Forever Cutie

by HiKiwiRavenKing

Love In the Club (Edited)

Ponyville, as its name implies is home to mostly normal ponies, living normal lives, doing normal things, normally, however there is a group of… different ponies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

The Crusaders were in the middle of their latest attempt at earning their Cutie marks. "Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, are you sure there is such a thing as a Cutie Mark in abduction?" Sweetie Belle said "Calm down Sweetie Bell, you never know until you try, right Scootaloo?" Apple Bloom retorted "Yeah, Apple Bloom, help me tighten the rope." Apple Bloom and Scootaloo tied a complicated knot, and ignored the protests of their captives.

"But what if we get in trouble, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's parents will come looking!" Sweetie Belle said worriedly "Don't worry" Apple Bloom said. “I know how to keep their mouths shut, Featherweight, you know what to do." Featherweight arrived armed with his camera and snapped a couple of picture of a bound and helpless Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. "I can see the headline now, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, more scandalous than everyone thought!” Scootaloo excitedly said “thanks Featherweight make sure to keep a full round of papers ready."

"Did we get our Cutie Marks?" said Apple Bloom. "No we didn't, I told you kidnapping Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon wouldn't do anything." said Sweetie Bell sourly. "Well at least we tried” said Apple Bloom “Oh well, do you girls want to sleep over at Sweet Apple Acres tonight?" Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle agreed, and the fillies trotted over to Sweet Apple Acres tonight. The Crusaders stayed up late that night playing many games and having much fun being mischievous. The little fillies even stayed up late enough to hear Big Macintosh sneaking out of the house under the shroud of night to have some… adult fun. This of course did not go unnoticed, as the Crusaders watched Big Macintosh sneak off Apple Bloom whispered, "Hey girls, why don’t we follow Big Macintosh? I've never seen him go out this late before."

The girls followed Big Macintosh to a building they had never seen before, it was in a part of town the girls had never ventured Into. The building at first seemed quite simple, like the majority of buildings located in Ponyville, this one was made of high quality wood and was a large but still modest size. However, as the fillies drew closer they saw this building was quite ornate and was emanating a dim purple glow. There was also a guard posted by the entrance of the building, whom the three fillies were quite cautious of, only after witnessing him buck another colt in the face as he tried to hug him. “We better be careful if we plan on sneaking in that place” Sweetie Belle whispered cautiously. The girls moved slowly and stealthy, sneaking past the guard as he was distracted by a pony wearing… well, very interesting clothing, with openings in certain places… the strangest places the Crusaders had ever seen. As the fillies entered the establishment they noticed this was not just a regular establishment. It was very dim, and there was a faint aroma of sweat, as well as an unusually large crowd of stallions standing by some kind of stage.

The girls crept through the crowd and went backstage. As they naturally started looking around they witnessed quite a few strange sights; bright neon signs, ponies dancing on stage, shaking there flanks suggestively, and stallions cheering as they slip there bits into the mares clothing. As the girls looked around amazed at the foreign surroundings they suddenly heard a loud voice… an all too familiar royal voice… "WHAT ARE THOU FILLIES DOING IN THE CLOP STOP!?" It was Princess Luna speaking in the traditional royal Canterlot voice. In unison the crusaders responded in fright "We were trying to earn our Cutie Marks but now we have no idea where we are! What is this?!" Luna stared at the trio questionably "Oh my poor little ponies, this is non-other than the Clop Stop, the most famous pony strip club in all of Equestria! I'm in charge here” replied Luna calmly “you're free to try earning your Cutie Marks here Crusaders, there are loads of stallions who are into little fillies like yourselves” Luna looked inquisitively at the fillies once more before announcing happily “Oh but of course, first you fillies need some masks, we can't have anyone knowing who my new Strippers are now can we?"

