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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, I've gotta say I love the fact that not only are you creating a grim macabre of a story of yourself but you're also pulling other horrors into the ride along the way as you paint it. One of your best chapters yet and keep up the great work! :)
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Thanks!
My idea was this; What if those other Grimdark stories existed, but things didn't quite happen as they did in the stories? Rainbow Dash didn't become the supervisor of the Rainbow Factory, so Surprise did instead - though that was just a teeny shout-out to FiMFlamFilosophy's video 'Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla - But it's secretly Rainbow Factory'.
I plan on bringing in a few others, like the Blanks, who are free from the Everfree now, thanks to the influx of dark magic. Special, intelligent undead, anyone? And Cupcakes... all the cupcakes.
-Inkheart
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I have no idea what Kyras has to do with this.
7244501
Hm. Sensible.
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Yeah... That is a pretty good rendition of people's emotions at this point... I love this chapter.
-Inkheart
Hmm... it appears this story hasn't got the recognition it deserves. Keep it up! Seriously. I'll be keeping my eyes on you from now on!
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Neither of my large-scale stories have, really. But I don't let it dishearten me. I plan on writing until people notice what I do best.
7280889
Oh, don't act like I was the first one to do it.
Besides, in terms of of trading in pony terminiology, it's a pretty fitting swap-out.
-Inkheart
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Twilight's plan uses the foward momentum granted by the engine to help throw the train at the barrier.
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Pft... White Knight isn't an Alicorn. Mind, I wrote this right after Daring Don't, so Flurry want a thing. I didn't feel like grappling with the implications of a newborn Alicorn, so I made White Knight a Unicorn, for simplicity's sake. He'll be about as useful as Sweetie Belle in all this.
-Inkheart
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So first things. Very interesting idea sorta sad it isn't more popular but gore has its negative side that most don't like. Good story though, so pros I like how you have kept the risen sort of mysterious. I also like how you show ponies going insane it something alot of zombie writers forget so good job.
Cons, so most of these are my opinion but the vinyl killing her friend didn't sit well with me I know the whole I should do it thing but that's really only for pets I wouldn't want to kill my best friend. Another thing the way they handled Pinkie yes she snapped but she saved thier life's I feel like the mistrust happened a little to fast she was only torturing the mare who tried to kill her frienda. But besides this which like I said is just an opinion. I give this story a 7 out of 10 and hope it gets a more popular for you. Keep up the good work
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Thank you very much!
I worked hard to leave the Risen as a very unknown element. You know they're powered by dark magic and act somewhat like zombies. Casius gives the history, but that's all we know. I will say, they become less mysterious in the last few chapters, when facts begin to fall into place.
Insanity is a fairly untapped market in apocalypse fics. 'Dead Rising' showed this side of zombies well, as did 'Walking Dead,' but many people just make the 'Resident Evil' or 'Z-Nation' style zombie apocalypse, I much prefer breaking my characters, over killing them. Death is so final; but insanity lingers. Hehe... You thought Trixie was bad; you should see what I do to poor Twilight in the next few chapters.
For addressing the Cons; Vinyl didn't do the act lightly. Octavia was about to be killed by the guards, but Vinyl would rather she be given a gentler, more personal death. Otherwise, she'd have simply been another casualty; killed by some nameless guard in the midst of the madness. In a way, Vinyl's decision was an driven by insanity in-of-itself. Now, she will always remember Octavia; her blood is forever on her hooves.
As for Pinkie; it was the sudden nature of the shift that freaked everyone out. One minute, she's smiles. The next? Yikes. After she calms down, the trust returns, but there's always that slight tension about what lingers beneath the surface. And, to say what's going through their heads; how long until she decides we aren't smiling enough? Admit, it would be pretty terrifying, relying on someone with a disorder like the one I gave Pinkie. Multiple Personality Disorder is dangerous, especially so when one of the personalities is as volatile as our dear, sweet Pinkamena Diane Pie.
But I'll take the feedback into consideration and touch on these topics. I'll probably edit the other ponies thoughts of Pinkie and why they were so distrustful into the chapter. Vinyl actually gets addressed at a later date; I just haven't gotten that far. Neon will actually question her why she took it upon herself to kill Octavia and it's going to be... Yeah... You'll see.
-Inkheart