What Just Happened?
Twilight sobbed quietly to herself. Yesterday, her brother was going to get married. Today, her brother was brainwashed, her foalsitter was replaced by a Changling, and everyone else, including her, was captured. And to make matters worse, Chrysalis was gloating.
"Well, this is quite a momentous occasion. You will all remember this day as the day that Equestria fell to the Changling Hive. And there is no one left to stand in my way!"
All of a sudden, the doors opened. "Is this? No, this isn't the bathroom." Everypony turned to see who had spoken, it was a large bipedal figure in blue armor.
"And just who are you?" asked Chrysalis.
"Oh, my name's Caboose, hi. Hey, is that you Tex?"
"I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changling Hive, not this Tex you speak of."
"Oh, sorry, it's just you're just like her, you're big, and black, and mean, although now that I think about it she's not a bug pony."
"Quiet you fool!"
"Is O'Malley in your head? He was in my head for a while, it wasn't very fun." Caboose turned to look at the other ponies in the room. "Wow, there are a lot of ponies here, there are regular ponies, and ponies with wings, and ponies with horns, oh look," Caboose walked over to Rainbow, "it's a Blue pony. I'm Blue too, we should be friends."
"What are you doing here?" Chrysalis asked.
"Oh," Caboose turned towards her, "I was in this big temple looking for a new body for Church, he's my best friend, when suddenly I had to use the bathroom. So I put Church down to look for one, since I don't like it when people are looking at me when I'm in the bathroom, and after walking around for a while I ended up here, this place looked a lot smaller on the outside."
"This isn't a temple," Twilight said.
"No I remember, we were in the desert to rescue Tucker, and he said it was a temple, so I'm in a temple."
"Um, you might want to look outside," Twilight said while pointing at a window.
"Okay," Caboose said cheerfully before walking to it. "...that is not a desert. Hey, miss bug pony lady?"
"What do you want?"
"Oh, I was gonna ask if you knew the bug ponies who were chasing the nice looking ponies, but I would like a cookie."
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
Caboose sighed, "You know, I'm getting real tired of people offering me a cookie, then not giving me one. First it was Sarge, now you, this isn't a very nice prank."
"Aw," said Pinkie before pulling a cookie out of her mane, "here you go."
"Thank you miss nice pink pony lady," Caboose said before putting it in his pocket, "pink people are always nice to me."
"It's lightish red!"
"Um, aren't you gonna eat that?" asked Dash.
"Silly Blue pony, right now is helping friends time, food time comes later."
"Silly Dashie, everyone knows that," said Pinkie.
"Anyway, since it's 'helping friends time'," Dash said, "think you could help us?"
"No problem, just hold still." Caboose fired his gun, the bullet ricocheting off several stain glass windows shattering them, cutting the ropes of no less than 2 chandeliers, before finally puncturing the cocoon that was holding Celestia, and hitting her in the flank.
"Yeaowchi," Celestia screamed as she spilled out of the cocoon.
Caboose looked at the destruction he had wraught, "Tucker did it."
"Nice one Caboose," Dash said as she pulled herself free of the bindings that had been nicked by the bullet as it flew by.
"I did? I mean yes, that was me, I meant to do that. Sorry about shooting you miss big pony lady!"
"No need for apologies," Celestia said as she cast a quick healing spell on herself, "you have released me so that I may deal with the one who has dared to harm my little ponies."
Chrysalis laughed, "Do you honestly think that you can defeat me after I've proven that I am the most powerful of the two of us?"
Before Celestia could retort, the doors slammed open, "Could you please be quiet! Someponies are trying to sleep!"
"Oh, it's a big Blue pony lady. Did I wake you? Sorry."
Luna looked around with her bloodshot eyes, "Did I miss something?"
"Oh, the big mean bug pony lady put the big white pony lady in a cocoon and there are not as big bug ponies outside chasing other ponies. Are they playing? Cause the normal ponies don't look like they're having fun."
"Oh Celestia," Luna said before summoning a suit of armor and at least a half-dozen massive halberds that hovered around her menacingly as a sadistic smile appeared on her face, "did you make a new holiday without telling me?"
"Uh, you might want to run now," Caboose said to Chrysalis as her face turned pale.
