Shining Armor. No. Stop.
Twilight inhaled, relieved her speech was almost over. “And if Spike says Thorax is his friend, then he's my friend too.”
Thorax wiped a tear from his eye. “Thank you,” he said.
Twilight beamed, ready for her brother and the rest of her friends to see the error in their ways and the friendship in their hearts, accept Thorax and give him a chance, and to share a good laugh at some dumb joke so everypony could go home and the whole ordeal could be over already.
Shining Armor squinted, the scowl not leaving his face. “I’m still not convinced.”
Twilight stomped her hoof. Shining Armor was boneheaded, sure, but he couldn’t be that boneheaded. “C’mon, Shining Armor, you know firsthand how important love and friendship are. Thorax deserves a chance!”
“I’m not referring to him.” He leveled his gaze at Twilight. “It’s you two. You and Spike are changelings.”
Twilight blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”
“It’s clear to me now.” Shining Armor pointed to Spike, glowering at the little dragon. “Think about it, everybody. Spike can’t sing that well. Remember the Equestria Games?”
Everypony nodded and cringed. Cadence winced. “I try not to remember. But you’re right, he’s an awful singer.”
Twilight stepped forward. “No he’s not! He’s a great singer! We once sang a duet together about how I wasn’t prepared to save the Crystal Empire!” She covered her mouth with a hoof. “I mean, heh heh, oops.”
Shining Armor glanced at Cadence, then turned to Twilight with a mighty gaze. “I know my little sister. She’s always prepared.”
Spike stepped forward. “Hey, that was one time!”
“Of course changeling Spike would stand up for changeling Twilight. You three are banished from the Crystal Empire forever.” Shining Armor signaled his guards. “Escort them out immediately.”
Twilight frowned, stepping back from the approaching guards. “Come on, really?” She huffed. So Shining Armor may have been that boneheaded, sure, but it’s not like he was completely boneheaded. “Do we have to go over this again? I already did the sunshine and ladybugs thing!”
“She did.” Shining Armor turned to his wife, each looking into the other’s wide, horrified eyes. “She did do the sunshine and ladybugs thing. How long do you think she’s been replaced by a changeling? Months? Years? And how about her friends? When were they replaced—or have they been changelings from the start?”
Cadence gaped. “Dear Celestia, how deep does the rabbit hole go?”
Twilight hadn’t thought she’d ever bear witness to one hundred percent boneheadedness, but there they were. Twilight tried to push her way past the guards. “Okay, Shining Armor, can we agree that’s nearly conspiracy theory levels of stupid?”
“Hey, some very credible sources suggest changelings have been taking on pony form and running the government under our noses for years!” Shining Armor said, his wife nodding in agreement.
Starlight Glimmer’s eyes widened. “No. Could it be…? I always had a feeling, but…”
Shining Armor nodded. “It’s never been proven false.” He signaled more of his guards. “Take her away!”
“Shining Armor, wait!” Twilight said as the guards dragged her down the hallway. “Shining Armor!”
~ ~ ~
On the outskirts of the Crystal Empire, a blizzard tore through the arctic terrain and picked up enough snow to make walking through it a fairly miserable affair. Twilight kept her head down out of the wind and held her wings as close to her body as possible. Her fur was snow-laden and turning her body stiff and numb, her range of vision was limited to about thirty feet, and the distinct lack of libraries in the general vicinity was making her anxious.
The guards eventually turned back, and Twilight, Spike, and Thorax stopped in the middle of seemingly nowhere, nothing but white snow and white sky around them. They huddled together in a group hug shielded by Twilight’s wings, shivering and trying to keep themselves warm while the freezing snow whipped around them.
Spike squirmed in the huddle. “Well, Twilight, this is Thorax. Thorax, Twilight.”
“Hi Thorax,” Twilight said, smiling even though Thorax couldn’t see her face. “I’d shake your hoof but I can’t feel my own.”
Thorax chuckled. “Yeah, same.” He lifted his arm a little. “Our arms are sort of wrapped anyway. Does this count?”
Twilight smirked, lifting her arm a little in return. “Sure.”
Spike pulled Twilight’s wing closer to his body. He looked between Twilight and Thorax. “Well, what now?”
Twilight pursed her lips. “I don’t know, but we have to go back. We have to keep trying.”
“Yeah,” Spike said. “I thought the song would be enough. It usually is.”
Twilight nodded. “But it wasn’t this time. There has to be another way. Though we may be beyond convincing my brother Spike and I aren’t changelings, there has to be some way to convince everypony that we’re at least good. Spike, how did you first come to trust Thorax?”
“Well, he saved me from falling down that cliff, and then he told me his life’s story.” He jumped. “That’s it! We’ll have to get everypony in town to see Thorax doing something good, and while everyone’s listening, he can tell his story!”
Thorax nodded, wincing. “Yeah, I like that idea. I didn’t get to talk all that much in front of the crystal ponies.”
“Good idea, Spike. It’s worth a try,” Twilight said. “And if we pair that with a three-part harmony, we’ll get some persuasion magic working in our favour, too. Thorax, can you do a bass part?”
Thorax shut his eyes, his legs shaking beneath him. “Uh, bass part? I don’t, ergh, what?”
Twilight shrugged. “You do sound like a baritone. Maybe a baritone part, then. Now all we have to do is think of a good thing the crystal ponies can catch you doing.” She huffed, the biting wind whisking away the misty vapour on her breath. “Let’s do some brainstorming.”
Spike reached out to Thorax, who was struggling to stay standing. “Thorax? Are you okay?” He looked up at Twilight. “I think we need to find shelter. Right now.”
Twilight looked around, covering her mouth and nose with a wingtip as she turned to face the wind. Not much was nearby in terms of shelter, and the storm obscured anything beyond what little she could see of the ice and snow around them. “Depends on how relative a term ‘shelter’ is. I mean, there’s a little mound of snow over there that’s higher than the rest.”
Thorax groaned and clutched his stomach as his knees buckled under him. His tongue slithered out of his mouth as he uttered a low hiss.
“He’s starving,” Spike muttered. He climbed out of the huddle to face his friend. “Thorax! We’re best friends, remember?”
Spike’s best friend lashed out, almost biting Spike in the nose.
Twilight recoiled, pushing Thorax out of the huddle and keeping Spike close. “Um, Spike?”
“Thorax!” Spike said, stepping back out of biting range. “Snap out of it!”
Thorax snarled in response, his screeching hiss only getting louder. He prowled towards the pair, snarling and licking his teeth with his slender tongue.
“He’s lost control!” Spike hopped onto Twilight’s back. “Run!”
Thorax leapt for Twilight. Twilight yelped, bolting away face-first into the oncoming blizzard. She had no particular place in mind to run towards, but where to run away from was fairly clear.
Spike wrapped his arms tighter around Twilight. “Take us back to the castle, Twilight! Take us back!”
“We’re banished, Spike, remember?” She held up her wings to shield her eyes from the snowstorm. “And I really don’t think a two-part harmony will be enough to—”
“No, your castle!”
“Oh,” Twilight said. She summoned the spell. “Right.”
~ ~ ~
Twilight teleported into the foyer of her castle, panting and rubbing her arms to warm them up. Somepony knocked on her front door, and it swung open at the hooves of her friends—everypony but Rarity.
Applejack gasped. “Twilight, is that you?” She looked at Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy, then back at Twilight. “What’re you doing here? You weren’t at the train station when you said you’d be.”
Twilight felt her heart leap. “I—well, you see, something happened, and, uh, it’s kind of a long—”
“Oh wow, you two are actually freezing,” Pinkie said, touching Twilight’s coat.
Fluttershy came right up to Twilight’s face. “Oh dear, Pinkie, you’re right! Twilight, are you okay?"
Twilight flinched and stumbled backwards onto the floor, away from her friends’ prying faces. Spike held on to her back tightly. “I’m fine, okay? But you have to listen to me. I don’t know if Shining Armor’s said anything yet to you, but if—”
“Twilight?” Rainbow said, squinting. “What in the hay is going on here?”
“We’re not changelings!” Twilight blurted.
Her friends took steps back, looking amongst each other in nervous glances.
