Spike had a pretty hefty load in front of him: Both in the laundry sense and the metaphorical one. Between last night's food, this morning's food (with over four times the normal pots and pans to clean thanks to his experimentation), the sparring, and general upkeep of the surprisingly large library... He sighed and tied on a simple kerchief and apron before settling in to work.
Normally when Spike did his cleaning it all went by in a surprisingly entertaining blur, kinda like cooking but backwards and with furniture. So not like cooking at all, unless you were preparing meals for a time-reversed couchovore... Maybe that dream with Discord last night needed some more checking out? Either that or Pinkie was rubbing off on his sense of humor. That second option was a lot more palatable than the first, but maybe not by the margin most ponies would guess. Pinkie could be scary when she put her mind to it.
Back on track: Cleaning. It often went by in a blur. Today? That sort of honed mindstate kept getting interrupted by his Gamer abilities doing their own thing. The first sign of trouble came when he was elbow-deep in the literally-boiling literal actual cauldron they used for dishes that sat overnight: The sink was fine normally but Twilight didn't cope too well with residue, as a concept. So he was using their thickest-bristled scrubber and some direct clawing to peel gem'd eggs off of one breakfast plate...
And then the window opened. Not the Library window, but-
A skill, [Dish Washing], has been instantly mastered through peerless basic action honed by years of practice!
"HAH!"
"Spike?"
"Nothing, just... thorough. The system is very, very thorough."
[Dish Washing] (Passive) Lv 1 EXP: 0.00%
A technique to wash dishes. With higher mastery, you can clean absolutely any stain.
5% increased speed and accuracy of washing dishes.
For anybody else this would have been a little insult stacked up onto all the other weirdness of his new life, but for Spike this was a blessing from above and below. Even if he didn't cook for two most days and far more every week or two? His dietary tastes wreaked raw havoc on the silverware and plates. This would be a lifesaver: Literal minutes or hours of his life saved, especially if the benefits kept scaling at a consistent rate.
So that first time it was fun. But he only realized something was particularly strange however, when it happened again six minutes later after he started the
[Laundry]
and his sense of confusion only grew stronger when he began
[Sweeping]
and... Well. Suffice to say, the time between their meal and Pinkie's scheduled arrival was one box after another. Indeed, it was a complete army of them, all joined with this strange tingling and pulsing in the back of his head and neck. It was like the sensation of somebody watching you from afar amplified a thousand-fold, and it got worse with every skill he acquired.
[Mopping], [Grout Scouring], [Clothes Washing], [Clothes Drying (Draconic)], [Clothes Drying (Delicates)], [Ironing], [Filing], [Weeding], [Mowing], [Dusting], [Lab Safety], [Rune Maintenance], [Ward Maintenance], [Ward Comprehension], [Glass-Care], [Wood-Care], [Hemming], [Stitching]...
By the end of the ordeal Twilight had stopped what she was doing and started following him out of a mix of morbid curiosity and legitimate concern. The sense of outside forces impinging on him hadn't stopped growing, and he'd started having difficulty describing things: Ward Comprehension had become an Observe subskill so he would normally have treated it with more ceremony, but it felt like he was under an enormous amount of literal physical pressure...
Pressure which flew away in a moment of perfect clarity and a single, final notice.
By amassing a veritable hoard of skills for maintaining and improving the home, your efforts have culminated in the [Dragon's Den], a skill to protect your heritage!
[Dragon's Den] (Active and Passive) Lv 1 EXP: 0.00% MP: Varies
A hoard is not a hoard without a den to keep it, and the draconic race make their lairs precisely fit their comforts. For most that means safety and inhospitability to other races, but it does not have to be that way. A true den is a home and a hearth, a place to rest thy weary head and find the comforts the outside world cannot, or will not, give.
All of your house-care skills and area defense abilities are consolidated into this skill via merger.
You have greater ability to guard and manage temporary 'homes' such as campsites, hotels, etc.
You have the ability to create various wards as well as alarms and monitoring techniques.
This skill will grow based on the skills it has merged with: Their quantity, levels, and practice.
Merged Skills: Dish Washing, Laundry, Sweeping, Mopping, Grout Scouring, Clothes Washing, Clothes Drying (Draconic), Clothes Drying (Delicates), Ironing, Filing, Weeding, Mowing, Dusting, Rune Maintenance, Ward Maintenance, Glass-care, Wood-care, Hemming, Stitching
"...Spike?"
He raised a claw to make it clear he heard, looking at the screen with a touch of wistfulness.
"Yeah... Just got another 'Dragon's' skill. It's, uh, it just got to me a little."
