• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

Shachza


The world's greatest... eh... I'll get to it later.

Comments ( 52 )

Oh no! My nationality has been revealed! :raritycry:

Yes that is a problem and the one-shot is good but maybe a little story with the male would be good so we know where and what he is.

Rated TNSFCW: Totally Not Safe For Crystal Wishes. It is shameless clop, after all.

:rainbowhuh:

:rainbowlaugh:

Well, of all the times to discover that my Mature filter was off... this was the best time. Certainly better than when I go to the front page and oh GOD WHAT IS THAT NO AHHH

I... huh. I almost want to read this out of spite. But you get an upvote for making me laugh, at least. Is that good enough for you?

Twas good, though you should probably put the OC tag on it.

Damn, that was actually really good. Very detailed and pleasant to read.

Ahhh.....Predator/Prey fetish!
It emerges again!

7390023 Eh...This clop is of predator-prey fetish and they are role-playing incase you're curious but are too shy to read.
I didn't even know this fetish exist till a year or two ago.

I was worried for a while after posting this. Those four downvotes cropped up quick; I was worried people would hate the lack of trigger warnings.

7389839

Oh, I mean, M1nty is... ummmmm, totally just a regular American brony. He likes Apple Pie, and baseball, and owning assault rifles, and wants a completely hands-off government except when it's inconvenient because he needs help that he can't provide for himself, and...

7389898

I had even made a [Horse] tag...
orig02.deviantart.net/5fda/f/2016/194/4/2/horse_tag_by_shachza-da9w4mg.png
...but the story front page doesn't support direct linking.

7390023

:rainbowlaugh:

I totally meant the unicorn you, not the you-you, or course! :twilightsheepish: Strong, capable you-you has totally got this!

I debated the rating for nearly an entire day because I couldn't determine if it was in good taste, or if it would even reach anyone who'd understand. The fact that fate contrived to send my stupidity directly to you means this entire story, and all the effort into it, was a success regardless of how well-liked (or not) it gets!

I almost want to read this out of spite.

:rainbowderp: Oh, God! If you do... I'm imagining one of those "audience reaction videos" but with just you. :rainbowlaugh:

7390025

Did it help? :raritywink: :rainbowlaugh:

7390079

Why, thank you! I've, uhhhh, done a lot of... research. I'm hoping it'll pay off. :scootangel:

7390721

You're going to ruin my master plan of making people read this twice! Once to understand; again to fully enjoy! :moustache:

7390902 :D
"My plan would've worked if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

Heheheheh.

7390902 What the hell is wrong with your avatar? It looks like it's...oh...OH...OOOOOOH...um...never mind.

7390916

As I got closer to posting, I worried more and more that most people would only read part of it and then leave because of the character dynamics. I should have more faith; if a story based on YHaY where a pack of feral humans piles onto a lone, wandering mare can do well, then so can mine!

7392046

I, uhhhhh... Huh? It's an angry dragon-person swiping at someone with one hand (though that was cropped out). What did you think was wrong with it?

7392067

Wonderful. Everything is proceeding according to plan.

:trixieshiftright:

But seriously... :pinkiehappy: I should totally put this momentous date and time in the story description! (Not. :raritywink: )

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go be giddy somewhere.

7392361 No offense, but your dragon looks like it's getting fucked in the pooper. Of course I assume that because I am learning of your existence on this site through this...'clopfic'.

Dan

7390721

Thanks, Pusspuss.

7390902 Wow this was actually one of the better ones i've read... not that i read a lot of them. XD

And if it makes a difference I personally think this was a brilliant piece of art. Also i could see this as a bigger story if you ever decided to write one. there's a lot of things hinting to other segments, but it could just be me. :twilightsmile:

Oh shit! Grats on the feature, dude!

What's he supposed to be? I can't quite picture what the beasty looks like.

7392361 True....And congratz, i suppose.

7393588 I think he is a horse, an actual one from Earth.

7392365

:rainbowlaugh:

I suppose "GRRRR, ANGER!" and "You just shoved what up there?!" are pretty similar faces in the absence of any other visual information.

7393506

There were lots of hints! I wanted it to be clear (after a while) that this was more than it appeared to be on the surface, and that meant some world-building. I think I've seen only 3 HiEs. :derpytongue: Two never touched romance, :pinkiesad2: and the third did so in very brief passing. So much remains untapped!

7393566

Thanks!
:pinkiehappy: /Riley booty dance

7393588

7393741 is correct. But don't spoil it! :raritywink: I left it somewhat vague because I didn't really want to pin it down, but Morgan or Frisian was on my mind.

7390711 Fetish wasn't the only thing to emerge.
Eh? Eh?!?

Was nicely done, the twist made it even more enjoyable. Surprised Tia and Luna haven't borrowed him, though.

7392361 I did precisely that, saw the romance tag, thought ok, hows this supposed to work with the title. Read a little then stopped reading cause of the character dynamics.

