It felt like…ice. His whole body turned into a solid chunk of frost, petrified by the sound of the malicious voice. There was nothing else in his world other than the skin stretching sensation of the sharp object threatening to tear into his throat. The cool shade provided by the tall maze walls was illuminated slightly by a ghastly greenish glow.
“What’s the matter?” snickered the voice. “Cat got your tongue? You suddenly don’t feel like talking? Or is it just family you don’t want to speak to?”
Chip was too afraid to even gulp – not that his mouth contained anything to swallow at all. Nervously, thoughts ran through his head, each one more panicked than the last. Should he change? No, the blade would slit his throat before his natural armor would emerge. Should he use magic? No, he would need to uncover his horn, which would again be noticed. Buck? He wasn’t even sure the owner of the voice was behind him.
What to do…what to do?! he panicked in his head.
“One could think you are a statue now,” sounded the voice in front of Chip. Slowly, as if a veil was sliding of its body, a changeling appeared. It was a lot shorter than the colt, but was definitely taller than a regular drone. The creature was slicker than the stallion, had a lot less thicker plate and a short, greasy teal mane on her head. It was a she, that was for sure. The changeling’s eyes were blue with hints of green around the edges. And they stared with pure delight at the panicked Chip.
“Oh, Chip…I heard a lot about you,” said the changeling, observing the colt. “I kind of have to thank you, you know? If it wasn’t for you, I would never get the chance I got. The Queen noticed me and helped me. But I’m no failure. I’m not like you”
The mare begun circling Chip, a victorious smirk making her face look even more wretched.
“I watched you for a very long time, you know? It took some time to track you down…but I’m good at what I do. It’s what Queen Chrysalis taught me. And with her guidance and power, here I am, with you. As it was meant to be.” She now whispered into the stallion’s ear: “I can feel it, you know? Everything inside you, it’s so delightful. You’re just like a pony. All these emotions, scents… Now I truly see why you were a failure. You’re tainted. You’re broken. Not like me.”
The changeling strolled into Chip’s view once again. The colt felt the object at his throat move upwards, scraping his skin, cutting down the fake coat that dissipated in green puffs of smoke as it fell. The thing was circling under his chin in big lazy circles, surprisingly not cutting.
“Mmmm, yeeesss…I can feel it all. You know what’s going to happen, don’t you? You still remember how…failed...changelings are treated, right? There is no room for weakness in the hive. You are something even more than a failure, you know? You are a traitor. A disgrace to your own kind.”
The mare approached Chip, almost touching his muzzle with hers.
“But you needn’t worry. I’m here to fix it all. Repair the damage you’ve done. I have a whole life ahead of me, contrary to you. It will all be alright – nopony will know of the changelings. Even if it means that each and every pony will be put to eternal sleep. I’ll start with that big Princess one. She should prove fun to play with. Then Her sister. Your friends. Some of them are already gone, you know? Remember that sweet little cottage near the border?-”
Time slowed down. Cottage? Border? Barracks. Down the road. A home. A filly with her family. No. Just…impossible. Lies. Lies. No.
“NOOO!!” yelled Chip, butting his head with as much might as he could muster.
The changeling mare got knocked back and the colt felt the sharp object go along with her. A sharp pain followed – the knife cut his chin. But it didn’t matter now. Adrenaline, combined with the essence of fear and hate fueled Chip into action. The terrible images his head spawned blurred his vision out completely…
The enemy recovered just in time to see the colt reassume his original form. The bottom of his muzzle was covered in green ichor, spurting wildly to the ground. Chip lunged at the mare with a wild scream, disregarding the knife that blocked his path. He felt and heard the blade scrape against his plate as he mounted the downed changeling.
Helplessly, the assassin flailed the blade around, looking for an opening – that is, until the first head-butt dazed her. Another followed, causing a cracking noise. And another. And one more…
Almost unconscious, the mare could feel the blade sliding against thick armor. If she could only…
A crack…
Shove the…
Just a bit deeper…
* * *
Chip was lying on his side, eyes reduced to but flickering candle lights. There was barely any blood dripping from his chin. The wound inflicted by the dagger stuck in his shoulder, where two plates didn’t quite meet, didn’t hurt anymore. It was getting cold, despite the sun being high up in the sky. It looked down at the scene where grass wasn’t the only green; lots of changeling blood sunk into the ground – some of it was still puddled around Chip, while the rest belonged to the headless carcass of the mare assassin. Her head was smashed to pieces, right into a small crater in the ground where a sticky pool still persisted.
Surprisingly, Chip didn’t have many thoughts. Most of them were just memories – of Chrysalis, of the mares, of his dearest friends and the Princesses. He tried to call out again, but his jaw wouldn’t even budge. He wasn’t sure he even had a mouth anymore. It was strange. He felt light as a feather. He could be swept away by the slightest breeze, should one ever visit the labyrinth which nopony ever ventured into.
The changeling wasn’t sure that he saw anything anymore. His whole world was that of images of the past. Those were warm, at least a little bit, so he tried to move closer to them. The ponies in the visions smiled at him, beckoning him towards them. They reached out for him, helping Chip get up. He felt safe, perhaps for the second time in his whole life. Secure, with his friends and all the smiling faces around. Nothing hurt him anymore. The ponies were talking to him, and he smiled. He could stay like that forever.
“Chip! Chip!” shouted a gray filly, running up to the changeling and snuggling up to him. “Do you think we can play now?”
“Yes, I think so.” replied the colt.
Together, along with Night Star, her husband, Gustav, Cadance and everypony else, they went towards the setting sun, which blinded them…but in a good way. Chip was happy.
Feature box. *Applause*
Wonder what is gonna happen next.
I was worried for a moment that it was over, but then I noticed it's not yet set to Complete.
Damn I was worried.
940819
Wow, really!? Holy Celestia, this is the best day ever
940821
Or did I just forget to change it?
I love one thing right now.
Both stories I am a official editor of got featured one after the other
And then there is a "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" on the other spot.
I am furthered my belief in the God of Irony and the God of Timing.
940860
>Or did I just forget to change it?
dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/whywouldyoupostthat.gif
940884
Awwww, why do you have yo go all cute eyes one me?
I cried myself while writing the chapter, okay?
Oh my gosh, CHIP, DON'T WALK INTO THE LIGHT!!
Oh dear...
oh, not Silver Heart! nononono....
Please let it all have been a bluff... all those mean comments saying things should be harder for Chip... I didn't mean like this!
I... I didn't mean like this...
wait did Chip die? cant wait for the next one this was a really good chapter again
oh my gosh. omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh! this story is amazing!
i read the entire story in two sittings, and i'm so glad i decided to read this. by Celestia, i haven't fallen in love with a fic as much as this one since Project Sunflower. you sir, deserve way more views. if i had access to my home computer right now, rather than this iPod, i would have been dropping more comments on my way through this awesome story.
Chip is awesome, he's one of those characters that you can't hep but love, and reading this fic has been so fun. also, the rate that you update this is insane! i really love it when someone updates their story so frequently, i always hate to find great stories that are only half-finished and have been seemingly dead for months.
aaagh, curse this iPod, i hate typing with thumbs. when i get home, i have more to say about this gem you've written.
Bluff it's a bluff don't fall for it!!!!
941408
Well, there is rogue changeling that can theoretically match her power... When you're a king or queen, with no one else covering your back, you can get really lonely. And afraid
941473
But the light is so warm... It feels nice
941805
I know right? I grew to like little Silver Heart too...
942016
Maybe
942298
Wow, thanks for the comment! I'm really really glad you liked it! It's the best kind of reward a writer can really hope for
942759
Why would somepony lie?
942938
sniff...
Uhm, on a somewhat-related topic, I've started a group for discussing Changelings variations, focusing on mine, but I was wondering if you might want to add MLC to the group?
other than that...
sniff... I really hope it was just a bluff to make chip mad...
but I don't think it was.
So Chip got a use for all the times he bashed his forhead against the wall.
It must be hard as steel if not harder by now.
"Her head was smashed to pieces, right into a small crater in the ground where a sticky pool still persisted."
.......umm........chip?
THE HEADBUTT OF DOOM!
mememaker.net/static/images/memes/298145.jpg
940819 Ha ha ha. Featured when the character dies. Ironic.
Ha. Sorting Algorithm of Deadness. Math, and genre physics, state the odds of Chip dying/staying dead from this are ten to one.
And everyone knows:
Chip used Chip Smash!
It's super effective!
Is this fic dead?
Since I like this fic so much, here's a high-detail review as thanks. I forgot to take notes while I was reading the first couple dozen chapters, so I apologize for any vagueness or missed bits. I don't have time to re-read them, so I have to work from memory.
Note: This was originally going to be multiple posts but, since you've un-published chapters 31 through 45 (I'm paranoid enough to save every chapter to disk as I read it just in case an author does that), I'll just dump it all into one comment via the story page's form. (I'm actually feeling a bit depressed right now because I'm pretty sure there were more than 45 chapters published and, if I hadn't been procrastinating adding FIMFiction to my auto-download script, I'd have the ones I hadn't yet read too.)
I liked how you portrayed Chrysalis. It really feels like she has the capability to care for others but she has no experience with it and it's both elegany and satisfying to be given the impression that she could have had Chip's devotion but her own paranoia ruined it. (In other words, she's not inherently evil, she's just unknowingly hurting herself because she's unwilling to accept the risk of leaving her comfort zone.)
It felt especially appropriate that neither Chip nor Chrysalis knew what went wrong but for appropriately complimentary reasons: Chrysalis being the experienced one, but so jaded and used to paranoia that it never even occurs that she might have destroyed what she sought to test; Chip bearing the blind devotion and naïvety of childhood and, because of that, so innocent that it would never even occur to him that Chrysalis might fear the unknown he represents and, therefore, incapable of reassuring her.
I also loved your use of Poison Joke.
Not only was it very funny to see Chip's approach, consumption, and later opinion of it as a good choice for a meal, it felt amusingly appropriate for Poison Joke to be the subject of a joke like that.
...not to forget, of course, how elegant a solution it was to broadening Chip's understanding of the world.
Chip's "Jungle 2 Jungle" experiences during his first couple of chapters in Canterlot were entertaining (though a bit of a dry spell as far as the feel of quality your characterization normally exudes, for some reason) and I like how you portrayed Luna. Seeing a story which not only takes time to focus on her, but makes her feel fun to read about and properly alive as a character isn't as common as it should be.
I'm not entirely sure why, but the near-death experience at the tail end of "...at Canterlot..." and "Will you come with us, Chip?" felt disproportionately verbose compared to the rest of the story.
However, given how much time you spent building Chip up, it doesn't work to kill off the second thinking drone before explaining how her and Chip's development differed. As is, having her revealed as being so disposable with no warning just feels disappointing, a bit confusing, and vaguely reminiscent of fics by much less skilled authors.
I was quite happy to read "Intermission -- The Eyes of the Assassin", since it cleared things up and gave Chrysalis more time to show her character and how attached she must have grown to be so obsessed by his perceived "out of the blue" betrayal.
I also applaud your characterization of nameless "thinking drone #2". Seeing things from her perspective really lends depth to the situation and drives home how fundamentally alike we all are and how much of an innocent she really was despite her motivations and actions.
(Or, by another metric: You made me want to mourn the assassin who died trying to kill our hero. Excellent job!)
As for Chip's arrival in the Ponyville library, you switched tenses part-way through ("He'll..." should be "He'd...", etc.) but, nonetheless, I love how you managed to portray his thoughts. "Can he read two at once? It would take some flexing but probably…" is just such a delightful way to induce the reader to laugh at the antics of an over-excited child.
Nice touch having Twilight use "discord" as a verb and definitely interesting to see Twilight's and Chip's personalities clashing, not because they don't get along in a more traditional manner, but because their personality quirks are ill-matched. (It actually reminds me of some of the planning dilemmas I've encountered in my own life. "When does planning cease to save more time than it takes? How much time would you waste if you insist on determining the answer to too high a degree of certainty?")
Also, nice job on "The Changeling Research II". I've seen various approaches to humorous sexual naïvety before, but none quite like this and I always like finding new ones. I don't get the significance of the slow transformation though.
However, the sensory reconfiguration from the merging prior to the body-swap was a nice touch, giving Twilight a chance to experience some of Chip's qualia. (That's the academic term used for discussing subjective, qualitative experiences like "When you look at a red object, do you see the same colour I do?" or "What does it feel like to be the opposite sex?" Qualia.)