The concern in Twilight's voice was an obvious over and under tone, composing the sub and text.
"If you're worried about the nature of your species, I'm sure we could find some avenues for getting answers-"
"No! Well not no, I mean yes, or yes but... I want to get answers on my own time. And part of that is to say I want to get answers later: We have bigger things to worry about here and now."
"Alright: I trust your judgement, Spike."
He couldn't help but smile at the pride on her face, but to avoid things getting too mushy he diverted the topic to his newly-acquired skill. Given that it directly interfaced with relatively unusual magic like wards? Twilight was interested instantly. Plus, the cleanliness appealed to her on an entirely different level.
"Think of the sanitation! Oh, things cleaner than new... I wonder how many levels it will take in Dish Washing before you can achieve laboratory sterility?"
"I think logically speaking I'm going to let that one... A lot of these, actually. I think I am going to let most of these just grow through normal usage. It'll help be a case study on the difference between grinding and sustainable practice! That, and I do more than enough of this stuff to begin with."
"That is completely fair! Do you at least want to test the warding functionality?"
"Are you kidding me!? The only real question is if I should do the entire library, or just one room."
The reply came from over his shoulder, a little higher than expected, and in a very different voice.
"Oooooh, are we planning a remodel or a makeover or a remodelover?"
Neither of them flinched but it was a damn near thing. Doubly so for Spike, since his senses had only gotten sharper over the course of the last day... So to have Pinkie Pie still be capable of sneaking up on him? That rankled him just a bit.
Of course the offending pony didn't have a single hint of malice on her face or in her heart, so he softened his mood before he even finished turning around. He had been looking forward to this visit after all, even if her method of arrival legally qualified as an ambush. Looking above her head...
[Maid of Heart]
Pinkie Pie
LVs 4, 1, 3
...Yeah that didn't really help anybody, and he's not sure why he even bothered.
"Hey Pinkie! How's the morning treatin' ya?"
He barely finished getting the sentence out edgewise before he's crushed in a fluffy pink greeting-hug, which lingered a bit more than usual before moving on to Twilight.
"Good! Great even, just sort of working off the excitement from yesterday's big feast-o-rama!"
"Not big enough to justify a -palooza huh?"
"Spike, -paloozas are legally required to have at least one musical number in attendance! I don't wanna get my ludicrous-party-license revoked again."
"...Again you say."
She swooned back with a hoof against her brow, sighing dramatically.
"The licensing board is a cruel mistress! Well, it's made up of Cruel Mistress and a few other members of the Clowning Cabinet, but-"
Twilight shook her head and stepped back from the presently-pedantic pink pony.
"I never can tell when you're joking about all of this party stuff, Pinkie."
"Laughing matters are no laughing matter Twilight!"
They all gave that one a second to itself before all of them started giggling, the kind of call-and-response cadence that felt weird until you'd been in Ponyville for a few years. When they settled back down from the outburst, Spike explained what they had actually been planning to do. Twilight, as fit her nature, watched the conversation with her serious-business expression. After all, this was the first chance she'd gotten to see Spike discussing his Gamer nature with other ponies.
Pinkie listened carefully to his explanation and found the plan to be perfectly timed, given her own 'luck' with stepping through and around Twilight's defensive barriers. Not to mention architecture in general, other forms of masonry, social boundaries, etc.
"-so I should totally be your first test-breaker!"
"Pinkie, I don't know if pen-testing an unknown ward schema is a good idea-"
"Oh come on Twililiy, when have I ever been a lover of good ideas?"
"...For about as long as you've known that trying to butter me up with silly nicknames isn't effective. Which is to say, hopefully starting now?"
"Pffthaha, silly! That'd be a causal accident waiting to happen, asking me to have retroactively loved good ideas starting at a present moment. Time just doesn't work that way!"
Resisting the urge to face-hoof with notable force, Twilight just stepped away towards the stairs.
"That... I'm going to concede the point. Have fun you two: I will go watch from a safe distance."
Pinkie shrugged while Twilight trotted away, coincidentally rubbing her mane against Spike. So it was less of a shrug and more of an extremely exaggerated head-tilt, but... Pinkie.
"Okie-doki! How big do you want to make it, Spike?"
"...Hm. Let's be pretty normal for a first test: I know a lot of wards don't like being set up in thin air-"
Twilight's voice echoed down the stairs in outrage.
"Don't like!? Spike, that is often outright catastrophic!"
"Yeah like I said, they don't like it. And I don't know if I even could ward the entire library, especially with Twilight's defenses already being in place-"
"Fat lot of good it does us when ponies just waltz in like they're allowed..."
