The Blue Parasprite:
Church trotted over to the bar, sitting at one of the stools as Big Mac stopped to give a short hello to one of the other bar patrons.
The barkeep as he walked over, casually sliding a mug of beer to one of the other customers as he did so.
“What’ll it be?”
“Beer.” Church immediately exclaimed, barely able to contain his uncharacteristic enthusiasm.
“Any in particular?” The stallion reached under the bar-top, producing a large mug.
“Just any.” Church glanced over his shoulder briefly as Big Mac joined them. “So long as it’s beer.”
“Sure thing.” The keeper placed the mug under an old-fashioned beer tap, and filled it to the brim. “That’ll be three bits.”
“Yeah su-” Church faltered as he reached for the drink. “Wait, what the hell is a bit?”
“Put it on mah tab.” Big Mac cut in, saving an unwitting Church from what would have been a very unforgiving argument over why currency was referred to as ‘bits’.
“What… Oh.” Church arched an eyebrow at Big Mac, who merely shrugged. The amount of generosity these ponies had was insane.
“Uh… Thanks.” It was against his better judgement to accept the gift. It was another thing he owed these ponies, and Church didn’t like owing anyone.
Satisfied that he would be getting paid, the barcolt placed the mug in front of Church, who immediately chugged half of the glass.
“Oh my god.” Church gasped as the liquid seared his throat, plonking the mug back down on the bench. “That is awesome.”
Big Mac grunted in response, sitting down next to him and motioning for a beer.
Church picked up the mug again, pouring the remaining contents straight down his throat, before once again returning it to the bench and gesturing at the barcolt for another.
“Buzz restored.” He spoke cheerily. “Now let’s get this show on the road.”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac nodded as they were both provided with beer. Then , too Church’s surprise, he drained his entire mug.
“Lead by example, eh?” Church tossed back his own mug, before grinning. “I like it. Hey! Two more over here!”
***
“So…” Big Mac gave a little hiccup. “Wha’s on yer mind?”
Church looked down at mug number four. His ‘buzz’ had died pretty quickly, replaced by a melancholy glumness. The two had been content too drink in silence – although the red stallion had been moving at a far faster pace. He was already on mug five.
Big Mac didn’t change much when he was drunk – which he clearly was. Five mugs of beer tended to cause that – even if this beer was a little low in the alcohol content. Was that a thing here? Did everything only have 75% of the alcohol it should have?
“Well?” Big Mac pressed. On that note; He was a little different when he was drunk – slightly more talkative. Slightly.
“Ugh.” Church rolled his shoulders. “It’s just… this… this whole… thing…” He weakly tried to dodge the question, knowing full well that it wouldn’t work.
“Eeyup.” The red stallion drawled, somehow managing to fasten a point onto the word.
“I… uhh…” Church stopped to take another swig. Beer = Awesome. “I… well… I shouldn’t exactly… be here.”
“Really?” Mac’s voice didn’t change, but his body language showed interest.
“You know.” Church poked himself in the chest. “I shouldn’t be… a pony. A horse. Whatever.” He sighed. “And I shouldn’ be here… in… Ponyville.” He cringed mentally ever so slightly at the corny name.
“How so?” Big Mac took another drink. He really needed to slow down.
“I’d… rather…” Church looked around the booth that they had shifted to. “I don’t really want to, you know… talk about it.”
“Won’t git better wi’out talkin’ ‘bout it.” Mac took yet another drink, emptying out the glass.
“It’s not really som’ing that you can just talk ‘bout.” Church’s slurred speech had nothing on the red stallion’s. “Wha’bout you? You seem like you’re tryin’ to forget som’ing.”
“Jus’ mah parents.”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah.” Big Mac accepted another mug of beer from the barcolt, who was carrying a sympathetic frown on his face. “Nex’ week’s the ann’versary of when… Uhh…”
“Oh.” Church looked away, realising through his haze that he was treading on shaky ground. “How…?”
“Li’le Applebloom was only a couple month’s ol’.” Mac’s voice was strained. Church was sure that he would never have been this quick to talk about it if he hadn’t chugged five beers already. “An’ mah mom… she wa’so tired. Never really recovered from the birth.”
