A young earth pony colt ran down an alley, a small sack of ill-gotten loot clutched tightly in his mouth. His lime-green mane billowed as his lungs heaved beneath the dark brown coat of his barrel. It had been a stupid dare; he should have known better. Now he was going to be in big trouble.
The colt chanced a backwards glance to see if he was still being chased. As his eyes took in only empty air and the refuse of the alley he, breathed a sigh of relief as he slowed his gallop to a trot before coming to a full stop. His heart was still racing as he panted deep breaths, but between each he found himself beginning to chuckle.
As he came full about, a new sensation entered his head; he'd actually gotten away with it. The thrill rushed over him, pure exhilaration. He'd never felt anything quite like it, and quickly found the fear and guilt washing away beneath an overwhelming sense of empowerment.
Taking one last moment to stare at the empty alley behind him, the colt turned to leave, but quickly felt himself bodily lifted into the air.
"Gotcha, you little hooligan!" called out the pegasus dressed in an officer's uniform who had swooped out of the sky and was now carrying the little thief away.
It was all over, he'd been caught and there was no escape… unless. There was that one trick mamma had taught him. She'd be mad if she ever found out he used it in public like this, but she'd be just as mad if she found out he'd been caught stealing.
All these thoughts passed through his head in just a few brief seconds and before he was fully conscious of making a decision the young colt found himself sneering out a threat. "Oh yeah!" the colt stared defiantly, "But who's got you?"
The officer was more than a little confused as he watched the little miscreant close his eyes in concentration. Were the colt a unicorn he might have been worried, even if the young lad was obviously too young to know any dangerous spells. He quickly put it out of his mind, but then it happened, something that he'd never experienced once since before graduating flight camp so many years ago.
He fell.
Try as he might his wings couldn't catch the wind, almost as though they weren't even there, but that would be silly. Wings couldn't just randomly disappear.
It only lasted a second, maybe less, but the officer had still been close to the ground, and by the time he recovered, it was all he could do to twist in the air to make sure the colt he was carrying (thief or not he was still just a child) wouldn't bear the brunt of the crash.
The colt limped away from the crash site and the unconscious adult, or at least he hoped the officer was only unconscious. The colt breathed heavy his head still dizzy from the exertion. Then as he took his next step a sharp pain stabbed up and through his left hind-leg.
Had he broken his leg in the fall?
No, or at least he didn't think so. His leg hadn't given way, and all too quickly the pain shifted into a numb tingling like his leg had simply fallen asleep. He wasn't sure why but he was afraid to look back. As he tested to confirm that his leg could still bear weight, something still felt wrong. It didn't really hurt any more, but it didn't feel like it was moving the right way either.
Maybe it was broken, and it just hurt too much for him to feel it. He'd heard stories that could sometimes happen with really bad injuries, not that it was a very reassuring thought at the moment. Still, if it really was broken, he didn't think he should have actually been able to stand on it even if he couldn't feel the pain.
Unable to figure out what was wrong he turned his head, very slowly. At first he couldn't see anything; the whole world had gone black. He panicked for a moment, wondering if he had gone blind as well now – then chided himself as he realized he had his eyes tightly shut.
This was getting ridiculous. He was no infant yearling, so why was he acting like such a baby? Whatever might be wrong, it couldn't be that scary. Cautiously he peeked a look through squinting eyes.
…
The sound of a young pony's terrified screams echoed through the alleys.
The Lost Hearts orphanage, a largely private funded and wholly independently operated home for young ponies that, for any number of unfortunate reasons, had no families to look after them. Inside a sitting room, two adult unicorns sat engaged in conversation while drinking tea.
"Well, Miss Scintillation, that is quite the tale," said the elder of the two, a blue-maned and yellow-coated unicorn mare. Lemon Hearts was the proprietor of this facility, a pony hailed by the local papers for her generosity in providing a nurturing home for those who could not take care of themselves. Her irreproachable virtue was born out by the trio of blue and green hearts on her flank.
Her lavender-coated guest answered plainly, "I assure you it's all true, and with your help everything can be set to right again."
