the living area housed the door to her grotto, but she had emerged, wearing a ruffled sleeping cape and blinders.
Gilda had asked why she slept in blinders once - she knew most ponies didn’t like blinders unless they were into some serious bridle action. Trixie had answered in her most grandiose - and normal - of tones that she absolutely couldn’t sleep without a light on, but any light kept her awake.
That had been the last time that Gilda had tried figuring the pony out.
“ Shut up!” rasped Rover, getting to his feet. “ You make more noise then we do!”
“ Hello beer.” said Gilda, having walked over to the kitchenette and opened the fridge. She withdrew a can of the local brew - she wasn’t going to drink any mass-produced slop, so she always went to microbreweries, even if that meant she had to deal with those ridiculous Apple ponies - and a half-eaten squirrel, her dinner from last night. “ How are you this morning, beer?” she asked, setting the squirrel down on the table and opening the can.
Answer - the beer was wet and alcoholic, all she needed to know.
“ Eew!” screeched Rover, noting the squirrel. “ Use a plate!”
“....it’s my table.” said Gilda flatly, taking another sip and staring the dog down.
“....but thats gross.” said the deep voice of Fido, taking his flanking-position on the right of Rover.
“ And unsanitary!” chimed in Spot, who’d taken his spot on the left.
Gilda just took another sip of her beer. Life in the Everfree Forest had become predictable ever since she’d rented out parts of her cave to these losers. But, the morning was just not complete yet. The Diamond Dogs were bitching about her table-manners, Trixie was bitching about the Diamond Dogs, and now, Gilda braced herself for the biggest bitch of all.
“ Gooooood morning neighbors~!” came a singsong voice as a familiar purple serpent snaked in, his moustache in curlers and holding a plate of still-steaming-yet-moss-covered muffins. “ And how are you all doing today, dears?”
Steven Magnet, their gay neighbor dragon, had the second-worst concept of personal space in the world. The second worst morning breath. And the second worst cheery morning personality.
“ Could be better.” said Gilda, accepting one of his daily breakfast items as the serpent cackled and prattled, chatting away with Diamond Dogs and Trixie. He got along with them famously - He’s seen a few loose rubies in the river near the big bend that morning and kept Trixie abreast of the latest developments on herb-growth along the riverside. The cavern was filled with the three idiots - the Diamond Dogs together formed about one functioning brain, so she rounded them together - talking. And talking. And talking. And talking.
Gilda collapsed face first into her squirrel.
“ I need a life.” she moaned, unheard by existence.
A quick bath and preening later Gilda was soaring over the Everfree forest. She caught an updraft and used it to coast as she passed over the ruins of old Canterlot and patches of poison joke.
Fanning her wings wide - it’d look badass if someone below her looked up - Gilda set to thinking. She needed a life. That was a big thing - and previous attempts to build social activity had failed. Primarily the Rainbow Dash incident, which she was still pissed over, but other attempts had crashed and burned. As she considered what angle to take this time, she kneaded her paws - they were growing cold.
She then hit a near-invisible wall of freezing gale, requiring several seconds of squawking and furious, dorky flapping to recover. Oh, yeah, winter starts in a week. she thought to herself, diverting her path lower. She saw a pair of pegasi on a distant cloud, looking over a map and arguing over something. They were likely moving the cold air somewhere so they could have the first snow of the season and cold winds available at the drop of a hat.
Running a clawed paw over her headfeathers, she decided she could use a hat. She’d been warm enough last year, but she’d preened her feathers shorter this year. A little extra heat wouldn’t be amiss - and while she was at it, gloves. Glancing at her paw she saw the skin was getting a little chapped by the cold - and her claws were her life. She could eat birdseed, but she only did that when socializing with ponies. She was a carnivore and one of the Everfree Forests apex predators and proud of it.
But where in the forest could she get a hat and gloves?
The answer - nowhere. There was a solution, though. Ponyville. It was a decent flight away from where she was, but that wasn’t what was keeping her. Gilda did not like the little town - Manehattan was much farther and was a lot more urbane, but she perfered the trip and discomfort over awkwardness. She hadn’t made herself a likeable griffon while in Ponyville on her one visit.