“Right…” Church frowned sympathetically, suddenly sliding his own beer over to Macintosh as the stallion downed the sixth mug. He was the one paying, after all “Here.”
Big Mac nodded. “So… one morn’, she jus’ di’n wake up. Dad could’n take I’. Had a hear’ attack two days later.”
“Uhh…” Church coughed as the farm pony tossed back the seventh mug. “I’m… sorry?”
“All ‘n th’ pas’.” Big Mac replied solemnly, his attempt to blow it off in no way convincing Church. The stallion’s eyes were red. He looked like he was about to cry.
‘Hell. Give him a few beers and you get his life story.’ The cyan unicorn looked down at his hooves. ‘And I’m just a glum drunk.’
It didn’t take Church long to realise that Big Mac had fallen asleep, slumping over the small pile of mugs in front of him. Work hard, rest hard.
He sighed, waving away the bartender as he approached with another drink. “No. Drunk enough I’m ‘tis.” He allowed the garbled phrase to flop out of his unresponsive mouth, more to illustrate the point than anything else.
Nevertheless, the barcolt still left the mug in front of him. “It’s already poured, just make it your last.”
How responsible of him.
And so Church sat there, staring at the red stallion that had paid for his booze and then almost cried to him over his lost parents. It was slightly comforting to know that this creepy place wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
He slowly reached out for the last mug. His vision was taking the final steps into seeing double, so making this his last was probably a good idea.
Rather than chug it, Church simply sipped at the mug, gazing at his own yellow reflection in the surface.
This had not been what he’d hoped for. He’d hoped to forget his problems, and look for some happiness in the bottom of each mug. Everything always looks better in your head.
Instead, he’d gotten buzzed, gotten drunk, gotten depressed, and then half assed a job of consoling the red mountain that was snoring across from him.
“Yall look mighty sad.”
Church gave a little start with surprise, his reaction time suffering considerably from the alcohol in his system.
He turned his attention to Applejack, who he could swear had materialised out of nothing.
With her was Twilight, who looked less than impressed, and for some reason, the other unicorn, Rarity.
He hesitated, before looking back down at the beer. “Yeah? So what?”
“Just wondering why.”
“I don’t need to tell everyone my life story.” Church took another sip of beer. “Everyone has things they want to forget.”
“Sure they do-” Applejack was cut off by a rather irritated Twilight.
“What are you doing here?” She snapped. Why, Church didn’t really know. He hadn’t actually done anything wrong.
“Weren’t you listening?” Church chuckled grimly. “Just trying to forget.”
“Forget what?”
“That’s my business.” Church replied curtly. “The no questions rule is still in place.”
“I don’t follow your rules. I follow the princesses’ rules, like everypony else.” Twilight bristled.
“Please, Sparkle.” Church frown deepened. “I’ve gone through a lot worse than some pissed off… Mare. I could seriously give a fuck about your damn rules.”
Twilight looked like she was ready to slap him, before she suddenly de-escalated, taking a step back and looking down.
“Sorry. I’m sure you’ve been through… something…”
Disarmed and surprised by the sudden change, Church simply looked at her in confusion.
‘Why are all these ponies so fucking nice?!’
“I say, darling.” Rarity looked at the assorted pile of mugs. “You’ve really had quite a lot.”
“And it still isn’t enough.” Church grumbled. “I think Big Mac got what he wanted, though.”
“Come on.” Applejack walked over to her brother and started to shake him awake. “Time to head home.”
***
“Ugh.” Church grunted as he stumbled through the door. “Big Mac is freaking heavy.”
“Eeeeeeeeeeyyyyyuuuuuuup.” The pony in question drawled out slowly.
It took both Church and Applejack to support the large stallion, who was far to intoxicated to stand up on his own four legs.
Through his own drunken haze, Church could still question how an animal with four legs would be unable to walk. There was no need for balance.
“What time is it?” Church grunted as they slowly made their way up the darkened street.
“Nearly midnight.” Twilight responded, her voice containing none of the harsh snap from earlier. By this point, Church was too drunk and too confused to really care.
“Late, huh?” Church grit his teeth as they continued walking. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”
The five lapsed into silence as the slowly plodded through the darkened streets, before Church suddenly broke the silence.