Lemon Hearts sipped from the tea cup levitated by her magical aura. "I'm sure you must understand that I have important duties to attend, young ponies that depend on me. I can't just pack up and leave, not on such short notice at least."
"I understand that you have obligations, but this is the very fate of Equestria we are ralking about!" as the younger mare saw how her host was staring she realized only belatedly that in her excitement she had pounded her hoof against the top of the table, spilling her own tea cup. She blushed sheepishly.
The silence hung heavy for a few tense moments, but before either mare could make to speak, the door was flung open and a young pegasus filly with a white coat and vibrant three-toned mane of yellow, pink, and green burst into the room.
"Mamma Hearts, Mamma Hearts, there's been an accident! You…" She trailed off as she noted the firmly admonishing gaze of her caretaker's magenta eyes.
"Young lady, what have I told you about interrupting me while I am with company?" The voice was strict, but not overtly harsh, "Surely there is no crisis that one of the older children cannot manage for a short while, and if it were that serious one of them should have been the one to come tell me."
"But it's Limey. He's hurt. He was limping real bad and had a raggy blanket wrapped around his leg when he came in, but when Frosty Mane tried to look at it, he got all panicky. He ran upstairs and locked himself in one of the bed rooms," the filly panted a bit as she let her breath catch up with her. "He said something about you being real angry if anypony else tried to come in there.
"Now deary, when have you ever known me to be angry with anypony?" Lemon Hearts said in a soothingly patient tone.
"I know that, Mamma Hearts. I'm sorry to break the rules and bother you like this. Frosty Mane said that if Limey could still run like that he couldn't be hurt too bad so we should just wait, but Limey looked so scarred and I am really worried about him." The little filly's blue eyes watered as she looked to be on the verge of tears, "I don't care how much trouble this gets me in, but please, Mamma Hearts, you just have to come and help right now."
Lemon Hears breathed deeply. She paced over to the young pegasus who's head hung low as she sniffed and fought to control tears. The unicorn mare stroked a single hoof through the filly's tri-colored mane and then raised the youngster's chin to meet her eyes. "There, there, Cream Breeze. No one's in any trouble here. You're a good sister, and Lime Wedge is lucky to have someone who cares for him so much."
Turning to her guest, Lemon Hearts spoke, "I'm sorry to cut our meeting short Miss Scintillation, but as you can see I have urgent matters to attend to with one of my wards."
The younger mare nodded slowly, "Yes, of course I understand, but will you at least consider my request? I know this isn't something you can rush into, but it really is important. Could I maybe come back after I've found the others I need?"
The elder mare smiled gently, "I shall think on the matter, and if I am able to arrange it I will offer what help I can."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The lavender pony caught herself and halted her bouncing, "Er… I mean, I'm gracious to be worthy of such consideration and will look forward to your decision. Good day Madame Hearts." She gave a small bow as she excused herself, and left.
With her guest dismissed, Lemon Hearts had given Cream Breeze a final reassurance that she would check on Lime Wedge right away, that she wasn't cross and that there wouldn't even be any punishment. The filly was still obviously worried, but only lingered a moment after being told to go back and play with the others.
It was sweet really. Lemon Hearts encouraged her wards to treat each other as siblings, such familial bonds were useful for keeping the children tightknit and made her their natural figure of maternal authority. Still, every so often among the children those feelings would run... deeper. She'd seen it before; it was somewhat a pity that being one of her special children Lime Wedge would likely never be able to reciprocate those feeling.
Maybe when she had everything she needed from the colt she could spare the effort to teach him to pretend. That, however, was a matter for the future and right now she had more immediate concerns to attend.
As Lemon Hearts started upstairs, she found her thoughts still lingering on the offer the visiting unicorn had presented. She hadn't wanted to dismiss her guest so hastily. The offer was indeed most tempting, but even if she were to take it up, she couldn't seem too eager now could she – not if she was to play the role of Generosity.
