A changeling named Hunter and his band of misfits go out into the wastelands of equestria, exploring the secrets that both the past and present hold, and learning more about himself and his friends as his adventure goes on.
Chapters (2)
1nfer0
Joined 10th May, 2016 ·
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This, is decent.
Tho' nothing really makes it stand out at the moment.
No glaring mistakes either, which is a big plus.
Your choice of a first person narrative works, though if I'd be to suggest anything, try makin the personality stand out a bit more
Right now the hole thing feels a bit bland.
The bacon was a nice touch.
"If it's too good ta be true it probably ain't"
7203757
Glad you liked it! I understand that it feels kinda bland, I was going to combine this chapter with chapter 2, but it felt too long. This chapter was more for establishing a base for the story, and the next one will be more action packed, so stay tuned for that!
I believe it would have been better written as this
I do like how you stared the story, straight into action, but it is a story, it has to be told, meaning use past tense words, and don't be afraid to type up some swears, it is a teen story and Fallout, they kind of go hand in hand with swears.
Again, I believe it could be better written, like this for example
I do think you can write well, and this story has a lot of potential, but little mistakes like these break the mood.
These themselves don't have much wrong with them other than the capital letters where they shouldn't be
I believe that top one should be this
and the second one should be this
All in all, it's a great start for a story, I am not telling you how to write your story, I am just simply giving my own opinion on how this could be better than it already is, I suggest finding a proofreader, there are many groups that are dedicated to helping like that.
7203925
Thanks for the help! This is my first time writing anything like this, so im still learning as i go.
7204363 It's no problem at all, I just wanted to help a new author in the making, if you ever need help again you can ask, or head here to find an editor
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
best of luck to you
7204370 I am in need of an editor and I don't understand the guide to getting one. Can you help me out? I am new to creating fan fictions.
My story is called https://www.fimfiction.net/story/327937/equestria-girls-the-atlas-chronicles
Very nice starting chapter. No instantaneous quest to save the world, just a changeling trying to survive in the wastes. Though the forshadowing with the dreams was a nice touch and it gives our protagonist an objective. I hope this story is continued and does very well. Its one of, if not the only story of its kind as I have yet to see another foe fic with changelings. Many good fortunes to you on your journey into story telling.
I like your protagonist so far. His morals are decent and he realizes that helping ponies is necessary to survival for himself. Well done. I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter.
Take it easy, mustangdrew4