Silver Sceptere exits his apartment and is greeted by the mid morning sun. He squints his eyes until the can regain their conrol. He continues down the street toward the Central Marketplace. As he walks through the isles of vendors hes picks several items up he needs to make his dinner for tonight.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy is moving a family of ducks across the street when one of the ducklings finds ifs way into Sceptere's saddlebag. When he motions to put a bottle of pasta sauce in his bag, he notices a duckling in there huddling in fear.
"Now lets see if every little duck is accounted for." Fluttershy says in a quiet voice as usual.
"Oh no were's the fifth duckling." Fluttershy gasps
"Um, exuse me miss, I noticed your moving a family of ducks when this little guy hopped in my bag." Septere said
"Oh goody you found..."
At that moment fluttershy got lost in Septere's hazel eyes and started blushing
"Oh my, he's so... ...handsome." Fluttershy thinks to herself.
"I don't mean to bug you, but this little cutie was just about to get into my celery."
Septere begins petting the duckling untill it starts peeping, loudly.
"I love animals, all kinds, but nothing comes close to my little kitten back at home. Well here you go."
He sets the duckling down next to its parents
"Goodbye now." he says as he trots off.
"He's handsome and he loves animals, he's absolutely perfect." she thinks to herself again.
Sceptere now finished with the Marketplace, he now need to head to a clother to get some "sick kicks" and some styleish city boy clothes, so one of the vendors told him to go to Carosel Boutique. On his way he notices a little filly known as Apple Bloom, looking down surounded by books at the Ponyville Cafe. He then moves toward her.
"Whats wrong little filly?" he says in a comforting voice
"Ma teacher Miss Cheerly assigned us confusing algebra homework on the quadratic formula, and I dont know how to do it without messing up the equation." Apple Bloom says
Over at the next table Twiligt Sparkle and her assistant spike are having lunch. Twilight looks over at Sceptere and turns back quickly and blushes.
"Oh my word, he looks so good." Twilight thinks to herself
Spike is too preoccupied with his hay fries to notice Twilight acting all lovestruck. She peers over the back of her chair to stare at his eyes.
"Well you know, my old algebra teacher taught me a song to remember the quadratic formula..." sceptere says before clearing his throat.
"Negative B plus or minus the squareroot of B squared minus four times A and Times C, all over 2 times A." sceptere sings
After a minute of both of them solving the equation on their own the answer finally appears.
"So is the answer (3,7)?" Apple Bloom says prepared to be corrected.
"Thats correct! Think you can remember that song?"
"Absoluteley! Thanks mister!"
"No problem kiddo. Stay in school."
"Bye Mister!"
"He's good looking and he's smart, he is without a doubt perfect!" Twilight thinks to herself.
"Whats got you so googley eyed Twi?" Spike asks
After several minutes of walking through town asking for directions he finally makes it to the boutique, and enters the door.
"Welcome to Carosel Boutique how may I-I-I..."
Rarity stutters and stares at him.
"Yeah, Hi I'm wondering if you have any City style clothes."
"Oh my, he is Gourgeous" Rarity mumbles to herself.
"Why...um...ovcourse, over here."
"Great."
After trying on a few outfits he buys a baggy pair of jeans and a graphic tee.
"By the way your outfit looks amazing, what is it French Coture?"
He is ovcourse talking about the homeade ensemble she is wearing.
"Um...yes...its just something I threw together."
"The stitchwork is barely noticeable, it looks like one solid piece, nicely done."
"Why...um...thank you kindly."
"No problem well, see you around."
"Sweet Celestia, he's Stunning and he has a taste for fasion, he's absolutely perfect."
Septer then heads home to make his dinner and get ready for the big party tonight.
Is this romance? Nah, JK I read the tags
Ok, firstly, you spelled 'prologue' wrong. Fix that.
Second off, just from your description, it sounds like you made a HUGE Gary Stu. That is, he's perfect without flaw, and this a cliche I avoid like the plague itself. Fix up your character, make him have flaws. No one's perfect. EVER.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110628233344/icarly/images/2/29/THIS.gif
.....no
Sorry but this story is too short and fast.
This is bad, but don't stop writing it. You may think you're wasting your time, but you'll get better. Probably.
I don't know, Rarity would just call him a plebeian if he walked in and asked if something was 'French Coture'.
I look forward to where this goes though.
For the love of god, what is it with this site and not using question marks? QUESTION MARKS GO AT THE END OF QUESTIONS PEOPLE.
I can't believe how many of you are so quick to judge a story Its only the first two chapters ponies, itl get better I promise.
822034
>"it'll get better"
>self-insert gary stu romance fic
yeah sure
Meh hope it gets better has potential.
822034
I'm going to be 100% honest with you: I normally would NEVER read a story with a fan character as a main character. However, this story seems extremely interesting and I am anxious to see where it goes! If the next few chapters are as good as what I have read so far, I would like to do a reading of this story on my youtube channel! Can't wait to read more!
So far this guy has attracted the attention of Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity, who wants to bet that Rainbow Dash or Applejack will be next?
821639
822388:
*places 20 bits on the table*
I'm game.
824474 O.k. then.
825024:
Awesome then.
I love this I'm so touched by this clopfic (For Some Weird Reason) Well, KEEP GOING
Wow. Gary stu. Check.
Self insert. Check.
This guy going to have the entirety of the mane six under his overpowered hooves? Tentative. Check.
This isn't going to be good, the way this story is careening.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/f5f16d6deb46147557238c0d196f8159/106949%20-%20get_out%20gtfo%20rarity%20reaction_image%20reading.jpg
825135
825135 not clopfic sorry
who is gary stu, damn did someone take my idea before i came up with it?
861640Dont listen to them this is great!! CONTINUE VERY SOON!!
Okay ....... your story has potential and I'm rooting for you but through the first two chapters I wanted to strangle something. Your grammar and sentence structure needs work, on top of that the story seems rushed you need to slow down and have meaningful conversations with the mane six. On that note you make them sound shallow, no girl falls that hard in love. Sure they may think he looks good or he's okay, but come on really "he's perfect" they only said a max of ten words to each other or overheard somebody's conversation they need to have actual conversations to get to know him, then your readers can also get to know him, and then the girls could realise he's "perfect". Also "description" don't just say city clothes state what you want, and if you don't know then say that and have rarity help him, you could have used that as a meaningful conversation with rarity. All in all its a good story you just need to work on it, and I'm sorry if i sound like a jerk, its just I have a evil little grammar nazi inside me and he's the one that gets angry. Good luck.
829947AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH its funny sorry the comic was funny