Pinkie tilted her head again, thus tickling Spike again. He made an effort to ignore it.
"But they are, right?"
"I- What?"
"This is a public library! During open hours aren't citizens of Ponyville just... allowed to be here?"
The only reply they got was silence... Then stomping noises. Rattling, a drawer opening, magic... And the rapid skritch of a quill across scroll paper. Finally Twilight called out again:
"Thank you Pinkie! It's amazing how often we overlook things right under our noses! That has been bothering me for so long... Wait, is that how you set up that surprise party back in the day?"
"Nope! You had only just gotten into town, so I'm pretty sure the defensy stuff wasn't even up yet."
"Right, right, of course. Carry on!"
They both went to shake their heads in exasperation, but Spike decided to be cheeky and leaned over to rub his spines against Pinkie in retaliation for her sneaky rubbings. She jumped and giggled the entire way up and back down, which took far longer than gravity probably wanted.
"Spiiike! What was that for?"
"Well you kept rubbing your mane on me like you were trying to generate static, so..."
"Oh! Hahah, hehee... Whoops. Just feeling extra fuzzy this morning I guess!"
"No worries: But yeah, I think we should find an enclosed room to do this in."
That got Pinkie quiet almost immediately, although he realized (too late) that it might have been an issue of his phrasing as opposed to the pink pony getting into 'serious mode'... Oh well. They'd both said more embarassing things on accident yesterday anyways!
"Aheh... Closet?"
"I'll stay here! Wouldn't be much of a break-in attempt if I was already inside, right?"
"Pfft, yeah. The intruder is coming from inside the house... Which means they're not intruding at all. They're more like a lurker, at most."
"Well I'd hate to be accused of lurking! So get in there and do your business, and I'll try to steal the profits."
Hmm Neat
Bow-chica-wow
Hang on a second, I know that one!
And man is it fitting! Though I have to wonder how much this foreshadows.
Very nice shipping, I like it. Hopefully it stays at this stage for a little while. I've seen too many stories that rush this part.
Dragon's den sounds very useful, especially for spike. I look forward to seeing how the ward testing works out.
One of the things not addressed in the show.
It helps me to know that the author isn't as familiar with Homestuck as he probably thinks he is; the Heart aspect is used solely in the Kingdom Hearts sense of being souls in all but name. Relationships (platonic, familial, or otherwise) fall under Blood, which I admit would be pointlessly terrifying and/or require Pinkie to explain things (aka be pointlessly terrifying).
Tagging 10314695 because someone is wrong on the Internet, and their name is EnderHooves. (Do you really think I'd be making an XKCD joke if I was seriously offended? Obviously not, so you shouldn't be either)
10314751
You're right, I probably am wrong! I never did get into homestuck, but I recognised the class name and decided to do a quick google of it, and it led me here.
And looking at that stuff, I'd say pinkie fits pretty well. So if it's wrong, it's on my source.
(Why would I be offended, lol, I can see you mean it all in good fun.)
I'm keep looking forward to reading this story every time it updates. Keep up the great work!!!!
LoL, Pinkie's newest title. I'm gonna say this again, you've done a good job at expressing Pinkie as a character. Her zaniness comes through clearly, but not to the point that it becomes annoying. And I'm just laughing at how Spike doesn't yet seem to consciously understand why Pinkie was rubbing against him. But if his wording, and later realization of how it sounded, was any indication then he might be noticing it subconsciously. Heh, now I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when they're in the closet together... And if Twilight noticed anything about how Pinkie was acting? She'd probably enjoy getting some payback on her littlebrothersonfriendassistantnoknownwordexistsyet after all the teasing he's given her recently.
Always a pleasure to read. I especially like how you addressed ponies just showing up in the library. I had resigned myself to believing that Twilight never added any defenses to it. And maybe or maybe not, that is true in canon. But, what you have proposed fits so well, i have added it to my headcanon.
10314751
You literally could not possibly be more wrong here: Trust me when I say that this was 100000% deliberate, and that Pinkie has a lot more dumb pink bullshit up her lack of sleeves than we'd like to discuss here.
...and that I've got way way way too many hours plugged into Homestuck scholarship to take even this minor affront lying down. :P
X
I ship it
Seeing two possible things for pinkies level.
The first is the old pinkie and pinkamena being separate personalities thing. With one being level 1 and the other being 3 and them working together being 4.
The second theory is it's some weird party pony thing hat let's her adjust her level using those 3 numbers as needed.