The idea made her chuckle lightly to herself. It certainly made sense why Tenebrosity Scintillation, or whatever the young mare's real name was, had concluded to asked her to exemplify such a quality. Not that Lemon Hearts held the minor deception against the unicorn. She herself had used more than a fair share of aliases over her life.
Still, that might be the problem with accepting such an offer. Certainly Lemon Hearts the philanthropist who had dedicated her life to providing care for the lost children of Equestria – poor unfortunate souls with nowhere else to go – fit the bill, but that wasn't quite who she really was. She could fool ponies easily enough, but could she actually fool the primal forces of Harmony itself?
If she could though… why the possibilities where deliciously tantalizing.
Even with her already impressive abilities, an ancient power like that was not something to be dismissed without consideration – a power greater than even an alicorn. Why the very idea alone that such power could be hers for the taking was a temptation that might well be worth any risk. True there would be five others she would have to work with, but Lemon Hearts had never been a stranger to coercion.
In her present life most ponies assumed that her cutie mark represented boundless love or some other such of the likes. The truth was that her special talent was empathy. Most might think that pretty much the same thing, but all it really meant was that she was skilled at reading the emotions and even secret desires of those around her. It made it very easy for her to get whatever she wanted, as she always knew exactly the right thing to say or do to motivate a pony or play on their sympathies. Also, thanks to being a unicorn she could augment her talents with several very useful spells.
Her former family might be proud of the use she'd put the training they'd given her, that is if she hadn't discarded the whole lot after getting everything of value she could from them. She had her own goals and ambitions; she refused to be just another stepping stone in a generational legacy, not when she had devised a way to gain it all for herself instead and in doing so had accomplished more in a matter of decades than her ancestors had in over a millennia.
Still, she had to move slowly and cautiously lest she draw overt notice to her true endeavors. Bad enough if any remaining members of her family found her (though she was confident that by now she was more than a match for any of them). More so, she couldn't let the common ponies learn her secrets. That was the real reason for the orphanage. She only had use for a very select few of the dozens of children she took in, but if she didn't have the others to diffuse attention the outside world might grow suspicious of certain oddities.
Yet because of that the years were starting to ever so slowly catch up with her. There were days when she doubted if she really could achieve it all. Which brought her back to today's visitor and the proposal. That stood to change everything. With the Elements of Harmony at her disposal, with even the merest fraction of that untold power, she might in very short order be able to surpass even her own wildest expectations.
First things first, however.
Lemon heart's knocked on the door to the back dorm room, "Lime Wedge, are you in there?" There was no response save for a muffled shuffling sound.
It was a simple matter for Lemon Hearts to reach past the door with her magic and flip the locked latch. She opened the door, only to find the room darkened with all the curtains drawn. Peering through the shadows, she looked past the rows of beds and managed to make out the form of a colt in the far corner.
"Now then deary, what are you doing hiding back there?"
There was brief pause before, "You… you're gonna be angry with me. I… I did a bad thing."
As Lemon Hearts reached the back corner she could now see her ward curling tightly in on himself as he rocked back and forth. His brown coat was greasy and sweat stained while a pervading and deep-seated horror wafted off of him, centered on… his left hind leg. It was wrapped tightly in an assortment of knotted rags and bent at an awkward angle.
She reached out to examine the leg, but the colt batted her hoof away with his own, but then just as quickly recoiled, realizing who it was he was lashing out at and clenched his eyes tight in shame.
"Don't cry deary; whatever it is can't be all that bad," actually, if it was what she thought, it might just be, but right now the frightened child needed more consoling attention, lest things get any worse. "Just tell me everything, I promise it's nothing we can't fix together."
"I didn't want to do it, but I had to get away. It's all that dumb Biggs's fault anyway! He dared me to do it all in the first place."
Lemon Hearts frowned ever so slightly. She still didn't know exactly what had happened, but she hardly needed too. Mauve Bigarade was an older ward at her orphanage, a troubled youth whose mother had passed on while bringing him into this world only to leave the boy to spend the next few years under the care of a father who blamed the child for the loss. Unsurprisingly, the colt had picked up some rather bad habits in that time, habits Lemon Hearts thought she had broken him of, but now it seemed he was just pressing the other children to do his dirty deeds.
