"I think that this book is not worth the hype that surrounds it."

most of what you write about them sounds write, it is like they walk on a thin line that feels just write when reading the story.
So err I expected him to say, "No I'm just saying that this is not real".
Didn't thought he would speak like he well don't really likes it. However I guess if some people know how it really is they don't enjoy everything anymore and it is kind of their own fault that they can't enjoy it anymore because of always thinking it is not realistic.

On the other hand, he felt strangely... flattered that Rainbow Dash did not want to underestimate him.

I don't want to call it love right there, but it seems he finally starts to enjoy her company.

"Not really. I am somewhat frustrated. Lasertag is one physical activity where I am best at, but she still defeated me, so I'm afraid my masculine pride is somewhat bruised right now."

It may sounds like an execuse, but it seems he only loosed because he started to forget about any tactics and she was only two points better, I would say it was a good game.

"Canterlot High now has a lasertag team, and we want to take part in inter-school competitions, but our team is, well... kinda too green. I'm doing my best to train them, but I'm afraid we aren't up to snuff, especially if others are gonna be as tough as you, Scroll."

sport person or not, maybe Rainbow Dash should have a scene where she is overwhelmed because of joining to many sport clubs.
Not sure how many sports she plays here, but I feel like she mostly can do anything and probably trains anything, but I'm okay with the Lasertag team.
1. I would like you to somehow write it in a way that makes both of them suddenly realize that they are in love, but don't understand it for a long time. 2. Another good option for me would be that Rainbow Dash would start to well want to spent time with him in a way that she would do it, I think that in to many stories, at least Equestria world stories it is already the main char (which is mostly a guy), that has to take the advantage. 3. Maybe they just get drunk because they either party or manage to get themself get locked into some sort of building where they have only some alcohol left to drink. 4. Then both of them or one of them has a picture with them kissing or something on their phone, which of course they had done themself while being drunk. (I try to get some unique scenes everytime.)

He recalled how "happy" Rainbow was, and recalled the feeling of her hug. He almost jerked in place, and felt blood rushing to his face.

Tartarus damn it, man, get a grip! Sure, that was surprising, but not worth getting flustered over!

Still, as he went further and replayed Rainbow's happy hug in his mind, some part of him thought that the hug felt really nice...

I feel like this would normally be a moment where I say that it happens to fast, but the way you write it it keeps feeling just alright.
This might be one of the first or my favourite equestria girl romance that I had seen so far, even if I still have to watch the sports one. I enjoy the stories more than the movies, especially if they work out without the extra magic stuff.

I say it again, you keep writing it in a way where I can hardly do anything elsem than to believe that he honestly starts to like her. I'm not sure if I would say that he already starts seeing her as a girlfriend, but it feels like because they are making each other angry all the time, suddenly getting along makes the happy feelings stronger they recieve. (I hope it makes sense, finding the words in english or how I say it is difficult sometimes). The moment where they hugged each other where really nice.

I guess it is because it is Rainbow, but I would really enjoy her starting the romance, in her own way and someone else has to explain to Scroll what they think that Rainbow probably wants, but please in a way where they are not alknown. I could image him having to move away or something and then Rainbow starting to notice that she likes him, but that feels like something that should only happen if there is going to be a sequel.

This is a random thought, but maybe you can make them 18 or 20 if you should write a sequel, describe only a little bit of what happened so far and make them move out together. Either still living in town or further away, which would lead to them seeing some of the girls more and others less often because they probably live somewhere else too.

I really hope if they only get together in the end of the story, than you could actually think about making one or two more sequels with at least one of the storys they would adopt a child, and then you could turn this story into a ....oh I noticed it alreadys is a M rated story, I thought it was on teen.

I make it one of my favourites for now.

YES! Update!

Oh, goodie, he's one of those whiners who uses stupid buzzwords like "unrealistic".

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most of what you write about them sounds write, it is like they walk on a thin line that feels just write when reading the story.

So err I expected him to say, "No I'm just saying that this is not real".

Didn't thought he would speak like he well don't really likes it. However I guess if some people know how it really is they don't enjoy everything anymore and it is kind of their own fault that they can't enjoy it anymore because of always thinking it is not realistic.

Well, yes, having too little of a suspension of disbelief can really damage one's ability to enjoy things.

I have plans to have Scroll delve a little more into reasons for him disliking Daring Do or some other things popular among his coevals, but not in the next chapter, that's for certain (unless plans change).

I'm glad that you find the way characters interact in the story right

I don't want to call it love right there, but it seems he finally starts to enjoy her company.

Ma-a-a-a-a-aybe a little...