...speaking of which, there's a series of Yale University lectures that any author with a character focus like yours would probably find fascinating. Search YouTube for "Death (PHIL 176)". (It occurred to me because that's where I learned "qualia". It's introduced as part of discussing something else.)
As for the body-swap, I always love those. They make a great opportunity to further explore a character's reactions to unnerving alien situations while simultaneously giving them access to qualia they might otherwise never experience AND exploring the reactions of those nearby too ...and you definitely deliver on it.
Given how long this is getting, I'll post this here and start accumulating a new one for future chapters.
-- End chapter 40 --
I love how much detail you're putting into the details of the changeling hive mind and how it relates to both Chrysalis and Chip.
I also love how it continues the theme of "didn't know any better" being the root of all the story's troubles. (Chrysalis, Chip, the assassin, and now Twilight's attack on the hive mind)
Heck, the assassin aside, it could be described even more specifically as "one person does something because they don't know any better and the other person magnifies that mistake by misinterpreting it because THEY don't know any better". (Chrysalis's paranoia driving Chip away, Chip's actions being seen as betrayal, and now Twilight not realizing the significance of what she encountered and causing Chrysalis to interpret her actions as an intentional attack by Chip.)
It really helps to make the characters feel more real and more sympathetic. (Chrysalis included.)
Aside from that, all I can say about the second Intermission is "Uh-oh. That went very badly." Definitely not the fun kind of compounded misconceptions. ("The fun kind" being what you see in things like "The Man Who Knew Too Little")
The attempted posession during the swap back is interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing anything you reveal about who it is.
Also, you used another delightful turn of phrase deserving of acknowledgement: "Hesitantly, one eye opened. The image was unfocused, so the other eye came to the rescue. Their forces combined, Twilight was able to look around the empty room."
I'm not very good at noticing that I'm enjoying the cuteness of a scene, so let this be a blanket statement for all the ones I didn't comment on as well: Your cute scenes are well-done and a joy to read.
---
In summary, having read up to current, an amazing character piece. Plenty of cute moments, a lot of character depth, and just generally an excellent fic.
(Unfortunately, I'm having trouble bridging the gap between low-level commentary and high-level commentary to give you a polished critique. I guess I'm just tired and rusty.)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
why did you delete the newer chapters? You were doing so well, you should keep the rest there even if you stopped writing
well... that's kind of a depressing way to end.
I understand that there used to be more to this? I wish I could have seen it...
I really really wanted to like this story... but that ending just ruined for me. So goo d up until that ending.
Wait what? Well...that ending was unexpected and kind of disappointing to be honest...and it was all going so well until now...
The story was still very good and I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I guess I will treat the last chapter as non-existent. That way I can at least stay a tiny bit sane.
Well, anyway, thanks for providing me with this story. I really, really liked it.
Woah. I was just looking back into this story after so long because I was wondering how things were, going, just to notice that the newer chapters had been deleted and now the fics ends right here. Definitely not what I was expecting to see upon coming back.
Oh well, I suppose at least now there's an ending. Still, it makes me really sad to see Chip's life ended so abruptly, when I know for a fact that it used to continue. I sure hope you at least kept the old chapters saved somewhere so us old folks can re-read them.
3140684, 3150288, 3247522
There used to be quite a few more chapters (Chip recovered, rather than passed away here. According to my logs, the latest pre-deletion version was 111K words long, rather than the current 48K), but it seems that Zethariel decided that things weren't really going anywhere, and got rid of all that.
An absolute tragedy in my opinion, and I'm currently in the process of trying to find a backed up copy of the original. I have an archive on one of my computers where I keep HTML copies of many favorite fics, and when I get the chance I'll see if it's in there. Just in case it's not (I can't check right now, long story), I also PM'd Zeth with a request for if he had a backup.
If I'm successful, I can send you all a copy so you can see what happened in that version. Wish me luck.
3318157 That would be awesome!! If you do find them, be sure to send a copy my way.
Thanks in advance!
3319558
Totally! As soon as I can find a copy, I'll make sure to send it your way.
3150288
3319558
I don't know if you noticed but more chapters got put up, I'm just letting you know in case you missed the memo.
>inb4 funeral update
Fought off the horde but choked against an assassin he staggered? Hmmmm...