Twilight stumbled to her hooves, putting on her most innocent smile. “I mean, heh, if Shining Armor asks—that is, if he’s stopped by already, or if not, or if he’s sent you any letters or anything, and if he asks or were to ask, we’re not.” She sensed just how tightly she’d folded her wings and tried to relax them. “We’ve sorted it out already—I mean, we will sort it out soon, eventually, but we’re not changelings. I can prove it if you need it. But we’re not. I promise.”
The nervous glances stopped for a moment, replaced with some amount of concern. Realizing just how suspicious she sounded, Twilight widened her smile in an attempt to dispel that concern. But surely, her friends would understand. They’d see that she was only a little distraught, is all.
“Ya seem mighty distraught, Twi,” Applejack said, putting a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “And yeesh, mighty cold.”
Twilight sighed in relief. “Thanks, Applejack. And, I mean, that wasn’t sarcastic, I know I’m cold, I’m just glad you see that I’m a bit—”
“It’s okay, Twilight. Look,” Applejack said, lowering her voice. “If you two are changelings too, you don’t have to worry. Your secret’s safe with us.”
“Uh,” Twilight said. ‘Changelings too’? She scanned the faces of her friends, hoping for a mischievous smirk from Pinkie or Rainbow, a sarcastic glare from Applejack, anything but a cautious look from Fluttershy, any trace of any hint at all that Applejack was joking. “Uh.” But a joke like that would be a lie, and Applejack would never lie. She could only lie if she was a changeling. But if she was a changeling, what she just said would be true.
Twilight collapsed to the ground and covered her head, her brain on the verge of imploding. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Fluttershy leapt out and rubbed Twilight’s shoulder. “Twilight? Are you okay?”
“Does she have brain freeze?” Pinkie asked.
Applejack sighed. “Pinkie, this ain’t the time to be silly.”
“Look at her, she’s covered in snow!” Pinkie folded her arms. “Brain freeze could happen to anypony, anywhere. Don’t perpetuate the stigma.”
“I’m not a changeling,” Twilight said, staring at absolutely nothing in particular.
Her friends went silent. Everypony looked to Applejack, who struggled to find her voice. “You’re not.”
“I’m not,” Twilight said, still crumpled on the ground. She shook her head, raising her shoulders in a twitchy shrug. “I’m out of words. I’m all out.”
Pinkie lifted a cautious hoof, almost whispering, “But those were words.”
“Pinkie, hush,” Applejack hissed.
“I’ve been through a lot today.” Twilight rubbed her eyes. “Spike, did I imagine anything today? You saw what I saw, right?”
“Yeah.” Spike shrugged. “We can cross-reference if you like.”
“That’d be good. Later.” Twilight rolled over on the floor onto her stomach. She planted both front hooves on the ground in front of her, thinking of what to say one word at a time. “We’re dealing with this tomorrow, I think,” she said, nodding to herself. “Tomorrow sound good? Yeah, it does. I like tomorrow.”
Fluttershy glanced at Applejack. “But Starlight could be coming back at any minute. Don’t you think we should deal with this now?”
“Tomorrow, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, telekinetically lifting her friends and carrying them out the door. “Tomorrow. I think that’s my favourite word now. Tomorrow. Toooooooo-morrow.”
“You don’t have to worry about a thing, Twilight,” Rainbow said as she tumbled in Twilight’s magical grasp. “Trust us, we know how to cook up a mean alibi.”
“Great,” Twilight said. “Super. But tomorrow.” She placed her friends on the ground, giving them a parting smile and wave. “And while you’re at it, please consider cooking up a considerably calming four-part harmony. Tomorrow. That’d be wonderful. Thank you, goodbye.”
Twilight slammed the front door.
Fluttershy shook her head. “Twilight just doesn’t seem to be herself today.”
“Yeah, she would never suggest we procrastinate.” Pinkie started bouncing towards Ponyville. “That’s usually you, Rainbow!”
Rainbow shrugged. “I know, right?”
“She did seem plenty stressed out.” Applejack trotted down the road after Pinkie and Rainbow. “Didn’t think us bein’ changelings was such a big deal, but hey, as she said, she’s been through a lot today. The gal probably needs some space.”
Rainbow Dash tucked her hooves behind her head as she hovered. “Well, I’m not complaining. Now we got a whole day to kill. Anypony up for some buckball?”
Pinkie rubbed her chin. “Well, I already had a four-part harmony planned out in my head, but I guess that can wait. Buckball sounds like a blast!”