"Let the festivities begin!" Luna cried before lunging at her.
As Luna went to work, Caboose was the only one who was still able to speak. "Um, I don't think knees go that way. Bug ponies have green blood, I did not know that. Huh, so you can beat someone with their own skull."
"And that my faithful student," Celestia said as Twilight proceeded to lose her lunch from the past week, "is why I didn't call my sister in the first place.
"Well this is fun and all but I need to go back and help Church."
"Hey, didn't you need to find a bathroom?" asked Pinkie.
"Oh, thanks to the big Blue pony lady, I don't need to go anymore, I do need to go home and get some new underwear though."
"What do you mea... ewww."
"Yeah, goodbye!"
As Caboose left, Cadance and Shining managed to create a forcefield to launch all the Changlings screaming out of Canterlot, except for Chrysalis, who was sighing in relief.
Luna pouted, "Is it over already? We haven't even got to use the big hammer yet."
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This has got to be the best thing ever..... of all time...
Seriously thought! Friggin AWESOME!!!!!
(Btw FIRST!!!)
7406190
poster.keepcalmandposters.com/2739293.jpg
This... is exactly how Caboose would have dealt with the situation. If this was just off the top of your head, I would look forward to what you can do if you actually tried.
Awesome job
I'm impressed. However, there IS one thing that would make this story even more epic.
Caboose
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/rvb/images/2/20/Caboose_Title_Season_02.png/revision/latest?cb=20111010230416
X
DERPY HOOVES/MUFFINS/WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL HER!!!
derpicdn.net/img/2013/4/14/298262/full.jpeg
I can see it now... they will live happily ever after as a postal worker and a soldier, and live in a house made of muffins and cookies...
7406435 Thanks a lot, now that's gonna stay in my head and live there, until someone writes something like that, as I am not currently ready to write a story that has that.
img15.deviantart.net/b4f6/i/2012/192/1/1/derpy_angry_by_sapoltop-d56uadr.png
7406197
...God dammit Cyberlord...
7406197 I am unworthy!
huh...Why didn't I thick of doing something like this...
Also, calling it now, this is gonna get featured.
now if you will excuse me...
I bet Church is the reason changelings have holes in their legs. Chances are he had greatly improved his skills and was aiming for their heads in the past.
That was actually really good. I was excpecting something kind of stupid that was just fun, but I didnt excpect to laugh that much. It was a nice read that had me laughing most of the way through. Also, i loved that you even had the reason that luna wasnt there was because she's a bloodthirsty psycho.
7408842 I wouldn't exactly say psycho, but I will say my headcannon is that of the two, Tia's the diplomat, Luna's the general.
Reading a funny, no sense fim-fic? Best way to start my day. Ooh, that fic is also a crossover with one of my favorite no-sense series. Even better. Oooh, that fic has Luna going ape on Chrissy? better, and of course, Caboose is Caboose, and Pinkie is Pinkie. All in all? I'd say its a definite favorite, 9/10. Good job, you don't stretch it too far, but the cover shows a pony, while the text says bipedal, in relation to Caboose. Slight continuity error:
Without it it would've been10/10. Thanks for the start of my day.
7409095 That picture is there for the laughs.
Beautiful. simply.
Tucker did it.
We need more of this. No arguing.
]
I literally lost my balls while laughing at this part.
That is all.
And that was when I officially fucking lost it.
I laughed way too hard at this. You got Caboose down perfectly!
8191153 You need a pre-reader for you-know-what, just PM me.
8191154
I don't use pre-readers or editors.
What's Red Vs Blue?
8296121
...............seriously?
Screw Attack's second most popular show after Death Battle?(tied with RWBY)
You don't know what it is?
8296140
What's Screw Attack?
8296154
You... stand by for enlightenment
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCB9_VH_CNbbH4GfKu8qh63w
I know how to explain this, one word, starts with m.
It's moose.
You mean the gravity hammer
Bru aka what the fuck.
Classic.
Oh dear...looks like Luna is capable of Mortal Kombat...
i actually see this happening
10579297
No, one of the minor named characters (He gets mentioned by name only once i think) was beat to death with his own skull. While screaming “This doesn‘t seem physically possible!”.
No warthog tho.
Also: