All the World

EThis Present Darkness
MLP: FiM
Drama
She is the breaker of absolutes, the mysterious princess of the night. Now she is locked away in the sky, where the moon and stars are what remains clearest to her, even though she cannot see them. After all, it's too dark.
Luna
Nightmare Moon
Ice Star · 1.5k words · 47 2 · 1.3k views

Source

Luna is prepared to what no pony has ever done before and weave magic raw with all that burns within her to forge a way to escape the ostracism she has endured. She cares not what she does to remove her shackles in order to save all.

Proofread and edited by NorrisThePony. Cover art by MagnaLuna. Contribute to the TVTropes page!

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Comments ( 9 )

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Comment posted by Lunatone deleted Sep 25th, 2017

Word Worthy

Word Worthy #2 · Aug 30th, 2016 · 2 · ·

7525417

You happen to capitalize the pronouns "Her" and "She" perpetually through out the story. That is incorrect. Grammatically speaking, you never ever capitalize pronouns (doesn‘t matter what it is) unless it is referring to a higher being, a greater deity, OR a proper noun. For example, if you are referring to God, you would always write it as Him and He:
“God is our creator, and He has blessed us with the precious gift of life with His love.”
If it‘s something like Death, the manifestation of a great deity, you would capitalize his pronouns too.
“Death will make His way to you one day, for He is the keeper of the souls.”

You are forgetting that pronouns are also capitalised when being used in conjunction with such things as the Majestic Plural and when a character is purposefully putting such an emphasis on pronouns.

Comment posted by Lunatone deleted Sep 25th, 2017

NorrisThePony

NorrisThePony #4 · Aug 31st, 2016 · 5 · ·

7525477
7525446

I personally saw the implication being that Luna/NMM is seeing herself as a goddess, and it's being subconsciously projected into the narrative voice. It makes sense that references to herself would be capitalized if her mindset about herself and her new form is so inflated.

alfaboy

alfaboy #5 · Aug 31st, 2016 · 1 · 5 ·

sounds fucking godly but is the meat as good as the buns ...... no homo

Violet Rose in The Rain

Violet Rose in The Rain #6 · Aug 31st, 2016 · 2 · 4 ·

~~I was about to make some comments on your grammar, but it seems like the guys above me already beat me to the punch. And then there's alfaboy.~~

Turns out there's still some room for improvement.

In a room far within the dim halls of the Everfree palace, where the Princess of Light dare not walk, there is a room sealed with the burns of ancient magic,

Place a comma where the green one is and remove the red one.

Within this room ~~are~~ lies the remains of hundreds of papers that plaster the stone walls, like the husk of a fragile and ancient cocoon.

Slashes of a different kind of life-blood that was dried smooth by Her artistic chaos

Her sister called subjects, whose sneering mechanical jaws clacked twisted knives of lies to stab Her with, and pushed Her farther and farther into what little honest darkness remained.

Her throat, too, choked from tears that would never come forth,

With too much of every feeling, so more(?) miserable and desolate than She had ever known,

Hope, which She alone had always seen, was gone, gone, gone...

Try italicising the twice-repeated word "gone," maybe?

, something above chaos, harmony, balance, and all the petty squabbles of the world below Her.

I'm guessing there's a legitimate reason you did not capitalise these three words? Just wondering.

She who had always stepped toward the infinite road that stretched into the horizon and soared to whatever enlightenment could be found, no longer felt wonder, but only a yawning abyss of despair within Herself

It was there, in the past,

EDIT: Read through your story. Looks like someone took acid and smashed their forehead onto the keyboard.

Life lies in the thick, wild and frantic strokes of ink scrawled with neither pen nor brush but with a madmare's magic written by the light of a single, yet petite artificial star.

Speaking from personal experience?

~Violet

Honestly, between you and me, I always fear that there is a deeper meaning to every single word and punctuation mark you type out, which would be ruined by my own efforts to "fix" your stories the way I see fit.

Ice Star

Ice Star #7 · Aug 31st, 2016 · 1 · ·

7525823

I'm guessing there's a legitimate reason you did not capitalise these three words? Just wondering.

None were given the divine exaggeration or personification that would require me to do that.

Honestly, between you and me, I always fear that there is a deeper meaning to every single word and punctuation mark you type out, which would be ruined by my own efforts to "fix" your stories the way I see fit.

No, don't feel like that! I love getting comments like these and even I couldn't figure out a way to work meaning into a comma error.