Yes, looking back the signs were there all along, if subtle. Lemon Hearts almost admired the young deviant's ability to maintain such a charade under her watch. Still, she couldn't have her peaceful operation being disrupted by an uppity brat with delusions that he had free license to run things his own way. A lesson as to who was really in charge would have to be taught.
A soft sniffling brought her attention back to more immediate concerns. She gently rubbed a hoof through Lime Wedge's dirty green mane to sooth him as she hummed a few bars of his favorite lullaby. "There, there deary, it's alright. Now why don't you show me what's wrong."
She already had her suspicions, but she had to be sure.
Lime Wedge gave a few more sniffs, "Promise… promise you won't get mad?" There was no reply, not with words, but as Lime Wedge looked up into those eyes, into Mamma Heart's deep magenta eyes he knew the same thing he always knew – that all the children knew – that no matter what, she would always be there to love and protect, and could never be truly cross or angry.
All his worries just melted away under her comforting gaze, as she hummed that tune which was older than he could remember, but which always made him feel less like an orphan who had lost his real family long before he'd ever had a chance to know them – except of course he had a family, more brothers and sisters than he could even count, and of course there was always Mamma Hearts herself, so loving and kind. Here in her gentle embrace it seemed so silly that he'd ever been scared at all.
The young colt backed away just a little bit, and Lemon Hearts let him, a soothing smiling on her face and in her eyes maintaining the atmosphere of trusting reassurance. Such simple measures to weave, she thought to herself, and yet no less satisfying for the ease of the effort.
One by one the knots and coils of rags came undone and Lemon Hearts cast a light from her horn to see it more clearly. She had to suppress the audible hiss from her sharp intake of air, at the sight that greeted her. Still, she held a passive face as her eyes gazed down the young colt's brown flank to where it meat dark green scales that stretched down the entire length of the reshaped limb all the way to the end where instead of a hoof was now a dragon-like claw.
"I knew you'd be angry," the colt sniffed.
Only belatedly did Lemon Hearts realize she'd allowed her smile to slip into a scowl, how careless of her. "No deary, never," she said, her voice dripping with sweetness as she twisted her face back into a smile.
The colt was too young to consciously notice that the smile failed to reach all the way to his caretaker's eyes, so he only grew confused at how cold and unsettling the room had suddenly become. Whatever was wrong though he knew it had to be with him – after all, mamma loved him with all her heart… didn't she?
Lemon Hearts, however, realized all too easily what was happening, that she was letting her mask slip, but she was very cross. Not with the colt, it was hardly his fault, but rather at all the wasted effort she'd put into him. He was still so young and she had thought him full of so much more potential, but as she magically extended her sight she saw not only the physical manifestation of the corruption in the young pony's body, but the extent of the deeper instability of the taint that dwelt inside him. If, even only by accident, he was already reaching his limits… well, there likely wasn't much hope in expecting such great returns from him after all – a pity really.
The elder mare closed he eyes and the colt sighed in relief as the act broke the penetrating gaze that seemed to stare through the very core of his being. He let out a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding, as he spoke hesitantly, "Now… now you're going to make it… make it better, right? Just like you promised… just like you always do."
"But of course my precocious darling. Now just relax," she spoke in a strange tone that seemed to resound at an odd pitch. When she she opened her eyes they were no longer their normal vibrant rosy color, but instead beady blood read pupils set inside sickly yellow orbs. "Mamma's gonna make it all better."
Sorry for the delays. I know I promised this chapter by the end of last weekend, but well... complications.
Believe it or not though, this chapter has been sitting largely complete for just about two months (save some bits of minor tweaking here and there). I thought several times to just go ahead and publish it, but for various reason felt it needed to be the last of the recruitment chapters. That's still not exactly the case as Ch5 is sort of only half finished, but I got what I consider the ESSENTIAL parts of that out of the way and so finally felt comfortable reveling the big twist in this whole mad scheme.
Not that I'm any less nervous to finally go live with this, and I'd not blame any readers who though I finally crossed some line and ruined this fic.
