Guizhou Fa
As the next couple of days passed by, Thorax continued to remain on guard for any new attempts of someone attempting to forcibly gain entrance to his mental scape. Despite his lingering fears it would happen again, there were no signs of any renewed attempts of such a feat during that time. This meant either one of two possibilities. One was that Spike was correct, and that whoever it was that had tried to force a mental link with Thorax learned from the experience and chose not to repeat the stunt, probably in fear of getting caught themselves if they did. The other was that the intruder had learned from the experience in other ways, and was still plotting and preparing to try it again…or had already tried it again and this time Thorax had failed to notice. In which case, Thorax couldn’t be sure if even his thoughts were still secure and safe, and if this mental intruder had already gotten vital information that could endanger either him or Spike in any way, and had no idea if he should act accordingly or not, or if doing so would even help at this point.
Waiting and seeing was really the only option he could think of left to him, and he hated it. Nor did it help his growing paranoia on the subject. This then largely brought about him trying to be alert enough to catch any future intrusions to his mental scape at bedtime, but in reality he only seemed to be preventing himself from sleeping as deeply as normal. This wasn’t helped by the fact that Thorax, in these attempts, was continually waking himself up over false alarms in which he thought he sensed the start of an intrusion, but upon closer examination realized it was quite obviously not. Spike, who Thorax woke for the first few of these false alarms, was usually pretty quick to prove as such and soothe Thorax’s fears. That is until after about the fourth or fifth false alarm in which Thorax’s attempts to wake Spike were returned with a death glare to end all death glares from the exhausted dragon. Thorax decided after that point to keep it to himself unless he was absolutely certain there was real cause for alarm.
And no such instance seemed to be coming, to the point that even Thorax started to wonder if his nervousness over the matter was starting to become a little ridiculous too. Regardless, he found he couldn’t calm his nerves about the matter, and remained on edge…especially at night. It got to the point that it was getting hard for him to go to sleep in the first place, nervous as he was. Inevitably he’d succeed, only to be wakened again by a false alarm and struggle getting back to sleep again. After one such false alarm about an hour before sunrise, Thorax found he couldn’t get back to sleep, and instead laid in his sleeping nest, staring at the opposite wall and letting his mind wander. As the sun rose, he watched the first rays of sunlight peek through a crack in the drapes behind Spike’s sleeping form and then slowly inch across the floor, before finally deciding there was no point in denying it; he wasn’t going to get back to sleep now so he might as well get up and get on with the day.
As he was arising earlier in the morning than was normal for either him or Spike, Thorax proceeded to stand up, put on his usual disguise as Thornton, and slip out of the room while being careful not to disturb Spike. Once out of the room, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do next. He was thinking of heading on down into the shop and wandering about, possibly getting a head start on the day’s work that would be following in another hour or so. But as he crossed the hallway towards the stairs, he paused when he heard movement nearby, and glanced further down the hall where Fly Leaf’s room was and saw the door was open and ajar, wide enough that he could see the early morning light from the window within spilling into the hallway. Hearing the faint shuffle of movement again, he realized Fly was already up.
This wasn’t especially unusual; both Spike and Thorax were well aware that Fly was an early riser and was usually up and about well before either of them were, something which had never been a problem for either of them. In fact, Thorax never really thought much about it, but now he wondered just what it was that Fly Leaf got up so early in the morning to do. He assumed preparing breakfast was among them, as usually Fly had a hot meal prepared not long after Spike and Thorax woke up, but it was still early enough that Fly probably wouldn’t be starting that yet, possibly not even for another hour. So if she got up earlier than she needed to even do that…what else was she doing so early in the morning?
Against his better judgment then and his curiosity sparked, Thorax started to inch his way towards the open door of Fly’s room in hopes of finding out. It did occur to him that he shouldn’t be snooping around; Fly didn’t do as such for Spike and Thorax and they had been returning that unspoken favor by giving her the same courtesy and not prying into her own private affairs, not that she seemed to have many. Fly was a very independent mare and seemed to live a routine life by choice. She ran her shop, kept herself fed, occasionally went out to run errands or visit friends, but otherwise she didn’t seem too interested in engaging in many extracurricular activities. With that in mind, Thorax figured he probably wouldn’t find Fly doing anything special at all then.
