Apparently Dishonesty is the Best Policy
"No." Celestia stated.
"Why not? It would surely succeed!" Luna protested.
Celestia rubbed her temples. "Luna, we are not lying to our subjects on this level. Besides, it would only delay our problem to a later date, not solve it."
"I'm fine with that." Twilight interjected, her voice muffled from being curled into a ball and under a rug.
"We can't just say you're suddenly not immortal anymore!" Celestia pointed out in exasperation. "Nopony will believe it unless they have some sort of proof."
"Well I mean we could cut Twilight in half again and say she's dead for real this time." Spike suggested. Upon seeing the blank looks he was receiving from two princesses and a rug, he shrugged. "It would stop ponies thinking Twilight's immortal."
"I think that would create a few minor issues." Celestia said dryly. Spike looked thoughtful, then nodded deeply.
"Sister, this may be the only way to grant dear Twilight peace." Luna pleaded. "Our subjects do not know that there is no such spell to remove immortality! It was by the completion of a spell that she ascended in the first place, after all. We could simply claim to have made modifications to that spell."
"Luna that's not how spells work and you know it." Celestia said tiredly.
Luna huffed. "Well, does anypony know what the actual intended effects of Starswirl's spell was?"
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "I suppose not."
"And does anypony know what the magic of alicorns can and can not achieve?"
"... I suppose not."
Luna smiled. "Then it should work perfectly!"
Celestia looked between Luna smiling grandly, the rug breathing heavily, and Spike slowly nabbing the smaller jewels off of her garments.
"You know what? Fine." Celestia sighed. "I'll tell our staff to inform the public that we will be making an important address this evening. It's not like we can make this situation any worse."
"Citizens of Canterlot, and indeed, citizens of our nation! Hear us now!" Luna boomed out, her Royal Canterlot Voice echoing down from the balcony she stood on and silencing the ocean of ponies below. "We have brought thee here to clear up some... Intense concerns that hath been shown!"
Celestia stepped up as well. "My little ponies," she called, "Princess Twilight has been moved by your gifts, and has devised a spell of unprecedented effect." Celestia gestured grandly as Twilight walked up in between her and Luna. "She has discovered how to give up her immortality!"
The gasps that rang from the crowd were silenced by a wave of Celestia's hoof. Twilight leaned out over the railings to stare wearily down at the throng.
"Yeah. I was so, so moved." She deadpanned. "So deeply moved by your mortal concern that I, uh, decided to walk among you again. Yeah."
The ponies erupted into cheering and applause. "We love you too Princess Twilight!" Many voices called.
"Whatever let's do this." Twilight grumbled, standing between Celestia and Luna. The two older alicorns pointed their horns at Twilight, who was slowly surrounded by a growing orb of yellow and blue light. The sphere lifted up with Twilight inside, flashing with radiant purple stars before exploding into streams of magic dust that fell over the crowd as they dissipated. The crowd looked up to the balcony in anticipation.
Twilight pulled her front legs up on the railing and dragged herself into view.
"There! Okay?! I can die again!" Twilight roared out to the crowd. Immediately, cheers of joy and cries of excitement rang out all around, except for from a small group of robed ponies who wept and held eachother. The crowd dispersed, leaving Twilight, Celestia, and Luna alone. Twilight breathed heavily, her nostrils flaring as she tried to calm herself down. After a few minutes, she finally gave out a long breath of relief.
Luna and Celestia both looked on in confusion as Twilight suddenly giggled. Her giggles grew in volume, until she was on her stomach and crying with laughter. Celestia stared at Luna as Luna began to crack up too, joining Twilight in her hearty laugh. Celestia stood in stoic silence as the other two alicorns slowly regained their composure, wiping away tears of mirth.
"You've both lost your minds." Celestia sighed.
"The trick worked! Now I can finally get some peace and quiet with everyone thinking I'm not immortal anymore!" Twilight exclaimed, letting out a deep and content sigh.
There was a clattering sound at the doorway, and all three princesses whirled around to see a young reporter standing halfway in the door with a wide eyed and slack jawed expression. He hastily picked his recorder up from the floor, bolting as fast as his hooves could carry him. Twilight was up and racing after him in a blur, her cry of rage and desperation echoing down the hall.
Celestia and Luna looked blankly on for a long while.
"I'm just going to sleep." Celestia muttered.
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This is a good parody.
Fun! Very well written too I might add. The characterization was solid and it didn't drag on 8/10
Great story couldn't stop laughing from start to finish.
Reloading the story so hard to be the 100th like now. I wonder how many people are doing this or just started doing this at the moment? Oh well.
Edit:Failed to do it so now i'm the 111th like.
Sup. Madness sent us here. Congrats on winning the bet. He's squirming like a gutted fish. Or, at least, I like to imagine he is.
7487583 Oh shoot, thanks for catching that! I'll edit that after FtP ends so I don't break the rules.
7487821 Thank you! I actually didn't expect to win the bet but now that I did... I'm totally holding him to it even if I have to tape him to his keyboard.
And thanks a ton for the watch!
Well, that was entertaining. I was admittedly hoping to see some shenanigans as someone decided to "test" Twilight's immortality, but this was still good.