Fluttershy paused at Twilight’s door, then turned back to the group. “I suppose I can give it a try, but I can’t say I know what it is.”
“It’s only the best sport ever,” Rainbow said, arching her eyebrows in concern. “You’re telling me you’ve never even heard of it?”
Applejack rolled her eyes.
Rainbow waved everyone over as she coasted down the trail to Sweet Apple Acres. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about how awesome it is on the way.”
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I fixed the episode
Yay
And then the Crystal Empire got taken over. Shining Armor got beaten again. Cadance got imprisoned. Again.
And Twilight said, "Karma".
Oh this looks hilarious.
Now this was pretty amusing. Take a like.
Fix? Debatable. Rendered delightfully absurd on multiple levels? Definitely. Best of luck in the contest.
7559311
Alternately, the fear and paranoia riddling the Empire rendered the Crystal Heart inert, allowing the arctic climate to sweep in. Shining Armor's last words were accusing his daughter of being a changeling.
Buckball?
7559390
That's from Buckball Season, two episodes after The Times They are a Changeling.
this was hilariously stupid
Not Bad. You did a pretty good job with the story. Your great!!!
7559523
#goals -o-
7559654
Well thank you, I'm glad to hear you think so :>
What happened to poor Thorax?
7559792
Oh, shoot, uh…
Later that day, they went back for Thorax and teleported him to the castle and locked him in a room until they could do something about him. Which they will, but tomorrow.
Sorry. I like Thorax, but I didn’t realize I just left him like that… x.x
7559836 Poor guy.
It's amazing how smart and neurotic Twilight can be, yet shining is just paranoid.
Twilight under stress is just too funny!
7559851
I know, but the point of the story was to leave everything unresolved. I just didn't realize I'd left Thorax in that bad of a condition. I'm sure he'll be back to his normal self soon, though ^^
7559854
Stressed Twilight = best Twilight >3>
7559856 I certainly hope so.
7559864
Yes, indeed!
Hmmm. Feels incomplete. But, its okay, its amusing to see even Cadence was convinced
Take my likes, mustaches, follows, and love.
I mean ALL my love.
These feels
7559269 Yes.
Yes you did.
I'm proud of you, adorable Scruchy-Face Twilight.
Do you want some ice cream? Let's go get some ice cream.
I enjoyed this very much.
7560495 Only if you win a...battle of wits?
7560580 The battle was over before it began.
I played that card last week.
Infinite Emrakul.
wait, You're fixing something that isn't broken and you latch on to the thorax episode?
So... is Twilight a changeling?
7559836
7560764 Would it matter if she was?
7560495 7560580
Are you kidding? I’ll take that offer unconditionally. It’s ice cream. o3o
7560679
Yus. I “fixed” an episode that only needed a little bit of fixing, and even though issues from the episode (that I had) are brought up, nothing actually gets fixed. It’s playing a bit on the idea of fixfics.
And not only that, but some people in the comments are writing mini-fics that "fix" this fixfic without really fixing it. It's glorious. -w-
7560764
What 7560808 said. :>
Hmm
I must admit, wouldn't they've realized sooner? Don't most changelings have green magic? Or am I thinking too much?
Probably thinking too much.
Otherwise, nice story.
7561034
That did cross my mind, and it's why I left Rarity out in the last scene. So it's just Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack: all non-unicorns.
7560808
Well, it would make planning for dinner a lot easier.
Great story! You really captured everypony's likeness! =)
Ah， Thorax, my favourite changeling
7559269
Conglaturation, you are winner. You prooved the justice in Equestria. Now go and rest our heros.
Maybe Twilight but I can't see the whole Crystal Empire turning on a dime against Spike and rough treating him on Shining's word.
Seems they like their hero a lot more than their king(?) to the point of offering themselves up to take orders from the dragon.
7561344
They suspected Twilight and Spike were changelings, though, so they're turning against what they think are changelings. If a changeling took the place of their hero, that's all the more reason to treat the changeling roughly and find where the real Spike is. :O
Uh... did Thorax die?
They kinda left him, starving and freezing, in the middle of a snowstorm.
...Alternately, Thorax was proclaimed a hero for getting rid of the two evil changelings that replaced Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon.
