A human ghost possessing a truck that has tons of tech and ancient artifacts in the trailer with a pet Timberwolf pup named tippy are in the everfree forest. Luna. Are you interested now?
This is a pretty good idea, but the story is kind of sloppy. It's a bit rushed and that makes it a little hard to read. I saw a few spelling errors also, but that was just minor. I suggest finding someone on this site, or someone else like a friend, who would be interested in editing it.
Why was that insane Trucker suddenly trying to kill the Ponys? I think it was rushed there. Rainbow was attacking and since she could talk withher, shooting would be ovefrreacting I guess. I mean she at least knows it would cause dead.
She then pressed her hoof randomly on the back of her head until a hidden button opened up and pinkie pressed it and then went offline and as a result the truck stopped as well. Rainbow then took a second to catch her breath.
okay what happened? was she in ghost form in her Truck?, did Pinkie attacked her rusted Pony form? or where was that button to stop the whole truck?
I think this chapter is a bit akward (mostly from the moment of the fight), it could be that I just prefer something else, but I think that some reactions where rather off as well.
7145218 Well, what you need to do is this. For one, dialogue is good, but less is more. Try not to use it too much or it gets really repetitive. Secondly, make sure you go through your story and check pronouns, that way you make sure you don't accidentally change it into a different point of view. Third, read your story out loud. If you read a work you create you can find places where it might be a little awkward to read. Finally, try to stay away from run on sentences. If it takes more than two lines, then usually it's a run-on. That's all I can say, good luck with the next chapter!
This is a pretty good idea, but the story is kind of sloppy. It's a bit rushed and that makes it a little hard to read. I saw a few spelling errors also, but that was just minor. I suggest finding someone on this site, or someone else like a friend, who would be interested in editing it.
7145166 do you have any recommendations I need all the help I can get
Why was that insane Trucker suddenly trying to kill the Ponys? I think it was rushed there. Rainbow was attacking and since she could talk withher, shooting would be ovefrreacting I guess. I mean she at least knows it would cause dead.
okay what happened? was she in ghost form in her Truck?, did Pinkie attacked her rusted Pony form? or where was that button to stop the whole truck?
I think this chapter is a bit akward (mostly from the moment of the fight), it could be that I just prefer something else, but I think that some reactions where rather off as well.
Good, more Rainbow punching things, misunderstandings and overreactions.
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This is my fetish
7145218 Well, what you need to do is this. For one, dialogue is good, but less is more. Try not to use it too much or it gets really repetitive. Secondly, make sure you go through your story and check pronouns, that way you make sure you don't accidentally change it into a different point of view. Third, read your story out loud. If you read a work you create you can find places where it might be a little awkward to read. Finally, try to stay away from run on sentences. If it takes more than two lines, then usually it's a run-on. That's all I can say, good luck with the next chapter!
I can see them there in the millions and they are all thumbs
7145218 when i clicked on the link, i was fully expecting this:files.supernaturaljess81074.webnode.com/200000612-82d3883d01/CyrusTruck.jpg
7145218 WHY WHY YOU CANCEL STORY WHY!?!?!?!?!?!