I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.
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Bon Bon's life is forever shaken when she find's a half naked girl on the beach. The girl, named Lyra, was said to have been a mermaid. a mermaid that, if she didn't get the kiss of true love from Bon Bon's cousin, Flash Sentry, in three days, her soul would belong to a sea-witch.
Instead, Bon Bon gave her the kiss of true.
It wasn't enough.
Now, Bon Bon is on a quest to save the love of her life, but at what cost?
Custom cover art by Lovely music girl
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This is fantastic. But now I demand more!
Sounds like a "the little Mermaid" crossover without the characters crossing over.
Where'd the cover art come from?
Before I read it, what is the Dark tag for ?
7720705 I've debated it myself. Mainly for the sea witch bit
7720832 What is dark in the story ?
7720868 maybe I'll get rid of it, but for the 'selling your soul' bit
7721167 it that all. OK
very good. some typos here and there, but i enjoyed it
7771191 thanks, grammars not my strongest area no mater how i try ^^'
Man, I just love the Little Mermaid no matter how it is told.
It was my first source of inspiration the lead me to write stories, and I can't thank it enough.
So thanks, this lifts me up (any version does, Disney is best though), although I do like the ending better with them pursuing freedom for other trapped souls. And Flash was a cute addition.
I feel like fairy tales and fantasy are the greatest stories ever told, both can connect with us on WHAT we WANT to BE, and not ARE.
We all want to be heroes, pursue our dreams, hobbies, passions, even if it does bring pain to our family and even if they can't understand us.
At first I also thought that the 100 gold pieces of human money would be a problem (because of Flash's money), but it turns out not to be instead.
Anyhow thanks for bringing me a smile today.
11/10 (Basically beyond perfect.)
7911290 thanks ^^' though been meaning to fix this
7911891
Sorry, needed to vent earlier.
7912005 I meant I really need to clean the story up anyways
I did an audio reading of this.
(It was hard with all the grammatical mistakes.)
I will link the video tomorrow.
8046653
:O
Thanks (though wish you told me beforehand so I could have fixed up some more grammar and dialogue errors ^^')
But yes, do link please :)
8047038
Yeah, sorry about that...
*Fluttersquee*
Anyhow for your name just said every letter until brony28.
(I could not say ajvasquez)
8047055
Link?
8047268
Tomorrow...
(I still have to edit it and I'm too lazy to do it right now, please wait!)
8047273
Ah ^^' still to late to edit this fic for that?
8047612
Never too late...
But better do it fast now and let me know which arts you edited so I can redo the lines.
8047912
in that case, don't feel like you have to wait on me then XD if you're already recored and ready to go, go ahead, otherwise i'll try to do a polish in the next two hours
8047912
chapter one re-edited as best i could.
I also added this just before the twon scene with Flash i wanted to but forgot XD:
Hands in his pocket, Flash walked back up the steps to the mansion. He caught a gimps of Bon Bon's row boat one last time before she dissipated into the fog. Shaking his head, he creept back inside, and found no one awake to bust him.
Once in his room, he laid on his bed, and said, "I hope she finds her." He then crossed his arms and tried to fall asleep...
8048076
Thanks bro.
8048077
and epologue is fixed to. could you at least link me your channel so i can subscribe to know as well?
8048085
Here, My Channel
8048086
Not bad voice, but could speak a little more loud and clearly, and no background music/sound effects yet?
8048115
Nope!
One man team!
8048117
Yeah, but you can still add, say, some light wave rolling to add a mood, scribblers more often a one wemon team ;p
8048131
Scribblers?
AJ! (Can I call you that?)
Sorry it took so long, but I was bored, and lazy... and I wanted it to be good.
So, better late than never...
[https://youtu.be/6_8qV1LHsVY]
8051074
It's fine :) I'd much rather someone take there time and do it right that rush it.
So what yo end up doing, all in one go or break it up?
Also, might I suggest a little more... substance, in your description. If at the very least I'd put the story synopsis, though it's also a chance to start forming some connection with your audience, let them know how much trouble it was, why you picked that story, give something to catch to
And obbascribbler
8051112
ONE VIDEO.
ONE take for each section of a chapter.
And so much more editing time.
8051113
I was about to say, should have done in parts :p
8051558
Well, if you have listened to it, plz tell me how it went, thank you.
8052346
Don't worry, about halfway done and may have a few... notes ^^'
Where did the cover art come from?
8052362
Just typed in Lyra and Bon Bon mermaid, and picked something.
Anyways... by chance you want to take this to a PM instead? If you haven't seen my comments have... a bit to say about you reading
8052458
Yes, PM the rest.
I liked the old cover...
So, is she a princess in this story?
helped*
until*
better*
He*
we, not we,t,
Thank*
change the second 'tried' in the second sentence to 'trying.'
horsey*
Replace 'are' with 'is.'
The second 'she' needs to be capitalized.
Replace 'and' with 'she.'
so funny*
Replace 'the' with 'them' in the last sentence.
lesson*
Replace the first " with another ' like the one towards the end of the sentence.
let's*
Good going you two.
They*
I think it should say 'searched for paper' over what you actually put. Makes no sense saying card to draws.
Add 'tell me' at the end of the sentence before the question mark and exclamation point.
https://m.Add 'to' before 'kiss me.'
You did it again, put 2 " over just 1.
Remove 'chance' and replace 'losing' with 'lose.'
Lyra's*
Capitalize 'she' in the last sentence.
Remove 'of' and 's in the third to last sentence.
I have a bad feeling about that woman!
They're too late! 😱
compare*
Add 'the' in the last sentence.
Capitalize 'the' in the last sentence. Also, that bitch had that stab coming!
choices*
As*
witch's*
swam*
Add 'to' in the last sentence.
Don't*
Remove 'ot' and capitalize 'of.'
lollipop*
Capitalize 'the' in the second to last sentence.
Capitalize the second Lyra in the second sentence.
Capitalize 'she' in the last sentence.
admire*
Remove the second 'would.'
You need a space after the second sentence.
grin*
runted*
Replace 'you' with 'your* in the first sentence.
I'd*
Missing a. "
I'd*
I really enjoyed this story but you got a lot of mistakes to correct and change.
His*
happened*
avoided*
actual*
His, not this.
He*
he*
Gifts*
He*
Missing a "
That and you'll sometimes have to make tough decisions too.
All in all, I enjoyed this story, but you need to look over your work and correct many errors as I do that myself a lot.
- MLP: FiM
- MLP: Movie
- Adventure
- Comedy
- Slice of Life
Gallus flees Griffinstone and ends up meeting Silverstream11389557
Thanks, you really shouldn’t, but I enjoy the feedback 😊
11633481
Just trying to help out.