He paused as he came to stand beside the door, almost in position to take a quick peek. Or I could find her doing something private, he thought to himself. It was, after all, Fly’s personal bedroom. He hadn’t even seen inside it before. For all he knew, he could find her…indecent…at present time, and that wouldn’t do. But he heard her shift positions again and saw the shadow of her hoof briefly fly across what little of the wall inside that Thorax could see from here, suggesting she was up and standing not far from the door. He could also hear her breathing, calm, relaxed, and drawn out. As such, she wasn’t putting off any noteworthy emotions that Thorax could detect other than a sense of peace and focus. It seemed she was concentrating on something, but beyond that Thorax couldn’t deduce much else.
He still hesitated for another moment, thinking he shouldn’t do it, but eventually his curiosity won out and at last Thorax poked his head into the gap of the open door. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find Fly Leaf doing, but he was momentarily mystified by what he found. Sitting in the light from her window and directly in front of the modest oak-frame bed, the pumpkin-orange mare sat on the floor slowly twisting her torso and hooves about in a rhythmical, methodical, and almost memorizing manner. There was a deliberate and rather artistic manner to it that showed Fly knew what she was doing—and was well practiced at whatever it was—but Thorax didn’t recognize it, and found himself tilting his head and quietly watching Fly’s mysterious movements for a few moments, studying them. He was soon engrossed to the point that he forgot he was basically spying.
Fortunately, Fly brought him back to reality. “You’re up early, Thornton,” she noted aloud, without once turning her head or eyes to look at him or even at his general direction and instead kept looking straight ahead.
It surprised Thorax, unsure how she managed to notice him then, and he pulled back slightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude…” he began to apologize quickly.
“No, no, you’re not intruding,” Fly assured as she continued with her movements without interruption. “I’m not doing anything special. C’mon in if you want.”
Thorax blinked then relented, nudging the door open a bit further and slipping into the room. As it was the first time he had ever been in Fly’s room before, he couldn’t help but take a moment to glance around. In shape, the room was largely similar in shape and structure to his and Spike’s, but was overall shorter in length and lacked the attached bathroom. Against the wall the door and Thorax stood in was a wardrobe to his immediate right, followed by a duo of well-stocked bookcases. The opposite wall bore the slanted ceiling, window, and a window seat identical to the one in his and Spike’s room, but due to the shorter length of the room, the window sat off-center and towards the left of the wall. To the right of the window sat a simple chest of drawers. Fly’s bed was the most central feature, positioned so it sat towards the center of the room but with its headboard still against the far wall. Next to it was a small bed stand with a lamp, alarm clock, and a family picture placed atop it.
At the foot of the bed was an unmarked and inexpensive footlocker with an extra blanket folded neatly on top of it. Across from it against the other wall was another bookcase stand, but this one was much stouter, being wider than it was tall, and was more loosely filled than the other two bookcases in the room. Atop of it was a record player of Fly Leaf’s own, with a smattering of mane and tail care tools lying next to it. Hung on the wall above it were a calendar and an oval-shaped mirror. Fly Leaf happened to be in the gap of space between the footlocker and the bookcase stand, sitting atop a small oval rug colored in bands of alternating shades of tan and turned so her face was reflected back in the mirror hung on the wall, and continued doing the odd movements with her hooves and torso.
Thorax watched her for another second, determining that the movements were probably a series of stretches, but beyond that, he still wasn’t certain what it was. “If I may ask,” he began finally to settle his curiosity, “what is it that you’re doing?”
His employer grinned. “Guizhou fa,” she replied simply.
Thorax arched an eyebrow. “Guizhou fa?” he repeated, uncertain, not recognizing the words, though it sounded like it might be from one of the eastern languages that Thorax knew little about.
Fly confirmed that hunch as she continued to explain. “It’s a martial art originally practiced by the Guizhou ponies from the far east,” she said, still smiling as she continued to move her hooves and body gracefully about. “It’s a passive-aggressive sort of series of meditative and defensive exercises, and when done right can be very calming and relaxing, double as an effective means of self-defense, and is overall good exercise.”
“Oh,” Thorax said, tilting his head again as he continued to watch Fly carry out the exercises without interruption. He frowned at the slow and fluid motions. “How are such motions used for self-defense, though? They seem too…” he trailed off searching for the right word that didn’t also sound unappreciative.