It may sounds like an execuse, but it seems he only loosed because he started to forget about any tactics and she was only two points better, I would say it was a good game.

Scroll did not totally forget about tactics - he still tried to flank or backstab Rainbow, following the "the only unfair advantage is the one my enemy has" principle - but yes, by that time he practically exhausted his tricks and was unable to invent something on the fly, plus he lost his cool somewhat.

sport person or not, maybe Rainbow Dash should have a scene where she is overwhelmed because of joining to many sport clubs.
Not sure how many sports she plays here, but I feel like she mostly can do anything and probably trains anything, but I'm okay with the Lasertag team.

I followed the first Equestria Girls movie, where Rainbow is stated to be the captain of every sports team in Canterlot High, since there appears to be no countermanding info in sequels. I do think of showing consequences of her being that much into sports, though.

1. I would like you to somehow write it in a way that makes both of them suddenly realize that they are in love, but don't understand it for a long time. 2. Another good option for me would be that Rainbow Dash would start to well want to spent time with him in a way that she would do it, I think that in to many stories, at least Equestria world stories it is already the main char (which is mostly a guy), that has to take the advantage. 3. Maybe they just get drunk because they either party or manage to get themself get locked into some sort of building where they have only some alcohol left to drink. 4. Then both of them or one of them has a picture with them kissing or something on their phone, which of course they had done themself while being drunk. (I try to get some unique scenes everytime.)

1. I will see what I can do about it; what you say is close to my own goals, so maybe it might work like this.
2. I have some plans regarding them spending time together. I'm not sure who would be the one to start the romance, though; this is one of the things that I feel I would work out best when the flow of the story already goes somewhere and not in advance.
3. Hmmmm, to be honest, alcohol-induced romantic moments are something that is not to my tastes when done wrong or unoriginally, since I find them too cliche...
4. ...although this actually sounds like an excellent idea! I cannot give any guarantees I will use it, but if I do, I'll give credit to you, and if I forget, don't hesitate to remind me.

I feel like this would normally be a moment where I say that it happens to fast, but the way you write it it keeps feeling just alright.

Thanks, I try to do my best

This might be one of the first or my favourite equestria girl romance that I had seen so far, even if I still have to watch the sports one. I enjoy the stories more than the movies, especially if they work out without the extra magic stuff.

I am glad that you feel like it. Honestly, I'm a little flustered, since it's my very first attempt to write such a story

I say it again, you keep writing it in a way where I can hardly do anything elsem than to believe that he honestly starts to like her. I'm not sure if I would say that he already starts seeing her as a girlfriend, but it feels like because they are making each other angry all the time, suddenly getting along makes the happy feelings stronger they recieve. (I hope it makes sense, finding the words in english or how I say it is difficult sometimes). The moment where they hugged each other where really nice.

Yes, I think I get what you mean. There's still time before he starts to like her like her, as the saying goes, but the first steps for them to be at least friends (even if a bit vitriolic towards each other) have been made.

I guess it is because it is Rainbow, but I would really enjoy her starting the romance, in her own way and someone else has to explain to Scroll what they think that Rainbow probably wants, but please in a way where they are not alknown. I could image him having to move away or something and then Rainbow starting to notice that she likes him, but that feels like something that should only happen if there is going to be a sequel.

This is a random thought, but maybe you can make them 18 or 20 if you should write a sequel, describe only a little bit of what happened so far and make them move out together. Either still living in town or further away, which would lead to them seeing some of the girls more and others less often because they probably live somewhere else too.

Truth be told, sequel to this story isn't something in the works. This story was actually born as a result of a poll I made in my blog, since I had concepts for fics similar to this one but starring different main characters, and Rainbow won it.

If there happens to be a sequel, most likely it will be in the form of another OC/one of Humane 7 romance story set in the same continuity as this one, and it will feature a cameo (or several) of Scroll, maybe something else.

I really hope if they only get together in the end of the story, than you could actually think about making one or two more sequels with at least one of the storys they would adopt a child, and then you could turn this story into a ....oh I noticed it alreadys is a M rated story, I thought it was on teen.

Ahaha, no, it's M-rated, the story description (not the short one) even tells you why.

I'm not sure they will get together only at the end; I have some plans regarding that, but giving even the slightest hint might be spoiler-ish, I'm afraid.

I make it one of my favourites for now.

Thanks a lot! I hope it will remain that way.

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I'm glad that you're happy about the update

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Nobody's perfect, y'know

7939495 it seems I had written always "write", if I wanted to say "right"

I have plans to have Scroll delve a little more into reasons for him disliking Daring Do or some other things popular among his coevals, but not in the next chapter, that's for certain (unless plans change).

I'm glad that it looks like you understood me, even if I probably messed up that part of the comment.

I followed the first Equestria Girls movie, where Rainbow is stated to be the captain of every sports team in Canterlot High, since there appears to be no countermanding info in sequels. I do think of showing consequences of her being that much into sports, though.

Thank you, I just thought it should somehow have some consequences, even if her body should already be strong enough to play every sport after school, I don't think she would really manage it to play everthing after school or help every person that would need her help as a person and stuff like that.
While I don't remember what the cartoon did again, I think her body would cave in sometimes, just because she maybe would even go into that overtraining. I forgot what happened there exactly, but I learned a few weeks ago that you can train to much.

Yes, I think I get what you mean. There's still time before he starts to like her like her, as the saying goes, but the first steps for them to be at least friends (even if a bit vitriolic towards each other) have been made.

somehow that makes it even better, to know that they aren't even that close yet and just starting to be friends. I like it if it happens slower, but at the same time I always hope for a sequel, but I think I talked about that already.

Well if your are thinking that there most likey isn't going to be a sequel then I hope they start to fall in love with each other before the very end, I like to see them acting like a couple too. I'm always interessted in what happens after the(I love you) for some couples that I really enjoy. Maybe you just wait how the storie works out and continue later or something.

To be honest sometimes it just doesn't feels like a sequel if it continues with a different character, but it Scroll appears enough and sometimes the POV would change to him that would be nice too.
I most likely feel that way because how you write.
My favourite character or the one that got me to watch the show was Fluttershy.
If you can't decide on which to take maybe you make some sort of vote.
I like stories to in which Pinkie can act a bit different as soon as she notice she is in love, which doesn't means she is supposed to change her whole character, but I like it if she can has her serious or desperate moments if she is affraid to lose someone.
There are moments in which I think not evn Pinkie should act that hyper sometimes if you know what I mean, because I have a hard time to exlaint that.

Maybe I would even trust you with a Rarity romance, this time again not in the usually way. To often she has an easy time to seduce the main char to listen to everything he is saying, to make him embrassed and stuff like that. I think I would enjoy a story where the main char either doesn't understand her atempts to flirt with him or just isn't interessted at first.

Okay you can ignore the part after Fluttershy if you want, I just got a bit excited to talk about it, even if it is to soon right now, but I don't know anyone in real life who is watching that.

While love hasn't developed between them yet, it's good to see friendship develop between Rainbow and Scroll. Hopefully We'll see romance develop between the two later on.

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it seems I had written always "write", if I wanted to say "right"

It happens, I have seen this more than once. Usually I can discern what one meant, even if there was an error.

I'm glad that it looks like you understood me, even if I probably messed up that part of the comment.

So am I

Thank you, I just thought it should somehow have some consequences, even if her body should already be strong enough to play every sport after school, I don't think she would really manage it to play everthing after school or help every person that would need her help as a person and stuff like that.
While I don't remember what the cartoon did again, I think her body would cave in sometimes, just because she maybe would even go into that overtraining. I forgot what happened there exactly, but I learned a few weeks ago that you can train to much.

Personally, I thought there was a set timetable of when a certain team has training sessions that allows Rainbow to preserve some strength, otherwise she would just collapse. Enough to be strength-consuming, but not to the point she would damage herself.

Although, who knows. As far as I know, in real life one doesn't get to be a captain for every school sports team.

somehow that makes it even better, to know that they aren't even that close yet and just starting to be friends. I like it if it happens slower, but at the same time I always hope for a sequel, but I think I talked about that already.

Well if your are thinking that there most likey isn't going to be a sequel then I hope they start to fall in love with each other before the very end, I like to see them acting like a couple too. I'm always interessted in what happens after the(I love you) for some couples that I really enjoy. Maybe you just wait how the storie works out and continue later or something.

No spoilers... but what you say isn't impossible.

To be honest sometimes it just doesn't feels like a sequel if it continues with a different character, but it Scroll appears enough and sometimes the POV would change to him that would be nice too.
I most likely feel that way because how you write.

If that happens, some moments featuring him most likley will be there, although I don't think he would steal the whole show (I've done some thinking on this and this is the current conclusion).

My favourite character or the one that got me to watch the show was Fluttershy.
If you can't decide on which to take maybe you make some sort of vote.

I will think of it. There are two ways - I can either write the next story which will star Applejack (who had a second place in the vote) and a separate OC for her, or make a new vote since the last one did not include Fluttershy (I did not have the concept for her at that time). In any way, this story must be finished first and I must see the general reception, to conclude whether it is worth to try and continue writing stories similar to this one with other OC/one of Humane 7 shippings.