....ok, the sudden shift in the middle of this chapter actually bothers me.
Not that it's bad. It's a wonderful chapter. It's just that....well...........I feel very unsettled right now......
And seeing her discorded out in that final picture is gonna pop up in my nightmares.....
2021545
I'll try to take that as a compliment, because unsettling was pretty much the intent. The narrative has up to this point swung mostly between sad with a side of goofiness, but this character was pretty much always intended to stand out from the rest as being fundamentally WRONG.
Though if you don't mind, I would ask at exactly what point you felt the shift became sudden? I thought I did a fair job of making the chapter build up somewhat gradually with the unsettling elements piling up one by one, each more disturbing than the last, so I'm curious where it is you felt the narrative "crossed the line" such as it were.
2021599
It's not the narrative. It's me. I just find this character to be wrong on alot of levels.
it's because you had the picture in the middle. It gave me hope that Twilight had finally gotten it right. And then it all came crashing down. Horribly horribly crashing down.
My reaction:
*gets to the first bio* What? That can't be right. You mean Twilight actually picked a good candidate? Huh, I didn't see that coming.
*bumps 'down' button on keyboard* Oh, hey, it keeps going.
...
...
...
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZKUuBpWFe0w/Tuq3hnS68GI/AAAAAAAAS_c/UOQ_rpnMYjs/s480/94781%252520-%252520mother_of_celestia%252520mother_of_god%252520rainbow_dash.jpg
When I read the first bio, I thought she was going to turn out to be a changeling who was feeding off of the orphans. Looks like I was going in the right general direction, just wrong species...
2021613 2021653
Hmm... perhaps I screwed up the faux profile. It was supposed to be so over the top in lauding what a perfect choice Lemon Hearts was (to the point of being Sue-like) as to be an obvious fake... or maybe I've just left this fic so devoid of hope that people were willing to grasp at any straw.
2021699
Funny you should mention that, as there was an alternate version I briefly toyed with where you'd have been correct. However, I only came up with that version after mostly hammering this original angle out and realizing that she could also work well as a changeling, though that would have necessitated some changes to her background and intended role withing this fic.
2021740
It's not that, it's more like the law of averages. Twilight had to get SOMETHING right eventually.
It's just not this thing.
Though yeah, it DOES come off as blatantly sue-ish on a second read through.
2021740 Oh, no, I definitely felt that there was something off. I just happened to stop scrolling down right at the bio without realizing there was more, so I figured that whatever shoe was going to drop would have to wait for a later chapter. Plus I overplayed my willingness to believe the false bio for comedic effect, so I'm the one who's not very good at it.
Oh, come on! She gets lazors too?!
Poor Twi. So far she's just found misfits and misclassified them.
This is much worse...
2021740
The profile convinced me of what the scene with "Tenebrosity" and that filly suggested – that she was a complete fraud, although I was way off as to what kind of fraud. (My guess was that she was running a scam where she trained her orphans to become thieves. Oh, and also that she was a regular pony.)
Okay. This is a bit... over the top. And not really in a good way, sorry. Just... a descendant of Discord?! And she harvests others. Sorry, but that's just way too far over the line of wrong and bad for me.
2021778
That was the idea.
2022137
Sorry to hear that this twist isn't working for you, hope it won't kill the entire story in your eyes. I'd thought maybe you could at least appreciate having a villain that you can unambiguously wish any cruel fate imaginable upon. Lemon Hearts is pretty much intended to possess ZERO redeeming qualities, but yeah, I guess that does sort of put her over the top.
Also, the descendant of Discord thing is not really a blame that can be laid solely upon my head. We have Fizzy to thank for introducing that into the Lunaverse by way of Zizanie. I just took his ideas and ran with them (potentially a we bit too far, I will admit, though I did get his approval first).
2022203 I didn't know that bit about Zizanie, actually. This isn't a deal-breaker... yet. But it's still pretty bad. I won't lie there.
Okay, this is terrible.
