Diamond In The Rough

by RayDawn

...Worked?

Diamond Tiara ran out the courtroom with tears in her eyes and a broken heart. She didn't hear her friends' cries behind her, she just wanted to run. Diamond Tiara wasn't known for being fast and her friends caught up to her soon. They got to her and got her to stop. Diamond Tiara looked at her teacher. "I thought you said that would work." Diamond Tiara moped.

"Well..." Cheerilee stopped herself for a second. "I thought it would work."

Diamond Tiara lowered her head and stared at the ground. Silver Spoon started to get mad. "Can't we try again and bring her to court?" Silver Spoon half asked and shouted.

"No, we can't. Equestrian court doesn't allow double jeopardy. That's why when somepony is declared not guilty they can't be brought back to court for the same crime." Cheerilee explained.

This got Silver Spoon even more angry. "So, there's nothing we can do?!"

"All we can do is support Diamond Tiara from now on." Sweetie Belle told her.

"One thang ah don't get is how she got away with this." Apple Bloom thought out-loud.

This is when the pieces fit together. "She must've paid off the judge and jury! That explains how we lost with our mountain of evidence." Scootaloo said.

Silver Spoon lit up. "Then we can get her for that!" She spoke up, but was shot down by Diamond Tiara.

"She'll just rig that court too." Diamond Tiara said in a depressive tone. The fillies looked defeated. There was nothing they could do.

Cheerilee decided to try to cheer them up. "She'll get what's coming to her, eventually."

Diamond Tiara looked her in the eyes. "How come she can't pay now? Shouldn't I try to get her back?"

Cheerilee debated against herself for an answer. "You shouldn't hold grudges."

Diamond Tiara raised her voice slightly in anger. "Why not!?"

"Because holding a grudge lets that pony have power over you, making you weak to them, and to make it through this ordeal you need to be strong." Cheerilee motioned to the fillies for a group hug and they did.

"Thank you for trying to help, Ms. Cheerilee." Diamond Tiara said.

"You're welcome Diamond Tiara." Cheerilee smiled, and so did Diamond Tiara.

...

"Are yah sure about this?" Apple Bloom asked Diamond Tiara as they all stood near Diamond Tiara's house.

Diamond Tiara nodded. "Yes. I need to confront my mother, alone, but can one of you all stay here?"

Cheerilee was the first to answer. "Of course, we're here for you." Silver Spoon put a hoof on Diamond Tiara and hugged her. "I'll stay here you fillies go home and sleep." The fillies whined, but eventually agreed.

Diamond Tiara turned and took a deep breath. She went up to her house's door and knocked. Her mother answered the door. "I wondered when you would get here."

"Hello." Diamond Tiara said in a little more than a whisper. She started to go inside, but was stopped by her mother's hoof.

"What do you think you're doing?" Spoiled Rich said in her high class accent.

"Walking to my room." Diamond Tiara said.

"Your room? I paid for everything in this house, so it is my room."

"But I sleep there!" Diamond Tiara said.

"No you don't. That room was for my daughter. My loyal, responsible, obedient daughter. I don't recognize you as her. You are nothing, but a insignificant, despicable, little brat who deserves nothing I gave her." Spoiled Rich raised her head high. "You don't live here anymore. You are not my daughter and you do not deserve this roof over your head.I thought I could smack my daughter back out, but I was wrong. As of today, you are somepony else's problem. I disown you from here forth. Now get out of my face." Spoiled Rich slammed the door.

Diamond Tiara was shocked as she turned around. She paced forward 5 steps and then broke down sobbing. Cheerilee saw this and began a gallop to her. Cheerilee picked up Diamond Tiara slightly and said. "What happened?"

Through sobs Diamond Tiara cried. "I'm homeless now. Nopony cares about me. Not even my mother does." Diamond Tiara sobbed and shook her head. "She disowned me."

Cheerilee hugged the filly and rocked back and forth slightly. "Your mother is an idiot for not caring about you. You are an adorable little filly. Never let anypony tell you otherwise."

"But nopony wants me around." The filly sobbed into her teacher's mane.

"Yes they do. Your friends do, I do. There are ponies who care for you focus on that, not on those who don't." Cheerilee pulled back and looked the filly in the eyes.

"But I have nothing anymore, not even a house, who will I stay with?" Diamond Tiara sniffed.

"You can stay with me." Cheerilee hugged her again.

"I... I can?"

"Yes, and I promise to treat you like a mother should." They held the hug for a little longer and went to Cheerilee's home in the moonlight.

Three weeks later

Fancy Pants and Fleur-de-lis were trotting along in ponyville. They were gossiping. Fancy Pants then said "Fleur, did you hear about what happened to 'Rich's Barnyard Bargains?'"

