The Adventures of Bluebelle

by Genderswapped

Princess Bluebelle: Adventures with Dusk

Princess Bluebelle: Adventures with Dusk

It was a wonderful day in the city of canterlot. Oh wait it’s not. As usual we find Princess Bluebelle with her papers and taxes. “You would think a princess wouldn’t have to do taxes” the young mare thought to herself.

Princess Bluebelle was the niece of the Legendary prince that was Lord Solaris. She was a small mare. Even for a mare she barely came to her uncle’s knees. Her mane was blond. Which clashed perfectly with her white coat. She was a unicorn after all one of the rarest species next to alicorn’s of course.

“Of course there wouldn’t have been any paperwork right now if Gleaming Shield didn’t marry the Prince of Love,” she thought intensively, “Now her smaller Brother is the Prince of Magic and I’m here cleaning up the small fortune of taxes that need to pay for the damages. I guess it’s better than doing nothing I suppose.”

Dusk Shine was walking through the halls when he heard moaning from the other room. He decided that it was in his best interest to check out what was all the trouble about. So he walked towards the groans. He decided that he was a prince now and seeing as it isn’t a bathroom this time, he just walked in. The mare was startled by the opening of the door and she quickly figured out who it was.

“Good afternoon Bluebelle.” said the young prince.

“Uggghhh. Hello Dusk” she said sarcastically as she moaned.

“What are you working on there?” the prince asked.

“Well you know your first flying lesson” said Bluebelle.

“Yes. But first I did not mean to I was just practicing and then I lost control and there was just a house in the way.” the young prince said embarrassingly.

“Well you know we have to pay for that so the couple remains a happy citizen. Also why would you fly when you can teleport. Final--.” Bluebelle immediately fell into a bow as her uncle Artemis walked through the door.

“G-Good Afternoon Uncle what brings you here I wasn’t expecting you today.” said Bluebelle.

“Prince Solaris sent me to alert you about your journeys tomorrow to the Everfree Forest. He says you will need more than just you because of the incident last time.” Artemis said.

“Oh, yes I still have nightmares about it.” Bluebelle said as she shivered.

“But all the guards are at Ponyville defending against Eris’s army.” Bluebelle replied.

Artemis responds with, “Why don’t you take Dusk.”

“Excuse me. Dusk can you please leave real quick while I talk to my uncle.” said Bluebelle.
Dusk says, “Sure.” and leaves them alone.
“Uncle out of all ponies you should know that I do not like him or his friends why on all of equestria would I take him.”
Artemis sighed and said, “I know. But he’s all we’ve got right now so please bear with me on this one. Who knows you just might make a friend.”

“Sigh. Fine but you owe me one for this.” said Bluebelle unreluctantly. ”Dusk Shine you are to a company to find a powerful artifact called the Vault Horror.”
_____________________________________________________

“Welcome to the Everfree Forest” a bard yelled as they approached the dark forest.

“You’ve gotta be joking,” Bluebelle said in a shaky voice, “why can’t we go any where with having to see an evil sight.”

“Well you did offer to take the mission didn’t you.” Dusk Shine answered in a joking tone.

“Yeah. I did Bu-,” she said as she was interrupted by a growl. The two had turn to see a dragon. Not like any they had ever seen.

The dragon was some sort of cross between robotics and science. It appeared soulless but at the same time felt like it had a magic going through it. Like how most living things do.

“This is the work of the vault.” Princess Bluebelle stated. Her horn began to glow and began to terminate the dragon until it was nothing more than parts.

“I’ve seen this before,” she said in saddened voice, “it happen to my last soldiers who went with me. We were undergoing the search for it and when we found it they all turned into one of those.” as she pointed at the bolts and spare parts in from of them where the dragon once was.

“I only came because I am the only one capable of removing the magics effect that vault does to ponies and any other living thing.” she said staring at Bluebelle.

Dusk Shine at the moment was at a lost for words. On one hoof he was excited to see the magic and the other he was torn apart by who could make such a thing.

“Who would make this?” questioned Dusk Shine.

“ I did and I feel the pain as much as you do.” said Bluebelle.

“Why on all of Equestria would you make this!?” asked Dusk Shine.
“It was suppose to be used to enhance Lord Solaris soldiers to give them a fighting chance against Lord Artemis’s army, he asked me to make a spell powerful enough to fuse metal and magic into a ruthless fighter with a soul he also wanted me to make a counter to the spell just incase anything went wro-.” she began to say as they were then under attack by more of the scientific abominations.

She immediately tried to counter the spell within most of them but there were too many. They were captured by them and they were being led somewhere the question to them was where. The real question on their minds was who.
_____________________________________________________

A meched out dragon sat in a robotic throne made out of the dead robot parts laughing. “Soon Princess, oh so very soon.” it said conivingly.

This menace name is Project 16 and it was one of kind in several ways all of which more deadly than the last. The question was who was going to stop it.

Author's Note:

First Story Comment on How you Like it Chao.

Comments

[Gem of Memory]

Well it's an interesting concept but this seems to be more crack-fic material than anything cause ultra powerful enemy that dusk and blue can defeat and its like we jumped right in the middle with no build up to said enemy along w/ the fact that they were easily defeated just killed no butchered the story.

Although this is my opinion.

[AC-130]

You know, the story is quite good, but I feel like it's not very great right now. The story seems quite rushed at points: one minute we're dealing with Bluebelle and her paperwork, next thing you know they're being captured in the Everfree forest. There is also general errors in the story such as improper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Also your story changed it's tone of voice several times, going from present to past tense, and going from first person to third a few times, which makes the story a bit confusing to read. Another thing to note is that you should always start a new paragraph when a new person (or pony in this story) is speaking, but only when a new pony speaks, and I've seen you start a new paragraph when the same pony is still speaking.

But overall, the story has a somewhat good plot, but it just needs to be more developed and explained to kinda coax people into the story without just rushing into problems or predicaments hoping to catch people's attention. I really hope to see this story grow since it's in the world of Rule 63 which is my #1 most favorite thing people on the internet do, but not enough people make, and it saddens me. ;_; But, I will keep my eye on it, you have a tracker right here.

[Genderswapped]

I will take note of both of these comments

[DarkPurveyorOfJustice]

7380835 To respond: click the symbol in the top right corner ( took me ages to figure it out )
I like the idea of all of the characters being Rule 63d, it adds some fun to any story.
This story does have potential; but it needs to be slowed way down and be given time to breathe. Some more character interactions to show their relationships, some events/incidents to show the world we're in, etc.
Potential; just needs to be slowed down.

[Gem of Memory]

7380835
Now that I'm looking back, I'd like to apologise for my scathing comment earlier.

This fic has potential, it's just very raw. Do you have an editor? If you don't, you really need one, or a proofreader at least.

Tid-bit:
Relax, don't rush the story, write at your own pace.

Try to get some build up, perhaps some background on Bluebell, Dusk or this new enemy.

As I said, it's very raw, but with some refinement it could become great! An uncut diamond as they say.

~Midnight Gear