Luna magically floated three masks over to the nervous fillies and pointed them back stage to wait for the current dancers to finish. The Crusaders looked around and at each other in utter confusion "I’m a filly and what is this!?” Scootaloo shouted at the other two Crusaders in shock “Well I have no idea what in the hay is going on here! We can’t be strippers!” replied Apple Bloom “Well… I don’t know but… maybe it can be… fun” Sweetie Belle said timidly while watching the other mares dance on stage “Do you even know what’s going on out there, Sweetie Balle?” asked Apple Bloom “Well no, but those mares seem to be having lots of fun, don’t they?” retorted Sweetie Belle “Yeah, I guess they do look like they’re enjoying it” Said Scootaloo “Maybe… Maybe we can join them?” Sweetie Belle suggested “Well..,” Scootaloo started “Okay” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo said in unison “Soo…” Sweetie Belle said happily before the Crusaders all shouted in unison “Cutie Mark Crusaders Strippers Yay!” The three fillies jumped up and clopped there hooves together before putting their masks and some matching garments on.
As the Crusaders finished getting ready and practicing the routine they came up with from watching the other mares perform Luna walked into the room “So have you fillies considered being my newest strippers?” Luna asked “Yeah, we decided to accept your offer, it looks really fun!” Said Sweetie Belle “And we sure do like dancing too!” Said Scootaloo “Is it already time for us to go up?” Asked Apple Bloom “This is wonderful my little ponies! Yes yes, you girls are up, now go work those blank flanks!” Luna said excitedly “Gives those stallions… no, give us all a show we will never forget!” Luna walked away grinning a little too happily.
After a few moments the previous strippers promptly left the stage carrying an absurdly large amount of bits as well as the clothes they used to be wearing. “Well looks like we’re up girls” Said Apple Bloom “Everypony remember the routine?” Said Scootaloo “Yup” Said Apple Bloom “We’re all set” responded Sweetie Bell. As the three young fillies took the stage three poles descended from the ceiling and landed in front of each girl. Without hesitation the girls began their flashy routine, and the on looking stallions… as well as Luna where loving every single moment of it. As for the Crusaders, they seemed to be enjoying it far more than the on lookers, enjoying the amazing feeling of freedom that comes from stripping in front of hundreds of ponies, the three young fillies truly felt alive. Finally in the middle of their dance the girls noticed something… Something that for the first time wasn’t their fixation… they noticed there cutie marks, but this time not the lack thereof. “Scootaloo! Sweetie Belle! Look!” Shouted Apple Bloom "We got our Cutie Marks!" The Crusaders Shouted together in utter joy "That's not all we got" said Sweetie Bell as she examined herself and her friends “Look at yourselves girls!” Without the Crusaders even noticing, a change occurred within the three fillies, they had transformed from young blank flanks into fully mature mares. What will the Crusaders do now?

Comments

[Delicious]

Once again, I find this story to be rather enjoyable... To laugh at.

For one, your setting yourself up to punch canon in the stomach. I'd like to see how you can make Luna owning a strip club, AND managing it instead of her kingdom canon. Then the fact that she lets the Crusaders dance for the colts even though at this point she probably knows the technicality of it. WHY do the Crusaders kidnap DT and SS? I know that they want to get back at them, but they're not mean enough to kidnap them. WHY do the Crusaders know about scandals and bondage but not know a single thing about strip clubs? (Why are they called strip clubs, they wear no clothing anyways!)

Secondly, while it's not a pure wall of text; it's more of a wall of text with tiny cracks in it.

Also, your going to have to really explain the sudden maturity. I have no idea why the heck it happened, other than to forward the plot. (Hehe, get i- *Hit by brick*)

Lastly, I don't want to hear that they "did a flashy dance" SHOW me the flashy dance. How did they figure out how to do it? What moves did they do? (Don't get TOO descriptive, avoid inappropriate terms to avoid the Mature Tag.) WHAT routine did they remember?

I'm not even going to look for the grammar mistakes, I've seen a lot worse grammar, so that's not your big problem right now. If your doing this for laughs, keep writing...

... But if your trying to make a story that people will enjoy, and not pick on; then I suggest you try something different. There is NOTHING to salvage from this. I can see a few ways to clear up holes, but it would still be laughable at best.

[GIGA-XISBASS]

This is pretty good. btw what happened to this fanfic on Fanfiction.net? It looks like crud now with so many grammer mistakes & such that it looks like a child or troll wrote it. every single chapter. It's not how I remember it when you first uploaded it. I think a hacker got into your account & messed with it.