Celestia didn't want very much. She was happy to spend her youth learning how to farm with her adoptive father. She was happy learning how to cook from her adoptive mother. She was happy to play hide and seek with her little sister Luna, and stare at the stars with her on those warm summer nights. But when the world began to freeze with unnatural snow and ice, and the pony tribes began to go for each other's throats, Celestia's world is undone, and all she wants is to protect her little sister, no matter what.
But between ravenous snow spirits, superstitious ponies, and the machinations of those who would use them for their own ends, Celestia will struggle at every corner. Matters only become that much harder when her little sister begins to hear a voice in her dreams, calling her across the frozen wilderness with the only words Celestia remembers her true mother saying.
"Rise and shine."
A special thank you goes out to my editor, Chromio.
It is best to read this story with Night Mode turned on.
Chapter and cover art were all made by me.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL! I'M SOBBING!
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Strong start, then, I guess. XD
Wasn't expecting a new story from you so soon with your other two stories still ongoing. But hey, this looks interesting, so I'll stick around.
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If you'll recall what I wrote in the blog post about Broken Pedestal's cancelation, I made mention of another idea that crawled into my brain so hard I already had a cover and prologue written for it. Just on a whim.
This be that.
A new story? Hmm, do you plan to make an audio reading of this in the future? After Finding Friend and Sunken Horizons, of course.
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Possibly, but unlikely.
Aw
, baby Celestia and Luna. I look forward to reading more.
Hmm. Very nice start. I'll sit here hoping by some miracle they get answers from a third party, but I'm guessing that's unlikely.
At first I thought the mother might have been Clover the Clever, but that thought gradually kinda dissipated. Not really sure why, so I'll keep that possibility in the back of my brain, since at this age Celestia may be an unreliable narrator (unless author confirms she's not, of course).
So now the question is, if the two are still bundled, will their wings be revealed once they're warmed and unwrapped? Or does it turn out that Celestia and Luna are both ascended alicorns as well? I eagerly await the next chapter!
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Celestia is telling Twilight the story... not us. ;)
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Ah yes, another way of saying "No comment."
I actually meant to say this in my previous comment:
I think this is the first time I've (personally) ever seen this written in a story (any story, fanfic or not), but I know exactly what you mean, and I just love the visual.
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You will find that I am remarkably skilled at speaking an awful lot without saying a damn thing.
Oh this looks good. I'm def checking this out.
Lot of potential here. Cannot wait to see how it goes.
The opening was so sweet and sad. I keep forgetting that Celestia can be there for Twilight when her new life begins to hurt.
Please keep writing this story, I really want to see where this goes with the young couple, and I’m just a sucker for this sort of thing.
Lil Luna made my heart melt.
Man, this sounds like it could be a great story. Very good synopsis. Those Sad and Death tags though, it's not gonna be for me. Had to at least complement you on the presentation, definitely got my attention.
I am intrigued. And looking forward to where this goes.
They're so small and cute and I just c-can't b-bear t-t-to see them s-so upset-
DARN IT YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN
Ok, I like it.
Well done, though, six thousand words about almost nothing.
Two alicorn foals? It will be Very hard to maintain their magic under control. I'm waiting very much of accidents. For another hoof, Celestia could work as personal field-furnace.
rise and shine Mr. Freeman...
/obligatory shitpost comment, now to actually read the story.
So both of them are already alicorns? Makes me wonder just what exactly there genesis was.
Also, poor Celly. I just want to give her a hug.
finished reading what is posted sofar, pretty good. tracking
This is off to a good start.
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They could have just been born as normal. We don't know anything about their father, but Flurry was born an Alicorn to only one Alicorn parent. No reason this can't be a similar case
The story does kinda start slice-of-lifey, yes. Those scenes of 'almost nothing' are largely there to show Sprout and Honey becoming endeared to Celestia and Luna and starting to care about them.
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That's a possibility. Another is that they were born that way, but as a result of the Tree of Harmony's intervention.
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As of right now, the Tree doesn't exist yet.
Little Tia crying is very heartbreaking.
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Well done sir.
I wait for more.
I have a feeling that their mother's death was caused by much more than just the windigo's winter.
Man, I know that feeling. And that's BEFORE I send mine to my editor.
If I may, I want to say that Celestia sounds a teeny bit more mature than I would expect from a four-year-old, but just a little. Her feelings and instincts? Absolutely not, you're spot-on with those. But her speech patterns feel a tiny bit too developed. I've actually been doing a little research myself into the general personality and development rate of three-year-olds for my own story— there are some relatively intelligent ones, and you've got an additional year on them, so I think you're actually okay, but I just personally feel like Celly sounds a little more mature than I'd expect. Though four-year-olds do tend to understand more words than they can actually use, so you're good on her perception of Honey and Sprout's reactions and exclamations (and of course, learning new words like 'grounded' is exactly what 4yo's do, daily).