But, it would be stupid to go all the way to Manehattan for gloves and a hat.
Steeling herself, Gilda set her course for Ponyville.
The little earth pony town pissed Gilda off the moment she saw it. The small little buildings, the quaint little shops, the TREE LIBRARY. It was like a storybook and within sight of Canterlot - she was almost sure it was some sort of model village the Princess played with like a cub with toys. But, it was her destination. Spying the landing strip at the edge of town, she chose to buzz it and ruffle the flight-coordination pegasus before zooming into town.
Landing on all fours, she slowly drew her wings back in and looked around. There were a number of surprised looking ponies around - as well as three impressed looking fillies - but nobody, scratch that, nopony she knew.
“ Hey, where’s the clothes store?” she asked, trying to keep it civil yet sound aloof.
“ Oh! Oh!” one of the little fillies, a white unicorn, ran up. “ I know! I know! My sister runs it!”
“.......and where is it?” asked Gilda, letting out a sigh and flicking her tail impatiently.
“ I-I’ll lead you!” said the filly, growing excited. Gilda followed after the charing foal at a medium-brisk pace - the little pony was running for all she was worth, but her stubby little legs just didn’t carry her very far. The walk though town was awkward - gawking ponies of every variety watched and the fillies friends followed on a scooter - but Gilda shook it off. Her coolness might have been taking a hit, but she was here for a reason.
“ Here it is! The Carousel Boutique!” said the little filly, prancing about infront of the business. Gilda’s brow raised as she looked at the frilly looking store. She’d heard of it before, though she couldn’t remember from where. It was supposed to be one of the best clothing stores in the region, though.
“ Thanks.” said Gilda, walking past the foolish foal.
“ An’ tell Rarity that Sweetie Bell brought you here!”
Gilda froze as the filly rejoined her friends and scooted off. Now she knew exactly how she knew of the store - Rainbow Dash had told her about it. Rarity was one of her close friends - one of the ones that Gilda hadn’t gotten the chance to meet at that accursed party - but she’d undoubtably be as sore with Gilda as Dash was - pony mares tended to have a great deal of loyalty to their friends.
Bracing herself, Gilda drew her small purse out from the fold in her feathers she kept it in and gave it a shake. She could hear her bits jingle - bits were a universal language that bypassed all social barriers. And, renting out room to four tenants, she collected quite a few.
She could do this. She just had to seem affluent and the mare would forget all about Rainbow Dash.
“ Hello?” she asked, pushing her way inside the shop. Inside the air turned to perfumes and incenses. The shop was covered in pony mannequins with partially completed dresses and suits, stacks of well-organized hatboxes and rolls of pristine fabric stood like proud soldiers. As she shut the door, a bell above it jingles.
“ Oh, welcome!” said a voice from the next room. A unicorn - a older copy of Sweetie Bell, really - walked in, levitating a roll of ribbon and pair of glasses with her. “ Welcome to the Carousel Boutique!”
“ Uh, hi.” said Gilda.
“ Oh, a griffon!” said Rarity, avoiding gawking at her like other ponies but still seeming to light up at the exoticness. “ We don’t get too many of you in town! What can I do for you?”
“ I was hoping to buy some gloves.”
The unicorn blinked and stared at Gilda for several seconds.
“ I-I’m sorry, what is a glove?” asked the unicorn gingerly, setting down her things and walking over. She gestured to several floor-pillows, offering GIlda a seat.
“ You know, things to keep your paws - dangit.” Gilda stopped and but a paw over her face to hide the slight blush. “ Sorry, I forgot. Ponies have hooves.”
“....oh!” Rarities eyes lit up as she realized what Gilda was talking about. “ Oh, things to cover your claws when it gets cold! I’ve read about them in a fashion magazine - apparently a griffon designer in Manehattan included them in a show, but I’ve never even seen one myself!”
Perfect. thought Gilda, rolling her eyes. “ I guess I’ll go to Manehattan, then.”
“...I’m sorry, sir, but you won’t be able to pick up clothing for a fashion show very easily.” said Rarity with an apologetic smile, apparently missing the bloodshot eyes that Gilda got at being called “sir”. “ But, I could certaintly try to make a set!”