From what little I've read i'm sure this isn't my thing and I have to ask, how is this a romance? Normally I'd just read the fic fully but again, i stopped cause of what was happening at the start.

Comment posted by UniqueSKD deleted Jul 15th, 2016

Two things to point out (I admit, I skimmed this, vanilla sex isn't really my thing). He has leather on? Pray-what was such leather made from, in Equestria, when every animal that can be tanned can also ask you nicely not to kill it, and not to wear their dead brother's skin?

Second point was in your author notes. "4 hours" refers to having a full erection for four hours, also known as priapism. No, it is not a joke, and don't wait four hours, the longer you wait the worse the procedure to fix it and the higher chance of ED.

7394150

Who says they haven't? :rainbowwild: After all, he is still what he is, which means the whole monogamy thing is probably a horrendously foreign concept. Why wouldn't he want to explore every willing female?

7394262

Then, honestly, you didn't read far enough (there are now spoilers in the comments if you'd like them). I understand how the story looks, but it's completely intentional. I felt it would be more effective if I wrote it this way.

7394471

To your first question, the word is actually "lather." Or it's supposed to be. If I misspelled it then let me know.

In this instance, lather is sweat that's been worked up into a froth through exertion and the motion of the characters' coats of hair. It means that someone's been working hard. :trollestia:

7394323

I'm sorry, but no, I'm not doing that. People are entitled to their opinion, just as you are, and the ratings are nothing more than that. You can't let yourself get worked up over what's little more than someone else's feelings.

Second, if you feel you are being mistreated/harassed, then that is a problem for a site moderator, not a story author.

Third, please remove your threats. Threats are another issue for site moderators and I'm giving you this chance to fix things before they get involved, okay?

7394781 I promised them a TEN SECOND HEAD START! What is wrong with you people? Oh, screw this! I'm off this story.

You. You are crazy! You're sick!

I gave him or her a TEN. SECOND. HEAD. START!

7394781 Also, complain to the moderators? WHO DO I SAY IS GIVING ME CRAP!? I CANNOT TELL WHO IS DOING IT, YOU FOOL! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

EVERYONE here is bonkers! Sweet Celestia's horn stuck in a chocolate bun cake!

7394810 il1.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/5365670/thumb/1.jpg
Here is the steaming cup of attention you ordered, now you can leave in peace

7394897 I appreciate your blessed and sweet kindness (no, this is NOT sarcasm)

But I really just want the person I intended to destroy.

So, if you know who it was that downvoted me before, I will pay you handsomely and/or beautifully for your help.

Is this based on any other fics? The characters feel familiar, especially the stallion. It's probably a coincidence, just curious. Also, the fic was good, I didn't think I was going to like it but I did so kudos to you.

Meeester
Moderator

7394908

No one cares about comment voting. Take a chill pill before you say something you'll regret.

7395488 The only thing I regret, Meeester, is sending you that Valentine's Day card. You never sent me one back! Why? DID YOU EVEN GET MY CARD?

7395520 The last time I saw you complaining about comment downvotes, you were accusing every person who replied to you that they were the one who downvoted you, so I thought you were joking. But I swear I see you bitching and moaning about downvoters on every other fic. And double-posting. And wall-spamming. And always talking about something OTHER than the actual story you're commenting on.

I mean, far be it from me to give you crap for doing what makes you happy, but would it kill you just to be a little more considerate towards the authors of the stories you're spamming? You're kinda flooding their comments section and dominating any actual discussion of the story.

Maybe then you wouldn't get so many downvotes.

7396242 Not on every other fanfic, mind you.

And the truth it, it doesn't bother me. Downvotes don't really bother me. I just like to cause a fight in a bar.

Anyway, never mind me for a moment. The part where the humans appear and chase after Flitter was just rather strange, was it not? Why are there even humans in Equestria to begin with? Would that not make this story a Displaced story or something?

7397044 Well duh, not literally on every other fic. That's obviously hyperbole.

…Well. I guess it's not so obvious when the hyperbole is only a stone's throw away from the truth.

Starting bar fights is extremely insensitive to both the patrons and the bartender. People just want to drink in peace. Bartenders don't appreciate rabble rousers mucking up the atmosphere.

7397243 I love it when good people upvote other good people. You've gotten quite a few upvotes, yes?

Sometimes, being the bad guy sometimes pays off.

It is such a good feeling to see people like you getting supported by others in this story.

And if you can believe it, I really mean that. It makes me happy, and reminds me that this truly is a fandom that tries to care for each other.

My point has been made. Work together with your supporters, my dear kind Swan Song, and may your melody echo always. (bows politely to you)

And pardon my intrusion dear author, but I wanted to make my point. Swan Song has confirmed it. Thank you both. And may your day or evening's both be pleasant and safe.