“…sluggish?” Fly offered anyway with a knowing grin before spreading her forehooves out in a wide stretch. “That’s actually part of the point, but these exercises I’m doing at the moment are meant to be more meditative anyway…a warm up, if you will.”
“Meditative,” Thorax repeated distractedly as he continued to watch Fly. The slow and gentle motions did seem like they would be…pensive and relaxing.
“I take it this interests you then,” Fly continued as she grabbed one of her hind hooves with her forehooves, arching her back as she gently stretched.
Thorax nodded. “I know of something loosely similar that was taught back home,” he said. A sort of changeling version of the martial art—if you could call the purely combative training that—was taught to one of his clutchmates who then went on to become one of the queen’s private guard of centurions. “I never learned it myself, though.”
“Hm,” Fly hummed as she switched to stretching her other pair of hooves. “So now if I may ask…why are you up so early, Thornton? Usually I have the whole building to myself at this hour in the morning.”
Thorax frowned and made a noncommittal shrug. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” he admitted.
“Oh? Any particular reason why?”
Thorax again just shrugged, knowing he couldn’t get into detail about why and chose to sum it up with one phrase. “Just been feeling kind of tense the past few days.” He watched Fly exercise longingly. “Makes me wish I knew a few of those meditative exercises myself…I suppose it could only help me relax at least a little.”
For the first time, Fly paused in the middle of one of the martial art’s motions and turned her head to look at Thorax. “I could teach you a few if you’d like,” she offered suddenly.
Thorax perked up at this, not actually expecting her to offer. “Really?”
“Sure!” She patted the empty spot on the floor beside her. “Have a seat.”
As Thorax sat himself down beside her, Fly appeared to abort her current move with a waving motion of her hooves before resetting at the beginning. From there, she leisurely started off with a few basic moves, coaching Thorax while the disguised changeling attempted to mimic them. It took a few false starts, but gradually Thorax started to catch on to the nature and pattern to the motions. He was quick to notice that the stretches did feel good on his joints, and could see how the exercises would be soothing and meditative.
But just from watching Fly coaching him and her own doing of the motions he could tell there was far more than just that. “You seem to be very practiced at this,” he observed aloud to the earth pony.
Fly nodded, pausing to correct Thorax’s positioning a little. “I started learning guizhou fa when I signed up for a class in my early teens back in Tall Tale,” she explained. “I’ve kept practicing it ever since, especially in the mornings such as this. I’ve found it’s a good way to start your day.”
“I’ll bet,” Thorax chuckled with a grin. He shook himself after completing one stretch that comfortably popped his back. “I’m already starting to feel the benefits.”
Fly grinned herself. “Funnily enough though, that wasn’t why I first started taking the class,” she admitted as they moved on to the next move. “Like I said before, guizhou fa is also a defensive art—something one can use to adequately protect themselves if threatened. I had figured it wouldn’t hurt to have knowledge like that on hoof in case such a need ever arose.”
Thorax glanced at her. “Has it?”
Fly’s grin only grew and she didn’t reply. “It makes me think of an argument my mother and I had over the matter once years ago,” she said instead, nudging Thorax to watch her as she settled into a new move. Thorax worked to imitate it. “Back when I was getting ready to leave my home in Tall Tale to come up here and set up my shop in Vanhoover, my mother was very leery of the idea of me going off on my own unprotected like that.” She chuckled knowingly. “You know how protective parents can be.”
“Uh-huh,” Thorax said, who didn’t really, but didn’t see a need to bring it up either.
“Anyway, she thought I wasn’t going to be able to stay safe against any threats that might come my way in Vanhoover, making it seem like Vanhoover was just crawling with ponies looking for unsuspecting and alone mares to take advantage of. In reality, she just didn’t want to face me moving out yet, so I think she was trying to do everything she could to get me to stay.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But I knew her argument didn’t hold much weight because I was, by then, quite experienced with guizhou fa and reminded her as such. She wasn’t convinced that was going to be enough though and we started arguing over whether or not guizhou fa would really provide enough protection. So finally, to prove that I really could defend myself, I flipped my dad over my head and pinned him.” Seeing the incredulous look Thorax gave her at this, she quickly added, “Onto the soft cushions of our living room couch, of course.” She then shrugged. “My mother wasn’t too happy about that naturally, but she conceded I had proven my point and that settled that.” She grinned mischievously. “Chapbook thought it was all hilarious. It’s become her favorite tale to relate at family reunions. That one time her big sister pinned our dad.”
