Twilight was never one to break the rules, but she has an unexpected experience when she enters...the door.
A short fic written for Halloween in the spirit of the season. :)
Chapters (1)
FallBlau
Joined 4th May, 2013 ·
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Short and eerie. Perfect for the month of horror!
7647615 Thank you. ^^
7647640 I appreciate it. Thank you for the comment. :)
Short.
Simple.
Suspenseful.
Perfect.
Nice story, with Nightmare Night Coming up it just makes it better.
You have my thumbs up.
Oooooo, zombies!
Nice story! I really liked it. I'm afraid I don't have much feedback for it but I can tell you that I think it was nicely written.
7647643 Many thanks. ^^
7647654 That means a lot to me, all the same.
Neat nice job
Why hasn't the door been bricked over? Or at the very least obscured with magic? Holy mother of shit Celestia, that's a huge fucking oversight on your part. Damning and damnable negligence!
7647955 Cause Celestia's a sadist, who enjoys sending her students into the midst of peril. She verily believes in natural selection; only strongest and the smartest survive the school for gifted unicorns.
7647961 Then why forbid it? Tell her there's candy and the greatest spellbooks imaginable down there or something. Toss her in and lock the door until she comes back with an object hidden at the back or something.
7648010 I'm going to be serious here and try to give a credible meaning, based on the symbolism and mythos I used for the story.
The thing in the cavern is a primordial evil that has existed since the universe began. In truth, it is death. The symbolism of the door is that the door is the finality of death; the cavern the is grave.
We all fear death, but we can never banish it from our lives. It's always there, despite what we may pretend to do to ignore it.
In the context of the story, there is no way to get rid of the door. It's existence is a manifestation of its finality. Just like death in real life, one can only warn others about taking that path - but one cannot hide or destroy its presence - or even stop someone from taking it.
7648040 Unless the door moves why not?
7648083 Because it'll make its presence known - one way or another. Maybe it had been at once point and it simply kept coming into being. In short: its energy demands its existence be known.
Nice.
Loved the general creepiness once Twilight opened the door! I featured this on my podcast, Pony 411.
7668837 Thanks, listened to the entire podcast, great commentary. :)
I'll definitely try to work on the set up the next time though. It's always good to get constructive feedback. ;)
It took me a while to find this story but I have to say I enjoyed it immensely it was mysterious and interesting.
Although there were a few grammatical errors and missing words they didn't detract from the story that's just something to be aware of.
I also liked the part when she ran back up the stairs I know from experience that if you think you're going to die you can effortlessly climbe anything without getting tired to get away.
Before
After
“Something the builders must have put in case of a cave in.”
What’s better, Before or After?
9199536
I like the latter. ^^
Thank you.
9199731
No prob, just trying help the economy.
9199765
Then it's no wonder the economy is booming. :p
9199792
LOL
Fallblau
Why hasn't Princess Celestia told Twilight about the door and what is in the door and why hasn't Twilight told Princess Celestia what happened to her and what she saw. Does Princess Celestia know what is in that door?
I really dislike the end. Felt shoehorned in when the concept right before the twist was already good enough for its own story. It felt like you took beautiful simplicity and shoved a trope into it.
9795851
That's a fair criticism. I haven't really dabbled in horror too much, so I admit I am a bit of an amateur in this regard. You think it would have been better had it ended earlier?
Very solid classic little horror story. Whatever lurks in the dark, once it puts it's mark upon you it will have you eventually.
You can has review!
Not bad. If I had found this I would have tried to bottle the thing and let Flim and Flam start up a traveling show based around it. Few mysterious horrors stay that way when subjected to capitalism.
The art is unsettling for me.
Ancient warning: Don't come here
Twilight: Yesn't
Room full of dead bodies, reminds me of this room from Silent Hill 2.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/silent/images/0/04/Bodies_in_the_morgue.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140219023131
Very spooky, love the concept!
I honestly imagined Celestia would say at the end"Oh, and btw, you forgot to close the door", in the most innocent and sweetest voice ever
This was a fun story to read.
They're called locks Celestia. Look into it.
To oversimplify this; a long time ago the MLP equivalent of the Bubonic Plague (AKA the Black Death) came in and killed a bunch of ponies. The bodies were buried in a hidden catacomb system in Canterlot.
At some point, the catacombs become haunted by some kind of evil entity.
In the present, an overly curious Twilight Sparkle goes into the catacombs despite being told not to by Celestia, or even what it was, and has the ludicrous displeasure of encountering the entity. Twilight escapes, is taken to the hospital after vomiting out of sheer terror, and refuses to tell anybody that she went in there, not even Celestia, and lies, saying that she was just over-worked.
11249366
"Self-Restraint is the only lock that door requires."
Hmmm... What WAS it anyway?
11386795
To be honest, I kind of forget now.
Geez that thubnail is terrifying.
(Spoilers OBVIOUSLY for anyone who may read this story)
I greatly enjoyed this story. The premise is fairly simple, and yet still conjures up curiosity for the reader. I did like how you went about it in the beginning, it being a thing Twilight saw many years ago, and the way she explained it, and how it was just a forgotten memory was good, I thought it was quite poetic.
The decent down the stairs, and then eventually coming to the bridge, and vast cavern was cool to read and imagine. I thought it was pretty creative having a warning sign be written in a ancient, and apparently dead language, just because I liked that slight idea of world building, even if it’s not cannon.
The interaction with the dead and hearing Spike’s voice was highly disturbing and creepy, cause we the reader suspect it’s not him, but Twilight just fears for what may have happened. The letter, the creature, the running away and up that huge flight of stairs had me on edge and heart rate up. The ending was fairly simple yet still gave me chills.
Overall I did really enjoy this story, entertaining and creepy
Side note: this story does seem inspired by the Bubonic Plague and perhaps the Paris catacombs, which seems like a really cool idea for a MLP horror story, which made me like it even more for that. Also I LOVE the thumbnail, definitely is creepy/disturbing to look at, with Twilight looking very realistic and whatnot.
The question is, did Twilight actually get out? And if she did, did the nightmares stop because she died?
Very nice, eerie and to the point. Good showing!