I want to like and fave this story cause it's hilarious but I can't because it takes the characters of MLP to a whole new level of retarded. Like Shinings brain dead as hell, Cadence for some reason believed her brain dead husband, the other main six happen to be changelings for literally no reason, and when Twilight and Spike try to actually say 'we're not changelings and we can prove it' but everyone just has something shoved in their ears and something up their ass that it's both funny and so unbelievably infuriating that I just...can't. I'm sorry I still liked the story but still.
7561486
He didn't die :o I just didn't realize how bad a condition I'd left him in and now I feel bad about it :x So about that, see 7559836
7561520
I see what you mean. I agree, Shining and Cadence are acting stupid. It's part of why the AU tag and Comedy tag are up there.
One of my main problems with the episode was I thought Shining is a bit too paranoid to think all changelings are evil, so I ramped up his paranoia to conspiracy levels. It's exaggerated, but not completely unfounded or random. The fact that his wife agrees just kind of adds to the ridiculousness of it. They lash out decidedly for the reasons they state, which are conspiracy levels of stupid, as Twi points out. And the reason they dismiss proof that they're not changelings is because Shining realizes Twilight could be replaced by a changeling for years now, so there's no real way to prove one way or the other whether Twilight's a changeling.
It's stupid, it's ludicrous, but that's kind of the point. Sorry that you found it infruiating. :x
i confess...I wasn't that fond of this story. Leaving it unresolved, while I see why you did it, is rather...well, it causes it to lack issues, and, honestly?
It kinda wore out the "Main" trick INCREDIBLY quickly. After Twilight got exiled...the REALLY funny jokes were done. And, even then...it is the fic that has an important flaw.
Namely...it never moves beyond the basic premises. "Shining armor goes insane paranoid". And...that's it for the main deal. There's the "Thorax goes crazy" scene, and then...the "Okay, that's it. I'm done." scene.
7561580
I understand if you think part of it is funny and part of it isn't. Comedy is subjective and I understand that, and the beginning does have sort of a higher joke density than the rest.
I'm not sure what you mean by this:
Is it that you feel these things are unrelated? Do you mean not enough time/words were spent developing these events?
7559836 Maybe they can't tell one bug pony from the next? A bug pony did show up at that ass's wedding so... they not a big deal in Ponyville?
It goes all the way to the top!
7561599
Pretty much the "Need more time". And, most of the time spent in the last bit is, well, kinda just Twilight going "NOpenopenopenopenope." And, the joke of "The other mane six are changelings" is so out there it isn't really funny. Since...that's all we get.
Basically, it feels like the fic burned off all the good stuff in the first paragraph, and then just kinda...flounders. It's not badly written, I just don't think the design choices are best. You don't seem like a bad author, and it's not a BAAAD fic. But...it just doesn't really make me ROFL.
You have a good premise. But, a fic shouldn't just be "The premise". For instance..."Rainbow dash becomes a goddess" fic? It really goes into detail. Meanwhile, the "Nuggets" fic I just read has a REALLY good surprise punchline. This fic has neither.
My counter argument to Shining Armor. "We aren't Changelings, you are the real Changeling. You are trying to hard to deceive them and kick out your own sister. Its all a part of your plan to get rid of the only ones that can stop you. Don't you see, everyone in this room is probably a changeling, except Spike and I."
7561666
Okay. I think I understand, then.
All the issues are touched on briefly, you're right. My intent was to just pile on problem after problem and then the resolution is that Twilight just nopes out and decides to deal with it later. I guess I could've focused on just one problem and made that worse and worse. The thing is, I feel like if I focused on one of these problems, then the story would feel pretty standard. If I changed the rest of the story to focus on Shining's paranoia, I'd have a different story. The focus of this story is Twilight's stress and her reaction to all these crazy things happening. My hope was that the bad things happening here were not deep enough to require further exploring--I'm sure some people probably hoped for more paranoid Shining, but I tried to make him only paranoid so that you get the idea there and I could move on to the next thing and stress Twilight out more.
Sorry, I shouldn't be defending my story so much, but I'm just trying to maybe show you where I'm coming from with this story. I'll be thinking about this story so that I can hopefully learn from it. I like experimenting from time to time and seeing what works and what doesn't. ^^