Thorax laughed, but made an inward note to never get on Fly’s bad side regardless.
Soon Thorax had picked up enough moves to form a small routine, and the two began looping through the routine so to give Thorax additional practice. They were still at it when Spike arose later and, looking for them after getting dressed, found them going through the mystifying moves in near sync.
Spike tilted his head, confused. “What the hay are you two doing?” he asked aloud, alerting the two that he was now standing in the doorway. “Some sort of ballet?”
Fly chuckled. “It’s called guizhou fa,” she responded simply.
“…huh?”
Thorax glanced over at the dragon but was careful not break his concentration. “It’s a martial art, Spark,” he explained simply.
“…you mean like kung fu?”
Thorax blinked, and glanced at Fly for confirmation.
Fly shrugged, showing that there was a noteworthy difference between the two. “Well, same general idea, at least,” she admitted.
“Are you interested in joining us?” Thorax inquired as he and Fly continued on with the routine.
Spike frowned, appearing doubtful. “I don’t know, it doesn’t look like much, honestly,” he admitted. “It seems too…docile.”
Fly snorted at this. “What were you expecting, then?” she asked.
“I don’t know…something epic.” Spike shrugged casually. “I’d be more interested as soon as you two start doing moves where you can epically poleaxe a stallion with ease.”
Fly laughed, but there was a serious tone underlying it. “You mean like punch through walls and fell whole crowds of ninjas or whatever on your own,” she guessed.
“Yeah!” Spike said, nodding in approval.
Thorax winced and persisted with his routine. “I think I’ll just stick with the meditative exercises,” he stated.
“It’d defeat the point of guizhou fa anyway,” Fly explained as she did likewise. “It’s more a…peacekeeping…sort of combat style, with moves that are at most meant to be quick and sudden so to immobilize, stun, or disarm an opponent without giving them time to react and nothing more. It’s supposed to be as minimally violent and damaging as possible. You don’t go looking for fights with guizhou fa, you use it to prevent them from having to start in the first place.”
“Like I said then,” Spike summarized, feeling his point made. “Docile.”
Fly gazed heavenward and shook her head. “Go downstairs and put my big saucepan on to boil, Spark,” she instructed, looking to send the criticizing dragon away. “I’m thinking I’ll make us cream of wheat for breakfast today.”
Spike frowned. “You know I don’t like cream of wheat.”
Fly smirked. “Exactly.”
Spike rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine, fine, point made,” he groaned and walked off.
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...? I don't know what to say about this chapter. So...Thorax is going to learn that? Okay, that's different. I can't help but wonder if this will help them finally reveal themselves to Fly Leaf.
8105441
I dunno...I know that in canon ponies tend to judge books by their covers a lot, but they get over it pretty quickly. Here, though, everyone's being made to act like xenophobic a-holes for the sake of the plot. Honestly, when you have to twist characters to usher the plot along, it doesn't feel right.
Oh, it's like venusian aikido. Cool.
Okay chapter overall.
Thorax keeps learning these things that make him stronger, smarter, etc. He learned already-super-useful magic, he's learning defensive martial arts. He's proven he's clever, witty, is able to make friends with unexpected people...
In contrast... Spike's abilities that he brings to the table are... that he organizes stuff. And isn't unfamiliar with the world. And uh... makes up stories? Except he doesn't really have a creative spark so that seems more like a throw it in moment than a real motivation or passion for him. By contrast, Thorax is on a permanent quest of self-improvement.
The emotional arc for Spike is usually more compelling than Thorax, but Thorax is the person who's really growing from all this, and Spike seems to be locked in place.
I'm starting to feel like Thorax is gonna have to pretend to be Fly Leaf for a bit for god knows why.
8112025 Its a bit of a want of a nail situation. While yes, pony's have been shown, 'in show' to be generally accepting. They are also shown to be panic worthy and xenophobic even with another equine. Look at zecora. How well does it fare when the same folks are not anywhere near as equine looking? And theres personal stigma attached in that they attacked your home, your brother, and a deep childhood friend? Let alone the whole friends abandoning you moment there in?
It's not really that hard to disbelieve sparkle did what she did. And the others took her at her word for what happened. After all, she's steered them right so far?
