While laying in bed watching Attack on Titan, I hear a knock at the window. Finding Twilight and her friends, I eagerly let them stay at my home. What could possibly go wrong when hosting 6 ponies?
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Little Ling
Joined 18th Sep, 2015 ·
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Well it seemed rushed and Twilight didn't seem surprised at all that you knew her name before she told you or that you knew about the rest of the mane cast. Also if you started playing that song wouldn't they want to know how you know that song?
Loved it!
7206270 Thank you for the comment! Now that I go back, I realize I still need to work on pacing and details. Also, the song issue is in there, however, I realize it could be expanded more:
I will keep these comments in mind as I continue this story!
7206393 I'm glad! Are there any issues you found?
7206404
To be honest, not really. But, "Applejack" is one word together, so you don't have to write "Apple Jack".
7206403 If I looked out my window and saw Rainbow Dash I'd flip the hell out! You might have to explain that on Earth they are fictional and that's y you have the plushies and DVDs and toys.
You make me want to write my own pony story cause no one seems to explain things like on our world they are fictional. If you saw them I doubt you'd act casually. I know I wouldn't but you seem too chill for encountering the ponies for the first time in real life.
7206407
Wow, I can't believe I did that. Fixed!
7206753 Do it! At the very least you should consider being a proofreader. Even if you can't spot grammar issue (I'm not sure how good at that you are, but I don't care), you still have the ability to spot important things like that. Try it out, I'm sure you can bring something to this fandom! I'm not the best writer, obviously, or the best artist, but I still do my best to contribute. Also, it is a lot of fun, and quite awesome to see people liking your contributions!
7206753
Wait, why would someone freak out? More than likely, if it was me, I'd be wondering if someone slipped something in my drink or if I was still asleep. It would be cool, but I'm not sure if freaking out is that common... IDK I might be differen in that regard but it takes a LOT to make me go nuts.
I blame the internet... T.T
Anyways, This is OK if this is your first-time poppin' somethin' out like this. A bit of advice, though, don't shirk on the details. I remember taking up two whole paragraphs just describing one little thing. The more you have to say about something in a story the more solid of an image the reader can obtain from it. Be sure that, unless the chapter is a transition chapter or a short stand-alone memory, you add a lot more. Put more action or dialogue in, maybe a bit of background on something or, like I keep stressing to you, more details. Keep it long and flowing unless you have reached a point where a cliffhanger will add to the suspense but not kill it, or you have reached the end of all pertinent events. One of the chapters in my story is dedicated to introducing the main character, showing his integration into the town, and meeting another character important to the plot. While such things are occurring it isn't a bad thing to maybe describe what is going on around the characters so that you can give life to the setting and not just the main interactions.
Again, let me say that if this is the first thing you have ever put out then it's not too bad. It definitely could be better but at the very least its obvious you at least speak English (while there's nothing wrong with not speaking English, at least take the time to find someone to polish it up before you put it out online). Just take this advice to heart and you will be just fine. The detail and inner side stories (side stories or events that flow with the main story enough to be included inside the story and not a stand-alone chapter) you can come up with will solve any pacing issues you might have.
7218849 I'm a new brony so I'd fan girl and love every second of it
7218882 Long and list based, I apologize.
Whenever I give advice to other writers, I always stress this as well. Extensive details are difficult for me to do, especially taking two paragraphs to describe something! Details are something that I constantly work on when I write, so the story feels less rushed.
I feel this is an amazing way to describe when and when not to make a new chapter. It may seem a little obvious at first, but this will help a lot to allow me to determine when to start a new chapter.
I will do my best to use this technique when I write in the future!
Honestly, I don't know how to take this comment. On one hand, I could take it as a compliment, as my mother has stressed and will stress proper grammar, as she has an English major. I take pride in the fact that my grammar is better than that of a 12 year old's. On the other hand, I could take it as an insult of sorts. I will take the former option...
As I said earlier, details tend to be quite difficult for me. Pacing has also always been a challenge, I can never seem to slow a story down to the speed that professional authors use. This tidbit of information will hopefully help me to slow down my stories!
Thank you for the honest and detailed reply, I truly appreciate it. I will do my best to appease your wishes with more and more detail, if I can manage it!