“Man…” He slurred. “This place is pretty dark. No lights. Is it ever dangerous?”
“Not really.” Rarity answered. “Ponyville is a wonderfully docile place – save for Pinkie Pie, of course.”
Church still had no clue why Rarity was there. In fact, he couldn’t think of a single reason why she had come along.
“Why-” He began, before he was cut off by a large stallion stepping out in front of them, a strange horse shoe with an attached knife pointing at them.
Clearly, he thought that with the biggest pony present in a drunken stupor, he could pull something.
“Your bits.” He spat the words out. “Hand ‘em o-”
“Yeah.” Church didn’t wait for the mugger to finish. “No fuckin’ way.”
He stepped forwards, allowing Big Mac to drop to the ground, and raised one hoof.
The mugger raised an eyebrow. Ponies weren’t familiar with the concept of ‘punching’.
“Hey, get back.” He barked. “Back, or I’ll cut you!”
“Shu’ the fuck up.” Church brought the hoof back, and then slammed it into the colt’s face, dropping him to the ground.
“Yeah!” Church slurred, dropping his hoof just in time to stumble two steps to the left. “Don’ mess wi’ a soldier, bitch!”
He turned back to the three startled mares and one drunken stallion. The two unicorn’s horns had lit up, even though it was no longer necessary.
“Hah!” He laughed, mostly at the surprised look on their faces. “Docile my ass!”
Author's Note:
And we are BACK. Finally. The Piano Man dragged on for longer than I expected. Sorry about that.
So here. As an apology, I give you a mildly long, barely proof-read chapter. Enjoy. I need to get back into the swing of things.
Go church! Kicked his arse hard!
with the knowledge of punching he shall protect the residents of ponyville and be named
"the horse puncher!'" and there shall be a statue of him holding out a can of soda on one hand
and platapus on the other cuz he is the fulcrum! he is the missing piece of the wor-!
Hell yeah.
1009425 *can of beer...
Unless you're referencing something, in which case, I must insist that the statue be of Church riding a horse - NO, WAIT. A motorcycle!
there surprised because the colt got back up and is pissed... now for Epic fight seen! go church kick some ass!
someone already is doing this and there's is amazing his name is DarkWing
You just got Sarg - oh wait, um...
1009498 Please. People constantly compare this to My Little Caboose. Please stop doing that. They are NOT in competition. There cannot be 'only one'. Just let them both exist.
This is smaller than DarkWing's. It has less viewers, and a slower production speed. I know that. I don't care. I make this because I enjoy portraying a DIFFERENT RvB MLP crossover.
(Wow, that came out a lot more condescending than I intended. I just get REALLY fed up of people doing this.)
Sorry mate didn't mean to offend you i shall read this and see if it is good. [reads it] MY GOD FUCKING BRILLIANT
1009498 so does darkwing hold all the rights to the rvb cross mlp? darkwing incourages different takes on the rvb cross mlp :3 its cool tho sean others say the same sometimes
>> The sentient Cloud EDIT: oh just realised you commented to him before i did xD dont let it bother you too much as i said sentient anywho great chapter hoping the girls notice how nonchalent church is after laying this guy out xP and know that whatever happened to church or wherever hes from it isnt all "sun shine and roses" :P more please :D
I..... eh........ why you......... dammit i have been defeated once again
1009498
And that is relevant how?
I, tanquam, prefer this and can't get myself to read MLCaboose.
Silly pony thinking something like a small and puny knife would even make Church flinch.
1009574
you son of bitch i see....... you know what fuck it not even gonna say it im going to go watch mlp like a man good day sir.
he already apalogized to TSC just let it go :3
More please.
1009556 1009580 1009599
Yeah, let's just dial it back. The Sean apologized and all, so let's not start a hate war.
Okay damm the pinkie pie pic its too cute to say no to wait what dammit
1009648
...
WELL I GUESS THIS IS THE PART WHERE MY BRAIN SHUTS DOWN AND I RUN AWAY SCREAMING.
HA i love what i find on the internet HA
1009697
...
*Suddenly, a wild DARKWING appears!*
(Sorry. Couldn't resist. MOVING ON:)
Well! A sudden appearance from the man himself! Welcome, and thanks for taking the time to read this. Now that I have finished fawning, I have some explaining to do.
