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I've made four number references, well technically three but one of them means two things. I will congratulate you if you get them all.
dis is gun b guuuuuuud!!!!
So far so good, I'm going to keep an eye on this.
Well, I'm not going to say this is good. There are quite a few grammer errors and confusion of present and past tense. You don't seem to know how to use quotations either and ponies generally don't swear.
Not to mention there are already about five of these, two of which use 'The Mare Flu.' So if you combine the unoriginality with the style of writing, this just isn't something I'm interested in following.
759040 *Clears throat* If you can't tell, it's the first chapter. I am looking at the campaigns and their chapters, and I can tell you that there's going to be about 22 more chapters. But if you're still not interested in it, then that okay. At least you were nice about it. And thank you.
Okay, I'm not tracking this, but I think I can point you in the right direction.
1. Crossovers usually aren't just things from a game/movie just acted out with ponies. They have to be able to have their own style. You should change the dialogue from L4D2 and change it to your own. you could also place them somewhere else, like Fillydalphia instead of having them be exactly in the same place as in L4D2. You could also get creative with the weapons or the types of special zombies, like, there is a pegasus zombie that can throw you high in the air, or a unicorn that can revive some of her zombie friends. Get creative!
2. Ponies don't usually use weapons. The last thought they ever have is of using weapons against anything, unless it tries to kill them. Which is rare. So why the HELL do they adapt to using weapons so quickly? Derpy seems like a loving pony, and in just a few minutes, she's hacking and slashing while not giving an absolute buck about it. That being said, I also feel as if the characters are a bit too... adaptive. Blueblood doesn't seem very athletic, yet he's running around so much that he would make a bodybuilder proud. The same goes with Derpy and the others.
3. The character choice is a bit... awkward. First of all, how the hell is Blueblood, the prince and highly regal pony in Canterlot, finds himself in a run down place like this? It doesn't seem to make much sense to me. And also, comparing Vinyl to Rochelle? Derpy to Ellis? Blueblood to NICK? These similarities are quite strange. I would find Applejack to be a more suitable pony for Ellis that Derpy.
Okay, now to the positive part (thank god)
1. If this is your first crossover, I would actually see why this stuff is happening. It happened for me. It STILL happens for me. But you did it in such a way that it wasn't a waste of time to read, and the crossover idea is one that almost nobody could pull off easily. While creativity is a lacks in it, I can see some good aspects in it.
2. The character conflict is absolutely perfect. Blueblood arguing that he was framed, Blueblood getting mad at Derpy for whatever reason, Vinyl and Caramel stepping in, the conflict brings the characters to life and it shows their personality more. I think that is one of the most important things in a story, character development. I can just see the future character development with teamwork, more conflicts, and, if at all necessary, the death of a comrade. All of it can lead to good development, and it is remarkable.
Please, if you are offended AT ALL by this, feel free to delete it. I'm just giving you some tips for the future, some things you can't change, some things you have plenty of time to change. Either way, this story can turn out really good, you just need some practice is all.
Also, I am not criticizing grammar and spelling because I'm not a douchebag that way.
Thank you for reading.
-Digit
759221 Again you weren't a jerk about it, so thank you. And again it technically my first crossover. I found it in a file while cleaning my computer and decided it was good enough to post it here and FanFiction, so yea.
759292
Okay, that sounds reasonable. and yes, I try not to be a jerk. Because of the pain I felt when some douchebag called one of my stories a steaming pile of feces. So, if I do cause harm to anyone, I always wish to take it down immediately and apologize.
So, yeah.
Seems like a good idea and all, but the title isn't really the best crossover. Left 4 Dead, that makes sense, but Pony 4 Dead doesn't make much sense. And zombie ponies is a little cliche...
That's my only feedback. Good luck, and happy writing!
Vinyl is Rochelle in this?
.....I feel so bad for Vinyl.
759347 I snorted my milk.
759347 Gotta have some reason to like Rochelle, right?
This is an awesome idea but I agree with the other comments that you don't want to make it a complete copy of what its based on.
The second sentence for example:“Aww come on, dude. Maybe the helicopter.... maybe it's made of apples.” Blueblood chuckles to Caramel while trotting up stairs.
The thing wrong for me in that isn't as much the wording but remember these aren't characters from Left 4 dead with different names. These are the MLP characters in the situation of the the games.I never played the games to be honest and only know a bit from watching walk through videos on youtube. I have however watched both seasons of MLP and know out of all words I doubt prince blueblood would use the term"dude".
Granted none of the characters your using have actually shown much detail on anything in the show to assume how they'd behave in any situation,you should try and dig into the creative box.
I can picture for instance,Vinyl using her magic to levitate her DJ discs at high speed to take out enemies.
Prince blueblood is the second most muscled looking male character seen thus far and hes likely swift on his feet.With his cutie mark being a compass he'd probably use detection magic skill to locate his lost team mates,safety zones,and supply ammo while dodging incoming enemies with his speed.
The most I recall about caramel is hes a good worker in the dirt so maybe hes good at camouflage.
On the note someone else already said,these ponies aren't stone age but at the same time there world is more 1900s rather then 2012.Guns and tanks have been implied in the show but nothing as advanced as helicopters which brings up something else. Is Derpy's wing broken or something? I recall she could fly without a machine before.
My last teeny nick pick is just I'm one of those people that if they find a book with a page missing or the second with the fourth book of a series is there but its third is missing,I can't follow. Continuing straight to the fourth feels like I'm missing gigantic important chunk is missing that I should see. By this I mean is where did all this start? Is it that situation where a meteor with the flesh eating virus hit Equestria trixie got infected then she bit some pony and it went on and on till Caramel ran into blueblood after falling off a cliff from being chased etc,etc.I need a back story that says how they got into this situation together.
No need to change the cast I love your character picks but if you need to read a few fanfics with each character to get a notion of "this is how they'd behave,think and why "then you should.
Keep up the story.
760828 Okay, I should have explained a bit more, huh?
All four of them are earth ponies now.
I was originally going to have someone (Or somepony) else be Nick, which is why it says "dude". Just a mistake.
I will show how the flu started in my other one, but for now I'll just keep at this.
I will have them be exactly in the same situation as the L4D2 characters (Dead center, The Passing, Dark Carnival, etc.).
So if your still interested in it stay, if not, well good luck. Here have a
761105I'm interested in what you'll do next with this so I'll follow.
not bad still need work, but i like it