When Sombra returns from his supposed death in the Crystal Empire, He plots to reconquer the Crystal Empire with Twilight Sparkle's help. However, he does not expect getting relegated to subordinate status. Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Starlight Glimmer gathers the former bearers of the Elements of Harmony to mount a rescue mission to get Twilight back. Will the evil rulers conquer the Empire? Will Starlight and her Friends save the day? What about Cadence, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart? And will Sombra get out from under Twilight's clutches? Cover Art posted by CoCoNO
Edit 6/11/16: going on hiatus due to severe writer's block
Chapters (2)
*read premise*
Well, where the fuck is Spike, and why can't he do everything Starlight is about to do?
Okay an interesting premise and a good first chapter.
So far this seems amazing especially for i first time story i'll eagerly be awaiting more.
Well, an interesting premise and first chapter, looking forward on you
Did you edit this yourself cause I can't see any errors. (Grammatically)
Pretty good, hope you write something more.
I am certainly looking forward to more. I always find myself drawn to corrupted Twilight stories, so I hope this story gets finished.
I want more
7236407
Thank you for the question. Spike could do a lot of things, but there is one thing later in the story that only Starlight can do, so Spike will sadly be left behind.
7236725
Yes, and I actually typed the chapter into Word and printed it out to try to catch errors. I'm not going to be 100% accurate, but I will try to do that as often as possible.
Sombra accepted those conditions amazingly quickly. In fact pretty much everything was pretty rushed through. I get that it's really just setup for the main story but it could have been done better either with more scene setting or allowing for more character focus. Still though, keep it up, it's not bad for a first story.
I do agree that King Sombra would not have agreed to such terms without an argument or fight. Sombra's the kind of colt who would want all the glory. In fact, I don't even think he'd want a queen, just simply from fear that his queen would overpower him.
But, over all, good story!
Should be mage's.
Should be Princess's
To avoid repetition, you could instead say 'a wave of Dark Magic pulsed inside the room'?
Not sure what you meant here!
That should be too.
Does Kitchen need a capital letter here?
I think you need a semi-colon here.
The bed was left in a hurry or Starlight left in a hurry?
By the way, this isn't to say that this is poorly written, just that these are ways to clarify and improve it! ^ ^
7254461 I was about to post these myself. Still a pretty interesting first chapter though.
Next chapter will come out next week. No chapter this week.
7275471 Hi, Here is A Private Message I Just sent to you today Celebrating the 2 Year Anniversary of KingSpartax37's Pony OC Twivine Sparkle...http://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/messages/9021748
7275471 Hi, Here is A Private Message I Just Sent to you Today Celebrating The Release of Equestria Girls 4: Legend of Everfree and Equestria Girls 4's Return of Princess Twilight Sparkle to the EG films in Fall 2016...http://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/messages/9088295
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with thanks and Hopes,
From Your Biggest #1 Fan of all Time in the history of all of reality,
This is cancelled?