So, I see a secound reason to this chapter besides letting Thorax get some sleep. It'll propably end with Fly beating him up upon discovery. He might however know how to counter her now.
8112061 You know, Spike is a dragon. Tough scales, magical fire, presumably some resistance against magic. I'd say he is the more destructive of the two, besides it's not a fighting story; they'll be using that skills to move through the land. Spike would be prevelant in distractions [set fire to an unoccupied building for example] while Thorax is the sneaking specialist. Also note that Thorax isn't as good at planning stuff out as Spike.
8112543
I understand what you mean, and Spike's been helpful but... I don't think that invalidates my complaint (observation? It was a bit of a complaint) that Thorax is showing a marked interest in self-improvement, and an admirable passionate sense of curiosity and Spike's been sorta going through the motions, doing the stuff he's always done.
I also don't really usually accept "I bet Spike's already great because naturally he's tough" as good reasoning. Not knowing how to use your 'natural' abilities means they are obviously still advantages, but doesn't make you actually tough or good with them.
And I hadn't noticed, but yes, Spike does seem to be better at planning.
8112791 I think my stance is 'Spike is good enough'. It's not a contest and Spike just wants to live a life. Also mind that Thorax spend his whole life in Changeling society and now he is bombarded with options to do something with his life. Spike already has most of education behind himself out of sheer fact of living alongside Twilight. He is more worried abaut plotting eventual escape routes instead of using his time to learn something that won't be a help at their escape.
Someone had to make the joke.
8112061 8112985
Dragon101k_pl has it nailed on the head here. There's no real plan to who learns what new skill when, I've just been assigning them to what I deem the most fitting character as they come up, at the speeds I feel necessary for that character. And that's okay. I would argue that even without these new skillsets Spike and Thorax are both growing in other ways too. Thorax is gradually becoming more confident of himself and his ability to make the right choices when faced with a dilemma and less likely to get caught up in crippling self-doubt like before. Spike, meanwhile, is becoming increasingly more independent, believing it is better that he looks after himself and his own affairs rather than accept the sheltered umbrella and direction of another like he generally did while under Twilight's care. And yes, as pointed out, their respective upbringings plays a role in it too, and I would like to add that Thorax grew up in the hive where everyone was always expected to pull their weight and share of the work continuously, where idle hooves were NOT accepted EVER. Meanwhile, Spike had his tasks and chores, but he also had the freedom of choosing how to use his spare time as he liked, and Spike's honestly not that physically active of a character. He doesn't seem to be into sports, he's not an especially big busy-body like Twilight and is usually the first to urge to take a break; his idea of a wild time is usually to sit back with some snacks and read comics. He's learned that he can't live life doing that now of course, and has risen to the challenge enough to carry out, but he still has his own personal tastes and interests that are unique to him. In the end, this is really just two very different characters going through life in their own unique and respective ways, and I think there's nothing wrong with that.
But I also don't want to deny that, yes, Spike is also gotten himself caught in a bit of a rut, in the sense he can't let go and move on. Unlike Thorax, who's largely accepted what happened and looks to get on with life, Spike, despite knowing he should, can't get past the events that brought him here and is still, in some ways, stuck in the past. And it is holding him back in various minor ways. The idea that this might also be hindering his development overall was not an intended outcome, but one that I can totally see being the case, so I see no reason to deny it. Which just leaves what has been one of the story's major sub-plots since the beginning; can Spike ever truly overcome the stumbling blocks of the past and look ahead to his future? Only time will tell.
On the subject of Spike's writing, I just want to make clear that Spike has plenty of ideas about what to the write...to the fact that he has too many and can't decide on just one to focus on, a problem I myself have faced as a writer and is something of a veiled criticism of myself. Spike will also prove to be private about his writing, not wanting to share it until he is certain it is ready for outsider review, and there's also the problem still of how he would pursue publishing any of it considering he's technically an outcast on the run and in hiding, as even with a pseudonym name, there's the risk the published work could be traced back to him...at least in Spike's mind (whether or not that's a genuine risk, I don't intend to explore in any great depth). And above all, he's still a beginner writer; there is something of a learning curve to overcome first, and sometimes that takes time. His efforts will pay off in the end though, I can say that much for now.
In the meantime though, if it helps in any way, I will admit that thanks to popular demand, Spike will be getting his chance to learn some parkour here in an upcoming chapter.
