Dash slowly limped around the cave in a futile attempt to stave off her boredom; the rain had continued throughout the night, and was showing no sign of stopping. Eventually she plopped herself down next to Strider, who was passing the time by literally banging rocks together.
Watching him work, it quickly became apparent to Dash that, like everything else she saw him do, Strider had a very clear goal in mind. With each strike, the smaller stone chipped away at the larger one until a distinct shape emerged. Once he was satisfied with the shape, Strider scraped the worked edge against a large stone, refining the edge even further.
“So.... this is your plan?” Dash asked. “Sitting here, playing with rocks?”
Strider set the the rock he was working on and produce both the chipping rock and a longer, thinner rock. He spoke a few words and held them out so Dash could take them. Rainbow looked the items over for a moment or two before taking them. After a brief tutorial, Dash was soon absorbed in her work. The simple task with a clear goal was a pleasant distraction from the last week.
Strider would periodically look up from his own work to watch Dash, giving her the occasional, usually unintelligible, tip. Eventually, he showed Dash how to use the large stone, covered in grit and a little water, to hone the knife’s edge. See that Dash had understood him, Strider took a mostly round piece of wood and put a split into one end with his stone.
Setting both stick and stone to the side, Strider collected long strands of the vines that hung from the cave’s mouth. Removing any leaves and tendrils, he carefully wove the vines together. Dash subconsciously slowed as she watched Strider, impressed that he had enough strength to chip away stone yet dexterous enough to perform precise tasks. Sliding the stone into the notched wood and binding it in place, Strider finished assembling the axe.
Realizing that she had been staring at Strider, Dash quickly returned her attention to the knife she was supposed to be working on. Passing the knife of the slab a few times, Dash risked a quick glance over at Strider, who was now busy etching a series of strange symbols into the axe’s head and haft.
Noticing that Dash had stopped working, Strider stopped his own work and turned his attention towards the pegasus. Looking over Dash’s work, Strider nodded in approval. Giving Dash some of the woven vines and a short piece of wood, Strider instructed her on how to attach the blade to the handle.
“So, what do you think?” Dash asked, presenting the finished product. Strider carefully took the blade from Rainbow and slowly turned it over in his hands. Testing the bindings and finding them to his liking, Strider retrieved his engraving stone and carved several strange symbols into the blade and handle. As a finishing touch, he found a feather that Dash had shed during the night and attached it to the bottom of the handle with a small vine.
Placing the knife to the the side, Strider collected some bark and the remaining woven vine. Dahs watched as he bound the bark together, creating a simple sheath for the knife. Moving next to her, Strider held the sheath against Dash’s barrel. Trying her best to hold still as he worked, Dash allowed Strider to tie it in place. Finally he slid the knife into the sheath, then spoke a few words.
Dash looked at the knife that was now hanging from her side, a sense of fulfillment and pride rose up as she did. This was something that she had made, something that only through her, and a little bit of Strider’s, effort was made.
“It...great.” Dash smiled, guessing at what Strider had said.
Pretty nice story you've got here, both the concept as well as the execution. I rather like how you haven't tried to show Strider's thoughts on what is happening, and have instead turned him into this background entity. He is in a way the center of the story, and yet he is hardly even a character, more like a presence. I hope you keep the story this way, and if you ever really wanted to, you could even make another story out of his perspective in this. Great stuff so far, looking forward to the next installment.
Well, this story is sure a gem. Interesting take on HiE and very well done. Its simplistic yet effective in its story telling using only one side of communication. I really like it and am looking forward to the rest!
What if Strider is Dash's way of survival and he isn't real? I could see so many outcomes with this.
I think it's best if you extend the chapters or combine them.
3000-5000 words is the sweet spot
Never go below 1000
10000+ is just way too much unless you intend to have the reader get bored midway through the chapter.
Finishes chapter. Realizes there aren't any more at the moment.
Good so far looking forward to the rest ^^
Tracking.
Love it.
Need more of this story!
7754351
+10k is (while not ideal) acceptable for a one-shot story (designed to be read like a small novel), but not for a single chapter in a story that'll take multiple updates.
7754351
The one day/one chapter thing was a format decision.
As for word count, fimfiction does have a 1000 word count minimum before publishing. Going below that is fine as long as the chapter itself is well written. Most micro-fiction stories are less than 1000 words, and some are below 500. Ernest Hemingway's "Baby Shoes" is a prime example of a very emotional story, only told in six words.
(On a side note, hope you had a Merry Christmas! As for the story...)
This is an awesome start, the description detail is just the right amount (for me), (Edit: could be argued as a bit fast...) while the story has a the more realistic problem of a language barrier, something not many writers (I've seen,) bother with.
I shall continue to read.
Y'know, if this guy didn't have a Hershey's bar in like the second chapter I would've been willing to believe this WAS Aragorn :P
The farther unread, the less I imagine Strider as a normal modern day person. After seeing him outrun a chimera, have intimate knowledge on homemade medicine, make fire from rudimentary tools, set bones properly in place, and make a stone hatchet, complete with a feather at the end, the more I think I he is from a Native American tribe.
You probably want to go back and reread this whole story. There are a lot of left out words.
I spotted an extra word.
Also, I assume by “produce” you mean he picked them up and gave them to Dash. If so, I think it should be “produced.”
The rules for using triple-dots are pretty loose, but usually you want to add a space. Granted, that's just from what I've seen.