Levels available being 1 3 4 5 7 8 13 14 17 etc
10314873
See, given that you apparently did exhaustively hash this stuff out, the Author's Notes function is intended for showing your work in cases like this one where the technically correct reference is a bad idea. The existence of that discussion means you are well aware that you're surrounded by huge nerds, and expecting nerds not to nitpick every little thing you don't self-nitpick first is failing to understand your audience.
(You weren't supposed to agree with the guy saying "you are technically correct, the best kind of correct," only glad that he'd been convinced to go away. Futurama had a tendency to mock its own audience like that)
10315044
I'm fine with addressing it in the comments, but I explicitly avoided bringing it up in the Author's Notes because I consider explaining the veracity and nature of this particular reference to be closer to a spoiler than I'm comfortable with. Comments section tho? People are already making their peace by coming down here to begin with. :V
10315049
Yeah, Heart in particular is pretty spoilery due to the hows and whys of its reveal in Homestuck itself. The Prince reveal that comes along with it helps explain Eridan's earlier actions, though
I'm not sure you know what "mastered" means...
the ONLY thing I can even THINK of to explain this is that the gamer ability ignores all past experience, and levels/skills only work on top of "natural" skills and abilities... aka he didn't get any slower going from being a master to level 1, but when he goes to level 2, he'd get noticeably faster and have easier times removing stains and the like, even if he never had a problem with them before... but, because of how how it was worded, I can't be sure
Why somehow I had the feeling that the system was changed with the one of Undertale in that precise moment?
Soooo, Spikepie shipping......yah know what? Fuck it, Full steam ahead!
Hell, why not throw scoots in with em? So damn the Torpedoes and away we go!
Spike gains one of the Top Skills?
The Readers Digest Complete Manual Of Home Maintenance?
It certainly makes sense if youre looking at a game engine where everything can be improved through skill use. I was thinking the equivalent is Spike starting with a beach towel, then because thats camping etc, scales to sheet, then add a rope to form a bivouac, then a tent, then the tent doesnt become larger, on the outside, instead it links to Inventory space or equivalent on the inside? Or rather, the only reason the tent would scale under Dragons Den skill would just to have larger, ease of access entry, unless spacial scaling occurs around it like Wonkas Chocolate Factory?
Why a tent? Well, its a lot easier to carry around than other building materials, and if the tent is made of spun woven gem fibre, then its quite definitely passively fireproof, lava proof, extremely weapon and weather resistant.
Spike considering a NORI brick for Dragons Den.
Youre Fired.
Molten steel dripping off the brick. Brick just sits there looking unimpressed. Or at least unaffected. And the tent fabric is at least as resistant, but can have runes and other patterns woven into it?
Spike has yet to realise there is nothing he can use to stop Pinkie because he doesnt know about L-Space yet?
Or is this all just a setup by higher power to help Spike come out the closet under his own understanding?
10315176
pinkamina, pinkie.....idk... serprize?
10315107
"Mastery" is the subsystem of acquiring a skill over time in Spike's Gamer abilities. So "mastered" in the syntax of this Gamer-style system means "learned to the point where the system recognizes it as a trainable skill", as opposed to the normal conversational meaning of "have acquired total comprehension and executional ability". We've seen previous Mastery percentages come up before, and they have and will work the same way (IE, at 100% he'll have an untrained Level 1 skill, as opposed to no skill at all), this one just apparently back-filled all of his past experience to that meter.
Now the Golden Oaks Library might not get destroyed by TIREK !!!
Both the Golden Oaks Library and Twilight's princess castle had no security features, and Rainbow Dash does a ton of collateral damage due to her unwillingness to slow the heck down.
Would creating a [Dragon's Den] inside a living tree unlock the WOOD elemental affinity? Or would Spike first need the [Wood] affinity before he can properly ward a living tree to its full potential?
If it's the later, I wonder if Elemental Affinities will affect what kind of wards Spike can enchant and maintain:
=[Fire] for fire-protection, heating, and magical candles/torches.
=[Earth] for durability.
=[Metal] for anti-rust and metal preservation.
10315222
iznit that another pony?
10315644
i think you're forgetting that tirek blew up the treebrary with a laser of concentrated magic from the source of literal thousands of ponies, the wards would be overloaded, overperformed, then malfunctioned like it's going out of style, which usually ends with an explosion anyways so that tree was 6 wayed then funked up the plot for good measure.
great chapter
10316101
Surprise was the first version of the Pinkie Pie personality.
10315176
Actually, i think that title change was a homestuck reference (which does fit her very well) and a not-quite-subtle way of saying even the omniscient system doesn't know what to do with Pinkie. Or it can be doing what we've seen other ponies doing: changing their title based on their behavior/actions.