8112025 8112410
At the very least know that I have been continuously trying to make the story as plausible as I can the whole time I've been writing it, and do not intend to stop. Reader criticisms on the matter have influenced how I gone about doing that, giving me a better refined idea of where problems lie and how to best fix, resolve, or at least patch them up. So your comments and criticisms are certainly not ignored. 
You're both right, really. The situation is still plausible technically, but for the purposes of the story, I have been forced to stretch it thinner than I'd like at times too. I do regret that at times, and wish I had a better way to make it easier to swallow for all, but unfortunately there are still "gaps" in the matter I haven't found a better way to fill, and otherwise can't avoid it without drastically altering the whole course and plot of the story.
8113057
Best of luck getting it to open then.
8113073
An unpickable lock is only relevant in scenarios where entry cannot be easily forced. If someone has stealthily snuck into their room and is trying to open their safe without waking them up and getting caught, this feature is invaluable. But once someone has the safe, they don't care about picking the lock any more. They're just going to break the box. That's easy enough to do with a chisel and crowbar.
Still, the primary purpose of a safe is peace of mind. If Spike and Thorax can go about their day without agonizing over shoeboxes full of bits, than it has done it's job.
I got a very Tai Chi feel from this. I like it.
8113067 *puts down hammer* All the day's work...
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/088/Leaf_a_Like.jpg
I actually think it's pretty clear we'll see Spike writing a story abaut a pony who lived in the dragonlands but got banished... unless he decided that it would pain the dragons in bad light... ....UNLESS he decides they can take it and evryone understands once he'll reveal his identity in the future...
8112410
Yes, they ARE panic-worthy, but they usually come around soon enough, especially when presented with evidence things weren't as they seemed. They do not, as in this story, continue to be stubborn, obstinate little gits who refuse to think about things.
8113067
I understand that, and I appreciate that you at least try to make this whole situation easier to swallow. Still, the fact that Twilight pretty much bent over backwards for Shining's "greater good" BS was pretty out of character, especially since it concerned Spike. In regards to making it easier to swallow...Perhaps introduce an outside force that, while obviously not controlling the ponies, is magically enflaming their prejudices, fears, and hatred. It WOULD make more sense in the context of the show...especially since Twilight is supposed to be the frickin' Princess of Friendship....
8113208
True, though I wouldn't have put it past Thorax to have enchanted the safe in some way to protect it (at least partly) from even that, so much so, I would've mentioned it in the chapter had I thought of it in time to do so.
Of course, this also assumes the safe can be moved that easily. Another commenter inquired about the safe's size and I figured that, judging from what I had envisioned as I was writing it, it was around three cubic feet in size, which means it's a fairly sizeable safe, and usually such safes aren't especially light or easy to carry around.
In reality though, I figure that if anyone was to break into Fly's shop looking for money to steal, I'd think they'd sooner raid the till and Fly Leaf's shop safe kept in back (I think I've mentioned it's existence in the story before now...) all on the first floor of the building as being easier targets to raid than wandering all the way upstairs, closer to where the buildings inhabitants would more likely be, to get at Thorax and Spike's safe, which probably wouldn't even have nearly as much money inside anyway (they are by no means "well-off" financially, they're just making enough money to be getting a gradual profit after each paycheck). After all, most thieves are just looking for an easy win. No, I can't help but think that if anyone would try to get at Spike and Thorax's new safe, it would be because they want specifically at that safe, which would then suggest some kind of ulterior motive to focus on it like that.
At any rate, I assure you the safe is from any such dangers for the foreseeable future.
8113449
Mm, it's an idea all right that'd work...my first reaction to it though is to admittedly worry about it cheapening the story, and the whole root cause of why Spike and Thorax got cast out in the first place though. Further, it'd turn focus away from one of my chief drives for writing story, and that's this sense of betrayal between Spike and Twilight over the matter...betrayal that looses a lot of its edge if I were to reveal the reason behind it was less the pony itself and rather some other source or factor meddling in the matter. It'd also change the target of who to blame, which I also worry would cheapen this theme.
Admittedly, the nature of the problem is such that it's hard to just resort to a "quick-fix" to resolve it like this. Otherwise I'd probably have done it by now, if not from the beginning.
Still, consider it noted. I'll give it some more thought, see where it goes. At the very least, it does give me a few loosely similar ideas I can try, though these might not surface until towards the "grand finale" parts of the story. We'll see.
