Chapter V: Journey
Sunset sat motionless, eyeing her phone like it was a monster waiting to consume her if she made any sudden moves. Twilight's mom wanted to see her. She couldn't wrap her mind around the idea. Why her? Why now? If anything, she should be the last person Mrs. Sparkle would want to see. Are you going to go? A good question, one that caused her to think back to the last time she saw Mrs. Sparkle. Twilight's funeral.
The funeral took place on a Saturday, and she remembered the fresh smell of grass as the rain had only stopped that morning. However, most of the day was a blur, like she was peering through a dirty telescope at something in the distance. She knew it was there, but most of the details were hidden. Her friends were there and she recalled seeing some of the Students from Crystal Prep, and words were spoken, but all she heard was whispers.
One thought permeated her mind clear as day. She shouldn't have been there. She didn't belong. It was her fault everyone was there to begin with. So she'd done her best to be invisible, avoid contact with everyone, but especially Twilight's family. It wasn't hard to do since she couldn't open her mouth to speak before the tears would flow. And she really, really didn't want anyone to see her cry. Not there. She didn't deserve to.
Yet, there was one thing she had to do, and couldn't avoid. Apologize to Twilight's mother. What good would it have done? She didn't know—and still didn't, but she'd felt the need to just the same. Whether her emotions got the better of her in the process didn't matter. However, when she'd reached a tentative hand towards Mrs. Sparkle's shoulder, she heard Shining Armor's voice, rough and acidic. His words caused his mother to turn around and face her.
The apology died in her mouth. Just thinking back to that moment made her throat tighten. Seeing Mrs. Sparkle's puffy, red eyes glistening with tears barely suppressed, noticing her dark circles and knowing that she probably hadn't slept much in the past few days since the accident, it was too much. So she'd left without uttering a word. You didn't even stay long enough to say goodbye to Twilight.
Sunset swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Are you sure you want to do this? Honestly, she had no idea. Probably not. Definitely not. But she couldn't deny the curiosity she felt about hearing what Mrs. Sparkle wanted to say. Even if she yelled at her, she had to know. Do you think she'd ask you over just to yell at you? Maybe. Maybe not. If Mrs. Sparkle did, she'd take it. But you didn't do anything wrong. It didn't matter.
Reaching for her shoes, she wondered at what part of the night she kicked them off. Or was it during the day? What time was it? Sunset checked her clock. A quarter to nine... in the morning. Okay, good. If she hurried then she could make it to the bus stop and catch an early ride into the city.
After buckling her boots, she headed towards the door. Shouldn't you eat something before you leave? But she knew there wasn't much left in her cupboards beyond dust and possibly stale cereal. When was the last time she went shopping? It didn't matter. She wasn't hungry, anyway. If you don't eat an actual meal soon, you'll waste away. It's already happening. Have you looked in a mirror recently? She hadn't. And truth be told, she was a little afraid to.
Sunset left her apartment, placing all thoughts about her appearance into the back of her mind. If she looked as bad as she thought she did, people would've commented, right? Unless they were trying to spare you the embarrassment of inquiring as to why you appear so thin. Only the most oblivious wouldn't be able to see that you have a problem.
No, that couldn't be. Her facade was solid… Wasn't it? She made herself smile when she deemed it necessary. Your smile doesn't fool yourself. How can you expect it to fool anyone else? They just don't tell you they notice because they don't want to know how you actually feel. Sunset wasn't sure which was worse. Knowing that people saw through her like a window or that it didn't bother her that they didn't care. But you do have people that care for you.
When she came across the bus stop, there were already a couple people sitting in wait. So she sat away from them, near the end of the cold metal bench. It was true. She knew her friends cared for her. The messages that she heard on her phone just a short while ago proved it. But she wished they didn't. Because it hurt. Their kind words were like knives to her chest, cutting deeper with each well wish, each declaration of love. But have you considered how much more it'd hurt if they didn't care at all? What would you do if they treated you like how you treat yourself?
She… She didn't know. Would she even want to—live? That's what you're thinking, isn't it? But you're not really living much anymore, are you? You know you've thought about it before. A chill traveled down her spine. It would be so easy…
The arrival of the bus pulled Sunset from her thoughts. Don't think like that again. When the door opened, she was the last to board, pressing her card to the scanner. Was her card still valid? For the few seconds the scanner took to check her card, a worry set in her. What would she do if it wasn't valid anymore? But the feeling was fleeting when it was accepted. So she took her seat a few rows down and rested her head against the window, feeling the vibrations as the bus drove off.