Well... I should have seen that ending happen, but I didn't. Well played.
Ah, the mindlessness of crowds. One can be intelligent when alone, but when a part of a herd (hue), they tend to do stupid stuff.
Anyway, a highly amusing story! Gave me quite a few laughs. Good job.
well that reporter is dead
good story really funny
Could use a little beta-checking for minor editorial issues, but on the whole incredibly hilarious. Extremely British style of humor, too, which is always a joy.
Would've been funnier, I think, if the spell ascended Twilight even MORE and turned her into this massive astral entity which then spoke in a voice that echoed in non-Euclidian fashion deep into all the ponies' minds and drove them mad, "Well damn..."
Ha! No one said the immortal ponies had to be the overemotional ones! Brilliant twist on the prompt, and a very funny follow-through on the twist. Still, I can't help but think a few divine proclamations and condemnations might have helped. You know, no sacrifices, no fighting the infidels (who, incidentally, aren't,) go about your normal lives, let any who distort the words of the Goddess forever languish in Tartarus for the sin of altering true information in the name of a personal agenda, the usual.
In any case, thank you for this. Best of luck in the contest!
Interesting. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Faved solely for this line:
"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia spoke suddenly, her tone endlessly patient, "you are the only pony I have ever known who would ask me if I am well immediately after informing me that you have been cleaved in twain."
Bravissimo!
this is hilarious. but my question is Are Luna and Celestia inmortal to?
Good story. I can't help but think, though, on what would happen if Twilight decided "screw it, I'm a goddess. NOW BUILD A LIBRARY-TEMPLE IN MY NAME."
And then years later Equestria is more literate than ever before and their space program is building colonies on the moon and Celestia and Luna are like "why didn't we ever think of this?"
7490414
Agreed.
Not gonna lie-I honestly thought someone was going to assassinate her right then and there to see if she was lying.
There are definitely a few gold moments, but overall it is actually a disappointment. A number of elements are definitely Monty Python-esque, but many of the actual scenes garner a chuckle or two rather than full on laughter. It is like when we were all fairly young children, still in that awe of our parents. Like if you had a father who was an excellent woodworker, and you wanted to emulate him, so while he worked on his project you got some wood blocks. He finishes his fine cherry-wood rocking chair and you have your cobbled together block thing. The child definitely gets an A for effort and enthusiasm, but in the end it is still the differences between the master-craftsmen and a child's toy blocks.
There are a lot of works here on FiMFiction where the writers achieved some pure comedy ecstasy, many inspired by a lot of similar things and managing to achieve their own merit. I don't think this story or writer should stand with those just yet. More experience, a lot more writing, and a ton of refinement need to occur first. It is an excellent first try, but I think it is being overrated.
7491983 I'm rather sorry that you're disappointed, but I also understand and actually kinda agree. I'm definitely an amateur author, and I've got a long way to go before I make a story that's truly great or really even close. I've actually been pleasantly shocked that this story has stayed in the featured box as long as it has and gotten the likes it's gotten.
Thank you for being honest with me, though. I'll do my best to keep improving from here.
7492263 Huh. You're right, it really doesn't flow that well does it
When judging is done, I'll be sure to fix that and all the other mistakes people have kindly pointed out. 
7493252 You're very close, but my extremely reliable source of Latin information (google translate lol) told me that it reads "I do not think, therefore, I am of noble birth." I mean I don't know how correct that is because I've not taken Latin and also google translate is google translate, but that's the intent.
What? Awww, that's the end? I thought it had another few chapters. That was really funny. XD I'd like to see more of a conclusion, truthfully - something to indicate where and when everything calms down for Twilight.
Favorite line out of the whole thing: "A blanket made of anvils."
Good idea, Celly. Go get some sleep and just ignore this.
I would totally, honestly do the exact same.
~Skeeter The Lurker
7495436 Yeah, word choice, or rather: Strange Grammar it is.
Was I the only one who thought Twilight should have confiscated the cultist's weapons, and confined them to a corner?
It was hilarious I enjoyed it very much
Run Snapshot, RUN!!!
Kinda dull.
This was a very good story.
What the shit
Best line.
stupid adorable ponies with their cute but stupid and cuddly bodies!!!
woot!
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later Reviews #57.
My review can be found here.
7671840 Fixed! Thank you very much!
Senpai notice me xd jk xD but awesome story!!!!
You've done fucked up.
Love this story. Some of the best comedy I've seen in a while.
We have given this reporter my immortality, go wild.
Now, Front Page I want you to think long and hard about this. You've just discovered that three princesses were lying about being mortal, making the three of them immortal. You however are not immortal. Very not immortal. I'm sure you can see what the right decision is here.
DAMMIT FRONT PAGE
.....Sequel please.
Sequel please!!!!!
8840568
I second the motion! BM!
Please make a sequel?
7496252
Yeah, same.
7672873
Please make a sequel?
Oh my goodness that was sooo good xD
I wish it was longer though
Welp, back to the drawing board.
I love this story and would love to see a sequel
11867233
Oh yeah, that is true.