8113449 How long was it for zecora the town was shunning her, a few months? (Many moons by her admission?) Four, maybe five? How many more would it have continued without a central figure being willing to take a stand? Without someone willing to have a spine, ponies will gladly shirk doing anything that means they aren't at the front.
I dont feel any of the characters have been off. Sorry its that way to you.
8113542
Yeah, I figured as much. It's just that, for me at least, the ponies-Twilight especially-being so aggressive and stubborn would be a little easier to swallow if there were some shadowy figure influencing them (again, NOT controlling; just enflaming certain emotions.) And yeah, I do realize a quick-fix isn't really plausible; it just always bums me out in stories when there's no going back, if you know what I mean.
8113564
There's one simple reason the characters feel off to me: you would NEVER see them acting so outwardly xenophobic and stubborn in the series proper.
8113583 They dont know, thats the thing. Twilight is their only link to this event. And she's so far gone, that when the truth blindsided shy here. with all the time its hard to worm its way in. She still accepted spike's word of things, and this is from the one gaga about dragons, and having shamed a second.
Twilight's had months to indoctrinate for her and the rest for her mistake.
Spike had a few days, and undid pretty much all the damage.
Some remained, but that will be puzzled out in time. And the rest are going to trust shy far more than she did thorax.
After all, a lie you have to compound upon. The truth you need only get in once.
8113604
But see, Twilight isn't usually that stubborn, not even in the show...
8113542
I was thinking the same thing myself about the store safe. Nobody breaks into a business to rob the help. How much money could two people that seemingly have to share a room at the place where they work possibly have, anyway?
Obviously, Fly is a secret agent!
I don't know but the story feels stagnate. There isn't enough of solid dramatic tension to keep my interest. The premise started off interesting, the introduction of Spike and Throxa's new life was intriguing, I enjoyed the first few chapters of world building but it feels very cyclical. With the exception of Fluttershy, there hasn't been anything to genuinely progress the story. This feels far more like a season of a t.v. show than a contained novel. I don't know, I as a reader am absorbing so much knowledge but in over 100,000 words I don't feel like it's paying off. True it's a slice of life so it's going to be far more mundane than an adventure story but still I just feel like I'm not getting meaningful progression out of the story, The characters that interact are almost the same in every chapter, unless it's a flashback which just feels cheap after awhile.
I want to see Spike and Thorax, who've have been solidly defined as characters for many chapters now. I want to see them face a genuine challenge, a crystal guard, an antagonistic main six member, Shinning Armor, Cadence anyone that has the ability to disrupt the status quo. All we've seen is inconsequential disturbances, like Thorax getting sick, and this new night terror, it feels like cannon fodder. And all of these chapters cannot add up to a satisfying conclusion because it's way too much to fit in. I've skipped chapters and I feel like I still have a good grasp of what's going on, which isn't a good thing. There is so much world building that for it to all come together it's either going to be rushed, come across as too convenient, or just silly. I like the story, really I do, but there has to be something that actually happens, something that makes the title seem more that just an eye catcher. Sorry but I had to get it off my chest.
8114621
Now I want to write something that features the name "Dark Lord ZingZingWu" in it...just for the lols.
8114708
Yes.
8115125
Then tell me: why didn't the ponies act like xenophobic a-holes in the show, at least after Spike brought Thorax into the throne room? Also, why would Twilight mindlessly go along with Shining Armor's "greater good" BS instead of actually using her head? Damn it, think for yourself, you little purple tool...you're supposed to be the Princess of Friendship, so act like it!
And no, Chrysalis doesn't count; I meant some force that is currently and magically fanning the flames of their fears and xenophobia. True, it would be a bit cheap, but it would make everyone's behavior easier to swallow...
8114621
To be fair, things are already a little stretched with how aggressive everyone's being. And if I'm wrong, then tell me: WHY were things never as bad as this in the show?
I actually really like this story!
I had never thought of what would happen if spike failed to convince the others.
And as far as I know this is the only story of it's type, so that makes it epic! And AWESOME!!!
And that Spike, is why you don't argue with the mare of the house.
8115216
she probably went with the greater good because she plays tau in dark crusade.
kek
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Remind me never to tick Fly off
.
8473954
Inconceivable!
8115007
nice answer dodge with that last question.
Guizhou fa, as in 贵州法？