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Princess Celestia has a quiet dinner with an old friend. They enjoy a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the impending doom that could befall both of them in the years to come.
Except, it absolutely does.
Listen to the reading by AnEpicContrarian! Reccommended by PresentPerfect! Takes place before the events of the show. Contribute to the TVTropes page!
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Scumbag Discord:
Accuses Celestia of lacking spontaneity and creativity.
Affirms as soon as he gets free, he will be doing the same things than before.
I would like to see Celestia as his queen of chaos.
Hey there, dear author. I've read this story and want to share my opinion on it if i may.
Well, let's get to the technicals first. The language is a tad wanky in parts. Hovewer, I do think that English is your mother language, since all dialogues are actually written well. The descriptions though can be a bit broken.
I have compiled a small list of suggestions on mistakes I found and how to fix them:
Moonlight highlightS
Hardly any signs of aging are present. There isn't a single sign. (sign-sign, use a synonym (clue, clew, token) or rewrite one of the sentences.
With a dip of her head, Celestia's pastel mane finds its way across her other eye. (suggestion to rewrite it as "With a dip of Celestia's head, her mane...), because it may seem that 'her' refers to a draconeequs statue.
There's a faint popping sound as Celestia hums a faint, sad tune and pours herself a small glass of wine. (present tense. Everything else is in the past tense. Change it to 'There was a popping sound as Celestia hummed a faint, sad tune and poured herself a small glass of wine '
Now with the technicals out of the way, let's see...
I think Discord is represented well. Celestia is shown from that 'all remorse' angle while having a past with Discord. Well, nothing bad in it, an interesting point of view on their relationship, but is done before. A teensy bit soggy at times, but overall readable. On the short side, but this format fits this story. Overall I woulda've give this story a 6/10. It would've been 7/10 if not for a few technical mistakes.
But gotta say, the dialogues are written well, especially Discord's. you've nailed it.
Oh, I also commend you on the cover, whatever its origins are. It was the thing that caught my eye in the first place.
7360604 Thanks for catching all those errors!
7360614
No prob. Happy to help :)
Nicely done.
This sort of reminds me of a comment I put down for that picture on Deviant Art. Though mine was more of sad turned into a comedy by later comments.
I give it a solid three out of five. Would be a three and a half, but it has to be solid. Rather tearful, cute even. I wonder what happens between their little... spark. Perhaps for another day.
I liked that. Ive always felt that there was something between them before Discord was turned to stone, abd that deep down Celestia regretted what had to happen. And like other people said I would like to see one with her as his queen.
Reviewed here...
... Man. You really, really like your sad stories huh?
8861052
I mean, maybe.
Possibly.
Who's asking?
8861055
Just someone whose browsing Discord and Dislestia stories as off late and stumbled onto your stories, giving them a brief look over, and noticed the trends of the stories. Like how so many of them don't have happy endings, and how Shining Armour never gets a character tag, despite you writing about Cadence a lot.
8861171
I've mostly written a more melancholy Dislestia relationship so far, yeah.
Shiny actually appears and is mentioned in a lot more stories than I have tagged, but I do write him, and yes lots of Cadance. He usually appears in more lighthearted stories though, and Cadance stars in an array of them as well as appearing on the side.
The endings I write definitely vary, but anything with a lone sad tag as opposed to sad/drama tends to be the really hopeless stuff from me.
Maybe you'd like my comedy more if sad stories aren't for you?
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This was interesting. I love the one sided conversation of this. Reminds me of Keepers of Discord
9672698
I actually read that one a while after a wrote this one, so I can't claim inspiration, but I really like that story. I'm glad you liked this one too enough to think it's similar. That's very flattering! C:
Setting this up the way you did was a great choice. Pre-Luna's return, almost at the edge of it, Celestia is at her most vulnerable. The garden is obviously a place where she has come to contemplate her mistakes, including with Discord. The time and place are both perfect for the mood you're trying to convey.
Writing this in third-person omniscient so we could "hear" Discord's "replies" added far more flair and depth to this story than if you kept it in third-person limited. The whitespace between their "conversation" is a nice touch. I especially like that he doesn't actually reply to Celestia's last lines, instead articulating his thoughts through the narrator. That lends a bit of doubt to that reaction, along with being a very Discord-esque thing to do.
I do love "DisLestia in the past" as a headcanon. Especially the way you write it, since it echoes a lot of my own thoughts.
I can see why this is one of your favorite one-shots.
10600943
I've honestly contemplated doing a sequel to this one, with a little more focus on Celestia's side of things. I've been trying to make up for initially not writing Discord as much because he is a very hard character to write. Plus, I adore these two. They're tied as my second fave ship with Shiny/Cady.