- Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 19th, 2023
Sparkling Shield
im a brony with some strange tastes for fan fics, but nether the less, i will write
Sparkling Shield
Joined 7th Jun, 2012 ·
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Okay not really certain whether to dislike or like wait to read the next couple chapters. Everyone that is thumbing this down explain your reason and not be just considered just haters. Reasons tell the author what can be improved upon.
I haven't read this yet... I'm not sure If I want to.
zero likes and "much" is spelled wrong in the friggin' title.
Ok fine.... I'll do it.
Well, I dunno...I have mixed thoughts and I'm willing to share them!
The idea of 3 anthropomorphic ponies is a little wierd, but I guess I could just pretend they're normal....
The plot seems intersting! (not that i'm a normal fan of multiple humans in Equestria only 1 but that doesn't bother me too much)
A little bit of humour near the end "Game Lunar" XD
So I say i'll give this a god chance, I don't see anything to be wrong with this at all, just a unique plot and events! So I'll be honoured to give this it's first like! ;)
808710
Alright, here's a reason: the author can't be bothered to spell his own title correctly, let alone follow the rules of English grammar and punctuation.
its only my 2nd fic, and i noticed the Title was misspelled, so thats fixed
give a guys some credit, i'm only one person
808896 Here is a simple question. When you were deciding on who was going to be a normal pony or anthropomorphic one did you roll dice/flip a coin or had particular characters in mind?
Yeah...I got turned away when I read the first few sentences. One thing I can tell you is show don't tell. If the guy has mega armor or whatever, show it being used, don't just tell us.
example:
"A loud crunch sounded throughout the forest. The hydra reared back and howled it pain as blood flew from it's mouth. Twilight stared confounded at the hairless ape.
'how did you survive that!?' Twilight yelled in confusion.
'Prototype armor from my universe.' the man explained, skipping over the more technical bits due to the hydra preparing it's next attack"
Also, having that kind of equipment just seems...Sue-ish to me, and I hate the term Mary Sue, but that's how it feels. That's probably cause I have no idea who the character is. If you show us who the character is first, it really can make the fact he has the stuff more forgivable.
First chapters should really give us our first insight of a character. Is he a jerk? is he good? What are his hopes and dreams? Again though, show us his personality, don't tell us.
808933 i had particular characters in mind, for i had thought it over for about an hour, and decided to go with the ones who would seem best to be anthropomorphic
RD: cause i thought it would make her look cool
FS: used her for obvious reasons
Rarity: meh, i don't know why
808974 Hmmmm. Just had a slight misinterpretation of which of the 3 mane 6 was anthropomorphic.
FS- You gave that away so yeah.
Rarity- Twilight was normal so had to been her.
Pinkie or AJ- Because thought one of the Earth Ponies would have been it (Each species would have been covered in some way).
*oh well at least it was explained and won't add in confusion in future reading.
.....huh.....
alright, cause i just realized how this could be bombed EVEN MORE, im just going to rewrite the whole first chapter
god, i feel like such an a**
Well, if I were you, i'd stick to just having normal ponies instead of humanised ones.
809005 hold on... you may be on to something
i didn't realized it, but there is a pattern
i have 1 unicorn and 2 pegasi, you have an idea for 1 of each
im going to change that in the rewrite
809151 Don't. Knowing Pinkie breaking the 4th wall isn't the only thing she could do when she wants to.
809670 who said this would be about Pinkie?
809684 Pinkie plain freaky and doing things against laws of reason and physics kinda makes sense.
809684 Let me correct this slight misunderstanding. Say that she remains an Earth Pony to everyone but when your guys all alone and lets say his room (or wherever he is staying) finds a anthropomorphized pinkie under his covers waiting for him (No explanation because its just Pinkie being Pinkie [Though you got to have that OH MY GOD moment during it]).
809716 ahh...
creepy, but i get your point
809727 probably more so if you decide if they are in heat or not.
Here is something to reduce the creep factor from Pinkie Pie. Races/Species that can shift between multiple forms should be the Alicorns (The Princesses Celestia and Luna are considered somewhat deities and are the only Alicorns so doing whatever), Chaos Ponies (I.E. Screwball), and the Changelings (Going this way diffidently grants em more form capabilities and such). Oh and if you need any OCs you can use mine on my blog (Changes are acceptable when discussed).
i changed Ch1 up, as well as have some good length into Ch2
Im Back Baby
Chapter 2 is now posted for your viewing pleasure.
Also, i would like to say, Even if a story has dislikes, it doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a chance. For all you know, it could be a good read.
First thing I want to say is that from reading chapter 1 and 2 that this is a really good fanfic, Second I checked the last time you updated this fic and I would like that you continue.P.S no matter what anyone says you a good writer don't forget that.
Please update this story please.