Firstly: NO! I wasn't talking about My Little Caboose. I was talking about 'My Little Red vs Blue'. It's a REALLY bad clone of your story. I posted a comment on it saying just that, and the author removed it.
Secondly: I'm sorry to say that I haven't been keeping track of MLC, as I caught up to it back in June (When it was up to 'Strained Alliance') and then kind of forgot about it. At some point when I have a lot of free time on my hands, I will take the opportunity to catch up again, and then stay in step.
And as for my tensions... well, I'm not exactly trying to thrust them upon the ponies. I'm just trying to work with how I feel things would unfold.
(Oh, and I suppose you noticed the similarity to my first chapter and yours. I never really thought about that before a few days ago. Sorry about that)
EDIT: Okay, I did a little scrounging around, and found out that 'My Little Red vs Blue' was deleted. The author DID reply to the same comment you replied to. So I think that counts as evidence that I am telling the truth.
I'm so glad you wrote this, MLC is just impossible for me to read and this is brilliant. I don't mean to compare them since I can tell how much you loath that but this really was a salvation for me after I gave up on MLC. Anyway looking forward to another update.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png
1009764 *tugs on collar and points upwards on the main comments page*
On a less awkward/serious note: Due to a surprising lack of popular updates, this is the longest either of my stories have ever sat in the feature box.
1009725
Firstly: Haha, s'ok. I generally see the quality of my writing to be poor anyways, so even if you were talking about mine I would have agreed with you.
Secondly: S'alright, I've actually lost quite a few readers because of how often I update, so I can see why some might lag behind.
I'm always happy to see others do RvB crossovers though as Genesis said, and I try to find other RvB crossovers to explicitly state that I like that there are more of them, because my readers seem to think that there can be only one of every crossover.
Also I get just as annoyed as you (and other RvB crossover authors) do when people claim you're 'copying off of me'. I mean, when the story "Blue vs Red: Magic is Friendship" I got like 5 messages within three minutes telling me 'someone is copying you' even though his was just Caboose going into the unit, staying as a human, where as mine was an all of them turned pony story.
Also I have a 260 member strong RvB group here on fimfic, so I'll add your story to it's fic list and that should hopefully get you a few more readers.
Carry on with your story good sir.
I would like to see where this is going.
1009393 i don't think he was real i think he just punch a normal colt
1009777
Jokes on you I don't have a shirt on for you to grab the collar of!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png Anyway I had this page open for a while so that comment of you replying to Darkwing hadn't appeared yet but you replying to Sean had and I got the impression you didn't like comparatives between the two stories.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
1009779 "And with those words, the deeply disturbed hive mind that was The Sentient Cloud returned to its hibernative state, delaying the inevitable revolution and subsequent mass skin leeching for a few precious months more."
Okay, Portal 2 references aside, I do have a REAL reply, but iPod keyboards are irritating, and there's always the risk of a browser crash, so I beg that you wait... 15 hours or so until I am in a position to give a proper reply.
1009779 (le gasp) im acknowledged by dark @w@ xDD its cool your helpin out TSC :3 now after this everyone should stop pestering you on the subject :D next chapter please! :Dj
DOCILE MY ASS!!
My condolences, I didn't refresh the comments after I finished reading the latest chapter when I posted my comment.
HOOF TO DA FACE!
1009356
On the proof-reading: I saw a couple instances of "too" that should have been "to." Then my brain broke because right after there was an instance of "too" that was spelled "to." Not a complaint, mind you, just something I noticed on the read through.
I just find it amusing as anything that Church has no idea how to deal with people who aren't just as much jerkasses as he is. And I'm pleasantly surprised that he's not simply taking advantage of them, though again it's probably because the ponies aren't, by and large, jerks the way the entire cast of RvB is.
XD gottal love church
1009498
What an utterly worthless comment. It actually has NEGATIVE value.
Fucking Badass!
1009439 you have no idea, my commment was full of references
type in "animated adventures" on youtube and watch a few videos
then you'll see
You know what's funny, had he been sober, he would have missed the punch. Great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
i can imagine Church saying "Bitch PA-LEASE" the entire time XD
1009356
Pitchforks, torches and galaxy drills.... Await you of you do that again... :3
I WANT MORE CHURCH!