"No, I didn't. What happened?" Fleur-de-lis told Fancy Pants with a look of intrigue.

"It turns out that the building burned down due to an unsafe environment and all of their employees sued. Now, the Rich's are in massive debt and they will likely lose everything." He said, but his tone showed he didn't care.

"Tragic." Fleur-de-lis said, but you could tell she didn't care.

The End

Author's Note:

There. The story is done. Tell me what you thought about the story and please give constructive criticism on how to make the story better. I heard this song and it relates to Diamond Tiara's predicament, except how to go about solving it, and you can listen to it if you want. The last 30 seconds are ads about the band's other songs, which you can also check out, they're a pretty good band. Anyways, I liked writing this story, it was enjoyable to do and I hope you found it enjoyable to read.

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

Personally, I think it could have gone on a bit longer and more drama could have been added. While I feel sad that Diamond's now homeless, least she's out from her mother's hoof/thumb. Oddly enough through, that twist at the end reminds me of my own story where a place where the Riches live or work burns down. Have you been reading Broken Diamond? Seriously though, it just feels like that comes out of nowhere and with no prior buildup.

[2tail]

I got a picture in my head of Sweetie Bell walking by, with a smile, overhearing them talk.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/9/28/108273__safe_meme_photo_vector_sweetie+belle_pony_fire_ponies+in+real+life_selfie_arson.png

Don't mess with Sweetie Bell's friends.

[RayDawn]

7389299 No I haven't read Broken Diamond. Also the fire is a response to how Cheerilee said everypony gets what's coming to them and I pictured a fire because of the music video. Originally, that wasn't there, but I decided to add it. I'm one of those people who can't stand to someone get away with terrible things.

[The Bricklayer]

7390359 Yeah, but the scene of a Rich owned building burning to the ground did remind me of my own story, in fact in mine it kickstarts everything. And yeah, the fire being a response to Cheerliee saying everypony gets what's coming to them... I have one thing to say that pretty much agrees with that, and that is Karma is a Bitch.

[RayDawn]

7390618 Literally if Cheerilee wasn't a teacher I would've written her saying "Karma's a bitch and nopony escapes it." So I agree.

[The Bricklayer]

7390632 And now you've just given me the image of Cheerilee being one of the three Fates from Greek myth and snipping ponies' life strings.

[Blast]

Filthy Rich will probably be willing to pay off and get back on his hooves in no time.

Spoiled Rich? Let's see if she can go back to the family jewellery business.

[Molly Dreemurr]

7389371 Your comment just made my day. but here is a video that show what I would do to spoiled rich if I ever saw her (she is in the center of the explosion)

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

Personally speaking, and please take this with a grain of salt on account of the stories age and the fact that I am not a professional critic/editor. I'm just a dude who loves reading.

This story really felt rushed, like the premise was okay, but everything felt like you were trying to do one of those speed-writing challenges. The plot jumped from playground to conflict to drama with a snap of Discord's claw, the dialogue was fast and bullet-point direct, and the ending was like one of those old telegraph letters where you end the message with STOP.

Again, the premise was there, and to balance things out, here's some ideas should you ever consider doing a rewrite:

• Have Spoiled keep up the syrupy sweet act longer, really ramp up Diamond's knowing that something isn't right but unable to say exactly what, get her waiting for the other horseshoe to drop as it were.
• Spoiled could be an emotional/psychological abuser which can be just as if not more damaging than plain old beating the stuffing out of her, not to say that she can't do both, but layer things so it's not simply "RAR I'M MAD, PUNCH POW BANG"
• Draw out the CMC/Cheerilee bits, they know something isn't right, but make it a slow build, odd behavior leads gradually building up to suspicions. Maybe have Scootaloo blatantly accusing Spoiled of something, and Cheerilee initially criticizing her, not to be mean mind you, but without any proof, Spoiled certainly isn't well liked, but Cheerilee needs to play nice until later on.
• When things do reveal themselves, Don't jump straight to the court scene, have Cheerilee approach Mayor Mare or Twilight and reveal things, have some build up leading to the trial. Paint a picture of the moods/energy of the courtroom, Spoiled knowing that she paid someone off or is so certain of her being cleared of these ridiculous charges by those snot-nosed brats.
• I read the comments about why you wrote the ending the way you did, but maybe tell us a little bit about the fire, a newspaper article or something, maybe Townsfolk exchanging gossip, And Perhaps Cheerilee instead of "adopting" DT on the spot, have her just offer her hugs/a listening ear/ bring her to her house and get her some tea or cocoa. Little gestures instead of "It's okay DT, I'll be your new mommy".

Again, I know this is an older story, and I mean absolutely NO disrespect in my rather lengthy comment.