Next time a Lunaverse writer's instinct tells them to go darker, do the opposite.
frankly, I think it would be a much better story if Twilight got at least one of them right, rather than steadily getting them more wrong. And really, considering these ponies are being assembled for personality traits, in a non-emergency situation there's no reason they couldn't all be all right and the problem is the lack of friendship between them
2022127 This is pretty much what I was getting as well.
Lemon Hearts is ... yeesh. Wow. She's rather over the top in how dark she is. Really bad and really scary. As long as you don't get worse than this implies though, I can manage it. I din't realise that Zizannie was a descendant of Discord. Actually, after Keep Calm and Flutter On, that becomes even darker, as we now know for sure that Discord never even held back his cruelty from another pony before Fluttershy. The implications are REALLY dark. Then again, Discord's rule was already grimdark until the retrieval of the elements.
2021599
Well, of course Twilight would have thought she'd made the right choice: that's how Lemon Heart's powers work. And hey, it's not as if anypony knows that these guys exist. I doubt that even Luna and Corona are aware that they didn't kill all of them.
You killed a child in your fic?
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/068/9/7/mlp__sad_pony_by_inferno111-d4s9ckf.jpg
2026045
Sigh... I knew someone would eventually try to call me out on that, and well, I can't really blame anyone that walked away with such an impression, but I assure no children were killed in the writing of this fic.
...though something bad certainly happened. Take of that what you will.
2026093 Yay! No dead kids!
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/29900000/Happy-Spike-D-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-29925563-422-360.png
2022620 Twilight is only partially wrong with the others. They have redeeming qualities and Silverstar might even be worthy if he wasn't in such a funk. She just didn't quite get the right elements for some of them.
2026523
Close only counts in horseshoes.
I am quite okay with this turn events. Twilight's group becomes a more interesting mix with each addition in my eyes, and this manipulative power hungry mare is just going to add the right taste of volatile to the mix. Twilight is going to have her hooves full with this crew. Question is, now that she's got her team assembled, what's her next move?
2021754>>2022620
Personally, I think that Twilight got Clover Charms right...
2031999
Lemon Hearts' motivation is nothing short of a pure lust for power. Her family was big into the whole ultimate soldier of chaos angle, but Lemon Hearts herself only cares about power -- any kind of power. Because of her heritage, strengthening her chaos abilities has long been her main path to power as well, and after decades of effort she's quite powerful indeed, but for Lemon Hearts no amount of power is ever enough. She is NEVER satisfied, and always hungry for more.
As to the Elements of Harmony being anathema to her; I tried to show that she is aware of such risk, but that the temptation of that kind of ultimate power is simply too much for Lemon Hearts to resist. The way she figures it is that even if she can't harness and control the full powers of the Elements of Harmony, then she can at least siphon off some small measure of the power to add to her own.
Welp, I finally caught up!
And...well, chapter five was pretty good, but six...I don't know if you've crossed the line, but you've come pretty close. Then again, I'm the guy who had Discord mutilate Celestia after making her ponies commit cannibalism, so make of that what you will.
Good luck with the rest of the fic.
2035163
Yeah, six does sort of cross the line, though it crosses that line largely by intent and so any discomfort and/or revolution it's causing for readers is basically the point. Not to say that makes it a good idea on my part; I'm well aware that I've now steered this story into some rocky waters from which it may never recover, but this is the story I want to tell and I will endeavor to tell it to the best of my ability and deal with whatever consequences may come (which so far don't seem all that bad).
Anyway, thanks for the well wishes, think I'll be needing the luck. Not because of this last character, like I said she's supposed to be monster. Rather I'm worried because having now setup this merry band of misfits individually, I have to see if I can actually pull of writing all them at once.
... ... ...
((( PS: don't forget Kuchen, I'd actually compare Lemon Hearts more so to him on the darkness scale. )))
Rarity and CT's reactions fit me perfectly when I read the second one. I also would like to think that they are horrified tht there is any comparisons between them and that monster.
2049657
Heh, glad to have some one taking note of the way I broke the forth wall a bit there by making the characters clearly aware of who they were sharing the page with. I've played little visual gags with the character images before, but none so intentionally blatant as what I tried to convey with both of Lemon Hearts' profiles.
