WOLVERINES!

by The Producer

Chapter Six

Sorry for the long week of waiting. I had a serious writers block that I had to chip away at with nothing but a rubber duck and a lifetime supply of glazed donuts. This took a long time. Hopefully, the length of this chap. is long enough. Also, W00T, 3000 word limit blown out of the water.

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As Reaper was knocked down by the pink thing, he just thought, ‘Down for the count, Applejack can handle this. Peace out.’ He then impacted with the ground, making a very loud, dull *clunk* noise. He observed the pink thing undulating on his faceplate, and remembered something. Pink . Pink… where had Reaper seen this color before that had posed a great importance other than a regular passing color? The memories of two nights ago came rushing back to the front of his mind, filling his eyes with visions of the grinning… pink pony… All Reaper wanted to have is that pony NOT near his face, even if it is protected by a bullet-proof helmet, and he was covered in Kevlar armor.

“Alright, you had your fun, now off of my face, please.”

He picked up the chortling pink pony to reveal the face of Applejack, brimming with horribly contained mirth. Reaper slowly got up to his feet, holding the squirming pony under his arm like a football. Once he fully got his balance, he hoisted up the giggling pink ball of fur to his faceplate, and said,

“What is the meaning of all of this?”

The pink pony looked at Reaper with a smile that would not be possible under the laws of physics. This, too made Reaper skeeved out. The laws of physics were made, and under no circumstances were they to be broken. Reaper liked the law of physics, and this pony brutally ripped them to shreds, and cooked all of the remnants of them into a big, physics cake. She took in one big gulp of air, and said,

“Heya, I’m Pinkie Pie, but you can call me pinkie, what’s your name? and I cant believe that you came to see me so soon, I mean two days may seem a lot, but then Trixie showed up and said ‘I am all powerful, obey me!’ and then she put sugarcube corner into a big oven, and I was like ’Sugarcube Corner isn’t actually made out of gingerbread! I already tried, and then I remembered about you, and I need to make you a party for being the new pony, or whatever you are, and I wonder what type of cake you like, but then I remembered that you have that silly thing over your face, and I wondered if you could eat with that thing on, and if you had to eat something yucky like foal-food, or just a puree of regular food! Do you?”

Reaper just stood in sheer terror of what the pink, furball of energy just did. If he listened hard enough, he could hear the basic laws of biological beings scream in pain of what just happened. Pinkie Pie just said that in one, giant breath. One, her body was too small to sustain that amount of oxygen… Actually, no, Reaper thought, go with the flow…acceptance. Perhaps It is just normal for their bodies to do that. The logical part of his brain was feverishly looking for a metaphysical gun to put itself out of its misery, but it had guessed at this while it was behaving normally, and destroyed all of it’s guns. Wait, Reaper thought, Pinkie Pie is awaiting a response, activate dialogue protocol. He set Pinkie down carefully, and she started bouncing up and down.

“Hello, Pinkie. My name is Reaper. First off, I would like to apologize for what happened two days ago, I didn’t mean it, and I was confused. Secondly, no parties. You might think I’m not as scary as I seem, but I don’t want to be upsetting the entire town with the ‘Frankenstein’s monster’ fiasco, and have to be prodded with pitchforks and being set on fire.”

Pinkie’s smile faded a bit, almost to regular-sized proportions, but she thought of a good idea to her, and she said,

“Well, all we need is some type of small-town catastrophe that you can solve to get everypony’s attention and acceptance! For the apology, no need! I knew you weren’t a meany-beaney pants at the end.”

Reaper’s eyes, often unused for emotion, showed a sign under his helmet. It was a twitch, an involuntary reaction to stress. A reaction that surprised even him. This pony has an unstoppable thirst for having parties. A sudden noise made Reaper look behind him, and he saw pinkie, to his front another pinkie, and to his left, you guessed it, pinkie. After checking every conceivable angle, and only coming up with the dimensional drifter, he turned to Applejack, almost beseechingly, to bring him to the next pony that he had to apologize to. She must have picked up on this fact, because she expedited the situation by saying,

“Pinkie, I think we need to go ohn with see’in the rest of our friends, and make it back in time at Twi’s library to noh’t cause a commotion.”