“....thanks, dude.” said Gilda with a scowl, striking back across the gender barrier. Rarity gave a smile and pranced towards a worktable, taking no notice of the slight. But then, she did say "dude" a lot - the pony might have just thought all griffons talked that way. They might think griffons just talk like that.
Putting it out of her mind, she allowed Rarity to measure her claws and play with them a little. It tickled when the unicorn’s magic touched her claws, but Gilda repressed the laugh. Rarity was at first confused, then enraptured by the movements of Gilda’s fingers. She’d wanted to see fists and pinkie extentions, feel the movements of muscles in the thumb and palm, and had gasped in amazement as Gilda did what no pony could ever do and turned her wrist.
Gilda had at first thought Rarity was being playful, but soon realized she was taking careful measurements and making many notes. It eventually came to an end as Rarity scratched something on a piece of parchament.
“ And all you needed today was one set of gloves?” asked Rarity, smiling at Gilda. That look made Gilda uneasy - it was either the greedy merchants smirk or the smile of a prankster about to finish something epic.
“ Uh, I kinda wanted a winter hat too. Maybe a scarf.”
“....sounds to me like you should consider learning how to knit!” said Rarity with a cocked eyebrow. “ I’m not one to kill a sale, but you could save yourself quite a few bits making them yourself.”
“ Uh, never tried anything like that.” said Gilda awkwardly.
“ Oh, but my apologies!” said Rarity, here face screwing up in horror. “ I’m sorry, I should have realized that you can’t knit with a beak!”
Gilda blinked and stared at Rarity for several seconds.
“....why would I use my beak?” asked Gilda, confused. She then remembered Junior Flyers Camp - when Dash had to write something, she had to hold the pen in her mouth. Unicorns could levitate things, but earth ponies and pegasus needed to use their mouths. “ Oh, I get it. Uh, I could just use my paws.”
“....you could?” said Rarity, sounding doubtful as she looked at the taloned fingers. “ I’m not sure you’d have the dexterity needed to-”
“ Thats it.” said Gilda, growing frustrated. “ I’ve shown ponies before - anything you can do by hoof, mouth, and magic I can do easier with my paws - knitting included. Just sell me the yarn and....whatever other stuff I need..”
“....I have a better idea than just selling you supplies..” said Rarity, tossing her mane and looking thoughtful. “ I happen to know that the local library is going to start a class on the basics of knitting in a few days. It wouldn’t cost much and they’ll be able to teach you how to do it properly.”
“....fine.” said Gilda, calming herself back down.
“ But you will need supplies and I do sell those!” said Rarity with a smile. “ Tell me, sir, what colors of yarns would you like?”
“....purple.” said Gilda, tapping her claws to one of the carefully-died ends of her headfeathers. “ And i’m a chick.”
“....a....what?”
“ A mare.” sighed Gilda.
Twenty minutes later Gilda let the store, the still embarrassed Rarity stammering apologies. Gilda took off, her purse stored in the bag of knitting supplies. Rarity had given her a discount on the yarn, so Gilda had also picked up blood-red and Nightmare black, her favorite colors after purple. As she soared away from Ponyville, she wasn’t sure if the day had gone like she wanted - after all, she’d wanted clothes, not the things to make clothes.
But she didn’t have anything else to do for the rest of her life, so a short little hobby couldn’t hurt.
=============
“ And I was so embarrassed!” said a distraught Rarity, nearly sobbing into her salad. She, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy had met for dinner, the perfect time for Rarity to vent. “ I’d been calling her ‘sir” over and over - ooh, I’m sure she’ll never come back. I hate to lose customers over something so simple!”
“ H-how do you tell the difference?” asked Fluttershy, looking to Rainbow Dash. “ You’ve known a few griffons, right?”
“ Heh, yeah.” said Rainbow Dash awkwardly. “ Well, first thing, check the flank - “
Fluttershy blushed immediatly.
“ That’ll pretty much tell ya.” said Rainbow Dash with an awkward chuckle. “ But after that, griffon chicks - thats their term for mare - have smaller beaks and lighter builds. Uh, but if you don’t have others to compare...well, check the dye-color.”
“ Oh, the color of the dye on their feathers means something?” asked Rarity, growing interested.