She peered out the window, but didn't see anything. The world was little more than a mash of movement punctuated with occasional stillness. In these moments, Sunset stared at the drivers and passengers of the cars stopped next to the bus. And she wondered, for the few seconds before the light turned green, what were their lives like? Were they happy with the hand life dealt them up to this point? Or were they mourning the death of a recently passed loved one? Going to work only to find out that they're fired? Taking their kids on a long overdue vacation, except the kids are no longer interested? Infinite stories around her, but she could only guess at the words hidden under the cover.
Making up stories about various motorists was a game that she often played with Twilight during their bus rides together. The game became so commonplace that she often forgot she did it, even now, it seemed. Old habits… She mused. Except those times with Twilight were far more joyful and less… depressing. The bus began to move once more, and she saw a brief flash of Twilight sitting next to her in the window. Sunset remembered the scent of her hair as she leaned over her, pointing a finger at some spot in the road. Lavender.
'So, Sunset, what do you think her story is over there? Sunset? Are you still trying to guess what I'm going to say to you later? Sunset closed her eyes and saw the cute, nervous grin on Twilight's face. Well, I'm still not telling, but it won't be much longer. Our stop should be coming up soon. A respected scientist? Oh, right. The game. I like that idea. All right. It's your turn to pick.'
By the time they'd reached their stop and disembarked the bus, the rain felt like needles against her skin. She'd asked Twilight if she should just take her home since the rain intensified. Yet Twilight scrunched her face in determination. 'It's not that much rain and besides, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do this if we wait for the weather to let up.'
Why didn't she put her foot down? Tell her that it wasn't safe with so much rain? Too much rain made the ground slippery, and when the ground was slippery, it made it hard to keep your footing. One had to be extra careful or else they'd—
“Now arriving at Granite Street,” the bus driver said.
This was her stop. Sunset left the bus and rounded the corner. Crystal City was a labyrinth of high-rises that sparkled like the finest crystal under the morning sun. If you didn't know where you were going, it was easy to get consumed by its splendor and seemingly infinite roads. The first time she came here to visit Twilight, she got lost for half an hour. You refused to call her after all your talk about remembering the street she lived on. Of course she did eventually call. Twilight had such a cute laugh when she told you where her house was again.
Now she knew her way to Twilight's home just as well as her own. 'You're always welcome at my house, Sunset. My family and I love you.' After turning down one final street, she was there. Even though, Mrs. Sparkle invited her over, the last thing she felt was welcome. The house loomed over her as if to warn her to stay away. And as she walked up the brick path, she could've sworn the windows were narrowed in a glare.
Her heart slammed against her chest, sweat built on her brow. It was a mistake coming here. She stopped half way to the door and turned around. No. You can't turn back now. You've come this far already. Just a few more steps. But those few steps felt miles apart from where she stood. You owe it to Mrs. Sparkle—to yourself to hear what she has to say.
“Okay,” she whispered, turning back to face the house. One, two, three... She kept track of each tentative step towards the door, still feeling like the house might try to attack her at any moment.
Sunset reached for the doorbell, but as she did, her hand shook. A question formed in her chest, causing dread to creep through her veins like a monster in the night. What would she say to Mrs. Sparkle once she saw her? You already know the answer to that question. And she did. She just didn't want to admit it. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, Sunset pressed the button and a small chime rang out.
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Another good chapter. Most of the pieces have fallen in to place. I'm pretty sure what Twilight wanted to tell Sunset, This Chapter hinted at what the accident was. The only real question is why she blames herself. Everything was Twilight's idea. She's the one who asked Sunset to go. She's the one who wanted to go when Sunset told them maybe they shouldn't do it because of the rain. If I had to hazard a guess I would say ether Twilight slipped and Sunset couldn't pull her back up. If that the case I don't see anyone ever convincing Sunset it wasn't her fault. Or Sunset slipped and Twilight fell wile pulling her back up. Witch I could see Sunset blaming herself for it but again it was Twilight's choice
Also curse you cliff hangers!!!!
Ooo... this will be interesting. Keep up the good work. Great story so far
7609708
Thank you! I guess we'll just have to see if your guess is right about what Twilight wanted to say to Sunset. Can't wait to find out if you guessed correctly! Why does Sunset blame herself, indeed.
Haha! My beta reader curses my cliff hangers too!
7609717
Glad you're enjoying it!
I've been following this story since it came out; I find the concept really interesting. Sunset grapples with some kind of survivor's guilt over Twilight passing away, struggles to keep her life going, etc. etc. It forms the basis for a very good character piece.
