The human Twilight has moved to California living with her brother and his wife after a tragedy in japan took her parents lives. As she tries to adjust to her live and crystal prep she comes across strange occurrences that reminds her all to much of the power that took her parents. and thanks to a gift from her late parents she manages to capture some form of magic trying to escape the mirror and with this new power she will put an end to those six girls who abuse their new power. But not as the feeble Twilight sparkle she will stop them as Kamen rider Eternal night!
A/N: An a.u and crossover with the kamen rider franchise specifically the neo heisei.
Collab w/: Deadmanx513 i like to give him special thanks because of his hardwork this story got off the ground give him a follow as well
Well, this story could sure use a good copy-editor.Great idea, would love to see where this goes.Random capitals, no spaces after sentences, dropped punctuation…I remember seeing the group post about this a while back.Only two chapters in, and already I'm diagnosing a terminal case ofLavender Unicorn Syndrome.Keep up the good work.7551914 its okay to give some constructive criticism this is Deadman's first story and i let him take the reigns as main writing and tried to edit and change a few things and i constantly want to improve as a writer and help Deadman expand too.
And we got plans
7551943
Hmmm...Gaia memories...and in EQG-verse too...I like it. Moreover the Nightmare taking or altering the Eternal Memory from Double...ok, you have my attention. So far, story reads ok. Plenty of nitpicks about grammar I could make, but I'm hardly the best at picking them out myself, and I can get past it so long as the rest of the writing is good.
Overall, a good first shot into a new story, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes...kinda wish I could get my own Gaia memory Rider's story going, but still so much I need help with. Alas, best of luck.
7551984 thanks and trust me expect much more then gaia memories
7552019
Ah...for the record, I have ideas for Lockseeds, Core Driviar tech, and of course Eyecon for EQG myself...and would love to see how others might make use of them.
I'd love to see and hear more about this story, if anyone would like me to help in any way. PM me, I'd love to be in on this kinda fic.
7552101 sure why not pm ne your ideas if your not afraid of spoilers for this movie
7603007 thanks
Not bad, not bad at all. You have my attention.
This is just one example of a constant problem, but I almost for the life of me cannot tell which of the two characters in the scene other than Twilight said this line. This is what happens when you don't use dialogue tags while including actions by nonspeaking characters in dialogue paragraphs, everyone gets confused about who's actually talking. Either adding said tags early in the quotes (recommended) or moving other characters' actions into other paragraphs would solve this issue.
8499331
You really couldn't tell from Twilight speaking before this and her mentioning (Dean) Cadence that It was Cinch talking?
8499342
I said it was an example. And yes, when I stopped reading, looked back, analyzed the situation, and thought for a bit, then I could figure out who was speaking. Meanwhile, I could've spent all that time reading on and enjoying the story if the paragraph had made it more obvious who was talking in the first place. That's what's called "pulling a reader out of the story", something writers tend to try and avoid.
8499393
Thanks for the critique I'll pass it along to deadman, any other thoughts?
8499492
I'm really into the story beneath the words and want more, but said wording is acting as a bit of a barrier to enjoying it due to its noticeable sloppiness at times. It's a rather common thing I find myself saying on this site, and there's not a lot of detail to give without editing the story myself, so I apologize for my excessively high writing standards.
8499779
No it's good to have standards, and criticism can only make us better.
And sorry if I seemed rude earlier, it was like 1:00 am in the morning after 3+ hours of writing 2 essays.
8499841
Well, my comments were at 3am my time, though I'm surprisingly rather awake then.
8499857
College student, I'm almost never fully rested
8499860
Out of college, I slept 6 hours a night if lucky, and I'm nocturnal.
8499896
Preaching to the choir dude
"I am Twilight Sparkle! I will defend my friends, WITHOUT you!"
ETERNAL! MAXIMUM DRIVE!
"Nightmare Moon!" Twilight said as she made a thumbs down. "Enjoy your hell." She finished as she slashed the monster, making it burst into flames as it gave forboding final words.
AS LONG AS DARKNESS EXISTS, I EXIST. I AM THE NIGHT! I AM ETERNAL!
Will this continue?
Really curious on what will happen next.
Any plans for Spike too?
Where is he anyway?