- Member Since 24th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Aug 7th, 2019
NotanImportantPony
May the Sun illuminate your path and the Moon guard your dreams. Let the Love grow strong and the Magic roam free.
NotanImportantPony
Joined 24th Sep, 2015 ·
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I get the impression, with the story suddenly jumps into action and the boldened words. This might have been accidentally published? Looks intresting so far, but yeah, need to edit this one
I'm not too sure about the motive you presented...
7610065 Thanks for the catch. Errors seem to be the theme of the day for me.
7610073
No prob. Dont bind yourself too hard and dictate that you should write a story a day, just take it slow but precise. While you said it yourself that this is not a final version, there are no harm done then elaborating things a bit. Why does everything had come that point? Is this a dream? Take some lines to explain that Midnight is toying with Sunset's mind after there was an accident before the story started. The start can use more words before the song so that the readers can grasp first Sunset's current condition and activity. You said she was writing a letter, so why not use the letter to crash course the readers into thr story current setting?
Hope im not being too annoying, but thats just my take on the whole situation because right now everything just felt so sudden and busy
7610093 You're not being annoying at all, in fact you're being incredibly helpful with the feedback. As for the points you brought up, I agree with them. I'll be go through the story later and bring everything up to spec.
7610067 I'll be going through the story sometime soon in order to clarify a few points. As is, a simplified version of Midnight's motive is that Sunset discovers a secret that Twilight wanted to keep from everybody and in her despair Twilight turns to Midnight for help. In that moment of weakness Midnight takes over Twilight. Her end goal is to then take all the magic and make it her own.
Could I have clarified that point? Yes. However, hindsight is twenty/twenty.
7610146 Huh. I thought it was something different. Meh, might just me misunderstanding the context once again.
7610167 So... what did you think the motive was? If you don't mind me asking.
7610205 The thing about what was it? A terrorist attack? Yeah, that's what I understood. Dunno, I'm tired too, it's midnight over here.