10316105
Very true.
However, the treebrary's roots did survive, so I thought Spike mimicking Earth Pony magic combined with [Dragon's Den] might let him slowly regenerate the treebrary. IRL, deciduous tree stumps can sprout and grow into new trees so long as the roots are intact.
Twilight: "Spike! Is the treebrary regrown yet!"
Spike: "It's only been a month! Go back to your fancy castle!"
Applejack: (babytalking to re-sprouted stump) "Don't pay her any mind, you'll be ready when you're ready. Whose a good tree? You are! Yes you are!."
10315430
QUESTION:
If Spike helped Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie play pranks and it unlocked [Craft Trap], would that be absorbed into [Dragon's Den] or would it remain a separate skill?
Just wondering if stationary pranks placed inside a [Dragon's Den] counted as a security system if intended as a thief-deterrent.
Nice.
Well, everything you do could be considered a skill, including all of those.
Hey now, that is a very nice result.
I see that the Pinkie ship appears to be proceeding. I wonder how bad the flirting is going to get and if Twilight will eventually have to call them out on being too blatant about it in her presence.
10316101
pega-pinkie
>:) Surprisingly accurate classpect! Passively creating Heart, or creating through Heart.
10316123
It might be that some aspect of Pinkie's nature allows the System to access extrauniversal titles for her. It's even entirely possible that Pinkie has a specific class in the System which allows her title or nature to be pulled from other incarnations of the System itself, running in other dimensions. I suppose the question becomes more whether the titles can be pulled from any other being, or only others which have that meta-class across incarnations. Meaning that somewhere out there, someone who was a Maid of Heart came under the purview of an incarnation of the System and was assigned the cross-dimensional nature, making their title (and perhaps a soupçon of their abilities?) something which could be accessed by their interdimensional peers.
Of course, that would mean Pinkie would keep showing flashes of a near-endless bucket of weird supernatural powers and bits of knowledge here and there, haha, like that would ever happen...
10314693
Tucker, no. We talked about this.
Homestuck Pinkie 🦀🦀🦀
HOMESTUCK!!!! ♊♊
You know one time i did some weird test thing and got the result of Prince of Space for myself
Everyone down here talking about something called Homestuck and I'm just sitting here thinking "Damn, Spike needs a butler suit..."
10314693
SHIP IT!
... she certainly is, made of heart.
Pinkie Pie - And you can say logic goodbye.
We have a Pinkie Pie - Your logic is invalid.
Buttload of random fun incoming...
I can already see it being involved in some minor incident where he gets the devotion of some maid by cleaning a family heirloom that nopony could fully clean... or something. ;)
Most of these skills, when applied creatively to mundane situations, could become very rewarding solutions, if you catch my drift... ;) In most games, your skills are put to use on problems that are clearly matched - so, potion-making to make potions (but not tea), scrubbing to get clean metals (but not dishes), combat for... well, combat (but useless for chopping wood)... and so on.
Spike isn't so limited.
If I could get skill points and improvements from doing shit like cleaning... my house would be fucking spotless. And by the time the fun and novelty wore off, I'd probably have enough levels in them that I'd do it all in 15 minutes, incl. scrubbing the floors, or something... That would be worth the pain of gaining the Gamer skill, alone.
Imagine gaining levels in whatever it is you do at work... Seriously. Going to seminars and training would be so much more worth the effort... or at the very least you'd be able to tell if something was worth it or not, if it said "Increases your mastery to lvl 20" and you're already lvl 30. Half the time I feel like this should be a thing... "You have completed [Networking 2] and learned nothing new."
(edit: 2021-10-24)
Also, this. It may seem like an insult, but... these activities are something you have to do anyway, like it or not. You would be doing them anyway, like it or not. So, in essence, they're free improvements for things you wouldn't be able to avoid doing. All win, no loss.
Now, getting a skill for masturbation might be a little cheeky... but let's face it: also something you'd probably be doing anyway... ;]
*Looks at sentence*
*sigh*
Why do i have to be this way?
10531154
I suppose it's a naturally-occurring occupational hazard for us people of culture: I dig the WF avatar by the by. :P
10320561
I got Knight of Mind.
Wow... So Pinky is a multiclass character? Makes sense.
10633287
No, her level is ever changing more likely. After all, last time Spike saw her Pinkie's level was Pi.
Creator of Heart huh.. I guess it fits for Pinky. Although I'm not sure whether or not to be worried that she has a heroic title... Or just take it as the reference it probably is.
Still... suspicion will remain.
This chapter on sanity: