In the middle of the night, a dark presence sweeps across all of Equestria, claiming the minds of most of the population. By the following morning, only a select few retain their free will. Among the Ponyville survivors are Spike the dragon, and a scared, blind, little filly named Tulip Iris.
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Well, this certainly looks promising. I have to wonder if whatever is causing the problems is fully sentient or not. Here, whatever was causing everyone to be terrified immediately zeroed in on Iris, but once it realized she was blind/determined she was unaffected by its ability, it just moved on. A fully sentient malevolent being wouldn't have stopped just there.
A great start and I can't wait to see where you take this.
Aw yiss, you posted it
7603463 Thanks. I hope my efforts meet expectations.
7603467 Yes, so I did.
Don't let the Nam Shub into your Operating System.
7797951 I don't get it.
7798709
Philistine...
will you make Derpy immune if I tell you?
7799229 I suppose I could?
7799234
She has special eyes! Clearly she is the evil mastermind behind all of this.
But no seriously, it was a reference to Neil Stephenson's "Snow Crash" which is a very silly novel about a hero protagonist named "Hiro Protagonist" in which clearly in a creative rut, the author decided to give up on literary sophistication and write the craziest, most over the top dreck he could pump out, and it actually turned out really entertaining. It's got a plot that, considering your story here, you might want to check out. I recommend the poor quality OCR scanned version, for the full experience.
7799456 Ah. Not quite what my friend and I thought you were referring to. :P
7799756
Well, Snow Crash was itself making a reference to the ancient Sumerian legends known as "Me" which are a set of stories about fundamental instructions or "commandments" given by the gods. "Nam Shub" was one that told of how "back in the day" man spoke in one language. Then Enki, a god, or one "whose commands are trustworthy," changed everyone to speak different languages.
But I don't know of any other thing I could be referring to, besides that.
7799807 That part we figured out. We thought the reason you mentioned that was because the distortions in the cover art were similar to distortions found when we google imaged the whole thing.
7799819
It's because of the premise of Snow Crash, which I think is the reason for all those distorted, staticky images. So... maybe? I thought you picked that cover art because your story was like Snow Crash.
7799869 No, I made that image because I thought it looked creepy and thematically fitting.
Well um... not sure you made the best decision here. Depending on what you want to write, that is. If you're trying to write a story about a filly's despair as she perishes in a hostile environment through no fault of her own just when we thought she could have been saved, first, you need to watch Grave of the Fireflies, and then you can tell the subsequent therapist that you will need, "I can't believe I ever considered writing something like that!" Or... you... could write it and enjoy doing so, but that's just crazy talk. Seriously, if you're going this direction, you've done so successfully in the past, so it should come out fine. Go ahead and do it, and I can downvote this story and be on my way. But please, please please don't publish stories like this without the horror tag.
However, a less... "ripping your thumbnails off" painful story might be harder to write, given this chapter. This seems like the kind of story that would haunt you as you just can't bring yourself to update because you'd have to write about horrible things, forever sitting on the back-burner. If this is the case, please consider rewriting this chapter, after you watch this episode of Captain N: Game Master. In particular, not everyone all got hypnotized at once. That gave it a bit of a thrill, and let the vulnerable characters impart valuable aid to the one kid who had to save them. Additionally, there was hope that they could be saved: a way to break the trance early on, and a race to acquire it. Finally, the heroes held out until the very end, instead of being the first to fall.
Contrast with your story, where it's made clear their minds have been burned away forever, the heroes were conveniently eliminated early on in order to take them out of the picture, everypony was easily defeated without resistence, there are no survivors left to save, and all hope was lost before the story even started. I'm worried you made this thing a bit too much of a monster, so it might be hard to have the foal save the day in any convincing way.
Feel free to ignore this if my worries are unfounded, and you just want to write a story about a blind filly cruelly suffering, before dying of injury, exposure and sadness. I can't criticise your story, since it's not yet clear what kind of story it should be. This is just a warning, in case you're struggling with continuing or trying not to write depressing horror.
8296951?
Depressing and horror basically define my mind. I have no issues with writing that kind of thing as it basically defines me. I've already had a therapist, just so you know and while it didn't make my mind any less of a terrible place, it allowed me to learn how to function effectively with it.
What is your basis on claiming 'forever?' has it been explicitly stated in story or by me or are you just assuming?
She has Spike. Dude's saved the Crystal Empire. Twice. Plus, I have ideas for next chapter that should, if nothing else, start them in the direction of piecing together their next move.
I'm really happy to see that this story updated as I find its premise to be very interesting. Here's hoping the next update won't take as long.
8296964
The therapist thing was a joke. I was implying that "Grave of the Fireflies" is so depressing, it'd manufacture a mental illness in people on the spot! It does sound like your kind of movie though. I can't imagine you haven't seen it yet.
Well, you don't normally scream like that without some sort of massive mental trauma. Anyway it's fine if they're zombies forever if you're writing a horror story.
...I'll just be living in my bomb shelter for the next seven centuries or so.
i require more.
Yeah, this is a really interesting concept: a monster that works through sight, versus a little girl who cannot see. I'd like to see more! :)
Is this still going to be updated?
9076073
At some point, maybe, but I cannot say when. I wrote for fun, but this story wasn't as enjoyable to write as I had first thought, so it may be a long time before I come back to it.
Hooray! Not dead
Glad to hear Celestia was at least able to resist the thing at first. Would've been scary if even she was controlled in an instant..
Here's hoping for a few updates this time. Honestly I find this story more interesting than the Little series.
Sounds like an eldritch cognitohazard or a parasite. In best case, it's a removable parasite that invades the brain via sight, and in the worst it's a single syllable of something that transcends the very concept of being.
Tulip should learn Echolocation for real.
It might be hard. But it is good
.
Heathen! Everyone knows that only kittens should be punched! (I'm kidding, folks. I do not condone hitting puppies or kittens)
cool wonder what's next
This is pretty amazing.
I am just so curious on what this "affliction" is.
Interested in seeing what will Spike and Luna do.
That and the perspective of a blind filly there