In execution, I have mixed feelings so far; I feel like the middle chapters have been largely repetitive. It's the same message over and over again: Sunset is withdrawing from her friends and growing consumed by guilt. It was... four chapters, I think, before we reached the first plot point: Twilight Velvet inviting Sunset over. And this chapter didn't follow up on it very effectively; it did little to advance that plot, nor did it do much to elaborate on, or contextualize, Sunset's issues.
That's the problem I have with this story: Each chapter reinforces the point that Sunset is depressed without doing much to give additional insight into why she's depressed. It feels like it's spinning its wheels in the mud when it should be gradually revealing the cause of Sunset's angst. Her inner monologue is a good way to do this, but instead of a little voice that gives increasingly specific clues to the reader about what happened to make Sunset this way, it's just, like... a mom nagging her to get out of bed and do her chores.
To be fair, I like the "inner monologue" conceit a lot here; it's one of this story's stronger elements. I like that it's divided between Sunset consciously engaging in self-destructive behavior, and the inner voice (which I think you're personifying as Twilight, correct me if I'm wrong) criticizing her, and vainly urging her back onto a better path. I do wish that the inner monologue had more of a distinct voice to it, though.
And I also found this moment at odds with the way the story had been developed thus far:
The pattern has been Sunset being self-destructive, and the inner voice trying to help her. But here, the voice seems to be urging her to kill herself, which is the opposite of how it's been characterized up until that point. It's confusing, and thematically inappropriate, considering what you're going for.
I'm gonna keep reading and following this story, though, because I am interested in where it ends up.
7609821
I appreciate your honesty. Let's see if I can help explain my actions. Bear with me for a moment as I go paragraph to paragraph:
There definitely is a build. Perhaps a little on the slow side at some parts. Though, I feel the build up was necessary to introduce details that will become relevant as the story progresses as well as establishing how close Sunset was to Twilight. You are correct in saying that Twilight's mom calling Sunset is the first major point of the story as it's that moment where Sunset's general monotony begins to change. It's true. Not much happens in chapter 5 apart from a few extra added details, but the chapter's primary purpose was to bridge the first half to the second half of the story.
I have to be careful giving too much additional insight into Sunset's depression. If I go into too much detail too soon, important plans for the story won't have the same effect once those plans are revealed. This is why I've been introducing details slowly through Sunset's relevant memories of Twilight. Those memories are building to a climax. Whereas Sunset's personal thoughts are as you said, like a mom nagging her daughter. Deep down, Sunset wants to get her life back together as reflected in her internal thoughts. However, her depression is making even the most basic of things exceedingly difficult for her to accomplish.
I'm glad that you like the inner monologue! The inner voice is not Twilight. The voice is Sunset speaking to herself. Twilight's words are only used in memories.
I think we'll have to agree to disagree on the thematic appropriateness for this moment. I think it fits well since while Sunset's inner voice has been trying to help her, the depression decided to rear its head in this scene. There is an inner battle going on inside of her, and I think this moment shows that.
Once again, I thank you for your honesty and for taking the time to express your thoughts. I hope that when things come together in the second half, you'll see what I've been writing towards.
A sad story, Sunset really comes across as emotionally fragile, and the straightforward style is refreshing.
7611349
Thank you! I'm glad that I was able to express Sunset's emotions correctly. I do tend to be a rather straightforward writer.
7612323 That makes sence and you may very well be right. But at the same time unless she really wanted to fight with Twilight abut what at the time seamed like just going out in the rain she did all she could do. Maybe a lot if that is me believing that you shouldn't blame yourself for what other people do. But I do see your point maybe she could have done more.
So? Did Twilight slip and break her neck?
Please don’t let this go too badly
.
It be for the best sunset, but if you don't want to go then I'll understand.
I'm actually gonna be attending a funeral this Saturday myself being for my grandfather. And it still makes me sad that I was with him the last 3 days before he passed 2 days after thanksgiving in November 2021. 😭
I was in this exact same position after my grandmother died right as the pandemic started and I'm still in it again ever since my grandfather passed around thanksgiving 2021. And I don't know when I'll get over it as loss is very painful. Especially if it's someone we care dearly for and love which sunset is going through too.
11131458
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandparents. It's never easy to lose those we love.
It never really hit me, the other times, but the way her inner thoughts begin to turn on her, slowly. It's something I don't see often portrayed in stories about depression, and something I truly appreciate.