You play as Joffrey Baratheon, who has been summoned to Equestria for a special purpose after brushing with death...
[Sex] and [Gore] tags are added preemptively, in case player/audience decision takes the story in a direction where such content would appear. This content is not present as of yet.
UPDATE: As of Chapter 5, the [Gore] tag is justified. Appropriate for a Halloween update. Happy hauntings, horse-lovers.
Please read the Author's Note on the first chapter for details on how to play the game.
Chapters (7)
Slap the pony, Joffrey.
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This is the story that Fimfiction has been waiting for!
7611546 Indeed, I'm mildly disturbed and it's only the beginning.
7611545
7611547 ??
My choice: grudgingly accept the position of Twilight's student, believing it will be easier to double-cross her than it would to escape a dungeon.
Everyone in Equestria takes turns stabbing/slapping the blonde bitch until he's nothing but a red smear.
7611552 Apologies, an error with posting. I meant to post to you as I posted to Vital Sparkle. I agree with Vital by the way.
Decide to go along with her for now, but antagonize her at every turn.
I was in a mighty foul mood before I came here due to some shit with the Windows update, but after reading this:
Oh and about the decision:
I prefer the dungeon over the insolence of speaking with them. They don't believe into the principle of punishment? I'd love to take that to the test. After all, a king of seven kingdoms bows to no one. Where would the integrity be if Joffrey has to follow their every string like a puppet to dance as they please? He will escape one day or another, feigning weakness one guard will get careless and then...
7611582 Fixed.
...He was a contemporary with Ramsay Bolton.
I think VitalSpark and The oracle's idea should be one. I will give this a try and set aside my dislike for that. . . person.
Shady, aftermath
There she goes shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin' and grindin' that pole
The way she's grindin' that pole, I think I'm losing control
Get buzzed, get drunk, get crunked, get fucked up
Hit the strip club don't forget once get your dick rubbed
Get fucked, get sucked, get wasted, shit faceted
Pasted, blasted, puke drink up, get a new drink
Hit the bathroom sink, throw up
Wipe your shoe clean, got a routine
Knowin' still got a few chunks on your shoestring
Knowin' I was dehydrated till the beat vibrated
I was revibed as soon as this bitch is gyrated
And hips and licked them lips and that was it
I had to get Nate Dogg and his sing some shit
Two to the one from the one to the three
I like good pussy and I like good trees
Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
Three to the one from the one to the three
I met a bad bitch last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessey
I've been to the muthafuckin' mountain top
Heard muthafuckers talk, seen and dropped
If I ain't got a weapon I'm a pick up a rock
And when I bust yo ass I'm a continue to rock
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet
It's real easy just follow the beat
Don't let that fine girl pass you by
Look real close cause strobe lights lie
We 'bout to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin' for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin' baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin' for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everyday she be givin' it up
Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Oh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this fluoride with it
Swish but don't spit it, swallow and I'll finish
Yeah me and Nate d-o double g
Looking for a couple bitches with some double d's
Pop a little champagne and a couple E's
Slip it in her bubbuly, we finna finna have a party
We 'bout to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin' for a girl I can fuck in my hummer truck
Apple Bottom jeans and a big ol' slut
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it 'bout it
I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can say no but she won't say no
Now look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be
Tonight I want a slut, will you be mine?
I heard you was freaky from a friend of mine
Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him that you like it from behind
Now, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
C'mon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Oh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
C'mon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
We bout' to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (go ahead shake that butt)
I'm lookin' for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin' baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin' for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everyday she be givin' it up
There she goes, shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin' and grindin' that pole
The way she's grindin' that pole
I think I'm losing control
God, come one,
I ain't leavin' without you bitch
You're coming home with me
And my boy,
And his boy,
And his boy,
And his girl
Ha ha, Nate Dogg
7611670 gonna say this now best comment I've seen on here
7611697
[say something witty from 4chan]
My choice is walk him off a cliff.
I'll simply give this bold story an upLannister and see what happens.
Twilight screwed up.
Rot in the dungeon ain't no one gonna listen to this bitch ass magical creature!
my choice? Summon Unicorn Gundam and lay the smack down :P
7611553 Winning comment.
Fluttershy
He wants to reassert his power, so yellow quiet.
(Also, in Westeros, it's spelled "Ser" rather than "Sir".)
7617022 Right. Fixed.
Rainbow Dash.
She can show all the spine she wants, it'll just make it easier for Joffrey to break her.
OK, the way I see it, here's the deal.
Primary Objective
Get back to Westeros.
Secondary Objectives
Kill this "Princess Celestia".
Kill Twilight Sparkle.
Conquer Equestria.
(In case you haven't figured it out, being Joffrey, I'm going to be leaning on the Evil side of Neutral for this one.)
Given that Twilight seems to be the one in the position of power and authority, it would probably be wise to start getting on her good side as soon as possible. All the better a position to strike from. I may also learn more about this strange land I've been transported to, knowledge that could certainly come in handy.
I vote Twilight Sparkle.
I'd kinda like to see the explosion when he pushes her too far, so...Rarity.
Though Applejack is more likely to smack him around.
I know Joffery is a total sociopath, hence unlikely to see any humanity, let alone statemenship from this character.
How to proceed in the niave hope this may eventually occur?
Vote:infrenape612
A shy one. Excellent. The shy ones are always the most entertaining whipping posts.
Never really got into Game of Thrones. But I'm liking Joffrey already. He knows how to treat the peasants.
Have Joffrey meet Blueblood and they go into a sassy slap battle
7624409
I don't know much about GoT, but wouldn't Joffery think Blueblood is the only one who abuses the peasantry enough?
7624422 He would, but the two would still likely have an ego-clash.
OK, I didn't want to try to win twice in a row, let someone else get the glory, but somepony needs to get the ball rolling again.
I say we go to the library and do some research. I doubt my "classmate" will be of any use to me, but you never know.
7632009 I second this
7633197
7632009
In case you're still interested, I'll have a new chapter up by either tomorrow or the day after.
Joffrey will go to the library to read. What subject should he study, by the way?
7640770 History, or porn
7640770
7640815
Yeah, definitely history. And anything he can get on the princesses.
Do you really think we can find any porn for Joffrey? I know he's nuts, but I'd hope even he wouldn't partake in bestiality...Bitch slap Celestia
7653453 Winning comment
Exellent, show the ponies that humans, even ones such as as Joffrey, are a superior race.
Joffrey needs to find loopholes to abuse, just to get under the princesses skin. The amount of people willing to commit crimes is likely extremely low in Equestria, there for I believe they wouldn't put as much effort building a fullproof legal system.
7686632
Huh. That's what you like to see right?
He needs to read up on local laws and customs, if he is to become anything of power he must not alienate the population to much. He should also try to gain some money.
Jofferey shall fuck a horse
7686927
Specifically, Starlight Glimmer.
7687400 j: wanna fuck?
S: sure, why not
7686927
7687400
Unless you're willing to get blueballed by a discretion shot, that would require bumping the rating up to Mature. Are you guys alright with that?
7689248 yeah sure
7689248 I say discretion shot. Please have a discretion shot, I don't wanna see Joffrey's pee-pee in a pony! I should have known what I was getting into when I got hooked on a Game of Thrones fic... *herk*