• Member Since 18th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen Mar 28th, 2019

NightLord


Just a brony who likes to write using whatever free time I have to spare.

T

A duo of short stories following the prompt, "In Over Your Head". Rated teen for brief use of language and slightly suggestive themes.

Testing the Limits: Rainbow Dash gets creative with her Wonderbolts exam.

Anon Overload: when Anon steps through the portal to Equestria, he discovers he wasn't the first.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 5 )

Heh. Kind of amusing, but this chapter doesn't really stand on its own. Feels like this is a joke in a much larger work.

This chapter has the same problems as the first, along with a new one.

It just feels rushed, from beginning to end you are just racing along to get the joke-multiple humans in Equestria-and then some. Also, you paint some disturbing implications-usually fun when done well-without ever actually exploring it. Why does Applejack have a pit to dump humans? Are they all so badly behaved that she has no choice? Do they not even view the anons as intelligent?

So, because it is mildly funny, deserving of a like, but little more because it just doesn't feel like you fully developed either story.

7326485
Thanks for the feedback!

It just feels rushed

Both stories were, indeed, a bit rushed. The Writeoff they were written for was a 24-hour period, and I ended up hastily typing out the first one in the food court of a mall. I have revised them both a bit, but I concede that they still both seem rushed.

As for the questions about Applejack's motives and the pit, I tried to explain that here:

Even worse, some of you are dangerous, tryin' to assault ponyfolk like you did me. So now we're keepin' you in places like this, least 'till we can figure some other way to deal with ya.

Comment posted by notme deleted Jul 13th, 2016
Comment posted by NightLord deleted Jul 13th, 2016
Login or register to comment