Just a writer who churns out stories for the people of fimfiction
Celestia and Luna are dead. The nation of Equestria is split between Cadance and Twilight. One day Cadance send Flurry Heart to spy on the other side under the name Flapjack. She meets sparky and bright Lost Colour. Together they discover a plan to rip the nation apart. They must decide. Friendship or war?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story desperately needs an editor. I lost any immersion with the story after reading through ten lines worth of mistakes. Ask somebody to help read through and correct the mistakes. The story would be more inviting if it's fixed.
This includes the description as well. Grammatical and spelling mistakes are included there.
As for the premise of the story, it felt rushed from each transition. I sorta like the idea, but it felt clichéd. Everyone speaks monotone like. Some of the big questions that were displayed on the description weren't answered yet in the piece. How did the goddesses die? Why does Twilight and Candace have an intense dislike for eachother and their kingdoms?
Overall, it's plain meh.
7762959 well meh is better than Bad soo thanks
I will try and find someone
also second chapter is better than first
thanks for feedback
it is good
Have a follow. I love your bucking name LOL
7763987 thx
I like it but i the pacing is a bit too fast. But I think you have potential so I am gonna follow you
7787405 thank