I rather have blood and gore then rainbows and sunshine Apple jack is best pony but Clayton Carmine respects his family more.I LOVE THAT POP (Blows a Haters head off.)
When the CMC find a old helmet Twilight believes that there was a time before Celestia's rule so Twilight and her friends go back in time only to find there in the middle of a war,with the help of some new friends they might be able to find thier way home or thier new graves. Gears of war belongs to Epic games
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I dont know why it makes those spaces.
789564 The spaces are a good thing. You really need to break up the paragraphs. You also need to fix up your grammar.
This is intriguing, quite so. Hmm hmm hmm. Fix the grammar and we may have an accord on a favourite towards your story.
Yes my Chairman
Love the story man especially since you put Clayton Carmine as a main character (best gears solider there ever is)
keep it up can't wait to read more
Clayton Carmine FTW
Like the name change. I was lurking around and saw a person named Clayton Carmine commented on my stories but I realized it was you, valor fan. Also, nice to see that you picked up a knack for writing a story. I'm going to read this now and if the grammer and such isn't too bad, I'll keep this as a read-it-later and track it. Good luck because for me, it's pretty hard to kill off ponies. It seems just wrong for some reason.
ya... is confused as to whats going on
[img]:thumb310750948:[/img]
This has a LOT of grammatical and punctuation errors. And the first part repeated itself. But the plot is good. All you need to do is tidy up the page.
Who the hell calls Clayton Carmine gay? I Garentee they are probably dead
most likely there will be lambet, locust and cogs, equestria will look like earth in the cog universe in no time
this looks alright, but you need to fix some things
1. you have to pretend your audience is stupid and have never seen mlp or gears of war before because there needs to be more details
2. the pacing needs to be slowed down a bit, take your time to describe characters and scenery
3. dialogue
EX:
"Twilight"
"Sweetie Belle"
you need to separate the dialogue like that to make it easier to read and to make the chapters seem longer
basically this is a good concept but it needs to be re written
I can't read this