The Right Way To Do It (Trigger Warning)

by Thread Necromancer

Press 0 To Dial THE OPERATOR (Skip this, it's just for consistency)

Most of the militants were saying they saw her go northwest. They had no way of knowing how far though. The militia leader’s idea was to call up their equivalent of special forces consisting of veterans, ex-law enforcement, and geardos that spend too much time doing shooting drills. They were given a brief by the leader, “Head northwest and stop at any towns to ask the residents if they saw anything. If you find they had made a base, gather information and photos. We’ll pass it on to the National Guard and hope they believe us. And if you see anyone that looks important, kill them.” The operators headed home to clean their suppressed, 300. Blk, flat-top, piston, SBR, with PMAGs and Delta Aimpoint AR-15’s. They were to set out a little after dawn.

…

They combed their God-like beards as a last minute preparation and boarded the raggedy-ass pickup truck and were soon headed down the highway. They went north and turned west at Gila Bend to get on highway 8. Their first stop was Theba.

An operator knocked on a random door. A man came out and greeted them. The operator asked “Did you happen to see anything strange fly over town last night?” The man said he didn’t. The team continued this process door-to-door.

“Did you see a-”

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?”

After asking many residents, most agreed they were too directly north for the escapee to have passed over. Next stop was sentinel. After much asking, they found a few people that said saw something, so now they knew they were heading the right direction. They tried asking at Quartzsite but no one said they saw anything so the team concluded that they had to be east of 95 and somewhere between 10 and 8 and began an offroad search.

…

General McFuckit was sitting in his command tent at the base they set up secluded in the desert when he felt the need to take a piss break. He was making his way to a random spot in the desert when one of bushes sprouted legs and ran at him. His final thoughts were “What is with this world and the plants being so hosti-”

The operator remembered this wasn’t a video game and that stabbing screaming people isn’t exactly as stealthy as you’d want it to be.

“GODDAMMIT CARL! You compromised us.” No one actually cared because 1. Guns vs. swords and 2. They could finally use their experience. One of the operators recalled what Dynamic Pie taught him. He synchronized the manual of arms with the earth’s rotation and executed a magflip. The magazine boomerang’d to the other side of the camp. “Ouch!” “Ow.” “The hell was that?” “Ach, mein bein.” And a slew of other strange and unique phrases echoed from the other side. The rest was just boring shooting. National Guard did what National Guard does and took care of the rest ok let’s get into the finale.

Author's Note:

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Comments

[verypeeved]

huh. i guess everyone did skip this one.

so tonight we kill the president

[NotShadowLotus488]

8093885 Yeah, kinda empty here...

Didn't work, huh?

[verypeeved]

8209684 yeah, it's very quiet.

maybe it did

[Wir sind verloren]

8210830

8209684

8093885
Exclamation: YOU ARE BOTH HERETICS!