I like stories to in which Pinkie can act a bit different as soon as she notice she is in love, which doesn't means she is supposed to change her whole character, but I like it if she can has her serious or desperate moments if she is affraid to lose someone.
There are moments in which I think not evn Pinkie should act that hyper sometimes if you know what I mean, because I have a hard time to exlaint that.

Sounds similar to how I envision romance with Pinkie. I don't enjoy it when people treat relationships carelessly, and I think that Pinkie would be less of a cloudcuckoolander in terms of romance.

Maybe I would even trust you with a Rarity romance, this time again not in the usually way. To often she has an easy time to seduce the main char to listen to everything he is saying, to make him embrassed and stuff like that. I think I would enjoy a story where the main char either doesn't understand her atempts to flirt with him or just isn't interessted at first.

Hmmm, yes, Rarity using good looks for seduction is something I want to avoid, and I hate it when a character is constantly embarrassed.

Not too sure about the character not understanding Rarity's flirting attempts, though (unless Rarity is very subtle with it). While "dense male" cliche is amusing at times, I hate it when it's overdosed. I think I should be able to find an example of what I consider an overdose of that trope. EDIT: Found it! Look at this video until 19;15, when the scene fades to black. The dialogue is between male protagonist and one of potential romantic interests. "Not being interested at first" is more like what I would do, although considering that Rarity most likely has a reputation of one of the (if not the) most gorgeous girls, it might not be fully realistic... anyway, still a little too soon to think of it.

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Well, what's the "Romance" tag for? Have patience and it will be rewarded!

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I will think of it. There are two ways - I can either write the next story which will star Applejack (who had a second place in the vote) and a separate OC for her, or make a new vote since the last one did not include Fluttershy (I did not have the concept for her at that time). In any way, this story must be finished first and I must see the general reception, to conclude whether it is worth to try and continue writing stories similar to this one with other OC/one of Humane 7 shippings.

Not sure if I understood the last part right even if it is not that difficult, but if you don't want to continue that one, then maybe with a background character?

Right now I have a few favourites it they are done right, I just mention some, only for you to think about it, not that I'm expecting anything. (Mrs. Harshwinney, Derpy? (So far I had only a story with the silent Derpy, one that didn't talked so much), Bon Bon X Human with a jealous Lyra which could be the problem of the story or one of them. I wanted to say Mayor Mare too, but to be honest I image that I only like her as the pony version.
Long story short, I would be also interessted in Equestria Girls story x OC with :
Mrs. Harshwinney
Derpy? (I'mm really not sure about this)
Bon Bon
.... Chrysalis? It would be interessting to see how you try to fit her into that world without making her a slut, letting her work in a similar job or making her destroy the world, but of course I expect her to have a certain mean or tricky personality.

Hmmm, yes, Rarity using good looks for seduction is something I want to avoid, and I hate it when a character is constantly embarrassed.

Oh god yes, that happens far to often and it is like no other personaliy would exist where they don't blush all the time.

Sounds similar to how I envision romance with Pinkie. I don't enjoy it when people treat relationships carelessly, and I think that Pinkie would be less of a cloudcuckoolander in terms of romance.

Not too sure about the character not understanding Rarity's flirting attempts, though (unless Rarity is very subtle with it). While "dense male" cliche is amusing at times, I hate it when it's overdosed. I think I should be able to find an example of what I consider an overdose of that trope. EDIT: Found it! Look at this video until 19;15, when the scene fades to black. The dialogue is between male protagonist and one of potential romantic interests. "Not being interested at first" is more like what I would do, although considering that Rarity most likely has a reputation of one of the (if not the) most gorgeous girls, it might not be fully realistic... anyway, still a little too soon to think of it.

It seems like you understood my main problem with what I said about it.
Well I guess it depens on the OC if he thinks Rarity is the best looking one too, or if he starts to like her for something else. It could be that he thinks she is overdressed (that's the word right?) or something, like I sometimes think that lipstic on some cartoon characters doesn't look good.

I like to think that even if I understand your points, that Rarity doesn't has to be the most gorgous girl for everyone. However I believe that it is like with some models, that she still owns that titel and that the OC couldn't call her ugly, but would just prefer something different if it is mainly about the looks.

Like I said I believe you understood my main problem with it, that Rarity has and to easy time to make the character blush, embrassed, making them fall in love with her and all the stuff, like that would be even the only thing she is good for. Sometimes I hate it if the main char is treated a certain way from authors and characters.

"You'd better not, son, or I'll marry you off to this Dash girl."

Me thinks that's going to happen anyway

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LOL, no promises

Me still waiting 2 years later.

Is this dead?