This chapter is unclear. but I really like this story. I was really surprised by this discord stuff. I thought Twilight finally got it right. At the very beginning, I thought it was Fluttershy's cottage and I was all YES! But then it was this werdio villain.
2185604
Sorry, but I'm uncertain how this chapter was lacking in clarity, though I'd like to help you better understand it in any way I can. Still, what perplexes me the most is how you could mistake the setting for Fluttershy's cottage, given that the opening paragraph was...
I can't, however, really apologies though for the bait-and-switch with the villain reveal, as any feelings of uncertainty or discomfort with that was fully intentional.
And here I thought that I'd favorited all the unfinished L!verse stories; kinda ashamed that I missed these updates
I thoroughly enjoyed this fic up until the harvest part. I like the twist with bait-and-switch false profile and felt it was a good way to exploit the pattern that had been previously set up in the other chapters. The group of Discordians trying to work together only to have another supersede their plan is delicious, and serves them right for trying to cooperate in such a sacrilegious way. I especially liked the idea of using a large orphanage as a front for finding young Discordians and raising them in a way where they can get some semblance of control over their... "lineage" (and the overarching family metaphor for the subspecies also tickles me). But the goal of building them up only to siphon off their power just... I don't know, guess it just sits wrong with me. Chaos is about diversifying, not concentrating. I can't help but get the feeling that Lemon Hearts is the Discordian version of a sociopath (while normal people/ponies are programed to get along and work together socially, and sociopaths are the ones who can't do that naturally; flip that around and you have the weird Discordians being the ones who want to pool their resources for the good of the group. Would make her special talent of actually having empathy an interesting dualism). I guess I was expecting her orphanage to be a "Good, now you've grown up and know how to use your powers. Now go out and change things, and I never want to see you again" sort of thing. Would defiantly fit with the Generosity tag, relatively speaking.
Still, she makes for an interesting character for group dynamics; always good to have that one actually evil teammate plotting against the others. I look forwards to seeing what else you do with this.
2255992
Thank you very much. You've given me one of the most thoughtfully insightful comments yet; wish I had more readers like you.
Actually, that's more or less is exactly how you should be feeling. Lemon Hearts isn't just a discordian, she's a self-serving villain through and through. In fact, she couldn't give a rat's ass about "chaos"; to her it's all just another means to an end. She craves one thing and one thing only, POWER for its own sake (well, and loosely as a means of obtaining ultimate personal freedom, the ability to do whatever she wants with nothing able to dictate limitations to her, but she's still utterly selfish in that pursuit and willing to exploit others as exactly the kinds of tool she refused to become).
That said, as pointed out in her true profile, chaos is harsh and unforgiving, and this is one fire she's probably played with too long, so the resulting BURN will not be pretty. For you, I can say more if you like, but only privately.
Accept that Lemon Hearts isn't supposed to be generous, not even in the slightest, and any pretenses to the contrary are just part of her facade. Everything she does is only for her own selfish benefit.
Twilight came looking for the avatar of generosity, but instead found only the avatar of greed in disguises, such as it were.
Wow, this is, amazing. All the chapters and characters have been great, but this chapter was hands down my favorite. It nice to be getting to know a little more about the Discordians in general.
I feel so bad for Twilight and her misguided views...but even more so, I feel just horrible for the poor ponies she's dragging into her nightmare...not counting Lemon Heart of course. Also, Lucky is best Element of Insanity!
Can't wait to see how all this goes down...in flames no doubt
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Lucky is my favorite as well, and if anypony is going to walk away from this with some kind of happy ending it will be her.
Anyway, yeah I do agree that it's hard not to feel sorry to watch these ponies one by one dragged into a doomed mission, but then again none of them were living particularly great lives before hand either. Well Snowflake was, at least in his own deluded view of the world. Lemon Heart as well, but her getting ruined by all this will only make the world a better place.
It's been a while, though of course I am once more late to the party. Sorry 'bout that.