So... TL;DR, I think Celly's level of understanding is totally on point, but I think her word usage is a little more mature than I would expect.
But again, just a personal opinion— take it with a grain of salt.
I'm loving the story otherwise!
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That has always been a bit of a problem with me and children. I'm not the best at their dialogue, especially since I have some muted ADHD and am myself one chatty sonovahonk. Luckily, she'll be ten next chapter, so it should balance out.
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Yeah, it's tough writing dialogue for younger kids when you have to work with a more limited vocabulary, especially when they're in situations like the one they dealt with in this chapter. Getting Celly to really vocalize her thoughts not only to Honey and Sprout, but also just thinking aloud while searching for Luna, really required a more mature level of dialogue for the full chronology of the scene to work. But, something like this:
That's gold for someone her age— using words that she would definitely know and understand (it's around here that kids start to really get conjunctions), needing to get all her thoughts out at once while explaining what she was doing (and thus a run-on sentence), and her emotions clear just by the narrative alone. You did a great job with that.
If you wanted to get REALLY picky and have the narrative stay at Celestia's level of lingual development also—since the majority (if not the entirety) of this chapter is from Celly's perspective—you wouldn't even be able to use a word like 'agonizingly'; you'd have to stick with something like, "really, really slowly" (unless there was a confirmation that Honey or Sprout had used the word around her and she understood the meaning— kids that age absorb words like a sponge). But as far as I've gathered, you're using an outside, fully omniscient narrator, so you don't really have to worry about that.
And if you're jumping ahead six years next chapter, then you should be fine with Celestia's lingual development— she's a smart cookie. Though do keep in mind, unless she's been specifically taught or has asked, a seven-year-old Luna would still have a somewhat basic vocabulary, so words at a level of complexity like 'agonizing' (just using the same example) wouldn't be in her lexicon just yet.
I apologize if I'm coming off as critical or condescending— it's just that I've written kids before, so I'm trying to be helpful. Please tell me if that isn't the case.
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Nah, you're fine. I appreciate the feedback and suggestions. I will try to keep them in mind when I make my editing pass on the next chapter. It's already written, I just need to update it to fit this chapter's events better.
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Pfft, it was already plenty long by our standards before the request to stretch out the foals' early life for another couple chapters was sent in; I just couldn't have enough of their childhood, it's so fun to work with.
While it is atypical for us to extend an already-lengthy chapter even further, I guess this what it's like when we decide a spontaneous idea should get the light of day and forego the planning that a story usually gets, and boy am I here for it.
Seriously, I'm loving tiny Celly and Lulu. The "peakaboo" scene and Luna nomming the dragonfly were both so precious and wholesome.
A lovely chapter. Interesting to see Celestia and Luna start to become fascinated with their respective celestial bodies, and it was heart warming to see the girls start to accept Sprout and Honey as their new parents
Nice to see Luna get her proper introduction as an actual character, and not just an infant/toddler. Heartwarming to see her and Celestia's relationship. They're all a very nice family. And Luna's fascination with the moon continues. Sprout already calls the kids "little sun and moon", and I wonder when those connections will be forged.
Very sweet story. I wonder if Sprout & Honey will have a kid making the child being the ancestor of Cadence & BlueBlood?
As usual, I don't really know how to form words to say anything meaningful.
So have this:
memegenerator.net/img/instances/59492280.jpg
I think it's interesting that Celestia has an instinctive understanding of how to control the weather. And, the little foreshadowing details about Luna having nocturnal tendencies.
That was very sweet. I love Slice of Life stories, and even though this isn't tagged as such, this chapter certainly feels like one. Great job.
How to Kill Ponies 101
This made me think of that split second at the end of Hakuna Matata.
Wuh-oh.
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Give it a minute...
I am so loving this story.
...yeah, this doesn't look good. Things still seem too...ordered to be Discord, but perhaps the Windigos are returning?
Well... fun.
I'm getting a bad feeling about this...
Oh my. That's… decidedly ominous. First the clouds, then the deer.
I'm just going to focus on how cute little Lulu is to offset the dread.
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Fun fact about the deer: I actually went and looked up a video about how long it takes a deer corpse to decompose, including a time lapse of the process, so I could be at least somewhat accurate in the depiction.
That's a bad omen.
Loving this so far. Looking forward to more.