Pinkie just responded with a ‘seeya’ before bouncing off into Sugarcube Corner to do whatever she was going to do. Reaper and Applejack took off to the right of the building they were at, towards the other end of the town, presumably towards another pony abode. Applejack speaks up,

“Again, ahm sorry fer not tell’in yew about Pinkie, Ah just wanted to see what you did before bringing yew to another one of mah friends, she was the least shook-up ahbout the whole shindig that happened. Were goi’n to see Rarity, a real ‘classy’ pony. Ah doh’nt care for what she does, frilly froo-froo stuff, but you might like her.”

Reaper nods, and they eventually come to a rest in front of a tower-like building with a carousel motif that is white with purple trimmings. In the front of the store there is a sign that says ‘Carousel Boutique’ Reaper hazarded a guess that this is where they would meet Rarity. The last time he went into a store like this, it was set on fire, and it inspired a new line of flame-retardant clothing. Hopefully, this visit will include less fire and burning to the ground. Applejack asked,

“Are yew ready? Ah don’t know whats gonna happen when we step hoof in there.”

Reaper nodded, and they opened the door. From the list of opening times by the door, Reaper could deduce that Rarity opened her shop early, much to his own sleeping habits. They opened the door, and a jingling bell announced their presence to the shop. In short order, they heard a soft clopping of Rarity moving about the shop, and were greeted by her saying,

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is *AUGHahahah*”

Her greeting was cut short by her appearance in the doorway to the main room, and seeing Reaper. She was a white pony, with a painstakingly curled mane. Reaper is surprised by the amounts of convenient pauses that these ponies give him. They should be handing them away like hotcakes. He said,

“Please, before you start screaming and running away, I would like to apologize for what I did two nights ago, I was simply confused. Please don’t hold this against me, and I hope that we can start again without me threatening you and spouting gibberish.”

Rarity continued to scream, shrilly. Reaper turned off the sound capacitors in his helmet, but even muffling the sound didn’t stop that high-pitched noise from piercing his thick helm. Applejack walked up to her, and screamed something that was unintelligible to Reaper, and Rarity stopped screaming. Reaper turns his sound capacitors back on, bringing everything into clarity. Rarity looks a Reaper with a mix of curiosity, fear, and a strange type of insanity only to be described as ‘hunger’. Reaper shifts uneasily under her scrutiny, and tries to strike up a conversation,

“Hello? Are you still in there? I just wanted to apologize about what happened two days before.”

She seems to shake out of the trance that she was in, and said,

“Alright… But, do be careful around me and my friends, I don’t want a reoccurrence to what happened earlier. Anyway, what DO you call that material that you are wearing? I MUST know what it is, we simply do not have that in my world, and if I can get a sample to create more of it, I shall be the new sensation of the entirety of Equestria!”

Reaper was confused by this statement, not having known, or even thought, about things like this not being needed, or used in this world. Kevlar was a molecular-synthesized fiber, or in other terms, advanced science. The ponies that lived in this town had thatched roofs. For god’s sake, THATCHED ROOFS. Reaper took a guess that this world had not yet found the magical wonders of science, or ever will be. Science was bred out of need, and they had no need. They had an unnatural control over other things with unicorn magic. Once he got an adequate response, he said,

“It is basically a type of fabric that starts out as a liquid, and is then spun into fibers, which are turned into a fabric. It actually is more blown through the air like cotton candy, and forms like that in jets of air.”

At the mention of cotton candy, a certain pink pony with mane and tail like the candy appeared and shouted ‘Yay for candy!’ before disappearing into thin-air. This time, Reaper’s logical side of his brain tried to repeatedly bang itself into the wall of consciousness that separated itself from the illogical half. This proved that the walls are made out of some type of metaphysical fluffy substance. Rarity looked very disappointed at the fact that Kevlar was created by means not possible to her, and Reaper tried to cheer her up by saying,

“If you want to look on the bright side, It gets disintegrated by UV rays that are emitted by the sun. So unless you created a type of UV-blocking gel, the suits would not be permanent.”

Rarity looked even more downcast, and Reaper kicked himself in the butt. If anything, he wanted to make at least amicable ground with the ponies, not put them into a state of some type of manic depression. He gave himself a face-palm, and from what he had seen from Twilight, it was a common action for ponies to do. Hopefully, they won’t catch on to his frustration and blow it out of proportion. Unfortunately, they do. Rarity looks at Reaper, and hump’s before turning around, nose held high, and trotting out of the room. She didn’t even introduce herself. Applejack looks pityingly at Reaper, and says,

“Ahm sorry bout’ tha, she is one a those high-class ponies that don’t take kindly to ‘immodest’ expressions. She’s probably jus shook up about two nights ago, and that she cant have that fancy-shmancy fabric a’ yours. Ah feel yer pain.”