Anyway, I read this one before, but it's been a while and I could use a refreshe-
...
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Better late than never, though apparently the twist just broke your image file.
Oh, and if your reading ponyfics again, would you be willing to help me out as an editor again as well? Ch7 is just about finished and ready to go, except that self-editing has been a lengthy and imprecise affair, and I'd greatly appreciate the extra set of eyes. If not though, no problem.
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Of course!
I saw "poor unfortunate souls" and went "URSULA!!
I began doubting Lemon Heart as soon as I saw the whole "How could Twilight choose a better recruit for the element of Generosity"
"I don't trust her. She seems too perfect."
That's my girl! Spreading chaos in a subtle way, and deceiving the elements of Harmony? Perfect! Except for the whole "subtle" thing. Chaos is loud! Flashy! It needs to be in the spotlight!
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If... Twilight somehow actually succeeds and things turn out amazingly alright...
The power of Friendship indeed!
Only, Twilight still doesn't get that point....
Wow, Twilight screwed up big time here, I mean, Greed is the opposite of Generosity, and a Discordian no less, this cannot end well...
Well, you done screwed up now, Twilight.
I never knew Carrot Top wanted laser eyes. This will all end horribly because Twilight doesn't understand the forces she is trying to work with, plus anything involving Twilight never ends well without intervention from Celestia and her friends in the show.
Was totally not expecting that twist...I love it!!!! It really kind of confused me when I first read it and then the bio made me appreciate it a little more. Now on the second read through I love it even more now. It's quite unexpected and really helps to break the mold of what the team Twilight has been gathering so far. It kind of helps make it a little more...special. I love it goes with the theme that I see present within all of them that I will talk about when I am done wiht the other two members.
Snowflake is unexpected, but a fun choice. As a background pony that didn't get development until season four, liked this insight into whay he is so beefy and musclesly. I love the idea that he is always willing to lend a hoof because it is the right thing to do and that his catchphrase is a result of the fact he hasn't tried to get a blasted hearing aid.
Screwloose...why did I think Norman BAtes? Why? The moment I started reading I was thinking of Mrs. Bates. I don't know why, but I think we have a pony so far removed from the L team that she didn't even GET a character bio.
Now, onto the theme with these guys. One problem I have with certian people when they mention the Mane cast is that they "Don't embody their elements 24/" as if they need to be perfect little mares with no flaws at all. (We have that, its called Care Bears). Not realizing that by defining them by just their elements you are limiting them. This is what Twilight is doing, she is only defining these choices by their outer quialities, and picking one by their defining element trait. She isn't putting into consideration, "Maybe I should get to know these guys more." IT's just "That's generosity, thats honesty..." and so on and so forth.
She doesn't realize that a lot of times you need other traits to help tame those virtues that you are supposed to embody. And that is what I love about this little gathering.
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That's actually more so because for the longest time Loosy was the character I had the most trouble figuring out, going through the most revisions just trying to find something that worked, and even at that I originally released her introductory chapter as an incomplete "Part-1".
The intent was to finish her profile when I finished her chapter which would have involved multiple flashbacks of how she and Silverstar met as well as the fall of Appleloosa. As things turned out I instead went on to Flesh Loosy out in later chapters, with only minor callbacks to my original intentions. Still, I really should at least go back and finish her and Woody's shared profile one of these days.
Yeah, that was pretty much exactly the kind of overly superficial evaluation I was channeling with Twilight. That and also the tendency of certain fans who claim RD and AJ have their elements backwards and is the reason Silverstar and Snowflake have intentionally mispaired comparisons to their counterparts. .
I'm re-reading this story for the first time in a while (I originally read it before I made an account here), and I either forgot or somehow originally missed the subtle references to one of my favorite villain songs in the fic itself and Lemon Hearts' bio. Definitely fitting.
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Always good to hear from a fan. I'm glad you enjoyed my story the first time around and hope it continues to hold up for you the second time around.
As for the song reference, I'd actually originally intended to include a full alternate lyrics take on it, but unfortunately it didn't end up fitting the pacing of the chapter.