7395246

*bows* I am happy to have impressed. Like I've said to others, I was kind of worried about the reception I'd get because I was actively deceiving my readers. I'm so very glad that people either determined to keep going or caught on, and feel that the reward was worth it. :pinkiehappy:

And no, this is not based on any other story, though it is inspired by several. Confessions of an Equine, Jake and the Kid, and Of Horses and Whorses each had a part in prompting me to do something more with a character like this. You can think of my story as being the end chapter in your standard HiE. Just... with a different kind of H.

"I always end up the messiest and you're not helping!"

So this has happened before?

I enjoyed this far too much to consider myself decent and wholesome.
Fuck.
Me.

The writing is well done, no errors really popped out to me. Pacing was good and I loved the perspective. This is story has clearly rocketed its way to the upper parts of my favorites of the more deviant nature. So many little checks of the shit I like.

I upvoted, and I can't say I really disliked the story per ce, because it really is beautifully done and written, I think. However, I do have one criticism to make:

I thought Crystal Wishes loved romance! This could totally be her next novel!

At several times during the story, I kind of felt like the scene and action got confused and unclear at times, usually when they were shifting around, and probably due to the stallion being unnamed, not even described as a stallion, I think, for a good chunk of it.

Other than that, I'm not sure how I feel about the content of the story, really. I think I'd have been happier if he had been able to talk.

Your writing style is impossibly perfect. The detail, the emotions, the descriptions, the grammar, all perfect! This has to be the most technically flawless story I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

And that was all just the technical rubbish! The story line itself is very interesting and immersive. I legitimately had no idea that this was all a simple roleplaying game. Wonderfully done, perfect again.

Mr and/or Ms Shachza, you have more than earned a Favorite from me. :scootangel:

i1.cdnds.net/12/45/618x348/reality_dwts_len_10_paddle.jpg

7400555

So this has happened before?

Yes... This wouldn't have been possible without some, well, practice. :raritywink:

Also, for a while I tried to include the line "I lose more mane-bows that way..." near the end. However, combined with the "To the stream!" command, it felt like it had two ending lines within paragraphs of each other.

So many little checks of the shit I like.

I kind of had a mental checklist while writing this...

[x] feral
[x] rough
[x] size play
[x] internal
[x] [x] messy
etc...

I'll admit I spent a bunch of time considering just how many I could possibly include.

7400602

I can understand the confusion. I wanted some of that though. Though I'd like to point out that neither of them have a word that we (the readers) would be familiar with, so I did what I could with descriptions.

He can! Just not in phonemes we're familiar with. (Voice box and mouth aren't built for it.) It's just that, through most of the story, he was doing the horse equivalent of "RAWR!"

7400866

:twilightsheepish:

Wow! M1nt and I worked so hard on this and I'm so happy it does come through well. Being the author, and working so deeply within the bowels of the story, it can be tough to tell whether it actually comes across the way I want it to. Thanks so much!

...that this was all a simple roleplaying game.

One of my giddy little hopes was that people would get to the end and have one of those "Ohhhhhhhhhh... I get it now!" moments. The end should add a whole to spin on some of the events.

Take, for example, when he's standing over her after knocking her down. He stops to look her in the eyes. At the moment it's quick, and attention isn't really called to it, but he's checking to see if she's alright. She keeps behaving normally, so he keeps going.

7401188
Reading through it I was just thinking, "This is my fetish... this is my fetish, this too is my fetish... I have a bag full of fetish..."

Also the Flitter butt.

I cannot contain how happy this story made me. It's an example of how well I wish I could write. The descriptions were amazing and immersive, the beginning hooked my attention hard, and the revelation that it was all some friendly roleplaying only made it hotter. I also liked that it explained just enough to make sense but left a lot to the imagination about the male and the relationship between him and Flitter and between Flitter and Cloudchaser. I would really love to see some continuations on this story.

Simply amazing.

best one-shot that I've ever read!

7494127

:pinkiehappy:

7507110

I, ummm... Wow. I was hoping people would like it and was worried that I was being too sneaky, but "best"...? You honor me and M1nt greatly, good sir or madam! :yay:

EDIT: LOL Replied exactly 24 hours and 0 seconds after your comment.

That... This story is a fave-worthy one shot for sure.. Litteraly "one-shot of the year" to me. It was exciting and a bit terrifying in the start, then it got dom-sub/psudo-rape everywhere through most of it (super hot btw, nailed it). Then it got sooo cute at the end.. Just.. The journy of this one-shot.. All the things you were going for, you just fucking nailed it :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: 5/5 'staches..

I did spot a few errors, namely a few sentences where there was an extra word where there shouldn't be, and a word or two missing entirely, but that did absolutely nothing nothing to deter me from this thoroughly amazing story.

I slowly began to figure out that this was roleplay from Flitter's lack of resistance and how compliant she was being, her need also factoring in.

This has to be top of the list for best predator-prey fetish I have ever read.

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