She mentions with her hoof towards the door of the boutique, and they walk out. Applejack explains the next pony they are going to visit, the one that he made pass out due to being so scared. Great, he was going to need to become the great teddy-bear that he knows he isn’t. Heck, Reaper is still in American-city invasion mode. Looking at and double checking available cover, makeshift weapons, trying to do a bullet count on a gun that isn’t there, the whole shebang. AJ goes on to explain that this certain pony is a veterinarian, and takes care of al the animals that live near Ponyville. She is also very, very reclusive, and probably will lock-up, and not move for a while. They approach Fluttershy’s abode, a humble little cottage surrounded by bird-houses, and other wild-animal paraphernalia. As they walk up to the front door, they hear a faint ‘eep’ and a faint whispering, followed by a dull thump. The front door is opened to an almost hair width crack, and Fluttershy whispers out,

“Applejack? Why are you here so early? I was about to…”

She notices Reaper, and eeps once before the door is somehow slammed shut, even though the door is seemingly closed. Again, there was a dull thump. The door creeped back open to reveal a white bunny with a face of indifference. A regular person might have ‘dawwd’ at this display, but the insanity in the back of Reaper’s head started screaming something about fire and burning everything. He knelt down to the scowling white bunny who was staring up at him with animosity that knew no bounds. Seventy-five percent of Reaper rationalized that he needed to befriend, or show some kindness to the bunny to gain Fluttershy’s trust, and twenty-five percent of him was screaming about setting things on fire while stomping the life out of the bunny while expelling tremendous gouts of fire into the forest. The rational seventy-five was trying it’s best to ignore the twenty-five. Reaper reached deep inside of himself to find a comforting voice and said,

“Hello, little bunny. Why is your pony friend hiding in the house? I just want to apologize about what happened earlier. Can I see her please?”

The bunny crossed his arms, and walked inside of the cottage. Reaper looked at AJ, and the only explanation she had was to rear back on her hind legs, and give a shrug while maintaining a blank expression on her face. The thump occurred again, and more whispers. An occasional thump was heard until Fluttershy lightly walked into the threshold of the house, coming face-to-face with Reaper, she eeped, took a step back, and sat on her haunches. Fluttershy then flicked her mane to cover her face. The now repressed twenty-percent of insanity flared up to about thirty, and reaper thought about how to keep his killing urges down. Fluttershy shyly whispered,

“Uhmm, my name is Fluttershy, and uhmmmm… I’m sorry that I slammed the door on you.”

Reaper was surprised, and awe-struck on how some people could withstand something that wronged them, and somehow find a way to apologize to them. He said,

“There’s nothing to apologize about, Fluttershy. I did a very bad thing to you and your friends, and I am the one that should be apologizing to you. Speaking of which, would you ever accept my apologies for making you faint that unfortunate night?”

Fluttershy had a small smile on her muzzle, a she just nodded. Reaper was relieved that he had not made another enemy with one of the first-encounter ponies. As he dot up, his body repaid all of the effort he had put in to staying upright with an all-encompassing wave of pain that tingled through his body. He made a small grunting noise that Fluttershy noticed. Her veterinarian instincts might have kicked in, or she just thought that Reaper was a kind of animal that was in pain, but she started to care for him by saying,

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Applejack, why did you make him walk all the way here if he was hurt!”

She strongly, but gently made Reaper lie down on the floor, and she attempted to try and check his wounds. Reaper protested against having her do that, since he was in a suit that covered his whole body, and she couldn’t access his actual form. He gave up on objecting, and humored her for a while until he answered a gauntlet of questions and finally got to his feet after getting a surprising hug from Fluttershy. After Reaper fully stood up, Fluttershy was all hiding behind hair, and whispered speaking. After a short time of pleasantries, and learning about Fluttershy, Reaper and Applejack headed out the door on the way to their last destination. As Reaper learned, they were making their way to Applejack’s home, sweet apple acres in pursuit of Rainbow Dash, who was most likely was sleeping in one of her apple trees. As Applejack explained a small bit about her, she cautiously included the sonic rain-boom. Reaper stopped in his tracks for a second, and he made quick mental mathematics, finally coming to the conclusion that she would have to reach speeds higher than mach 1, and accelerating to an even greater speed than that after piercing the barrier. The logical side of his mind didn’t care anymore, it just signaled for more psychotherapy drugs. Applejack was worried, but Reaper explained that the breaking of the sound barrier was not something to be idly done while not in special types of vehicles, and if tried in just bare skin, bad things would happen. AJ nodded in understanding, and went on to tell that Rainbow was the most shaken-up because she couldn’t protect her friends, and she felt like she was betraying her friends. As they approached the apple orchard, Reaper felt like he was being watched, but he didn’t need to drag Applejack into a fight that would probably only involve him. From the state of the trees, which had apple blossoms, Reaper guessed it was late spring, early summer. As they arrived at a tree on the top of a mountain, they saw a strip of rainbow-colored hair sticking out of one of the lower branches. Applejack turned and bucked the tree. This would explain the raw power behind those legs, a life of using them to harvest acres of apple trees. Rainbow came falling down, and landed with a thump. She took one look at me, mouth agape, and took off with an astounding speed. Applejack replied with a ‘cosdarnit’ and ran off in Rainbow’s general direction. This left Reaper alone, in the middle of acres of land of unfamiliar territory, and no means of protecting himself save hand-to-hand combat. Reaper decided to lie down in the clearing of the hill, and watch as the sun slowly rose from the horizon. After a while of appreciation, he got up to stretch before choosing a random direction to set off in. As he took his first step, he felt a large hoof tap the side of his helmet with a long, drawn-out,

“Hey there, jackass.”

Reaper turned to see a massive red draft-horse preparing to buck, and got two massive hooves to the chest. This definitely broke the ribcage a bit, and Reaper got to feel the majesty of flying, yet again. He definitely thought about getting something to fly in, because he was clocking in so many frequent flyer miles. Reaper hit the ground with a sickening *thud*, and the last thing going through his brain was,

“This is Reaper, checking out of the building. Sleepytimenow.”

Comments

[Balancer]

Oh crap Big Mac gona get the shit kicked out of him now...

[DashWithRainbows]

YES! less sleep for me!
also thanks for doing 3000+ words, its nice of you to do this but if it gets too difficult, just do your average 1000-1500 words

[The Producer]

59401

I had to stitch together about two and a half chapters. It was horrifying. Also, good to see a little more sleep deprivation around here.

Now if you'll excuse me, I will be crying about something that I am putting in the next chapter. I guess you'll figure it out once I post it.

[Reaper1oo]

Damn,
now I really can't wait!

[Night06]

God damn he gets bucked alot!

[Kickass222urmom]

I'm loving your story.
Its very entertaining to read, and has that certain feel to it.
Can't wait for your next chapter

[Greasebrony]

Wow bro. Poor Reaper, a simple misunderstanding and he gets knocked out by his ass handed to him by , then gets blown up by to find himself getting knocked out again by then gets his ass handed to him again by only to later be mind fucked by to later making a bad impresson on to later receve another mind fuck curtousy of to get his ass kicked again by after hauls flank chased by coupled with frequent flyer miles provided by the lot. And its only his third day. All the while I'm giggling my ass off and loving every second of it. Least he made nice with . So long as you make nice with her everypony else will warm up to you in time. I can't shake the feeling that somehow plays a role in this. ANYWAY onward and forward, keep up the awesome work.

[Rudolf]

Eagerly waiting for more.

[The Producer]

59616

Himm, you MAY just be psychic. Also, that was an enjoyable summary to read.

[Captain Grim]

HAHAHA Lulz

[Totally Emo]

I actually quite happy with a human psychopath getting the shit kicked out of him by ponies....

[Greasebrony]

59851 AH well glad you enjoyed it. But seeing as how you're on a roll keep it moving with him watching over then have his ass set on fire literally by . Of course all friendly suggestions.

In the meantime please continue you're awesome hilarious narrative.

OH S***!! He just got bucked!
Also I estimate the Bic Macintosh in your story is approximately 9 feet at the shoulder, give or take 3 inches, ( I don't know why 3 inches ) in order for him to do what he did. This is not just the EPIC kick but also tapping the side of his head would be awkward if he was shorter than Reaper more so because he's a quadraped( Big Mac not Reaper).

The above comment has been made before reading further chapters.

[BaconHazard]

If I were Reaper I wouldve put my troll face on and roared at random ponys that walked by

[hungrykiwi]

jeez, everybody wants to buck him in the face, huh?

[The Crimson Reaper]

59973 GASP! EVERYBODY LOOK! IS A DERPY SEAL!!! HUG IT!!!

[Cheese Legs]

No Russian meets bear? Damn it!