“ Yeah - it’s kinda a fashion thing with them.” explained Rainbow Dash. “ Purple, pink, yellow, the kind of colors you’d see in a flower - thats a chick. Red, black, blue, thats a cock - “
Fluttershy eeped, losing a bite of hayfries.
“ -which is their term for stallion.” said Rainbow Dash, chuckling nervously. “ Heh, kinda awkward, right?”
“....A bit.” said Rarity, swirling her drink magically before taking a sip. “ So, she’ll be attending Twilight’s knitting class. I should go and apologize.”
“ It wasn’t Gilda, was it?” asked Rainbow Dash gingerly. “ I mean, if it was, thats...uh...not a huge problem, but-”
“ Please, dear.” said Rarity, rolling her eyes. “ I might have made a little mistake on the ‘inseam’, but I wouldn’t miss something like that. Gilda was a brute - this griffon was polite enough and mostly patient.”
“ Pffew.” said Rainbow Dash, sitting back and relaxing. “ I’m still pretty mad about the party, so I don’t want to see her.”
“...it was her.” said Fluttershy, unheard by the world.
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DAT INTRO!!!!
Steven Magnet is their gay neighbor?? dude, this is comedic GOLD!!!! i didnt stop cracking up til after Gilda left her house. freaking awesome. :D
one thing tho... Gilda saw two pegasus? its pegasi. but you STILL FREAKING ROCK!!!!
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
My Big Griffon-Knitting is Dexterous.
Loving it so far, you obviously know how to write. There are few to no grammatical errors and the story you have crafted is interesting and engaging. From the bad-sitcom setup of the cave, to the discussion of Chicks, Cocks and Gilda not being Gilda, your ideas are unique and refreshing.
So far so good, and I eagerly await the next installment.
45326
Hay, tanks 4 katching mi tipo.
Seriously, thanks. I'll get that fixed right away. But yeah, that intro. Thats one of the best things I've ever imagined.
45326
Hay, tanks 4 katching mi tipo.
Seriously, thanks. I'll get that fixed right away. But yeah, that intro. Thats one of the best things I've ever imagined.
45331
"My Big Griffon" and "Knitting is Dexterous" UH OH GOD YES. CAN I USE THAT AS CHAPTER TITLES? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
wow love the story it really made my night.....looks over at the clock
ok it made my morning
If you're gonna keep Gilda a raging bitch than at least give her plenty of comic relief to play off of and that sir or madam is exactly what you did. I love the diamond dogs being combination of neat freaks and the three stooges. I like how Trixie is being Trixie and Steve the sea serpent is being a raging gay stereotype. This is like the best sitcom ever. It's like That 70's Show meets Laverne and Shirley meets How I Meet Your Mother. Just stupid, well written fun.
Peace Out.
Can we have MOAR?
45366
Knitting is a calming hobby. Being a raging bitch it not a calm hobby. They will collide humorously. Also, there will be plenty of comedy.
45385
Everyone but you can. (joking)
Give me more Gilda!
Great job, now give me more Gilda.
No problem!
I finally made an account on this website. 'Bout time, I say. All the better to track you with.
On a more relevant note, I feel that this was a great start, and I do look forward to more. Please let there be more. I ever so humbly beseech thee. Keep up the good work.
45544
Sweet baby dragons, I've been on the site for less than a day and I caused someone to join? Feels mustache, man.
45645
Spike i thought i removed that spell from you
Oh, yes! This is hilarious!
Wow, I love this story. Steve Magnet dropping by to chat, Trixie not sleeping without a light on but unable to sleep if there's light, and Gilda being called "sir" . . . PRICELESS.
Ahem...
this is bucking hilarious!!!
All my Spike-staches... I only have 3 at the moment, new ones arrive tomorrow.
You know, I remember enjoying this story enough that I felt it was worth re-reading during a slow patch after a long time. However, one thing that stands out now is that you keep using the word 'paws' for what seem to be Gilda's claws. Her eagle claws. Eagles do not have paws. They have claws, talons, feet, but not paws. Griffons do have paws, but only on the hind feet. And I don't think you'd call clothes for those gloves so much as shoes.