Docile my ASS
"All the violence!"
MLC was alright in the first dozen chapters or more, but then the slice of life crap gets boring fast.
1009842
How's that 'proper reply' coming?
Anyways, how often do you intend to update thi fic? Once or twice a week, or just "they'll be out when they're out" sort of deal?
1022323
To each their own. When I threw in the few serious things every now and then for the first hundred chapters people seemed to want more of it, so I gave the readers what i thought they wanted.
But I can definitely see how some would find that boring. I just found it hard to have a story running if it doesn't have any sustenance (hence why Rooster Teeth introduced the Freelancer arc in the first place) which is why I made it more of a dramadey. To give a slice that both sides would enjoy, something that still has the humor in it as well as things that keep people interested. But I'm fine with having a few dozen of my readers fed up with it and wanting something different because I've learned that you can't please everybody. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
1026167 Good timing, actually. Sorry. I've been slightly busy as of late.
...
Hmm... What was my big reply, anyway?
Oh right!
*Ahem* Exactly. The idea of there only being one RvB crossover allowed because MLC exists is like saying that there can only be one Vampire Romance series because Twilight exists - and we all know that there is... like... a dozen(?) Vampire Romance series.
And as for my update speed, it is mostly just a 'when they come out' deal. I could easily write a chapter a day - possible two chapters a day, if how much I wrote for the ending of The Piano Man is any indication. (I wrote two 3,000 word chapters in two days) However, I don't. Mostly, I lose motivation for a little while after each chapter, and forcing myself to write just isn't fun - and it can result in low quality chapters.
1026271
Yeah, I think I've seen about twenty of 'em...
And yeah, I can write a fair bit a day as well (wrote 8 1k chapters in one day, but didn't publish them all at once, mostly so I could find the really glaring issues) , but decided once a day was a fine schedule for me. As for the low quality, it isn't in terms of how fast I put out chapters. For me the quality worsens for however many characters there are on any given scene. Like when it's everypony at once I try to give them all something to say to give them a point in being there, so it takes away from the characters when there's more than half a dozen ponies. But when it's only two characters, say Church and Caboose, I can give them (in my obviously biased opinion) near identical characteristics because it's easier for me to focus on. (If that makes any sense to you, I'm sort of tired right now so this might not make as much sense to others as it does to me)
Which is why my piece of advice to you is to really only try and keep Church in the story, because the human mind can only keep track of six characters at once so having over a dozen you sort of dig yourself into a deep hole in terms of quality, and it's kind of late for me to write out half of the characters without killing them off, which is something I really don't want to do.
1026316 Just to note, I don't think your chapter-a-day speed lessens the quality of your story, but it likely would for mine, because I do poor work when I'm unmotivated.
And as for characters... Well, that's up in the air. I don't plan on bringing every character into the unit, and I don't plan to develop token relationships. That doesn't mean that there WON'T be relationships, but the ones that do occur will hopefully not just be "Hey, you seem reasonably compatible with her. Go ask her out."
1026383
Yeah, about that, I didn't pair them with each other because of their similarities.
Well I did in a way, just because they are so much a like and I wanted to show that the characters felt almost seamlessly together as if the shows were made with the other in mind.
But the real reason I put them together because the only other ones that could even hope to get along with each other would be Simmons and Twilight since they like rules or Simmons and AJ since they're hard working, and Church's attitude wouldn't have sat well with AJ or Rarity so it wouldn't have been in character for them to put up with him. Twilight, on the other hand, I felt would jump at the chance to learn about the mind of a different species, especially one as... well, you know... crazy as Church.
And for the most part it really is me just experimenting with different kinds of relationships to see how well I could write them, since each one of the pairs sees each other in different ways. I'm obviously not a writer, that's why I write fanfiction. To learn. Sadly I wasn't one of the fortunate ones to be able to get a story down seamlessly.
1026451 Heh. I should add that I wasn't taking a jab at your story. I was just saying that I wouldn't be adhering to expectations with my pairings - or at least, not all of them.
Also, I have never seen why fanfiction writing is considered lesser than normal writing. Literature is literature, and things like My Little Dashie show that fanfiction can be just as emotional as actual books.